Sick parents

thedivav · May 2012

Has any one had to deal with an ill parent who you know won't get any better?
I love my dad but I am not down I am happy to be planning my day, sad that he might not be there though
Is something wrong that I don't feel worse?
TIA

MrsSmith2Be02 · May 2012

No there isn't anything wrong with that. You can pray for the best, but enjoy the time that he is here and you never know what God can and will do for you and your family.

thedivav · May 2012

Thanks I am feeling bad that I dont feel worse if that makes sense I do heart this board you all have been a great help

MissusD1116 · May 2012

God bless you and your dad...you may have just prepared yourself for what may be is all. Especially if he has been ill for a while.

lcroster · May 2012

Nothing wrong with not feeling bad. You are just taking it all in. Like

MrsSmith2Be02 said just enjoy the time you have with him.

MrsSmith2Be02 · May 2012

You're welcome dear. Remember that God knows all and He sees all. He knows our end before our beginning. Cast your cares on Him and believe you me, He never wants us to worry or feel any burden. Continue to live a happy life and show your dad the happiness you have in your heart. That is all he would want for you anyway. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy to know that you're sad because of any illness. He just would want the best for his baby girl. I know that's how my dad would have been.

thedivav · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:d6614955-ee9a-457c-8084-5d6ae8973559">Re: Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]God bless you and your dad...you may have just prepared yourself for what may be is all. Especially if he has been ill for a while.
Posted by MissusD1116[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>we found out April 1, 2012 he has stage 4 cancer</div><div>hes not dealing with the chemo too good :( </div><div>
</div><div>thanks :)

</div>

thedivav · May 2012

Thanks Mrs Smith

will do

Yolie1098 · May 2012

Has your father been in your life? Are you close?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:b62c677d-bfe3-4b7b-ae50-8dd2bcfb4de0">Re: Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sick parents : we found out April 1, 2012 he has stage 4 cancer hes not dealing with the chemo too good :( thanks :)
Posted by thedivav[/QUOTE]

wenj · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:b9569d50-e81f-4191-99ae-b6d43fbff1d3">Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]Has any one had to deal with an ill parent who you know won't get any better? I love my dad but I am not down I am happy to be planning my day, sad that he might not be there though Is something wrong that I don't feel worse? TIA
Posted by thedivav[/QUOTE]

Yes there is something wrong. I understand that this is a happy time for you, but to not feel bad. Do you have any feelings? My father has already passed and I did not have any advanced notice of his passing and when my day comes it is going to hurt like hell that he is not here to walk me down the aisle. I cry when I think of him not being able to join us on our day. Are you really this wrapped up in your life that his life does not matter?

rowenac82 · May 2012

My situation is different in that my dad has Alzheimer's so I know that he will be there but 'not really" if you know what I mean. I feel guilty at times bringing up wedding stuff with my mom because I know she has lots to deal with on a day to day basis and sometimes feel that my wedding is "not that important" in light of everything else going on in the family. I actually wanted to not have a big wedding because of everything but my mom insisted that getting married is something you do only once so despite the circumstances, I need to have the wedding I will look back at and be happy about the way everything turned out. So it's ok not to be down, you have to enjoy EVERYTHING about this process. The day goes by quickly so enjoying all the planning is something you have to do as well. Just stay prayerful!

joneka · May 2012

Dang wanj...slow your roll maam....you werent prepared for your situation...she has time to come to grips with the inevitable...we found out in december that my mom had throat cancer...january she began chemo and radiation..during that time my mom was hospitalized for three weeks, I took off work and stayed at the hospital in the room with her..while i was there i continued to do wedding stuff on my laptop and cellphone...your life wont stop..will it slow down..maybe, but enjoy the time you have with him..people deal with truama differently..that chemo is rough I can definitely sympathize with you..your family will be in my prayers

thedivav · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:4dd2b974-9e52-46eb-a094-bb30080e652f">Re: Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]Has your father been in your life? Are you close? In Response to Re: Sick parents :
Posted by Yolie1098[/QUOTE]

Yes I a daddy's girl
I am also the eldest child and only girl

thedivav · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:071079bb-caa1-43c9-8abb-fd9a9bac8085">Re: Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Sick parents : Yes there is something wrong. I understand that this is a happy time for you, but to not feel bad. Do you have any feelings? My father has already passed and I did not have any advanced notice of his passing and when my day comes it is going to hurt like hell that he is not here to walk me down the aisle. I cry when I think of him not being able to join us on our day. Are you really this wrapped up in your life that his life does not matter?
Posted by wenj[/QUOTE]

Reading is fundamental

MissusD1116 · May 2012

Yes, wenj, you are kinda on one with that comment. As always, we don't know everyone's story. Posting our feelings on this board is for uplifting and support not to tear each other down. I think you missed the message here. AGAIN the diva, may GOD bless you and your family in this time of need.

wenj · May 2012

She asked a question, and I gave her MY answer. I understand that we all deal with issues in a different way. Of course I will pray for her family, but again, it was MY opinion.

thedivav · May 2012

Thanks for the support ladies

MrsSmith2Be02 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:071079bb-caa1-43c9-8abb-fd9a9bac8085">Re: Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Sick parents : Yes there is something wrong. I understand that this is a happy time for you, but to not feel bad. Do you have any feelings? My father has already passed and I did not have any advanced notice of his passing and when my day comes it is going to hurt like hell that he is not here to walk me down the aisle. I cry when I think of him not being able to join us on our day.<strong> Are you really this wrapped up in your life that his life does not matter?</strong>
Posted by wenj[/QUOTE]

I don't think this is necessarily the case and this is just my opinion, but my father passed in Sept and I, like you, didn't have any advanced notice either. Some people deal with life situations differently. I am an only child (biologically) and my son who is 5 asks me daily about "Papa" because that was his AceBoonCoon. I don't cry when I think about my dad. Day of it will probably be very hurtful and hard to deal with because he had talked about walking me down the aisle, etc and then to not experience his only daughter get married... BUT to ask her if she has any feelings and could be wrapped up in her own life is a bit harsh....to me. She never stated that his life does not matter. She did say that she is sad that he may not be able to share in other life familiar joys with her (if I interpreted it right).

I think I have lots of feelings, but some people just aren't emotional to be "Whoa is me, oh no, what are we gonna do," Falling over snot and tears over everything. Yes, be sad, but don't dwell on the sadness. Be happy for the current joys of life! If you wrap yourself up in sadness you will MISS OUT on the good things that life has to bring. Just my 2 cents.

wenj · May 2012

DivaV Enjoy your day and I pray that it is all that you wish for it to be for you and your future husband.

missowens · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:b9569d50-e81f-4191-99ae-b6d43fbff1d3">Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]Has any one had to deal with an ill parent who you know won't get any better? I love my dad but I am not down I am happy to be planning my day, sad that he might not be there though Is something wrong that I don't feel worse? TIA
Posted by thedivav[/QUOTE]

So sorry to hear about your father, I haven't had to experience this personally but I can imagine it's not easy. You might be somewhat like me, whereas I tend to think positive about situations that might be depressing, so therefore I don't feel upset or down which allows me to continue on with life. But at the same time it's always on the "back burner", if you know what I mean. Like PP stated, you never know what miracles God can produce, I'll be sending prayers your way :) Keep us posted on his condition.

mejai1 · May 2012

Hi thediva,

I am sorry that your father is ill, and I understand. Both FI and I will be getting married without our parents.

I remember that after my father died (more than 7 years ago), I used to say, "the pain of the loss decreases over time and then I feel guilty about the pain decreasing." I totally understand that feeling.

No one reacts the same way to things, so I don't know that anyone here can say that your feelings are right or wrong. It may be that you feel this way because you have had a WONDERFUL life with your father, you're not afraid of death and in any and all cases, even though you'll miss him whenever he passes, you will be able to feel the joy that he is no longer in pain and he's in the presence of the Lord.

I don't think that anything is wrong. You might be surprised though that you have a rollercoaster of emotions (for a variety of reasons) throughout all of this.

Hugs!

island07b2b · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sick-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:c0f15b87-bfa0-45ca-8ac3-46100d439687Post:b9569d50-e81f-4191-99ae-b6d43fbff1d3">Sick parents</a>:
[QUOTE]Has any one had to deal with an ill parent who you know won't get any better? I love my dad but I am not down I am happy to be planning my day, sad that he might not be there though Is something wrong that I don't feel worse? TIA
Posted by thedivav[/QUOTE]

That's my situation too. My Dad has basically been bedridden for the last year or so. The plan is to get a transport for him and have a wheelchair for him for the wedding. However, I know that he won't be able to stay long. I know it hurts him to know that he won't be walking me down the aisle or having a father/daughter dance with me. I am bummed out about it but I also know that unless God has other plans, that is the way it is going to be. I am resigned with that knowledge.

I am sure your feelings will come out about your Father as you near your wedding day and/or on the day itself. Right now you have every right to be happy about planning your day. It is, of course, a joyous occasion afterall and your Dad would want you to be happy.

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