NO DATE RULE - OK or just plain Rude????

ChrissyDipi · March 2010

OK so the venue we booked for the reception can only hold 200 for dinner. That's it no exceptions. We loved that because it gave us a hard stopping point for guests. Well after our parents have added the family and friends they would like to invite we were at 250. I did a lot of reading on blogs and magazines etc that says it it ok to tell people they can't bring a date, and that by addressing the envelope properly people should understand that (ie Ms. Melissa Daly -- dropping the and guest she should know that the invite doesn't include a guest)

Well here is the trouble I am running into, dirty looks and comments about how it is rude and prejiduce to people who are single.

I don't understand how it is rude, as I have told everyone that they are more than welcome to have a guest come after dinner. There physically isn't room for everyone at the dinner and frankly why should I have to pay $50 a plate so you can bring some rando guy or girl???

Tell me what you think.

salt78 · March 2010

You can do it that way if you are under a tight restriction. Then everyone who is part of a social unit (long time boyfriend, engaged or married) gets a plus 1.

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

If they are single (not in a serious relationship) I think its ok to invite them without a guest. I would not call them and tell them that ahead of time though. Just write just their name on the envelope and call it good.
I also wouldn't tell them to bring a guest but only after dinner. That just comes off....wrong.

tidetravel · March 2010

If someone is in a committed relationship, their SO needs to be invited. You CANNOT invite half of a social unit. Committed relationships include, but are not limited to:

married couples, engaged couples, couples living together, and anyone else that is in a serious LTR.

It is also common courtesy to invite OOT guests w/ a date as well, since they will have to travel

tannymcgee · March 2010

how are you defining "single" ?

ChrissyDipi · March 2010

Sorry -- if you have a boyfriend, are engaged, living together, married etc I am not excuding. I am talking about my little cousins and their fling of the week or people who are searching for someone just to bring.

cac847 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_date-rule-ok-just-plain-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0e35873-120a-44e4-9ef6-daeb6f11f120Post:57853494-e2f6-4d07-8f71-799d03717232">Re: NO DATE RULE - OK or just plain Rude????</a>:
[QUOTE]If they are single (not in a serious relationship) I think its ok to invite them without a guest. I would not call them and tell them that ahead of time though. Just write just their name on the envelope and call it good. I also wouldn't tell them to bring a guest but only after dinner. That just comes off....wrong.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

I agree with this completely. Also, be prepared for some no's from your single guests, especially if they don't know most of your other guests. I know a lot of my friends are uncomfortable in this type of situation and wouldn't want to attend if they didn't have a date.

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

OP- In your ticker it should say "knot" :P

salt78 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_date-rule-ok-just-plain-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f0e35873-120a-44e4-9ef6-daeb6f11f120Post:f53cf8d0-d1f4-40f2-9d80-62348e9a290e">Re: NO DATE RULE - OK or just plain Rude????</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry -- if you have a boyfriend, are engaged, living together, married etc I am not excuding. I am talking about my little cousins and their fling of the week or people who are searching for someone just to bring.
Posted by ChrissyDipi[/QUOTE]

<div>Totally acceptable. </div>

ChrissyDipi · March 2010

Thanks I fixed my ticker -- lol

banana468 · March 2010

If you're inviting people in relationships as couples it's fine.

Also, please DO NOT say that the extra person could come after dinner. If the 200 person is a fire-code capacity then what you'd be doing is illegal and it still can come off as rude. Just invite those really single as single - but because you're getting in July - you have some time. Some people could be in relationships just starting that are serious when invitations are mailed.

ChrissyDipi · March 2010

Thanks Jess and Stefani -- that is very helpful. I am trying to keep all of that in mind as I start addressing invitations. I know that some of the older people, coming from out of town, and those that might not know someone should probably get the option to bring a guest. There are a lot of people who all hang out "in our circle" or a family members who shouldn't have a problem not bringing a guest.

Oh well it's my wedding right!?!?! Ahh the wedding drama begins with less than 4 months to go.

hccpsu · March 2010

Because I didn't get married until I was 45, I found it rude to not be invited with a guest once I got into my 30s. At that point it clearly wasn't a big group of people just out of college that would be there where I would know everyone, etc. There's nothing worse than feeling like someone that supposedly wants you to share their "special day" looks upon you as an opportunity to save money by inviting you alone, when everyone else your age is part of a couple and you're stuck at some random table.

flutgrl1 · March 2010

I would never invite my friends to something that was a couply event without a date option.
Just never in a million years.

When I was single I prob would have skipped a wedding of any friend that invited me w/o a date.

It's just not done in my circle.

There are always space and moeny details etc. But I am just not comfortable telling them their relationship worth or not.

NO DATE RULE - OK or just plain Rude????

Re: NO DATE RULE - OK or just plain Rude????

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