Thoughts on changing your last name

NurseyK · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:aef46256-4e3b-4f25-bb1b-87dffeafdac2">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on changing your last name : LOL, my mom and aunt have the same name. Basically my dad and his brother both married a woman with the same name, and they both took on their H's name, so now they are both 'Jane Smith'. There was about a day or two where both my mom and aunt changed their FB picture to one of the two of them together, so I had no idea which was which.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

That's hilarious! I'm changing to FI's last name because my maiden name rhymes with fart.....yeah... laugh it up.

csousa1 · September 2011

I don't understand why people care AT ALL what another woman's name is. I mean really, you must have a pretty charmed life if that is what gets you riled up.

I also agree with Mutley - I don't really see the sense in the feminist standpoint of saving your last name. It's still a man's last name....your father's. And before that, and before that...the farther back you go the more the surnames remain male.

I think I will do what PPs have said, and just add BF's last name and keep mine as a wandering middle-last name. I like my name - I picked it. When my stepdad adopted my sister and I when I was 16, I was given the option to keep my old last name or take his. I took his as a symbol to him that I CHOSE him as my dad, not my bioligical father.

I just asked BF if he would be upset if I kept my own last name. First he said he could understand why, then he said that's fine as long as the kids had his name, and then he said, "What person in their right mind would change your simple 5-letter last name to my 11-letter last name anyway??" He's cute, but I think I will still just add it on the end, no hyphenation. I want to have the same last name as my kids.

Elle1036 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:facf091f-1c35-4feb-860a-d7f69b72297d">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't understand why people care AT ALL what another woman's name is. I mean really, you must have a pretty charmed life if that is what gets you riled up. I also agree with Mutley - I don't really see the sense in the feminist standpoint of saving your last name. It's still a man's last name....your father's. And before that, and before that...the farther back you go the more the surnames remain male. I think I will do what PPs have said, and just add BF's last name and keep mine as a wandering middle-last name. I like my name - I picked it. When my stepdad adopted my sister and I when I was 16, I was given the option to keep my old last name or take his. I took his as a symbol to him that I CHOSE him as my dad, not my bioligical father. I just asked BF if he would be upset if I kept my own last name. First he said he could understand why, then he said that's fine as long as the kids had his name, and then he said, "What person in their right mind would change your simple 5-letter last name to my 11-letter last name anyway??" He's cute, but I think I will still just add it on the end, no hyphenation. I want to have the same last name as my kids.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

What bothers me is not the source of the last name, but the implication that a woman's identity changes when she gets married and a man's does not. Yes, I know that's an antiquated interpretation and that women who choose to change their names don't view it that way. I really don't want to offend anyone.

But, yeah, that's how the name change custom has always felt to me, which is why I've never really even considered it. FI and I talked about the options for a little while, but we're both most comfortable just keeping our original names. I think he was a little disappointed at first, but he respects my reasoning and my wishes. If he were the type to insist that I change my name, our relationship would not have made it this far. I'm way too stubborn.

jaycee7389 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:1cdfbf0b-51f1-4aee-afe9-c7061b956ff2">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on changing your last name : What bothers me is not the source of the last name, but the implication that a woman's identity changes when she gets married and a man's does not. Yes, I know that's an antiquated interpretation and that women who choose to change their names don't view it that way. I really don't want to offend anyone. But, yeah, that's how the name change custom has always felt to me, which is why I've never really even considered it. FI and I talked about the options for a little while, but we're both most comfortable just keeping our original names. I think he was a little disappointed at first, but he respects my reasoning and my wishes. If he were the type to insist that I change my name, our relationship would not have made it this far. I'm way too stubborn.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

I can definitely see where you are coming from with this. Men are always referred to as Mr. and a woman's title changes to Mrs. when she is married as well.

cu97tiger · September 2011

I will be taking FIs last name gladly. My last name is uber common (think Smith, Jones, Miller) and all sorts of crappy things happen because of it... appointments getting cancelled, wrong numbers, etc. I'm glad to see it go. After we get married, I'll be:FirstName MaidenName MarriedName
I'm hoping to name one of our children my Maiden Name... it would work for a boy or a girl. At the very least it will be the middle name.
I already ranted about the KPS poster on E. Elle seems to have a different opinion than many of us here, but she managed to state it without making the rest of us seem like we were pathetic, uneducated, lemmings. It's really ok to agree to disagree, but the KPS poster was a self-involved..... ok ok, rant over

Elle1036 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:3caf7b6a-ee81-49e6-bc45-40eed11ad476">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I will be taking FIs last name gladly. My last name is uber common (think Smith, Jones, Miller) and all sorts of crappy things happen because of it... appointments getting cancelled, wrong numbers, etc. I'm glad to see it go. After we get married, I'll be: FirstName MaidenName MarriedName I'm hoping to name one of our children my Maiden Name... it would work for a boy or a girl. At the very least it will be the middle name. I already ranted about the KPS poster on E. Elle seems to have a different opinion than many of us here, but she managed to state it without making the rest of us seem like we were pathetic, uneducated, lemmings. It's really ok to agree to disagree, but the KPS poster was a self-involved..... ok ok, rant over
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

Thanks, I try. I think other feminists need to recognize that women are often our own worst enemies. How can we expect men to respect us if we can't respect each other?

Jaycee - Yeah, the Miss to Mrs. thing bugs me a little, too, to be honest. Can I continue to be Ms. after the wedding?

jaycee7389 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:d9bfdd12-f314-4ca4-b01f-2b226da0c3a9">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on changing your last name : Thanks, I try. I think other feminists need to recognize that women are often our own worst enemies. How can we expect men to respect us if we can't respect each other? Jaycee - Yeah, the Miss to Mrs. thing bugs me a little, too, to be honest. Can I continue to be Ms. after the wedding?
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/10/63478496-85b3-42be-aa63-9777fa9a7cf3.large.png" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '63478496-85b3-42be-aa63-9777fa9a7cf3', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/10/63478496-85b3-42be-aa63-9777fa9a7cf3.medium.png" alt="" /></a>

jaycee7389 · September 2011

I'm honored to also be Mrs. B (in 8 months!) as well as FI's mom is. I love FI's mom though, and it would probably be different if I didn't love her.

cu97tiger · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:207614ca-41ab-47e5-b0c5-02c97408b978">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, another thought on this subject. I think that some people are bothered that they will be "Mrs. FI'sLastName" when his mom is also, more than likely, called that. (At least I have friends who have this concern.) Because BF's parents are divorced, his mom doesn't share his last name, so I wouldn't ever be called the same thing as his mom.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

<div>Same here. FI's mom is on marriage number 4. She is a lovely woman who has made some poor choices in men! </div>

Swazzle · September 2011

I will change my last name to Sean's. I'm bummed about losing my double initials though. Like seriously bummed. Right now, he's SS & I'm RR. We're both doubles. When we get married I won't be a double anymore

Also, his last name is pronounced really differently than it's spelled. He has a V in the middle that's pronounced like a W. My last name is kind of long but it's super simple to spell & pronounce. For those of you that I'm friends with on FB you get what I mean. I like how my name rolls off the tongue, I get a lot of compliments on it actually. It will take some getting used to when I change it that's for sure.

Ana_2985 · September 2011

I completely disagree with the KPS poster. I do not judge the decisions of others when they have absolutely no impact on the people around them and name-changing falls into that category. Everyone should have the right to CHOOSE whichever option they feel is best for them. Maybe I don't know enough about feminism, but my personal stance has always been that we're working to give woman the same rights/chances as men as well as the ability to make decision for themselves. Men can keep their names. Woman can keep their names too. Or they can choose to change them. I don't see how either way is better than the other.

I didn't change my name and I don't think I'm going to because I can't think of any reason that is good enough for me. I respect the fact that other people do it because that's the way it's always been or that's the way they always thought it would be, but I've never felt that way so that's not a good enough reason for ME. Following traditions is fine. I follow lots of traditions, but I just never had a desire to follow this one. I can't explain why.

To be honest though, I would be bothered if my H assumed I would take his name. I think it should be the woman's choice and I would be really bothered if my H refused to change his name but expected me to change mine. Thankfully, it wasn't an issue for us, but I've seen it happen and it makes me sad.

As for the kids thing - that is a worry that has never crossed my minds. I really doubt my kids will notice that we don't have the same name (H and I have agreed they'll have his name) until they are old enough to understand why. Sure they learn their names when they're young, but I don't think they really put it all together (the whole families sharing last names thing) until they're older. My cousin is seven and he just found out that my H was not my brother until the day before our wedding. I don't think last names are even on his radar.

SKP82 · September 2011

My last name isn't THAT common and is easy to pronounce and spell. FI's last name is ridiculouso, 11 letters long and NO ONE can ever get it right. People make jokes when they find out we're engaged and realize my last name vs. his ("oh, wow, you're going to have to take THAT last name??") Also, he has a sister with my first name (so there would be two of us until she marries).

I am going to take his last name at some point, but I'm not sure when. I may keep mine until we decide to start TTC. I absolutely want to have the same last name as my children.

I'm torn on what I'm going to change mine to. I really love my middle name and feel it's part of my identity. I would like to change my name to Stephanie, Middle Name, Maiden Name, FI's Last Name, but that would be SUPER long. Also, I'd like to name my 1st son my maiden name. Maybe I'll keep my middle name, drop my maiden name, and add FI's last name?

deburnin · September 2011

I still don’t know what I plan to do... I love my last name. I didn’t realize how attached I was to it until FI and I started talking marriage. But I also like the idea of taking his name. Hyphening doesn’t work because it just sounds silly... or satanic. lol So... it’s a good thing I still have two years to make up my mind. :P

SKP82 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:2bc515e4-51ed-4bb8-8c85-5b1ee87cd6ce">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I will change my last name to Sean's. I'm bummed about losing my double initials though. Like seriously bummed. Right now, he's SS & I'm RR. We're both doubles. When we get married I won't be a double anymore :( Also, his last name is pronounced really differently than it's spelled. He has a V in the middle that's pronounced like a W. My last name is kind of long but it's super simple to spell & pronounce. For those of you that I'm friends with on FB you get what I mean. I like how my name rolls off the tongue, I get a lot of compliments on it actually. It will take some getting used to when I change it that's for sure.
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

FI has the opposite...

A "W" that is pronounced as a "V."

pockysquirrel · September 2011

I've gone back and forth on whether to keep, change or hyphenate. On one hand, my last name (my father's) will end with my generation if somebody doesn't keep it on. On the other, after 27 years I am sick to death of the mispronunciations (I've graduated from three separate schools and never had my name pronounced properly when I walked the stage!) and the jokes (I have the same last name as a well-known movie critic...no relation). Now that it's looking like there's a marriage in the future for BF and I, I've pretty well settled on taking his name for the following reasons.

- I like it, and I think it sounds good with my first name.
- He's traditional about a lot of things, and it would make him happy.
- Hyphenating would make my name entirely too long and even more difficult than it already is.
- I don't have enough emotional attachment to my current surname to do otherwise.

I'll probably move my maiden name to my middle name, as a lot of other people are doing. The only downside is, I'll be trading one impronouncable last name for another impronouncable last name. D'oh. But at least I'll be spared any future celebrity jokes.

sparkles88 · September 2011

I think I would want to add BF's last name to mine. I really like my last name. It's pretty long and it always gets butchered by people who try to pronounce it. It's not hard to say, but I imagine it's pretty overwhelming if you see it and don't have time to sound it out. Even though it can give me trouble, I have come to love it over the years. I also think I have more of an emotional attachment to it, because my father is deceased. I see keeping it as a way to remember him.

BF's name has similar ethnic origins to mine, so they would flow together really well. His name is also pretty short, which makes me think it's not that big of a deal to tack on a few more letters. We don't want kids, so me keeping my last name wouldn't be a big deal for us in that realm.

oceana919 · September 2011

Personally, I think that's something that a couple needs to choose together. Whether you keep your maiden name, take his name, hyphenate, create a whole new last name together...that's a decision you make for yourselves. People who judge that can go suck a d*ck, in my humble opinion.

Then again, I've been a royal Crankisaurus all day today...

I took my DH's last name legally. I like the tradition, and I want our family to have one last name. Professionally, I hyphenated. I have research under my maiden name that I wanted easily traced back to me, and given that we both work in the same academic field, the probability of us both teaching at the same university someday is pretty high...having two Dr. LastNames that teach the same subject would be a pain in the arse.

ravenray · September 2011

FI is really big on girls taking their husbands last names. He is really traditional about it.

Me not as much. I think it is up to the couple, whatever works for them is how they should go and anyone who wants to judge that is wrong.

I will be taking FI's last name. It is important to me as I am also pretty traditional as well. My initials will be going from REB (as in rebel which I like ) to RED so not a big deal. Also we each have the exact number of letters in our last names. And people always want to misspell mine. So new name for me

kaitlynmichelle · September 2011

I have one of the most common last names ever so I can't wait to get rid of it. My mom remarried so she, my stepdad, and my brothers all have a different last name so I don't feel any attachment to mine anymore. I have nothing to do with my dad and cannot wait to be rid of his name.

Growing up I always was just under the assumption that when I got married I would change my name. BF has a very uncommon name that most people cannot pronounce (even though its not that hard at all) so I'm sure I'll go nuts for awhile when I take that name.

Another bonus is that I would go from KW to KR, so at least I move up the alphabet a little bit. Although those initials look really weird to me.

motoLyn · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:1334efc2-515c-41f4-a58e-e915c8253f5a">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I think that's something that a couple needs to choose together. Whether you keep your maiden name, take his name, hyphenate, create a whole new last name together...that's a decision you make for yourselves. People who judge that can go suck a d*ck, in my humble opinion. Then again, I've been a royal Crankisaurus all day today... I took my DH's last name legally. I like the tradition, and I want our family to have one last name. Professionally, I hyphenated. I have research under my maiden name that I wanted easily traced back to me, and given that we both work in the same academic field, the probability of us both teaching at the same university someday is pretty high...having two Dr. LastNames that teach the same subject would be a pain in the arse.
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

In my undergrad I had two professors in the Bio dept. that were husband and wife and they taught and did research in similar fields. Quite the quirky pair they were. :) At first we all labeled them by gender then eventually they let us call them by their first names when we did research in Northern California with them.

xmansmommy2010 · September 2011

I'll definitely be changing my last name. I grew up knowing that I would. I have a last name now that no one can pronounce on the first try, and I despise most of the people who also carry it (immediate family excluded. Well, most).

If all goes as planned, I will be changing to one of the most common names on the planet; I think it's 3rd after Smith and Jones lol. BF's family is considered my family already, they were before we even got together, and I'm fine with that. Our son already has the last name, now I'm just waiting for my chance to make the switch

To each his own. I don't judge anyone who changes, doesn't change, or half changes with a hyphen. For me, the change is more than welcome.

NurseyK · September 2011

I'm am proud to start our first chapter as Mrs. FILastName. It won't change my identity and I don't feel like I'm losing anything. If a woman feels like she is losing her identity by changing her name than perhaps she doesn't have a firm grasp on her identity. To me, it's necessary to be confident in one's identity before planning a marriage.

Thoughts on changing your last name

Re: Thoughts on changing your last name

Choose Another Board

Search Boards