Hello fellow brides,
I just had one of my bridesmaids back out on my wedding (which is 3 months away). I want to ask someone else to replace her, but am afraid that whoever I ask will know they were my back-up option. I do have the option of not asking someone else, but I would like to maintain an even number. Any suggestions? Has this happened to you?
Re: Bridesmaid Backed Out
[QUOTE]Hello fellow brides, I just had one of my bridesmaids back out on my wedding (which is 3 months away). I want to ask someone else to replace her, but am afraid that whoever I ask will know they were my back-up option.<strong> I do have the option of not asking someone else, but I would like to maintain an even number.</strong> Any suggestions? Has this happened to you?
Posted by mialorraine[/QUOTE]
Don't ask someone just for the sake of even numbers. If they weren't important enough to ask in the first place then they probably shouldn't be in your wedding party.
[QUOTE]She backed out because she lives out of state, and as you all know, being in a wedding is a big financial commitment. I guess her current financial situation just prevented her from coming. It sucks because there were a few others I would have asked, but we limited it to four people. I will have to think about it more...maybe someone will volunteer and then it would work out.
Posted by mialorraine[/QUOTE]
Nobody with the commen sense that God gave a goat volunteers themselves to be in a bridal party. You have uneven sides. It's fine.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]She backed out because she lives out of state, and as you all know, being in a wedding is a big financial commitment.<strong> I guess her current financial situation just prevented her from coming.</strong> It sucks because there were a few others I would have asked, but we limited it to four people. I will have to think about it more...<strong>maybe someone will volunteer and then it would work out.</strong>
Posted by mialorraine[/QUOTE]
<div>Is there anyway you can help her to have her stay your WP by helping with costs? If you can I think it would be a nice gesture. </div><div>
</div><div>You think someone else will randomly volunteer to be in your wedding? Am I reading that right? Your WP should be those people nearest and dearest to you, not just anyone and especially not someone who asks to be in it. If you didn't choose them to stand up with you they shouldn't be standing there. </div>
I have 9 close girl friends - I only asked one to be my MOH, and one other one to be a BM. My other 2 BMs are FI's sisters. I didn't want a huge WP, and I wanted people in the audience! FI has 5 people on his side. Uneven. No big deal. And none of my other friends were upset at all that they didn't get asked. They were at my bachelorette party and will be at my shower. That's all they wanted. We're still friends, we're all still close. And I have no drama!
That being said, I had uneven sides and it was fine.
[QUOTE]I understand your situation. I guess I'm not sure why anyone else here doesn't. Some people are set on having even numbers and to others it does not matter. I had a friend that ended up asking another when one backed out and the replacement was flattered and not at all offended. If you felt limited in the first place, you likely had additional people you felt could be in the wedding party. If it's clear to you the one that stands out that you would want to ask, I say go ahead and don't act like she's not a replacement. Tell her, "FI & I decided to limit our party to 4. So & so had to back out and I'd be honored to have you as a bridesmaid. I completely understand your decision either way." In that scenario, if she's a real friend, she'll understand. She may do it, she may not.
Posted by rungirl12[/QUOTE]
For some people, friendships matter more than numbers or symmetry. You're not one of those people.
[QUOTE]I understand your situation. I guess I'm not sure why anyone else here doesn't. Some people are set on having even numbers and to others it does not matter. I had a friend that ended up asking another when one backed out and the replacement was flattered and not at all offended. If you felt limited in the first place, you likely had additional people you felt could be in the wedding party. If it's clear to you the one that stands out that you would want to ask, I say go ahead and don't act like she's not a replacement. Tell her, "FI & I decided to limit our party to 4. So & so had to back out and I'd be honored to have you as a bridesmaid. I completely understand your decision either way." In that scenario, if she's a real friend, she'll understand. She may do it, she may not.
Posted by rungirl12[/QUOTE]
Just because the 'replacement' wasn't visibly offended doesn't mean that you didn't offend her. And my guess is that the woman who needed to remove herself was hurt by this as well.