On the weekend my friend's engagement photos came in and they are absolutely amazing. I'm in total agreement in investing in a good photographer and for that matter a good make-up artist too.
So, I see those photos and am so happy for my friend but then proceed to get really upset. I spoke to my BF about it and he asked if it was because I wanted to get married and am jealous that I'm not. It doesn't feel like I'm jealous of her getting married at all.
I've learned a lot being around her wedding, being around TK and making it about the marriage and not all the stuff that goes with the wedding. As long as I've had this friend she has been more of a follower and has not really developed tastes of her own, she tends to follow what is trendy and in style at the moment.
So, I see these photos and as amazing as they are I see the photographer, I don't see my friend at all in them. i have a feeling that this could happen at their wedding as well. I guess I feel more jealous that she has access to this amazing photographer, I likely won't due to expenses, and it seems wasted in a way.
Do I make any sense at all? Please tell me just to grow up about this. I have felt this way for years about my friend, but every once and awhile something puts me over the edge.
Re: I'm torn (little rant)
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
The worst is that her parents and his parents have given money towards the wedding with no questions or strings attached. So, they've been allowed to do whatever they want to with only their two opinions to count.
I admit I am completely jealous about this. Regardless of whether my parents or BF's parents give money I know that they have needs/requirements at any potential wedding. I'd love to be able to have a wedding of 80 people like my friend, but any potential wedding will be as much my parents' and BF's parents' day as it is BF's and my day.
I just find myself constantly jealous over things like this. I'm led to believe that her wedding planning isn't normal because the rest of my friends that are planning weddings are having family requests constantly that this friend never has.
Thanks for hearing me out! I think I needed to get this off of my chest.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
And I also have a close friend who is a follower and doesn't have the j'ne sais quoi to stand up for herself or make changes to her life to make her happy. It's incredibly frustrating to watch, because you sometimes just want to shake them and tell them to do what you know is in their own best interest and what they truly want. Unfortunately, part of being a friend is being supportive when you can't do anything to fix the situation. You can't change the photographs from her engagement shoot, but maybe sit down with her and go through other peoples' wedding albums on TK or other sites, coming up with pictures she loves and wants to replicate? Save them on a document and print them out for her photographer as "must shoot photos" ideas.
A wedding that is not all frills and magic tricks will always be a million times more intimate and beautiful not because of what's missing but because the focus will be on the couple who are so deeply in love.
*No pony, no I do!*
Cate - Okay, definitely on the envy rather than jealousy side.
Breezer - Definitely! It just makes me realize how different she and I are these days.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
[QUOTE]On the weekend my friend's engagement photos came in and they are absolutely amazing. I'm in total agreement in investing in a good photographer and for that matter a good make-up artist too. So, I see those photos and am so happy for my friend but then proceed to get really upset. I spoke to my BF about it and he asked if it was because I wanted to get married and am jealous that I'm not. It doesn't feel like I'm jealous of her getting married at all. I've learned a lot being around her wedding, being around TK and making it about the marriage and not all the stuff that goes with the wedding. As long as I've had this friend she has been more of a follower and has not really developed tastes of her own, she tends to follow what is trendy and in style at the moment. <strong>So, I see these photos and as amazing as they are I see the photographer, I don't see my friend at all in them.</strong> i have a feeling that this could happen at their wedding as well. I guess I feel more jealous that she has access to this amazing photographer, I likely won't due to expenses, and it seems wasted in a way. Do I make any sense at all? Please tell me just to grow up about this. I have felt this way for years about my friend, but every once and awhile something puts me over the edge.
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]
The bolded part kind of confuses me. What exactly makes the pictures not look like her?
It is possible that you are envious of her getting married. I know that there were times when I wanted to kick FI when someone at my job got engaged. These feelings are normal. Don't worry about it. It's great that you are so happy for her.
There are always women who do want to follow the latest trends. Some people are like that. Just like there are always people who march to the beat of their own drum, regardless of what's in. Don't worry about it. As long as she's happy with the end result, that's all that matters.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
I think like the PP's said that your feelings are completely normal, to an extent. It seems like you've been inudated with wedding related things (TK, her wedding, her engagement pics, her planning process) and that can make anyone start to become jealous and envious. Both that she is getting "the best of the best" and that she is getting married. <--- not sure if that's true but it appears like you might be.
I went through this too the first time around. My parents paid for some of the wedding and expected a lot of input - who was invited, their friends, the location ect. Don't get me wrong the "wedding" was me but when I look back at pictures I see I was just doing what I thought I should be doing.
Now FI and I don't have an unlimited budget but his parents decided to start giving us money. They added people to our guest list (we were trying to keep it at 75-80) and ended up over 100. This weekend FI told his parents we thank you for the money but in the end it's our wedding, we knew what we wanted and now that vision is getting skewed. They apologized and said they were sorry. It's our wedding they just want us to be happy.
I'm still envious of what other people have sometimes but that is the biggest way to end up with something you DON'T want. Just because you're trying to keep up. Just keep in mind that the wedding is just a day but your marriage is what matters most. Scrimping and saving for things might actually bring you and your BF closer when the time comes.
Secondly, if you really feel your friend is going to waste this opportunity with a great photographer, I really think you should look through other people's albums together and have her select shots that she'd like to replicate. Perhaps she just hasn't seen what her options are in terms of personalizing the shoot. I never would have thought of a picnic theme (not that I'm going to use it, but still) if I hadn't seen Kat's shots! My friends had a shoot down by the waterfront in Baltimore, and it was adorable. It definitely gives you ideas what type of things you'd like. Doing it with her might make it fun, and will also allow her to personalize her use of the photographer.
[QUOTE]Goldie - All I meant was it didn't seem like they influnced the photos as a couple. For example, I don't really know Kat but seeing the picnic photoshoot for their engagement photos just screamed her personality to me. These photos don't say my friend at all. It isn't that there is something wrong with the photos. Does that make more sense?
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]
That makes more sense.
As long as she is happy with them, my opinion doesn't matter. It was just so different to me to see my happy go lucky friend in these engagement photos where she isn't smiling at all. I only saw one photo where she was smiling and it's probably my favourite one.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
Well, there are only a few teasers on the photographers website and of those there is only one photo with a genuine smile in it from her and her fiance's face isn't even in that photo. Hopefully there are more smiling ones.
Posting on TK is helping me figure out my thoughts. I think that has been my biggest problem with these photos is the lack of smiling and how that doesn't correspond to the couple I know.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011