Money talk

littlepixie2105 · May 2010

So is anyone else having a problem with other people with how much your spending on the wedding? like your parents and such thinking that it costs to much for one day. I recently came back home to Michigan for a visit and talk of our wedding came up at a family function and I told some of my family some of the details about the wedding and they were shocked that we are planning on spendings so much on it. But you only get married once and this is really important to me. Plus I didnt think we were being unreasonable about how much we were spending. We are paying for the majority of it anyways so why do they care so much? Idk just irked me a little. So now I dont plan on telling them anything about the wedding because they will just ruin the fun of it. Kinda stinks, but oh well, I will just have to share things with you knotties!

boogerbearoriginal · May 2010

We didn't share the costs of things with our family/friends so I didn't encounter that. IMO it is our business what we're spending and it seems a little odd to me that you told people what things cost.

But I agree, if you are paying for it who cares if you're spending $2 million - its your money. Perhaps in the future you could share a little less about the financial aspects of the planning and more about the pretty flowers or yummy cake tastings?

Knottie1435582995 · May 2010

I never told a single person how much anything at me wedding cost. Only exception: a friend asked how much my wedding dress was and I gave her a ballpark figure.

Telling ANYONE what you are spending is only going to ask for trouble.

But, I do agree. No one should say anything if you are spending your own money on your wedding. It's your business, not their. But, keep it your business by not sharing money figures.

Melgor78 · May 2010

It's best not to tell family how much your spending especially if your paying for it. I only told my parents about the venue because we didin't think it would be in our budget so what did it matter but we ending up going with it so they knew what it was and I'm SO MAD that she told my aunt and grandma how much it was. So I'm pretty sure they told the whole family. My mom is very forceful and gets an attitude if I won't tell her how much something cost than gets on me for how much it cost. They don't seem to understand that things are expensive and I'm going the cheap route.

mordacious · May 2010

I've never specifically told my mother how much we are spending and she said we were spending too much! I guess she figured if it's more than a JOP ceremony and a backyard bash that it's more than she spent.

I don't have any problem telling strangers though, especially anyone here (hell, my entire budget is in my blog). I don't know why some people are so hush hush about how much their photographer or florist cost them. It's a personal choice I guess, I'm just not very secretive about money. Maybe if I had more money I would be!

ejay · May 2010

I've run into people that have asked me about our wedding costs as well. In the beginning I did a lot of research to come up with what a 'standard' cost of weddings today would be and then worked really hard to come in slightly below. In the beginning I told a lot of people our budget, and now especially since things are just a few days away I get a lot of questions from my dad, (who's not paying, btw) just curiously asking how much was that, how much is this.. sometimes I tell him and sometimes I don't. I guess it's up to you if you want to tell other people how much you are spending, and you can use some discretion and share if you feel its appropriate.

The one thing you should remember this early in your planning is that people will have opinions on everything, not just the budget, but every single detail. Your in the same boat as me it sounds like, you and your FI covering the cost of the wedding, so just remember that you don't technically have to answer to anyone but yourselves. Eventually you'll just get into the swing of things of not asking for opinions, and just making decisions on your own! GL.

Julz629 · May 2010

I've never explicitly told people how much everything will cost -- with the exception of our parents as they are helping us out financially. However, I have discussed costs of specific vendors, elements, etc. For example, I feel like I am paying on the higher end for my photographer and I was having a discussion with a coworker where we talked about what we each were paying and what we got with it. If someone asks a question like, "how much did such-and-such cost?" I will probably tell them. If they flat out asked how much the whole day cost, I probably wouldn't cause that seems rude. But I am also not going to family functions and throwing out numbers. Usually when someone asks, its because they have a reason to know.

However, if people were judging me and making comments, I'd just avoid the topic altogether.

boogerbearoriginal · May 2010

Mordacious - I have no problem sharing those figures with people on here because its actually helpful for them to know, but my friends/family not so much and really no one ever asked.

mordacious · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_money-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:7fc8fd3f-167a-40cd-9ca8-ed1ea6c5b4d6Post:bf01f024-1ec0-4e41-8f1e-5fb4f967c470">Re: Money talk</a>:
[QUOTE]Mordacious - I have no problem sharing those figures with people on here because its actually helpful for them to know, but my friends/family not so much and really no one ever asked.
Posted by Booger+Bear[/QUOTE]

Agreed. 99% of the people that visit my blog are from here, I don't tell my friends or family about my blog. It think it's pretty helpful to look at other peoples budget (wedding or otherwise) and I wish we had a few complete (and real!) wedding budgets to look at before we started planning. I would never ask someone how much their entire day cost them because it isn't specific but it would have been nice to know ;)

Melgor78 · May 2010

I don't mind tell ppl but it depends on their reason for knowing. If there asking to compare or get an idea of what a vendor would run than that's fine but I know some ppl (like my family ) ask because they want to brag or make comments about it that are negative.

littlepixie2105 · May 2010

They asked me and i didnt give them specific number just a ball park figure of what the over all wedding might cost. Then like some PP said they all threw in thier opinions of how i should do it, which I didnt like either since they kept pushing their ideas after i told them i didnt want to do that. Thanks everyone reading ur posts made me feel a bit better

LindsayTiz · May 2010

I agree with pp.
Often, I don't mind telling my parents how much things cost. They're givng us a lot of money for the wedding, and they don't really make to many comments about us spending too much, etc. However when it comes to FI's family, I try not to say anything. No matter what, FMIL tells me I'm paying too much for things....she even told me I spend too much on the cake---which is $1/person! REALLY?!?!

Since it's your money, you spend it however you and FI feel comfortable. If you want to spend $100 or $100,000 on you wedding, it's up to you!

boogerbearoriginal · May 2010

Yea I hate the pushy people who think that this is how you should do x and anything else is wrong. I'd definitely be very vague about everything since it sounds like money or not they are going to give you their opinion!

ms nobody · May 2010

i told people a few things when they asked directly (meal cost). which was like... two friends and my boss. they were just curious. one is a BM, and doesnt really know anything about weddings because she's never had one- so sometimes she'll say "well why arent you doing XYZ like your mother wants" and i have to then explain how much money i 'm spending on everything else and she goes "oh wow." lol

i dont really care about people asking, but i do try to speak in generalities most times.

cmkuno · May 2010

When my mom and dad got married, they had their reception in my grandparents' garage. And my mom made her own wedding dress. So by comparison, EVERYTHING I'm doing looks extravagant to her, even though we don't get into specifics about how much things cost. And yes, I have to hear about what a waste of money this wedding is all. the. time.

But there's nothing I can do to change her mind, so I'm over it. She's entitled to her opinion, but at the end of the day, It's my money (I'm not getting one cent from her, which is totally fine by me), so I can spend it however I want to! But I totally feel you, it is annoying.

culbycheese · May 2010

It's amazing how bold people get in expressing their opinions about your wedding. My grandma & uncle chipped in for our reception, and if I heard "don't be cheap" one more time I was going to poke someone's eye out.

I have no problem sharing details here, because other people are going through the same experience, and like Erin said it's helpful to share, but I stopped telling my family anything, because I didn't want to hear what other people thought I should be doing or how much money I was wasting (I felt like I was wasting money on my own!).

It's fine to share what you are doing with the curious, I just wouldn't offer up any dollar amounts if people ask. The incredibly nosy will just go look the vendor up on the internet (ahem, my mother) and still offer their opinion, but you can just say that you are sticking to a budget, and you appreciate the input/concern/advice/whatever, but that it is a decision you and your FI are comfortable with.

And don't let anyone make you feel bad or second-guess yourself!!!!! Been there, wish I hadn't done that!

Gwenwhyfare · May 2010

Ditto Carolyn. My parents wedding was basically paid for by favors that were owed to my Dad for the work he did (he was a contractor). So anything we do is going to seem really expensive to my Mom.

As far as money talk goes, I refuse to discuss money with either of our parents if someone else is helping pay for that item other than us (i.e. the Reception hall is being paid for by FI's family). We haven't had too much trouble with anyone asking exactly how much things costs, but it has been brought up. I usually just try and be as non-specific as possible which has worked so far.

Sue-n-Kevin · May 2010

My house is full of DIY stuff, vases, votives, floor length curtains I'm making into table runners, cheap shepherd's hooks, cheap metal luminaries, it just goes on and on.

When my Mom or friends come over I tell them how much these things WOULD cost, and how cheaply I got them. They think I'm a shopping superstar, LOL.

littlepixie2105 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_money-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:7fc8fd3f-167a-40cd-9ca8-ed1ea6c5b4d6Post:609e06cd-1bec-40e2-b8f1-6121e09e2720">Re: Money talk</a>:
[QUOTE]When my mom and dad got married, they had their reception in my grandparents' garage. And my mom made her own wedding dress. So by comparison, EVERYTHING I'm doing looks extravagant to her, even though we don't get into specifics about how much things cost. And yes, I have to hear about what a waste of money this wedding is all. the. time. But there's nothing I can do to change her mind, so I'm over it. She's entitled to her opinion, but at the end of the day, It's my money (I'm not getting one cent from her, which is totally fine by me), so I can spend it however I want to! But I totally feel you, it is annoying.
Posted by cmkuno[/QUOTE]

Its the same way with me. My mom didnt even pick out her own wedding dress because she didnt care about the details of the wedding she just wanted to get married. So both my parents see it as a waste because neither of them really cared about the details of the wedding. Im all about the details! ;)

elimey625 · May 2010

My parents are funding the majority of the wedding (which we are VERY appreciative of) so they know what everything costs, but other than that we haven't shared much, because as PP said it's not anyone else's business. But I'm happy to share with fellow brides to be because it's useful info!

culbycheese · May 2010

Actually, I would let anyone who asks know what it costs per plate if they are invited. Better they know in advance what they need to pony up in the card. LOL

I keed, I keed.... Sort of.

queenfm85 · May 2010

My favorite is people who aren't contributing at all asking us why we're not getting married someplace "nicer". Uhm, excuse me?! I happen to like our unique venue decision and if you're that unhappy about it, you don't have to come!

I find it funny talking to older relatives because my mom told me she had like 300+ guests and it was only like $5000. Yeah, back in 1983!!

Oh how I LOVE the older generation

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