FI and I spent this past weekend in Texas for a friend of his wedding. All I can say for it is that I have learned what not to do from attending their wedding.
Granted the wedding was pretty and the Bride and groom are happily on their way to Hawaii right now, but as a guest...whooo boy what a mess.
For starters, their invitations were soooo poorly addressed. Our invite went to FI's parents house addressed to FI and FI's family. I was not mentioned anywhere. I made FI talk to his buddy to make sure that I was invited because I understood the ettiquette and didn't want to invite myself where I wasn't wanted. I was. even though there was no mention of me on the STD or invite despite the fact that I've met this friend and his fiance and they know that we're engaged. Lesson #1: Address invites properly and specifically. Anyway...
We get to the rehearsal and MOB introduced herself to FI and the other groomsmen, but then as a side-note that she'd noticed someone else standing in the same vicinity, asked who I was. I still don't know the woman's name. Because the conversation was literally, "And who are you?" "I'm Heroes, FI's fiancee." "Oh." Lesson #2: Introduce yourself to everyone that shows up for your rehearsal whether they're part of the ceremony or not, they're still a guest and deserve warmth and grasciousness.
So anyway, after that, they started the rehearsal...without the groom. The groom showed up 20 minutes late to his own rehearsal. Lesson #3: If you know the Groom or any other member of the Bridal party is constantly late places, tell them to be there 30 minutes before they have to be.
I sat awkwardly in the atrium for a while since no one even bothered to ask who I was, if I'd like to come in. Not that they had to, but I seriously felt like a non-person. I eventually went to wait for FI in the car. Lesson #4: see lesson #2
I then drove FI and the groom and the two other groomsmen to the rehearsal dinner. That was pretty decent aside from the fact that the town was poorly laid out and the Groom confused the crap out of me while giving me directions.
When we got there, I recieved the first bit of hospitality I'd gotten so far from the FOG and Groom's grandparents, who introduced themselves and thanked me for coming down. It was nice. So we went into the rehearsal dinner and we were at three separate tables, and I had no idea who anyone else was that wasn't at my own table. I was also the only +1 there. Lesson #5: Make it expressly clear to all invited if they can bring someone else. one of the other Groomsmen had his brother with him, but for not knowing if he could come to the rehearsal dinner or not, his brother made other plans because he didn't know for sure. As it would have happened, anyone could have brought dates...but I was the only one.
After that, I took all the guys to wal-mart (note that I'm only driving because I had a van). FI and I needed to get a few things, so we did and then the guys headed straight for the magic cards. From what we can tell of what happened next, the Groomsmen gift was that the tuxes were paid for (by the groom's dad, not the groom, so not sure if that counts or not) and a deck of Magic cards so they could all play that night...in our hotel room...until 1:00 in the morning. Now granted, this isn't necessarily a bad choice expect for the fact that my FI now has a deck of cards for a game that he NEVER PLAYS. Lesson #6: Make sure that the BP knows they are appreciated and preferably through a gift that does not benefit you. If it had been something that all the guys like, I wouldn't have side-eyed it.
So when the Groom finally gets to our hotel that night to hang out, he brings in the tuxes. They all thought about trying them on, but no one did. Keep in mind that this Tux place is not a national chain and therefore, by this point, only the groom had tried his on. So Saturday morning as FI and I are getting ready to head to the church, we learn that FI's shoes are not with the rest of his tux, so we called the Groom and as it would so happen, not only are FI's shoes missing, but the BM's pants are absurdly short and both FI and the other GM's jackets are far too large. So BM was heading to the tux shop to take care of what they could, and everything else was going to just have to be as it was. Lesson #7: TRY on the stupid tuxes.
Lesson #8: TRY ON THE TUXES!!!
Anyway, so we get to the church at around 1:00 for the 2:00 wedding and aside from MOB and the bride's brother, we are the only ones there. After some tense and somewhat unpleasant exchanges with the MOB, we decide to roll FI's sleeves to make them look a little bit better than they were only to find out that NONE of the BMs had safety pins. Seriously? Not a one of you? I cannot imagine going to such a big event where anything could go wrong without an emergency kit that included Safety pins, extra floral pins, a needle and thread, extra buttons, tide pens, etc. Lesson #9: Pack an emergency kit. Seriously. No safety pins? ugh.
So aside from a wasp sting on one of the GM's hands (at an indoor ceremony), the ceremony was nice for the most part. a couple of almost faux pas from the priest and a misheard cue, it all went pretty well. Well after the ceremony, they're taking pictures and a bunch of our friends who had driven in for the wedding were all just kinda hanging around when the MOB comes over and informs everyone that if their not family, they need to leave. So I'm not sure why everyone HAD to leave right at that instant. but Lesson #10: be gracious to your guests. They've all driven at least a few hours to be here and being scooted from one place to the next with very little civility is not nice.
We get to the reception to find that it is a tiny place. Lesson #11: better a big ghetto space than not enough space. And we also find that they have placed 10 name cards at an 8-top table. Not only that, but they have all the bridal party at one table with no room for plus-ones. I sat across the room from my FI for the vast majority of the night. Lesson #12: have enough seats for everyone. Lesson #13: let couples sit together and accomodate for that.
I mean, all in all it was a nice relaxing weekend, but I mean, all I could think the entire drive back was how different we were going to do things. The Bride and Groom enjoyed themselves and at the end of the day they were married, it was just kind of a sucky event to attend as a guest.
Sorry that got long, but I just thought I'd share.