Don't like engagement ring!

thesuninherhead · February 2010

Honestly, I too wanted (and got!) a smaller ring, because my fingers are tiny. I pointed out the ring to H before he bought it, but didn't spend much time searching and sometimes I see other rings and wish mine was more like them (one of my friends also has tiny fingers, and she got the most dainty, beautiful setting recently which was just gorgeous and I loved that- then other times, I see bigger more elaborate rings and wonder if I would like those better), but ultimately I think the grass is always greener. Given that you've worn your ring for a fair amount of time now, could you even exchange it? I would be surprised if you could after having it for those few months. I totally understand wanting a small ring (especially with small fingers/hands), but at the same time, I think the grass is always greener and the hurt to your FI isn't worth the gain. Perhaps you can shop around and look for bands that help balance it a little?

Kate0034 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:c8262320-43aa-48ad-b684-26e108362aad">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]Given that you've worn your ring for a fair amount of time now, could you even exchange it? I would be surprised if you could after having it for those few months.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

That's a good point, and no, I really doubt that we could exchange it by this point. Actually, that's kind of the dilemna. My fiance and I talked about the size issue awhile back, and he was honestly fine with the idea of getting me a smaller ring, he just didn't know what to do about it because he didn't think the store would work with us. Since that point, I have dropped the issue because I don't want him to think I hate the ring, and if I got pushy about it I think I'd give off that impression. So yeah, you're probably right.

After you talked about your ring, I checked your bio to see what it looks like and I really like it a lot. At first I didn't want a round stone, but now I'm wondering if that would look better on my finger! I guess you are right about the grass being greener. Thanks for the advice!

BTW, your wedding photography is GORGEOUS!

saschaduran · February 2010

I know it sounds horrible but if I didn't care for me ring it would REALLY bother me. Like if I got a heart shaped or pear shaped diamond I would hate it. I also like very delicate settings and could not wear something bulky.

I also never wear jewelry and I have actually had a hard time gettnig used to it. The stone is bigger than I expected and it always falls to the side of my finger. I don't notice it so much during the day but when I am home I feel like I have to take it off to be comfortable.

Luckily, the cut and design are exactly what I wanted so I am absolutely in love with it.

thesuninherhead · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-like-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2d96a8d-41f7-472f-8794-ac0097cb6cb0Post:46756bc9-e6a6-4948-a0eb-b1efb0702c47">Re: Don't like engagement ring!</a>:
[QUOTE]BTW, your wedding photography is GORGEOUS!
Posted by Kate0034[/QUOTE] Thank you! :) And truly, I think there's always a little bit of curiosity at the idea of other rings, especially when you're still not 100% sure of your own. That said, I think you will grow into your e-ring.. and if not, there are always ways around that (eg. you could get a really pretty band and just wear that most of the time, with the e-ring only for special occasions, or possibly have it altered to be more to your style later, or as I mentioned, try to find a band that balances the e-ring to achieve more of the look you're after). As for my ring, well- thanks for the compliment, although that picture is really rather bad in showing off the ring, but was taken more for the place! It's much prettier with the wedding band I picked. I love the cut of the ring, and the quality of the stone is high, but it's a very stock-standard shape of setting. I have made it a little more 'me' with a pretty, somewhat vintage type band (<a rel="nofollow" href="http://au.bluenile.com/diamond-wedding-ring-platinum_7810">http://au.bluenile.com/diamond-wedding-ring-platinum_7810</a>) that makes it look more my style (not that it isn't my style, but I sort of feel like it's something I liked before I really informed myself on the issue, rather than spending time to choose what I would like now after putting more thought into it).

AlexiaANDRobert · February 2010

First of all, I don't think you're being a brat at all.

I had a similar dilemma but it was before I got the ring. H (then FI) told me his mom offered him her ring. H's father passed away when he was five and the diamond in the ring belongs to his father's side of the family.

I was VERY honored to have it offered to us because H also has two sisters. Anyway, I got a little nervous/anxious because I had NO IDEA what the ring or stone looked like. Like Sascha said, what if it was heart shaped?

I finally gathered the courage and very gently and nicely (I think I said "I'm not being a brat" twenty times in the conversation) that if he didn't mind, I'd like to have input in the setting.

He had no problem with that and was ultimately happy that all the pressure wasn't on him. He wanted to give me the ring as is, and I'm glad he didn't because it was a yellow gold setting and a .75 carat solitaire. I wear a size 7.5 ring so it actually looked tiny on my fingers. The ring he proposed with has the original stone in a pave halo setting and I LOVE it. We had the band custom made to fit the e-ring.

Anyway, the point is, since it's close to what you wanted, I think you could get used to wearing it. If you HATE it (which I know you've said you don't), I really think it's okay to research some jewelers and find out what your options are. They could possibly make you a new setting with the diamonds that are in the original ring. And if they have extra diamonds, they could put them in a band.

Good luck and congratulations on your engagement!

Morfudd · February 2010

I feel like I should share a bit of my experience with this topic. I never, ever, thought I'd change the ring he'd bought for me, because I am very sentimental... but we did, a year and some after he first proposed. It was really hard, and we had a lot of arguments in the process of re-setting the diamond, and he said that going into the jeweler to have a new setting designed for the diamond was "the most humiliating thing [he'd] ever done"... but he also said that he was well and tired of knowing that I was trying, and failing, to make myself like it, and catching me looking at it.

Of course, some women do get used to their rings: I can't tell you if you will or won't, but this was my experience.

It helped that we re-used the same diamond, which comforted me in some of my grief about loosing the sentimental aspects of it. I guess my only real advice is to be as honest as possible with one another about how both of you are feeling about the ring; I think we'd both be pretty bitter if we hadn't been honest with one another about all the emotions that went into the process of exchanging it.

I also recommend going to a good jeweler, who you like, and who has a certain social delicacy. One reason T. was humiliated was that the jeweler went off on, "oh, yes, this is a very bad setting..." etc.

I don't have great pictures of either, but here's a scan of the design/photocopy of the old ring the jeweler made, so you can, I hope, see the nature of the changes (to a more delicate, engraved rather than cast, embelishment on the band):

Hope this helps, and good luck.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

I think that your ring is beautiful. I know exactly how you feel. I have been engaged for a while now and I am still getting used to my engagment ring. Here is an idea. If down the road you still aren"t used to the feeling of the ring you can celebrate an anniversary with a new setting or a new center stone. My mom did something similar and put her stone in my dads wedding ring.
Its just an idea . it will all work out in the end and trust me after a while you will forget that it ever felt bulky...
Best of luck!

rochelesims · October 2013

I feel you I hate my engagement ring too...and the thing is we went ring shopping before he proposed and I saw exactly what I wanted. Then he decided to get something 3 times more expensive and looked 3 times cheaper. It was very plain a 2 carat solitare with a plain band. I wanted something wayyyyy less expensive that way we could save some money and have a fabolous ring. Now I absolutely hate my ring. Everytime I look at it I get pissed. Not a good way to start a relationship.

KeptInStitches · October 2013

Please start a new thread instead of digging up really old threads.

@knotporscha, closure?

GypsyWife_ · October 2013

Dude. You're replying to a three year old thread . Please don't clog up the boards with irrelevant threads. I'm sure who you are replying to isn't even on TK anymore.

crunchymamaof2 · October 2013

rochelesims said:

I feel you I hate my engagement ring too...and the thing is we went ring shopping before he proposed and I saw exactly what I wanted. Then he decided to get something 3 times more expensive and looked 3 times cheaper. It was very plain a 2 carat solitare with a plain band. I wanted something wayyyyy less expensive that way we could save some money and have a fabolous ring. Now I absolutely hate my ring. Everytime I look at it I get pissed. Not a good way to start a relationship.

1. This thread is from 2010. I know when I first joined I mistakenly thought the date under the poster's name was their join date. Its not; it's the date the thread was posted. Something to keep in mind for the future.

2. Those last two sentences make you sound very selfish. It's not the ring you wanted, we get that. You should have had an honest talk with your FI right after receiving it if you truly hated it that much. But to say you get "pissed everytime I look at it" is a bit much. That ring is a symbol of your FI's love for you. He probably spent a lot of time choosing it. Yeah, I'd probably be annoyed if he disregarded everything I had told him I liked but again, you should have been honest right then. Frankly, the fact that you think having a ring you hate due to it being too expensive and big is a bad way to start a relationship speaks a lot to your character. He bought you that ring out of love. I'd say that's a pretty damn good way to start the relationship. Stop being materialistic.

WildMagelet · October 2013

rochelesims said:

I feel you I hate my engagement ring too...and the thing is we went ring shopping before he proposed and I saw exactly what I wanted. Then he decided to get something 3 times more expensive and looked 3 times cheaper. It was very plain a 2 carat solitare with a plain band. I wanted something wayyyyy less expensive that way we could save some money and have a fabolous ring. Now I absolutely hate my ring. Everytime I look at it I get pissed. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Wow. I hope that's not your real name you're using as your username. It would suck if your fiance were to find this post via google.

grumbledore · October 2013

rochelesims said:

I feel you I hate my engagement ring too...and the thing is we went ring shopping before he proposed and I saw exactly what I wanted. Then he decided to get something 3 times more expensive and looked 3 times cheaper. It was very plain a 2 carat solitare with a plain band. I wanted something wayyyyy less expensive that way we could save some money and have a fabolous ring. Now I absolutely hate my ring. Everytime I look at it I get pissed. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Please, dredge up a three and a half year old thread to be a brat.

Don't like engagement ring!

Re: Don't like engagement ring!

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