Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Quickie Ceremony For My Mom

This is the first time I've ever posted here. I've been a "silent knottie" for some time now, but I've enjoyed just reading everyone else's posts. Now...I need some major advice from you guys. I need some objective viewpoints!

My FI and I have been together for a decade. I am now 30, he is 34. We recently decided that we are ready to get married because we're ready to have kids. (Not that we would've cared if we had kids BEFORE we got married...we just prefer it this way.) We had planned to get married on April 23, 2011. Well, my mom (who is my BEST friend in the world) has Stage 4 breast cancer. She has been kicking cancer's tail for several years. Now, she's not doing very well....at all. 

Let me start by saying I am NOT a "girlie girl". My wardrobe consists of jeans, t-shirts and flip flops. I rarely, if ever, wear make-up. I was never one of those chicks who dreamed of her perfect princess wedding since she was a little girl. Nope, I would've preferred to go elope in Vegas. :-) However, my FI would like a more "traditional" wedding. So, we compromised. We'd have a "real" wedding, but we'd make it fun!! Then, Mom got sicker. Like, to the point where I'm afraid she won't even BE here in April. So, we decided to move the wedding to October 23rd...this year...like...in a MONTH. We are inviting just a few close friends and family members. Like, a maximum of 35-40 people. I've already got my dress. He's already been fitted for a tux. A friend is doing our cake. Another friend is officiating. Yet another friend is doing the photography. That's all I've got. I have NO idea how to put everything together. 

I know this post is SO long, but I'd love some ideas on how to make this day super special even though it's being thrown together somewhat messily. Have any of  you or someone you know had to go through something like this? Do you guys have some ideas for how to make a tiny, quickie wedding into something that we'll remember forever as OUR wedding, and not just "Our-Wedding-That-Was-Thrown-Together-Because-Mom-Is-Dying"? I'd really appreciate some feedback! Thanks in advance!!

Love & Hugs!
~Mare~

Re: Quickie Ceremony For My Mom

  • I'm sorry that your mom is so sick, and I'll offer my prayer that she gets her miracle.

    Your wedding will be wonderful, because it will include you, your groom, and your mom and the rest of your closest friends and family.

    You've done much of  the "big" stuff:  you have a dress, he's getting attire, you have an officiant, a photogrpaher, and a cake.  Great start!

    It's probably psychologically easier to think that you're planning a party rather than a wedding.  Once you determine what type of food you want:  brunch?  luncheon?  dinner?  dessert?  appetizers?  Then you determine time of your ceremony.

    You don't have to have a full blown "Bride's Magazine" reception.  You can have cake and punch at the church.  You can have lunch in your backyard.  You can have pizza and beer at your favorite pizza place.

    You don't have to have dancing, and bouquet tosses, and favors, and "stuff".  As long as you have a gracious bride and groom, and food and beverage to make sure your guests aren't going hungry, you've got a reception.  For me, the most important part is a gracious bride and groom.

    Do you have a venue for the ceremony?  If it's in a church, perhaps the church has a space that you can use for the reception~we have a large fellowship hall.  There, a cake and punch and coffee reception can be just lovely.

    Again, if it's in a church, do they have a group that can help you with the reception part?  To use our church as an example again, we have the Women's Association, and they are very experienced at putting together lovely receptions, on fairly short notice, and with a limited budget.

    If not in a church, can you find a venue that will easily double both as a ceremony and reception venue?  Does your mom have a favorite restaurant you could talk to?  Is there an historic venue, or a library or a museum you could use?

    Friends of our got married, and after their church ceremony,  had a lovely luncheon reception in a private room of their favorite restaurant.  It didn't have dancing, and bouquet tosses, and all that, but what a lovely reception it was for everyone who was there.

    Reach out to your mom's friends.  I'm guessing that they'd be so happy to help with food, and decorating making your wedding special for you AND your mom. 

    I've planned a reception for 250 people at an awards ceremony, and pulled it all together in less than a month. 

    I know you can do it.  Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help.  In a situation like this, people will absolutely want to be part of helping you and your mom.

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Mary, first accept my sincere heartfelt sympathies for what you and your family are going through. It was hard to get through your post without putting myself in your place, and how I'd want to make it special if I were dealing with that.

    I agree 100% with Trix1223...... secure the assistance of your mom's best friends, neighbors, and family members to help you out with all the details to arrange a great day.


    Also, make sure to get her something very special to wear, to make her feel beautiful for your special day. And I'd recommend getting a videographer to capture the day, since if her miracle does not come through, you will want these videos for your kids some day. Maybe get a hairdresser or makeup artist to come to your location to do last minute touches for both of you, some "mom & daughter" time.


    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope your day is special.

  • Ditto trix 100%, as usual.  Check out offbeatbride.com for some examples of weddings in unusual locations, and planned on short notice.  Really, it is just a party.  There's a whole industry dedicated to making you believe that it's waaaaaay more complicated and involved than it actually is.  Don't give into that pressure.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I wanted to do this very same thing.  My Mom got sick 6 weeks after we got engaged and unfortunately passed away so quickly that we weren't able to get married before that happened.

    The fact that you are getting married, and that she will be there to share in your joy is all you need to make it a special day.  Sorry that you are going through this - it is difficult but you'll always remember being able to share it with your Mom.
  • i am crying trying to write this so if there are spelling mistakes, sorry... first and foremost my prayers and with you and your family while you try to peice all of this together!!
    i agree with all the PPs they are 110% on Trix as usual is on the money! I have to say that i wish we could have moved my sister's ceremony up a month as her dad just passed away a couple weeks ago and her wedding is in 19 days :( and i would have given ANYTHIGN for her to have him walk her down the aisle!
    all that aside, your day will be special no matter what, no big dresses are needed to make you feel like a million bucks because you're marrying your best friend and no fluff will make your family love you anymore than they already do!!
    enjoy this time during the planning with your mom, ask her advice, ask her to help you with your choices, options so on
    make sure she helps you with your something new, something old, something borrowed and something blue, make sure you get as many pictures as possible, but i think a videographer is an exceptional idea, even if it's just a friend with a camera!
    you will all have a special day bc you'll be there, he'll be there and your mom will be there! everything after that is fluff :)
    but make sure you look back on this day and smile, dont make all of it about her, because it is your special day! my sister has turned her wedding into a memorial for her dad and im afraid she is only going to look back and feel the hole that is there bc he's not there and not feel as though it's the 'happiest day of her life', i hope this doesnt sound heartless as it is definitely not intended to i love my sister dearly  

    i wish you the best of luck and i'm sorry that you are feeling rushed but it will all be worth it when you see your mom beaming at you as you walk down the aisle!!!
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