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Help! Bridesmaid Problem

bunkerkcbunkerkc
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in DC
Hi all,
Advice please: I asked one of my oldest dearest friends to be one of my bridesmaids, and she was very excited about it! However, she says that she is "90% sure she can come" to my wedding. She is just beginning a medical career and can't know today what she will be doing next summer, but won't be able to plan her weekends around me next summer either (well she says for a weekend conference or an exam final, she would have to miss the wedding--those are not exactly emergencies that can't be foreseen, but of course I don't expect her to miss them if they are important, either).

My problem: What do I do with a bridesmaid who wants the job but won't really commit to coming? My parents will be livid if she doesn't show up, and I will be heartrboken. So will the other friends and cousins I am close to who didn't get included, who see me standing up front of the church with four people, while my fiance has five (I know some will wonder why I would leave them out).

My friend says we'll discuss again when I pick the exact date (I've narrowed it down to two that are both questionable for her, and I know when I call her back she'll be just as iffy about her attendance). What do I do???
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Re: Help! Bridesmaid Problem

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    misssyahmisssyah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    honestly. she your friend on a medical mission... to be the best doctor she can be and thats her priority..... If you have doubts about her being able to make it, then I would say ask someone else who is close to you. Someone you can trust to make it and try to make it even if an emergency comes up. She's your friend she should understand that you are planning something important to you and you cant wait for her to figure out if this is important enough for her to set aside that date for you (when you decide which date). hopeflly she can understand that..... and after the wedding when you both have some time... Go out and have a post wedding reception just the two of you.... If not then you know that you made a good choice not being left at the alter by a bridesmaid...

    You can always just invite her to the wedding... that way you wont feel as bad if she isn't able to make it rather than being heart broken and being lop sided at your wedding....

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    PressMePressMe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Two of my bridesmaids are residents and this was a huge concern for me.  It ended up not being a problem, but they did have to request off work six months in advance.

    This is a big event in your life. Doing what is necessary to become a successful doctor, is big for her. I'm sure she'll understand if she's not a BM.  Ask her to be a hostess or reader.  That way, on the 10% chance she doesn't make it, she can be easily replaced. 
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    tmjacksontmjackson member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    One of my sisters just finished her residency program last summer, so I understand both sides of the issue.  As a resident, she gets the crappiest vacation times which can also change if one of the attendings or other residents has a more pressing need.  Talk to her again once you settle on a date.  That will give her time to request leave or weigh her options.  Be gentle but be frank: you understand that this is important to her, as it should be, and you also understand her dilemma.  Should she need to back out as a BM, let her know that's ok; it doesn't change your friendship or make her less important.

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