Family doesn't approve, what do I do?

sessionswedding · December 2010

I "knew" I wanted to be with the guy I was engaged to at 18 too. Thank all that is holy that we waited, because he and I have since THANKFULLY split and I am now with the person I was actually meant to be with.

sister2groom · December 2010

I agree there is nothing wrong with wanting your family's approval because usually they want what's best for you. And often they can see some of your flaws and issues of which you might not even be aware, so sitting down with them and hearing specific objections and trying to address them is a really good idea for any major life decision.

If you don't believe in "living in sin," then doing so JUST to get your parents' approval is silly and not a great way to prove your maturity.

If you don't get married next fall and don't believe in "living in sin" but might have to live together for financial reasons maybe you can talk to your parents and they might be willing to help you out financially, or you could always live with OTHER roommates.

Regardless, even if you do get married in the fall 2011 at the courthouse, there's really no planning invoved for that NOW all the planning you'll need happens a week before the wedding (depending on your state). So really whatever you do, you CAN'T really plan now. At the very least you have to wait until about April or May to make sure you both get into the same school (unless you've already got in via early decision).

adrop · December 2010

This kinda sucks (for you) because I'm going to be another who agrees that you should wait.

When I was 18 I was in a relationship with a guy I thought I'd marry one day. I went to uni (aka college) and lived in a dorm (I believe that's what you call it in the US) while he was at a tech school living with his Auntie and Uncle, in the same city. After we broke up, I found my world opened up. We spent so much time together that I wasn't taking advantage enough of what was going on around me.

A relatively short time later I began a relationship with the guy I will marry in 4 months. We've been together for over 10 years, have lived in separate cities for nearly a year, have travelled halfway around the world together and now live in a foreign country speaking a foreign language together. We were sure we'd get married several years ago, but we know for certain we can make it through any trials together now.

I hope this helps. I'm not saying you and your boyfriend won't stay together if you go off to college together or separately. It could strengthen your relationship. Most importantly, you can really find yourself when you're taken out of your normal situation and this is a good challenge for both of you.

sweetie1184 · December 2010

I will just say this, I was "in love". I was 20 and he was 22. He moved in with me out of his mom's house. We thought it was a fantastic idea to get married and did so months later. Shortly there after I resented not having a college experience like my friends and H and I started drifting apart. We ALWAYS argued about money. We could never afford to do anything and were always stuck at home together. I had to drop college and get 2 jobs, while H was in college and working full time. I was mad that he got to go to school and I couldn't. I was mad that he never learned to cook or pick up after himself, that I was basically his mom. Too much stress for someone that age to handle. I had wished we would have lived together for a significant amount of time before getting married. It was the worst mistake of my life. I checked out of that marriage after only 5 month, and we split after 11 months of marriage.

It's not all fun and games. It's not all lovey dovey. Marriage is hard work. Yes, it sounds cliche, and you're sitting there thinking "this isn't going to happen to me". And maybe it won't, but wouldn't you want to it out just in case, rather than having to say you're divorced?

pokepoke27 · December 2010

Okay, I'm a very young bride as well. I will barely be 21 by the wedding. If I had the option of the two of us just moving in together until we are financially ready to pay for a big wedding with ease, I would - just to keep everyone off my back about being too young to get married. But unfortunately for me, that is not an option. My FI lives in England and it's getting way too expensive and difficult for us to see eachother. So we're getting married so he can move here and be with me. We have lived together and we do pay our own bills. My parents support us whole heartedly. If I was in your situation, i would just wait to get married. Like others have said - what's the rush? Why is it a problem for you to wait to get married when you guys can just move in together? Maybe once you guys get a place on your own and show your family that you are capable of taking care of yourselves they'll change the opinion.

Oh - and there is no rule saying you can't be engaged this whole time. My cousin and her DH were engaged for 3 1/2 years before they got married.

Sammy0709 · December 2010

WAIT! Take it from someone who is 22, recently married, and already wishes we had waited a few years longer. DH and I started dating when we were 16. We never really planned on getting married at any particular point. When he joined the Navy and I left for college we chose to attempt a long distance relationship. I got my degree while working 35 hours a week to pay for books, food, and rent. He went to war twice and was hit by an IED his first depoloyment. Only seeing him during leave was hard but, I had a chance to get a degree which I'm sure wouldn't have happened had we gotten married earlier. He had a chance to begin his very promising career as a Navy Corpsman, which I have noticed, having a wife kind of takes away your focus for a lot of the younger guys. Even in 4 years we have changed. I used to be pretty self-centered but seeing how the death of a loved one can affect people first-hand broke me of that. DH well, the biggest change was how war affected him. It hurts to see pictures and hear about the things he struggles with but, I couldn't be more proud of him than I am now. That's kind of steering away from the point sooo...

That being said, I do wish we would have waited a little longer. My big reasoning is that we got married as soon as I finished college. I turned down a respiratory therapist job that was basically being handed to me by the manager of the department because my mom and her are friends. I moved across the country to live with my husband where I don't know anyone to give me an "in" like that. Now, because the field is so competitive with economy the way it is, I can't find a job because I don't have any experience other than my clinical rotations. I wish now that DH and I had waited a few more years for me to get the experience to get my career started out here. Now I am working part time at a dry cleaner, which is a far fetch from respiratory care and living off one paycheck isn't impossible. You just have to cut out, going out to eat, travelling, the things you dont NEED.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying marrying him was a mistake. I'm saying our timing sucked more than we anticipated.

Also, agree with PP on 2 things. If you don't see the difference between you and your sister you are lost in your own little world. Don't expect your mother's ring until she offers it. Perhaps she hasn't decided if she would rather give it to your sister or you. Maybe YOUR MOTHER isn't done wearing it yet. Personally, if I were as opposed to your wedding as she is, I wouldn't give it to you either.

Meg1979 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_family-doesnt-approve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:ebf51180-986f-4093-b862-37e61c40c17cPost:a69468b7-f97d-4855-86a9-d52512d66d33">Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a younger bride(22) and I know what it feels like to get the "your to young to get married speech" but here is my advice/story from personal experience. This is just my opinion so take it or leave (sorry if it gets really long, I tend to ramble). My FI and I started dating when we were 15. He proposed a few months later. Our original plan was to get married right after high school graduation. I developed severe depression and bipolar disorder (runs in my family) which really tested our relationship and matured both of us. At the end of 11th grade I decided I wanted to go away to college, he didn't want to come so we temporarily ended the engagement and I went away to school. During that year I didn't really change or grow like people say it just reinforced what I knew all along that I wanted him. I transferred schools, moved back home, and moved in with him. This was where we grew: living together, going to school, working, and paying bills matured both of us and gave us realistic goals. After living together for 2 1/2 years he proposed again and we started planning the wedding for after college graduation. Some people thought we were still too young and gave us crap, especially our friends but our parents were very supportive. This meant the world to me; while I knew that I was ready for marriage, knowing that my parents thought we were ready as well was like icing on the cake. As much as I knew I was ready if my parents would have been unsure I would have reconsidered because they know me better than anyone. (They also knew FI and I's relationship very well as we lived with my parents for 2 years). I hate when people tell me I am too young for marriage because know one knows what our relationship has been through also everyone grows and matures at a different ages (FI and I have been through hell together). I also hate when people say you need to live your life first, everyone has different goals and priority for their life. I am not telling you that you are too young but it sounds like your family is very close and so they probably know you very well and just want the best for you. While I don't agree that college changes everyone and what not, I think down the road you would regret not having your parents support. I would move in together (if thats something that you would feel comfortable with) and wait a year and then see if your parents are coming around at all. Good Luck! (I hope this all made sense, sorry if it didn't)
Posted by DanielleZZ[/QUOTE]

I think there is even a difference between 18 and 22. While I wouldn't say that 22 is too young, I would argue that there is some maturing that goes on between 18 and 22. If she is convinced that they are going to be together forever, what's the hurry? That bond will just strengthen. I think some maturity has to happen first.

megk8oz · December 2010

I would also like to mention, I was 23 when I got engaged, 25 when I married. My one brother is 6 years younger than me. He and his girlfriend started dating shortly after DH and I got together. My brother is pretty mature and responsible for his age (Going to be 20 in 2 months), and we adore his girlfriend (Going to be 21 in 4 months) to no end. We actually all hope the 2 of them do get married ... someday. But now is just not the time for them.

My family fully supported DH and I getting married. If at the same time, my little brother talked about proposing to his girlfriend, we all would have said "Don't do it. You guys need to wait a few years". When I got engaged, DH and I owned a home, we owned our cars, we paid all of our own bills, we were paying for the wedding ourselves, ... we were financially independent of our parents.

My little brother and his girlfriend, for all of their maturity, can't afford to be on their own yet. Yes, they both hold steady jobs and have some bills that they pay (Cell phones, car insurance, credit cards, etc) ... but they can't afford to pay rent or utilities, they can't afford to buy their own groceries, they aren't actually independent. Until they can actually live without any type of parental assistance, nobody is going "approve" of them getting married.

ashleighc83 · December 2010

I've been there, trust me WAIT. I got pregnant at 16 and then again at 18. That time, he said that we HAD to get married before the baby was born. My parents were completely 100% dead set against it. I actually stopped talking to my WHOLE family and married anyway. It wasn't a courthouse wedding but it really didn't mean anything to me as I had absolutely nobody there on my side. It was THE MOST depressing day of my life. I really didn't enjoy myself and I felt so embarassed and ashamed that I didn't have any family there for support. I felt like everybody there pitied me, on my wedding day. Worst part is, that not even a year later, we had separated and I was gonna be divorced by 20.

Honestly, even if I've never met you before, seriously seriously wait. It's not that they don't approve of your relationship, they just want you to wait. And regardless of age, I strongly believe in living together for at least a year before getting married. Things may be peachy now, but living together and the daily stresses of housework chores, paying bills, etc puts so much strain on more experienced people (my way of saying older) can't deal, nevermind 2 people fresh out of the water. People are completely different once you live with them, again trust me on that.

If you truly love each other, waiting won't kill you, it'll make you stronger and you'll see that you'll have a stronger and better relationship with your family. If you seriously want to be together forever, being married won't change anything (well it shouldn't). I just had to postpone my wedding by 3 YEARS last month to the man I've been with for 8 years, waiting a few months is seriously not a big huge deal.

Just remember that love doesn't have an expiration date!

glam70s · December 2010

Waiting absolutely will not damage your relationship. And if you have a relationship that would be damaged by waiting, for god's sake get out NOW. That relationship is going nowhere good.

I started dating FI when I was 15 (he was 16). When we graduated and were going off to college, we'd been dating for 3 years and I was crushed that he didn't propose before college. We're now getting married in 2 months (I'll be 26) and I couldn't be happier that we waited. I honestly don't know if we would still be together if we had married young. I thought that after three years together I knew everything about him I could have wanted to know, and I specifically remember saying to him "what are people talking about when they say relationships take work? We must be meant to be together, because this has all been so easy!" Now, I know that 3 years in (even 5 years in) is still the honeymoon phase and you really don't know anything yet..

ETA: I also would not have taken anyone's advice at 18 and would have gone and gotten married anyway, because I knew that I was so much more mature than people gave me credit for. HA! Now I certainly know better!

[Deleted User] · December 2010

If I would have married the guy I was with when I was 19, I guarantee we would have ended up divorced. I had so much personal growth from 19-23. I know 4 years doesn't seem like much. But look back at yourself as a freshman in highschool and look how you are as a senior in HS (or freshman in college). Think of the growth you experienced in just those 4 years, and how immature you think those freshmen are.

Now take that HS growth and multiply it times a THOUSAND!! That's how much you'll see and experience and change in college. Take it from someone who's been there.

I'm not trying to say that you and Andrew won't be together forever, I hope you are as serius about each other as you sound. I'm just saying that you WILL grow and you WILL change and you don't want to regret making such an important decision so young.

SarahElizabeth523 · December 2010

I know how it feels to be told that you are too young to be getting married, I'm 18 and my FI is 20 also, but with that being said I agree with a majority of the pp's. I have lived on my own for almost a year and have a steady job as does my FI. We had also talked extensively with our parents before we even got engaged. I think that you should really listen to your parents, most of the time they are the people that know you best and all that they are trying to do is make your life as amazing and happy as it can be.

brookef101 · December 2010

Can I just state that 'living together' before being married is not 'sinful'. Why is this line still around? Living together before being married is actually a really healthy thing for your relationship together. It's how you either grow together or apart. You actually get to know the in's and out's of your partner. My dad once said to me "If your mother and I had lived together before we got married, we wouldn't have gotten married". I thought that was pretty big of my own father to say that to me and I'm proud to say that my parents are still together after 35 years b/c of hard, dedicated work to make their marriage last.

I agree, you are too young. Definitely wait! I think it's also crap for someone to say they didn't change from 18-22. I changed a great deal from 18-22 to even 25 to even my age today at 27. My fiance and I have been together almost 5 years and just got engaged and even though we both knew we would be together forever from 2 months into dating, we waited and we moved in together to see if it would work. Living apart and dating and actually living together and dating are 2 completely different things! My best friend got married a couple years ago, and her and her (now husband) had dated for several years but never lived together. I remember both of them saying it was so weird for the first couple weeks living together after they got married and adjusting to eachother's routine.

You should wait, grow yourself and grow together. If you are truly meant to be you will be together. You wouldn't want to rush into getting married now and wake up 5 years later wondering what the hell you are doing and did and leave. My cousin did that, woke up and realized she didn't love her husband anymore and left him and their children. Completely devastating, but deep down it was all b/c she wanted to leave him before they got married but didn't b/c she felt bad.

waiting won't hurt anyone now, but rushing into something and it not working could destroy a lot.

mkmistretta · December 2010

I understand how it could hurt your relationship. You feel as though the only reason you waited would be because of your parents and have resentment towards them as well as your FI having resentment towards them. You could be unhappy because you aren't able to be married and what you truly want to do because of your parents and your FI could say that you listen to your parents and can't make your own decisions. I would say talk to your FI and wait a little while and plan a ton financially. Once you are able to have and OK from your parents (even if they aren't thrilled) and you are financially ready I think you should do what the two of you really want as long as you realize its a lifelong commitement and it'll be hard.

DanielleZZ · December 2010

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_family-doesnt-approve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ebf51180-986f-4093-b862-37e61c40c17cPost:adc91d40-a63a-4abf-9dd0-994d24b74f56">Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do? : Did you even give being apart and growing on your own a chance when you only went away for a year. I have a sneaking suspicion that you spent most of that year talking and missing your boyfriend without really ever giving living on your own a chance. What bills were you paying while living with your parents for 2 years. You lived together for 2 1/2 years and he proposed, but 2 of those years were with your parents. You two didn't really get a chance to stand on your own two feet. I'm glad you have your parents support and all, but I don't think you can be as mature as you say if you haven't lived on your own for a while. It takes a lot to pay rent, car payment, insurance, buy groceries, electric, water, gas, etc. Did you pay any of those things while living with your parents? OP - LIsten to tildh she is very wise. She gave you many reasons why you should wait. (as did other PPs) Having your parents support should be the biggest reason of all. If you two love each other and you know it will last forever then just wait. The love will still be there whether or not you get married in a year or 5 years. If you really want it to last you'll give yourselves a chance to grow together and learn from one another without being married.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I understand what your saying but let me answer your questions. While I did miss him while I was away at school we did live separate lives and even saw other people.

When we lived with my parents we did pay rent, had our own car/insurance bills, and bought our own groceries. Plus living with your parents and SO is a whole different set of stressors and issues for a relationship.

Even though we got engaged only 6 months after completely living on our own we gave ourselves a 18 month engagement so by the time we get married (in 6 weeks) we will have been on our own for 2 years.</div>

JessicaE84 · December 2010

You know, my FI and I are 26 and 28, and his parents gave us a hard time about getting engaged because they thought we had not been together long enough. (We had been together for 16 months when we got engaged.) They also hate that we live together and are not married yet. My point is that these issues tend to come up regardless of your age. If we were younger and perhaps less mature, I don't know if we would have been able to get through the stress of disapproving families. I would imagine that it could really start to take its toll on you as a couple over time. Planning a wedding is stressful, for sure, but it should also be a fun and exciting time to spend with your family, especially your mom.

Do you even WANT to be getting married at the same time as your older sister? Not to sound snotty, but it should be a special time that is all about you and your FI - You and your sister both deserve to have that time for yourselves and, frankly, I think your sister deserves to have it first. If I'm being honest, I would be REALLY annoyed if I were 25 and my 18 year old sister got engaged at the same time I did.

As I think someone else said, you can really learn a lot from taking a step back and being involved in the planning of your sister's wedding. You will be that much better prepared to eventually plan your own and, in the meantime, you will have a chance to grow as a couple. Take this time to prove your mom and your aunt wrong. Show them that your relationship has staying power instead of just telling them.

My heart breaks for you because I know what it is like to be 18 and in love - but I will tell you honestly that the man I thought I would marry at 18 is not the man that I am about to spend the rest of my life with. You have no idea how much growing you will do in the upcoming years. After one year in college, you could be a completely different person. Your priorities and your feelings could change quite a lot. I don't mean to belittle your relationship but I think that your mother and aunt definitely have your best interests at heart in telling you to wait.

LoveMuffins · December 2010

I think the biggest thing you need to look at is why you think waiting would "hurt" your relationship. Is it because he's pressuring you because you won't be "in sin" with him before marriage? If so, THAT is not a reason to get married. Is it because you two are worried about the other straying from the relationship if you don't lock it down now? That's a trust issue that should be worked out BEFORE the wedding, because having a ring on the finger does not guarantee fidelity, and jealousy issues do not go away just because there's a wedding.

Personally, I think moving in the fall and living "in sin" would be the best idea. In high school I knew I wanted to marry my boyfriend. He was my first and ONLY boyfriend, my first EVERYTHING, and he was my soulmate. We even lived together in my parents house for awhile... but as soon as we moved out of my parents house, things changed. College didn't change us, but responsiblities and life did. It's one thing to hang out with each other all day every day, and something completely different to LIVE together all day every day, with responsibilities and finances, etc. You should live on your own, if not in sin with him, then with friends - basically anywhere but your parents house - for a while before you start planning your wedding.

I have seen this work out in two ways. I have two very good friends who both married young, one who married her high school sweet heart and the other who married a 22 year old when she was 18. For them, life is wonderful and they both had their first children in the past year and are as happy as can be. On the other side of the coin, when my high school boyfriend and I had to live together, we found we were constantly arguing because we had different priorities (He didn't want a "boring" job, I didn't want to be the only one paying for things, etc. etc.). Another friend of mine got married at 18, because she said that they were going to do it eventually anyway, so why not right away? Plus, she was Mormon and refused to have sex - or really anything - with him before they got married, and he was getting REALLY frustrated. They have separated three times in the past 6 years and are now separated again and probably starting divorce proceedings.

Things change, a LOT, especially at your age. Life changes, your goals change, what you want changes. You need to figure out WHY you feel the need to get married NOW, because it sounds like you're rushing into it without having a whole lot of life experience to help you through it.

kaliedoscopeyes1 · December 2010

You should wait. There is no reason to rush in. You might not know it now but you aren't mature enough for marriage even though you might think you are and that's probably the reason our parents disapprove. Seriously. WAIT.

meganiobe · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_family-doesnt-approve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ebf51180-986f-4093-b862-37e61c40c17cPost:17a97ed1-03f4-456a-917a-ee10ad3e6ef4">Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well these are YOUR choices. We can't tell you what to do, as we are strangers but... <strong>1. What is the rush? If you are going to be together forever, why can't you wait to get married? Waiting will not hurt your relationship. Waiting can only make it stronger, if you are meant to be together. Now rushing can destroy a relationship.</strong> 2 I think you are really young. 3. College opens you up to tons of experiences that change who you are. In my experiences, most of the high-school couples that started college together did not graduate together. 4. Marrying young is hard. You don't have a career yet, so you don't have much money. Money issues can really destroy a relationship. 5. Eloping when your family is against it is going to make it worse. I'm sure your family will still love you, but they will resent what you did. 6. The difference in a 18 year-old & an 25 year-old is huge. I can understand why your mom feels differently about your sister.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

This exactly!! When I had our daughter everyone was being pushy about getting married, but I wanted to have the wedding of my dreams, not just a wedding because of a baby... There isn't always a good reason to rush things. Honesly if you love him and you are going to be with him, why does it matter if the paperwork says your married?

PaigeMcC · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_family-doesnt-approve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ebf51180-986f-4093-b862-37e61c40c17cPost:f69f0ac7-3c67-4d69-a147-afa6386d6097">Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]If waiting a year would "hurt" your relationship, it isn't marriage material. I honestly think that you are entirely too young to get married, and it has less to do with the number of years that you've been on this earth and more to do with your obvious lack of life knowledge, which is very apparent from your post.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

It's like you read my thoughts. This OP. Listen to this.

doeie04 · December 2010

I think you should wait a little bit. I used to think that one year and then proposal was a good timeline, but looking back on my relationship, we wouldn't have been ready. At a year, we moved in together.
I think it would be a good idea to go off to school, and move in together. Get a 2 bedroom apartment, and sleep in different rooms. You can live together and not "sleep" together. I have known a few people that have done this. (Not saying that it won't be hard...) This way you two can learn how to be on your own, paying bills, working together to make your place home. I'm sure that your family will come around later, and you will be so happy that you waited!

MrsTucker2011 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_family-doesnt-approve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ebf51180-986f-4093-b862-37e61c40c17cPost:fa658413-91fc-497f-bc52-dd84eaf17262">Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]One more thing: If you cannot see the difference bewteen your situation and that of your 25 year old sister, you are definitely too young to get married.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

THIS

bdulli13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_family-doesnt-approve?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ebf51180-986f-4093-b862-37e61c40c17cPost:68ede52f-a434-4da4-9184-2736bebf54a3">Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family doesn't approve, what do I do? : I agree with PP's esp Oceana. I did the same thing you are considering. I dated a guy for a while in college, moved to be near him, and I was a very anti-sin girl. We did not live together, but wanted to go all the way and felt very guilt-ridden about it. Then we got married and he showed a very different side of himself. He quit his job and I had to work 3 jobs to support us. He eventually was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and OCD, but he would not consistently take meds. He cheated on me for almost the entire marriage and would not sleep with me, despite me being attractive and very willing. He hit me and emotionally abused me. He fathered a child with another woman while we were separated, before we divorced. I say all this to warn you: people will change. Maybe your BF is a complete gem! I don't know him. I didn't know my ex well enough when we got married and part of that was him lying and covering up things, but I would have known them if we had lived together. I live with FI now and we have learned SO much about each other and relationships. I'd absolutely recommend it if you don't have any religious beliefs that would make that a point of contention. But I do know a few couples that have lived together like roommates and saved sex for marriage. It doesn't work for everyone, but I don't think it increases temptation. HTH
Posted by sunbird627[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. I too moved in with the man I thought I saw my future with, at age 20. Shortly after, he stopped working (quit) and I had to support us and pay all the bills, he would go out and get destroyed all night and not call or come home while he had my car, he was a slob, and while he sat home all day doing nothing would absolutely trash the house, etc. He took my car one night to go see his friend, didn't call or come home, and the next day I found out they had totaled it going to get drugs. I kicked him out, broke my lease, and moved home with my parents. He wouldn't leave me alone, and I had to have my cell number changed five times. I had police officers calling me in the middle of the night asking where he was because I was the last person he tried to call, etc. This was AFTER I left him. He is in jail now.

People aren't always what they seem when you're dating, no matter how long you've been together. We had been off and on for a year and a half before we moved in together. If we hadn't, I never would have known what kind of person he would become. I am not saying that your boyfriend is going to be this extreme, but if I had known at 20 what I know now at 25, I would have seen the signs. I am older, wiser, and with a man who is my equal, not the equivalent to having a child. We can both support ourselves, and do. You learn so much about a person when you live with them, I recommend trying it. It's a lot cheaper to break a lease than it is to get a divorce.

Family doesn't approve, what do I do?

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