NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?

marleylikeair · December 2010

Wrkn's post about needing a code has me wondering. I'm curious to hear what you ladies have do say. My BF used to get really uncomfortable if he saw me on TK, even just the message boards. We live together, so it happens. He doesn't seem wigged at all anymore, and says he's made his peace with it. I still think it'd be better if he never saw me on here at all, though. Not because there's any actual problem; just because I like MissOwl's rule that every time you bring up engagement, it delays it a month.

Or, for engageds/marrieds, did your FI/H get weird about it pre-engagment?

Wrkn925 · December 2010

No, BF is backwards.

He thinks its ok to look at dresses and tuxes, and the venue we want, and all that jazz without being engaged. He calls me 'Wifey' and all that other weird stuff.

You guys would eat him alive.

TK has sent me snail mail, and it weirds me out. He gets mad that it makes me feel uncomfortable.

We don't make a lot of sense...

[Deleted User] · December 2010

we kind of share my TK account... only so he can work on the website or access our wedding information. he has access to it but he hardly ever gets on... he can never remember the password!

motoLyn · December 2010

I'm only on TK at work, I know not work productive, but its just when I get off work and get home rarely will I be on the internet. Its like I unplug from the electronic world. So he wouldn't see me on TK period and never knew it existed. Recently I was on, this was after he proposed so he asked me what the site was and what I was doing. I told him its a wedding site and i'm looking at dresses and posting on the board. He said "Oh" and went back to his video game. LoL!

marleylikeair · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:722326fb-c524-4d16-a0bd-473b2ff0e28c">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]No, BF is backwards. He thinks its ok to look at dresses and tuxes, and the venue we want, and all that jazz without being engaged. He calls me 'Wifey' and all that other weird stuff. You guys would eat him alive. TK has sent me snail mail, and it weirds me out. He gets mad that it makes me feel uncomfortable. We don't make a lot of sense...
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

LOL. Funny. I got a couple pieces of snail mail from TK, and I was probably more wigged than he was, too.

coastiegrl25 · December 2010

FI doesn't understand it, but he has always been ok with it. He even helped with the secret santa thing we all did. I told him I am going to be taking a trip to go to a friend's wedding, and he is like which knot girl is it? hhaha

heyimbren · December 2010

I thought he might, but he didn't find it weird at all. I think he finds the idea of message boards at all weirder than a wedding website. After that I showed him some of the posts. I said "no really, we don't talk about wedding stuff here much. It's mainly about food." He just shrugged and said he didn't care, but he wanted to know what kind of recipes I've been saving up. He liked the sound of Ekath's spiked cookies.

GreenPepperBurger · December 2010

BF doesn't care much.

Elle1036 · December 2010

I'm generally not on here when he's around, so he's not faced with it very much.

He'd be fine with it, but I don't rub it in his face either.

jemmini6 · December 2010

I originally told FI (back when he was just BF) that I got on here for my sister's wedding, which was partially true...I looked at the planning type stuff and just lurked on the boards, but I didn't create an account until about 2 months after her wedding. I told him I found a message board for "not engaged yet" and I just liked posting here because the majority wasn't even wedding related at all.

He thought it was a little weird at first, but got used to it pretty quick. I didn't mention it to other people though that I was posting on a wedding website before I was engaged. Not because I thought it was weird, I just didn't want to have to explain it to people.

AudgiePodge · December 2010

No. I talk to him about somethings that are board related. He always says that he has a lot of reading to catch up on, in a teasing manner. He doesn't actually visit TK.

HeartOverMind · December 2010

I'm on TK at work so BF has never seen it. I don't think he would be weird about it...

PaigeMcC · December 2010

When FBD was BF I told him I was joining here to help plan a friend's wedding. ANd we did. And then I found NEY and told him I was joining. He said "Well, at least you'll be entertained at work!" Sometimes now I'll mention "the girls" and he just knows it means you ladies. hahaha

TheMutleys · December 2010

If you hide being on TK or your BF thinks it is weird, you shouldn't be here.

ETA: DH knew I was on TK to help plan my best friend's wedding. I was on NEY for all of a week or two before he proposed, and he knew about that too. We had had many discussions about marriage, knew it was coming, and were in the process of house hunting/moving across the state, so it was not weird.

He knows my UB's by name and knows how we all met. He reguarly asks if Gav's latest loot was sent by one of them. In fact, he knows that we are meeting some in a couple of months and is fully supportive.

deburnin · December 2010

BF was never weirded out by it. I initially joined just so I could see the pictures of the rings, but then managed to find NEY and stuck around. Like Paige, when I say "the girls" or "one of the girls" he knows what I'm talking about. lol

PaigeMcC · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:0eae3d93-0307-47bc-8df8-fc7945f2b130">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you hide being on TK or your BF thinks it is weird, you shouldn't be here.
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

<div>Mutley is wise!</div>

leia1979 · December 2010

He knows I joined when I was a BM. I don't think he ever thought it was weird I was on here, though he would tease me from time to time.

I said, "You have car forums; I have NEY."

marleylikeair · December 2010

Thanks for your perspectives, y'all!

I think BF was weird at first because when I first started going on TK, it truly was a little too early for this stuff. Also, I had a minorly BSC moment (looking a little too seriously, but not actually calling any vendors or anything too nuts) there for a bit when we were getting ready for me to officially move here and right after. I'm not afraid to admit it.

I still don't really want him to see me on here all the time, even though he's okay with it now. Would rather him not think that all I'm thinking about is marriage. Although the more he sees, the more he doesn't care--now that he knows we talk about everything else BUT marriage more often than not.

On another note, why in heck does my username appear as someone else's on my OP? I saw it a couple times before and thought it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. Instead of marleylikeair, it says SheenaNash1. WTF?

Hazel_B · December 2010

I mainly use TK at work. I know BF knows that I joined when I was a MOH but I haven't mentioned it since their wedding. I guess I don't view it as wedding related very much anymore since I'm not looking at the rest of TK content but like the ladies on the message board.

It didn't boither him before, I think he was surprised at how extensive the website was, so I doubt it bothers him now.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

BF knows I like TK a lot. He knows I love the boards even more. He'll ask if there's anything interesting. He has no problem.

mzm153 · December 2010

The reason why he doesn't know about TK is not because I hide from him, but because we don't live together and he keeps me occupied with drinks, movies, talking when he comes over, so I would stay away from the computer even if I didn't go to TK. If we move in together and he caught me using TK, I would just let him know that this is just a forum and that I am not planning anything until after the engagement, which is true.

bsidebella · December 2010

He doesn't like that I share our relationship with "strangers" because they don't "know us". I think that's bullsh*t. I asked would he rather I share with people who know him? He said no, because then it makes him the "bad guy".

I'm on here whether he likes it or not. He really doesn't havea choice. But whenever we have a fight or something he says "Don't post this on your message board!"

Whatever.

jnurse19 · December 2010

Nope.
He knows I get on this board and I'll talk to him about posts on here occasionally and he doesn't care.

MissOwl · December 2010

yay for my rule resurfacing! love it! actually, i f-ing hate that rule but it totally helps me keep my mouth shut.

SeaTea02 · December 2010

BF knows and it annoys him when I would rather chat then pay attention to him

He asks what we are talking about sometimes. I don't think it bothers him at all.

Funny story: BF's twin told their entire family at lunch a few weeks ago that me and his girlfriend are on TK. It was REALLY awkward, particularly because his cousin is engaged.

marleylikeair · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:ddc92585-4c0d-4f65-9932-380e091990dc">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]yay for my rule resurfacing! love it! actually, i f-ing hate that rule but it totally helps me keep my mouth shut.
Posted by MissOwl[/QUOTE]

LOL. Nice.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:0eae3d93-0307-47bc-8df8-fc7945f2b130">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you hide being on TK or your BF thinks it is weird, you shouldn't be here. Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

Mutley, I actually think it depends a lot on the who, the when, and the why. For example, TK and other sites (and the occasional thumbing through a magazine) actually helped me a lot. I knew I was being a little nuts, so instead of repeatedly talking to BF during my little phase of overexcitement awhile back, and continually weirding him out--because we really weren't there yet--I found an outlet and kept myself sane. TK and the like were a good place for me to dream and fantasize during that time. I don't see anything wrong with going through that phase and having a little fun looking. Seriously, it doesn't hurt anyone. (I do agree with the general concensus, though, that it's almost never a good idea to actually dress shop or call/book vendors or venues before you're engaged.)

Now that I've decided not to look too much (I do want to enjoy what I have now and do want planning to be that much more fun and exciting when the time comes), NEY is a fun place to hang with smart, funny gals to talk to--and keep me sane in another way. That is, the long-term, waiting-but-not-obsessing way.

sparkles88 · December 2010

BF is actually okay with me being on this site. BF realizes it's necessary for me to be on TK so I can be well informed. After all, I do want a career in wedding planning. I joined TK when I was planning an engagement party for a couple, then I found NEY and liked it, so I stayed. Mostly I just hang out on this message board now, because I think most of TK is pointless blather. I don't really need to see 300 hairstyles that all look the same. BF also knows I get a lot of interesting info from this board, like amazing recipes!

I feel more awkward about my coworkers seeing me on this site. Even though they know I want to get into wedding planning, I don't want them thinking I'm BSC.

TheMutleys · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:8c2fc40a-b8d5-4716-a513-42bae10f70f2">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK? : Mutley, I actually think it depends a lot on the who, the when, and the why.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

IMHO, I think that none of that matters. Posters can justify it in any way they deem fit but I feel like those justifications don't make them any less BSC.

If you feel the need to 'hide' what you are doing, then you know that it is wrong. And if you continue to do it after your BF gets weirded out by it, then you are not where you thought you were at in your relationship and need to take a step back.

marleylikeair · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:4f3c4f36-7395-4547-a065-699ed643631e">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK? : IMHO, I think that none of that matters. Posters can justify it in any way they deem fit but I feel like those justifications don't make them any less BSC. If you feel the need to 'hide' what you are doing, then you know that it is wrong. And if you continue to do it after your BF gets weirded out by it, then you are not where you thought you were at in your relationship and need to take a step back.
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

Well, in theory, I would agree with you, but I think this is a vast generalization, and IMO, generalizations don't often work. I'm a firm believer that there's more than one way to skin a cat. Everyone is different.

Like I said, I did have a brief period where I was ahead of myself. BF and I talked and got ourselves on the same page. Before that, he did get weirded out, and I did decide not to go on TK around him. That doesn't mean I did something <em>wrong</em>. A gal is allowed to look. There's nothing <em>wrong </em>with going on TK even if you're not on the very brink of a proposal. I didn't take actual steps. I just found ways to keep myself sane while riding the wave of overexcitement brought on by finding the man of my dreams and falling in love.

I read somewhere recently that in a relationship, there's usually one person who's ready to think and/or talk about marriage somewhat sooner than the other. TK just helped me deal with finding myself at that juncture. It gave me something to do with my feelings other than doing or saying totally BSC things. That's all I'm sayin'.

I know you're not talking to me specifically. Just using my own example because it's the one I know best!

nottheonlydreamer44 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:96bf589e-84ca-4474-aa09-b36ddcff5307">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI doesn't understand it, but he has always been ok with it. He even helped with the secret santa thing we all did. I told him I am going to be taking a trip to go to a friend's wedding, and he is like which knot girl is it? hhaha
Posted by coastiegrl25[/QUOTE]

Mike doesn't care and completely supports it. He asks about certain girls all the time and wants to know how they are doing. He also helped with Secret Santa. When I told him that my friend was coming in for the wedding, he said, "which girl from your board is it?"

lol.

coastiegrl25 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_neys-bf-weird-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:10dd60fd-82d0-4541-8890-2eb4bd0693e2Post:acecdd33-68f2-4fcd-83f9-453f0a3003d1">Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK? : Mike doesn't care and completely supports it. He asks about certain girls all the time and wants to know how they are doing. He also helped with Secret Santa. When I told him that my friend was coming in for the wedding, he said, "which girl from your board is it?" lol.
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

That is hilarious. At first he didn't understand how you could actually be friends with people from the internet. "You've never met them" he tells me. After explaining to him how much we all talk, and how we know a lot of each other's problems because we can come here to get un-biased advice, he understood it a lot more. He never had a problem with me on a wedding website even before we got engaged. He knew I was BSC and he accepted it. The only reason he even put a ring on my finger was probably to get me to shut up. Eh, that's ok now I has bling. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

NEYs: Does your BF get weird about TK?

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