NER- Just A Vent!

artbyallie · March 2013

OP, why do you care? They obviously do allow non-member weddings, since they're willing to have yours. They're free to turn away anyone and also free to permit anyone (providing they pay the $325, of course). And yes, that's at the pastor's discretion since he's, y'know, the pastor.

wittykitty14 · March 2013

OP-If you have these types of feelings or doubts about this church/pastor, why do you go there???

Random sidenote-WOW, I can't believe how much churches for a wedding cost outside of my area. Is that really the norm in more populated areas? As a non-member (although I may have gotten a member rate because it's my grandparents church), the Catholic church in VT I'm getting married at is charging $75. We're the only wedding scheduled for the summer, so it's not really a money-maker for them. While it makes sense, I had no idea it could cost so much for a church. I guess I need to get out more...

LiLe422 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-just-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb9cd894-b98d-412d-b394-6d61b48e1c29Post:f7618e06-13c7-447a-a4a8-b6921b21cc22">Re: NER- Just A Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER- Just A Vent! : THIS!! This is exactly what I have been trying to say! <strong>Why even have a fee - they could just say that the church does not marry non-members. </strong> That would be plain, simple and to the point.
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

But they <em>do</em> marry non-members. It seems as if the decision is made at the discretion of the pastor, on a case by case basis. I would take it as a compliment that he does not typically marry non-members, but is willing to marry you.

MsYeck · March 2013

It sounds like the minister usually does not marry non-members but since yuo attend regularly is giving you a break. You would not believe how many people are not all religious but insist on being married in a church by the minster. A minster is well within his rights to allow a marriage in the church for the fee but chose not to preside over the service because the couple does not need the standards they require. If I was a minister I wouldn't marry anyone who walked off the street. If you want a religious ceremony in a church you probably should at least occasionally attend the church.

Jayceestar27 · March 2013

Huh.. This sounds like a membership to a gym... "We want you to 'become a member' so that you can't go support anyone elses God. If you do this, you won't have to pay as much for our service, BUT YOU CANT EVER LEAVE! MWUHAHAHAHA... I mean just sign and date here" ha. No offense to your religion specifically. This is kind of my impression of all religions.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

This is why we can't have nice things....

Jayceestar27 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-just-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb9cd894-b98d-412d-b394-6d61b48e1c29Post:7e000979-5fd3-47f4-9dd9-88a22e196aa8">Re: NER- Just A Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER- Just A Vent! : Yeah, or like video stores that give free rentals to their clerks, or waitstaff who get discounts on food at the restaurant they work at. What is up with THAT crazy evil overlord behavior?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

They do that?! That is crazy! I must be in the wrong line of work. Even when I did work in the restraurant industry I didn't get discounts but then again I was sick of there food because I was around it all the time and knew what they did in the kitchen. :/

In all seriousness, If OP were to join before her wedding how would the church see this? Would they now think she is only joining to get the discounted rate and be in some way penalized by it even though she has already been attending faithfully and stated that she plans on joining? I agree with OP it is odd that the church is condricting itself. I hope it can get all worked out.

Jayceestar27 · March 2013

<div class="Discussion_PostQuote">In Response to Re: NER- Just A Vent! : I think what you are saying is that it is contradictory that the church has a non-member fee, but then normally doesn't even marry non-members. .
Posted by libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-just-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb9cd894-b98d-412d-b394-6d61b48e1c29Post:f7618e06-13c7-447a-a4a8-b6921b21cc22">Re: NER- Just A Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER- Just A Vent! : THIS!! This is exactly what I have been trying to say! Why even have a fee - they could just say that the church does not marry non-members. That would be plain, simple and to the point.
Posted by PhoneCardLady[/QUOTE]

</div> I hope I quoted this correctly. I'm not very computer savvy. Also, OP said she already is a member of another church? I'm not understanding.. Is it the same religion but a different building or a separate religion all together? I live in Utah so I am most familiar with LDS religion which is much different from other christian faiths.

lyndsay782 · March 2013

Certain church groups (ASG for example) will let you transfer memberships, OP. If you are already a member at a similar organization, why not ask them to transfer.

And $325 is a steal. My church charges around $1000-1500 for non members.

Jayceestar27 · March 2013

Huh... So lets say I'm a member of the "Salt Lake Temple in Utah" (Just the example you gave so I can understand) but all of my family lives in Seattle. I want to get married at the "Seattle Washington Temple". Even though Its the same faith, I'm not a member at the Seattle temple because it isn't the location I attend? Am I understanding this correctly and is this the same situation that OP is in? I truly am just trying to understand.

And yes, I do understand that there are requirements to become a member of any religion and it differs with every religion.

missfrodo · March 2013

Jayceestar, that's correct. My parents are congregational (one type of Protestant church). They took a few "becoming members" classes before becoming members of their church; when the church has enough new members, they hold a sort of welcoming ceremony during service to introduce the new members to the congregation. The members pledge a certain amount of money to the church, which they pay in a weekly collection each week; this money helps upkeep the church as well as sponsor community efforts and mission trips. They are a member of their church, and only their church; other congregational churches across the country preach the same message, but they are not members of other churches, only the home church that they have been "initiated" into, for lack of a better word. They are free to attend any church in the world, but will be members of only their church until they decide to leave and/or join another church.

BreanaThompson · March 2013

The church doesn't just say they don't marry non members, because they do marry non members. The Pastor doesn't marry just anyone no, but there's no reason a non member isn't able to bring in someone else in to perform their marriage ceremony if the Pastor doesn't want to marry the couple. And many people are just looking for a building to get married already having a friend or family member that they want to marry them.

I really don't understand why you are angry that the church doesn't just say we don't marry non members, since they would be lying for one. Or why the Pastor not marrying anyone who walks in and asks makes you angry either. I mean weddings take a lot of time. Time away from his family and his church etc... I don't get why your so mad about this, especially since he is willing to marry you since you obviously aren't just anyone even if you aren't a member.

RamonaFlowers · March 2013

You're not a member of the church you regularly attend, and the pastor is willing to marry you at that location for a mere fraction of what most people would pay for a church they aren't members of without having to pay for someone to perform the ceremony for you?

Yeah, sorry-not-sorry, but shut the eff up and either take what you can get, or find a new location and officiant.

NER- Just A Vent!

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