Small Wedding Etiquette help!

[Deleted User] · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:ae29c0d7-3261-4c1b-96c6-c0ca72d4a115">Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help! : Yes and yes. Also, I know I can't tell you how to spend your money, but if you're able to afford a honeymoon you should be able to host your guests properly. Unless you're getting a free honeymoon or something.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. Seriously. Even if your honeymoon is as you described, in a local city with a hotel, I would rather feed my loved ones than have a honeymoon at all. I'm not going on a honeymoon. My "honeymoon" week will be spent at my house, and I'm actually sort of amped about it.

</div>

Kristin789 · May 2012

1. With the way we are announcing our marriage and with the small number of guest, is it a good idea to generate invitations?

We each invited 7 people, and yes, we did invitations.

2. Is it a good idea to have a wedding cake with such a small group?

Yesl. The cake will be small but significant.

3. As we will be hosting our wedding in a surrounding state, about 4 hours away and again we have such a small guest list, what do you think is appropriate for the 'reception'?

You've latched on to the brunch idea, which is the lowest-cost of all. We did a ceremony at 11:30 followed by a luncheon for $16 per person, inclusive. Could have done the brunch for half that.

RE: ELOPING. Don't. My FI suggested it, but then said he knew I had to have my mom there and he had to at least tell his parents when/where so they could come if they wanted. So we thought of doing it just with our parents there. But then we changed it and we did this:

Groom invited MOG, FOG, brother of groom + his wife + their 3 kids = 7 people.
Bride invited MOB, two friends of bride, two friends of MOB who are like aunts to the bride, one older woman who is like a grandmother of the bride, and the woman who was the matchmaker for the bride and groom = 7 people.

Summer2011Bride · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:04d8cbba-a274-4ed1-8a80-b32023f5b3cd">Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!: We are Christians and don't wish to marry in a courthouse. That's the only reason why this idea wouldn't be best for us.
Posted by Bride2BeSoon1[/QUOTE]

You don't have to be married in a courthouse if you elope. Eloping just means it's a private ceremony--just you two, the officiant, and another witness if necessary. Usually elopments are not announced beforehand, so people find out you got married after the fact. But they can happen anywhere--outside, a destination elopement (probably not the best option if you're concerned about budget), a nice room at a hotel or something (would probably have to pay to rent it out still). There are other places to elope than just the courthouse. Just something to consider.

If you decide against eloping, you DO need to pay for the meal after the ceremony, even if that means cutting back on your HM.

goobersinlove · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:e8717411-b0f4-4522-8d5d-64c7dd1204f5">Re: Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]1. With the way we are announcing our marriage and with the small number of guest, is it a good idea to generate invitations? We each invited 7 people, and yes, we did invitations. 2. Is it a good idea to have a wedding cake with such a small group? Yesl. The cake will be small but significant. 3. As we will be hosting our wedding in a surrounding state, about 4 hours away and again we have such a small guest list, what do you think is appropriate for the 'reception'? You've latched on to the brunch idea, which is the lowest-cost of all. We did a ceremony at 11:30 followed by a luncheon for $16 per person, inclusive. Could have done the brunch for half that. <strong>RE: ELOPING. Don't. </strong> My FI suggested it, but then said he knew I had to have my mom there and he had to at least tell his parents when/where so they could come if they wanted. So we thought of doing it just with our parents there. But then we changed it and we did this: Groom invited MOG, FOG, brother of groom + his wife + their 3 kids = 7 people. Bride invited MOB, two friends of bride, two friends of MOB who are like aunts to the bride, one older woman who is like a grandmother of the bride, and the woman who was the matchmaker for the bride and groom = 7 people.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

I think that's really disrespectful to the many knotties here that did elope and LOVED it, or are planning to elope. Just because it wasn't the way to go for you doesn't mean that it would be a bad plan for the OP.

goobersinlove · May 2012

I agree with Eagles - you shouldn't have to feel awkward on your wedding day. And if you elope, you'll still be just as much a family with your new H's family. You'll still be close to them, and you'll be their daughter-in-law just the same!

iriscarmendiaz · May 2012

I honestly think you need to feed your guests, especially if they are coming a few hours away. If you really are strapped for money, why don't you put together a continental breakfast in a park for your families? You could even make the muffins yourself (have your children help to feel included by dropping raisins into the muffin batter or something). You can even buy OJ and a coffee traveler from a shop to keep costs down. That way, you can probably feed all 8+ of you for like $50.

Possible menu
-muffins/bagels
-orange juice
-coffee
-fruit

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

Thank you all so much for your advice! You have been so helpful!!

JoanE2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:0ad3294e-c6ac-46b8-b78d-3d7c3be91e44">Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I got engaged about a month ago and we are planning a very small ceremony, where we are inviting 3 guest each. Our wedding is in about 2 months. We haven't announced our engagement, as we are fairly private, hence our small ceremony. So, we plan on informing our guest about a month in advance of the wedding. With that being said, I have some questions! 1. With the way we are announcing our marriage and with the small number of guest, is it a good idea to generate invitations? 2. Is it a good idea to have a wedding cake with such a small group? 3. As<strong> we will be hosting our wedding in a surrounding state, about 4 hours away</strong> and again we have such a small guest list, what do you think is appropriate for the 'reception'? <strong>It's not a HUGE event, so to be honest, I do not wish to spend too much time with our guest after the ceremony</strong>. I want to spend time with my husband, but of course<strong> </strong>I know that its rude to not have anything following the ceremony, so suggestions are welcomed. Thank you!
Posted by Bride2BeSoon1[/QUOTE]

Really? Your going to have your guests (which based on a later post appears to include your own parents) drive 4 hours to see you get married, and then you don't want to spend "too much time with them" after the ceremony? Seriously?

JoanE2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:713e8275-778d-4886-8ea1-42f70767d975">Re: Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Small Wedding Etiquette help! : Did you even read the rest of this thread? I think she came around to our suggestions.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Sorry, I originally stopped reading after OP asked if was ok to have her guests pay for their own meals. In fairness, I did go back and reread the posts.

I'd postpone my honeymoon and feed my guests a proper meal especially considering they came from far away. If I drove 4 hours and all I got was a bagel and some juice, I'd be pissed. Doing this seems like it could give the parents more fuel for the fire why they don't like the FI/relationship.

JoanE2012 · May 2012

OP - I'm also confused....you posted on the Honeymoon board that you were looking for "packages/deals for an all inclusive Hawaii honeymoon" under $2000. It seems like you have plenty of money for a honeymoon but can't feed your 8 guests a proper meal?

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]OP I'm also confused....you posted on the Honeymoon board that you were looking for quot;packages/deals for an all inclusive Hawaii honeymoonquot; under 2000.nbsp; It seems like you have plenty of money for a honeymoon butnbsp;can'tnbsp;feed your 8 guests a proper meal? Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

That's for next year. Just doing early research. If you would read the entirety of this thread, you would be informed as to what my honeymoon plans are following my wedding.

JoanE2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:fabd2a7d-e181-40e9-83f4-d2b5ca9541c4">Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!: That's for next year. Just doing early research. If you would read the entirety of this thread, you would be informed as to what my honeymoon plans are following my wedding.
Posted by Bride2BeSoon1[/QUOTE]

Ok, but I still stand by my original comment. Postpone your inital honeymoon (even if it is just a weekend getaway) and feed your guests a proper meal. Then take your Hawaiian honeymoon next year as you are planning.

JoanE2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:28030801-70a4-4a23-a289-8f04db7d492f">Re: Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I understanding correctly -- you and your fiance have children but they're not going to be at your wedding?
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

LOL. I read this too and wondered the same thing. I don't think anybody else picked up on it.

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