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May 2013 Weddings

solve my dilemmas

Out of town bags-- unnecessary? nice to have? expected? does it change anything if every single guest is from out of town?

Flowers- worth the savings to DIY (simple) centerpieces or worth it to pay the florist and save sanity?

does a grandma's husband who you don't consider your grandpa (grandparents divorced when you were an adult) get recognized in the program? does he get a bout? 

Typical flow of a ceremony? We have a friend marrying us and thus have to come up with our own series of events.

Served dinner or family style by table?

Wine and beer or liquor too? $ isn't a huge concern, ridiculous drunks are a slight concern.

If you're not getting your hair professionally done, are mom's/bm's on their own to find their own hair place if they want theirs professionally done?

Can a rehearsal dinner instead be a big pizza party with all family/guests? Too weird?

I'm just looking for some decisions/input. You don't even have to explain yourself! And feel free to add your own random dilemmas :)
gettin' hitched 05.04.13

Re: solve my dilemmas

  • edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_solve-my-dilemmas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c31d8f18-772f-402e-9879-9ffecf7ed9bcPost:efdbcd6b-be66-4c7c-97df-26a5375a7962">solve my dilemmas</a>:
    [QUOTE]Out of town bags-- unnecessary? nice to have? expected? does it change anything if every single guest is from out of town? 
    <em><strong>If you have the money and time go for it. THey are nice but not a necessity
    </strong></em> Flowers- worth the savings to DIY (simple) centerpieces or worth it to pay the florist and save sanity?<strong>
    <em>Prolly worth the sanity, but once again- does it fit in the budget?</em>
    </strong> does a grandma's husband who you don't consider your grandpa (grandparents divorced when you were an adult) get recognized in the program? does he get a bout?
     <em><strong>If they are married, yes on the bout. No clue on the program, were not doing one.</strong>..</em>
      Typical flow of a ceremony? We have a friend marrying us and thus have to come up with our own series of events.
    <strong><em>Too much to explain- search online for some examples and pick what you like!</em>
    </strong>Served dinner or family style by table?
    Wine and beer or liquor too? $ isn't a huge concern, ridiculous drunks are a slight concern.
    <strong><em>What do your guests exspect? Around us free beer only is common.</em> 
    </strong>If you're not getting your hair professionally done, are mom's/bm's on their own to find their own hair place if they want theirs professionally done?
    <strong><em>Pretty much I guess... We decided to do eachothers.. Why would they have their hair done professinonally if you dont?</em>
    </strong>Can a rehearsal dinner instead be a big pizza party with all family/guests? Too weird?
    <strong><em>Depends on you and your FI. Does it fit your personality?</em>
    </strong>I'm just looking for some decisions/input. You don't even have to explain yourself! And feel free to add your own random dilemmas :)
    Posted by carpenters3[/QUOTE]
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  • Out of town bags-- unnecessary? nice to have? expected? does it change anything if every single guest is from out of town? 
    --I'm not doing them; considering I've never been to an out of town wedding, I never heard of them until TK. 

    Flowers- worth the savings to DIY (simple) centerpieces or worth it to pay the florist and save sanity? 
    --I think this depends on how much you want flowers at your wedding. That was one thing I knew I wanted (real flowers vs fake/real touch) I would say if you have a certain vision, pay someone to do them. Otherwise, be prepared to spend time making all of them. It's really a matter of time vs money

    does a grandma's husband who you don't consider your grandpa (grandparents divorced when you were an adult) get recognized in the program? does he get a bout?  
    --This depends on your relationship with him. I personally would give him a bout since he is family. FI's not close to his dad's side but I did include his dad and his grandfather with the bouts

    Typical flow of a ceremony? We have a friend marrying us and thus have to come up with our own series of events. 
    --google is friend here! There are so many different ways ceremony can be performed.

    Served dinner or family style by table? Wine and beer or liquor too? $ isn't a huge concern, ridiculous drunks are a slight concern. 
    --Depends on style of wedding. I think family style is a bit more casual imo. If drunks are a concern, I would limit the alcohol to just wine and beer.

    If you're not getting your hair professionally done, are mom's/bm's on their own to find their own hair place if they want theirs professionally done? 
    --I am getting my hair done professionally but if I wasn't, I would leave that decision up to BMs. If you require them to get it done, you should pay for it though.

    Can a rehearsal dinner instead be a big pizza party with all family/guests? Too weird?
    --I think we're doing a low key rehersal with just family and WP at FI's house and most likely will just get pizza or takeout for dinner
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_solve-my-dilemmas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c31d8f18-772f-402e-9879-9ffecf7ed9bcPost:efdbcd6b-be66-4c7c-97df-26a5375a7962">solve my dilemmas</a>:
    [QUOTE]Out of town bags-- unnecessary? nice to have? expected? does it change anything if every single guest is from out of town? <div><strong>Not expected, but if they fit into your budget I think they're really nice.  As an OOT guest, I really appreciate a snack, some water, and maybe directions.</strong>
    <div>Flowers- worth the savings to DIY (simple) centerpieces or worth it to pay the florist and save sanity? </div><div><strong>If you can afford it, 100% worth the sanity.  I've known people who did their own flowers and because it has to be done on the day of, it's super complicated.</strong></div><div>does a grandma's husband who you don't consider your grandpa (grandparents divorced when you were an adult) get recognized in the program? does he get a bout?  </div><div><strong>yes about the bout if they are married.  If there is an issue with the grandparents, I would just leave all grandparents out of the program.  Maybe just list people who are walking down the aisle.  If grandparents are walking down the aisle, I'm assuming the husband is too, so he should be included.</strong></div><div>Typical flow of a ceremony? We have a friend marrying us and thus have to come up with our own series of events. </div><div><strong>If you are looking for something simple, a basic ceremony consists of these parts: the asking (this is the "I do" part), vows, and the ring exchange.</strong></div><div>Served dinner or family style by table? </div><div><strong>I happen to love family style- particularly when the servers come around with plates of food and hold it while you serve yourself.</strong></div><div>Wine and beer or liquor too? $ isn't a huge concern, ridiculous drunks are a slight concern.</div><div><strong>If money is not a concern, go for the open bar.  It's expected in both our families and I would only not do it if we couldn't afford it.  People manage to take care of themselves and have a DD when they go out to dinner, a bar, or a club, why can't they do the same at a wedding?</strong></div><div>If you're not getting your hair professionally done, are mom's/bm's on their own to find their own hair place if they want theirs professionally done? </div><div><strong>I'm doing my own hair and makeup.  Can't help with that one.</strong></div><div>Can a rehearsal dinner instead be a big pizza party with all family/guests? Too weird? </div><div><strong>Not weird at all.  We've recently decided to host a rehearsal dinner/welcome party at a room in the hotel.  We're going to have pizza, pasta, a couple other Italian dishes, some salad and snacks.  Very casual.</strong></div><div>I'm just looking for some decisions/input. You don't even have to explain yourself! And feel free to add your own random dilemmas :)
    Posted by carpenters3[/QUOTE]

    </div></div>

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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    ut of town bags-- unnecessary? nice to have? expected? does it change anything if every single guest is from out of town?
    I think they're really nice to have. Usually when we check in at the hotel, we're handed our bag at the front desk. I think these can be done pretty cheaply. Get a couple cases of water, the little packs of Advil, and the bulk snacky stuff from the grocery store. 

    Flowers- worth the savings to DIY (simple) centerpieces or worth it to pay the florist and save sanity?
    We're not having flower centerpieces but only because I didn't want them. We're having lanterns with pillar candles in them. Had I wanted flowers, we would have just had the florist handle it because I don't have a creative bone in my body.  

    does a grandma's husband who you don't consider your grandpa (grandparents divorced when you were an adult) get recognized in the program? does he get a bout? 
    I actually do not know the answer to this.

    Typical flow of a ceremony? We have a friend marrying us and thus have to come up with our own series of events.
    See above (I suck at this stuff). 

    Served dinner or family style by table?
    I think I'd prefer served. 

    Wine and beer or liquor too? $ isn't a huge concern, ridiculous drunks are a slight concern.
    We're having all 3. You should trust your guests to behave properly even with alcohol involved. 

    If you're not getting your hair professionally done, are mom's/bm's on their own to find their own hair place if they want theirs professionally done?
    I think so.

    Can a rehearsal dinner instead be a big pizza party with all family/guests? Too weird?
    I think that'd be really fun!



  • beckyh77beckyh77 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2012
    1)      Out of town bags – never heard of them until TK. We aren’t doing them.
    2)      Flowers – I’m paying the florist to do it. I prefer day of sanity.
    3)      I think technically he should get a bout. Not sure about the program.
    4)      We’re doing ours in a church and will likely generally follow something in one of the hymnals. Vows, ring exchange, reading, soloist, homily.
    5)      We are doing a buffet. I think it would be weird for the server to stand there and hold a plate of food while you scoop yours out.
    6)      Around here cash bars are more common. However we are providing a couple kegs (which will last longer than the cocktail hour) and also wine during cocktail hour. Guests can pay for mixed drinks. We have the option to not allow shots. Our venue also requires a police officer to be on duty if we are serving alcohol so I am hoping things won’t get out of hand.
    7)      I am having my hair done at a salon. I made appointments for all the girls because they expressed interest. I also let them know there is still time to back out or switch from style to updo or vice versa (price difference).
    8)      I think inviting a ton of people to the rehearsal dinner is unnecessary. WP for sure, maybe grandparents or something. My FMIL reserved a banquet room at Green Mill. She wanted something sit-down but not real formal.
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  • We aren't doing out of town bags. I doubt our guests will even notice or expect them.

    I wouldn't recognize someone you don't consider your grandpa on the program but I think you also need to consider if it will cause any family drama.

    I would also say you aren't obligated to pay for bridemaids hair to be professionally done if you aren't having yours done and provided you don't have a specific way you want them to wear their hair.

    As far as the other topics, I'm just not sure.
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  • edited December 2012
    We just had the out of town bags discussion the other night, and I think we're going to do them, but keep them low key.  A simple paper gift bag with 2 bottles of water, a snack and some tylenol or ibuprofen for the morning after the wedding.  We're going with who is in our room blocks and leaving them in the rooms.

    Florist is doing centerpiece flowers, but they will be really simple.  Craft beer bottles with 2 stems of alstromeria.

    Bout - yes.

    Our officiant has an order of service, but we are free to make little changes here and there.

    Buffet dinner.  (we have a lot of guests, it's cheaper and flows better)

    We are hosting a limited number of kegs and 50 bottles of wine, after that it's cash bar.

    I'm paying for a stylist to come to my house to do all the girls' hair.  Since ours is a Sunday, it was hard to find someone willing to do it, especially on a holiday weekend.

    We're doing a picnic/BBQ for our rehearsal dinner, so I don't see why you couldn't make it a pizza party.  It's a good chance to relax and have fun before the stress of the wedding day.
  • Thanks ladies! I needed some confirmation/ideas and you've provided that.

    You've convinced me to pay the florist and give fake gpa a bout (even though I don't want to, I will be nice because you said so).

    I'm still on the fence about OOT bags... I guess we'll just see if I have the time and energy come April.

    And to answer someone's question, I'm not getting my hair done because it's really short (think pixie) so there's no need for professional services. I have no expectation of my girls' hair-- they could show up with a mohawk and I'll love them just the same... plus that would make for some funny pictures :)



    gettin' hitched 05.04.13
  • Just a note on out of town bags - you may want to check with hotel.  The hotels we have room blocks at charge $2 per bag to put them in peoples rooms...or $2 per bag if you want them handed out at front desk during check in.  :(
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