Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Sorry, but if I buy a shower gift, I want the bride to actually acknowledge that fact by opening the gift so we can ooh and ahh over it. The clear cellophane or not opening a gift implies you don't care or don't have time to respect that fact that I bought you something. That's the point of a shower. Have a tea, luncheon, or some other kind of party if you don't want to open gifts. People who go to a shower expect gift opening. They won't say, "Can you BELIEVE how boring that was? She opened all the gifts! That took, like, twenty minutes!"

Sing2phins · March 2010

I dig the no wrapping paper (or cellophane - what is the point of that?) idea, myself, but if you're not into that, I think you need to open your gifts while your guests are there. It's just not that big a deal. Try to keep things moving while being sincere in your thanks to each person.

Also, I love the idea of writing the gift on the back of the card - I'd always seen the notebook list, which ends up with a lot of "Who gave that? Where did that come from?", but at a baby shower I threw recently, a friend took the reins and did the card thing, and it made things so much smoother!

natandbri · March 2010

I love the idea of not opening the gifts. I went to two showers where the bride didn't open her gifts and it was great. Nobody seemed to care...I know i didn't

banana468 · March 2010

Paper is a renewable resource.

It's laughable that you'll call yourself "green" because you (or the shower hostess) has invited multiple people to an event where they're polluting the environment to attend but the ONE thing that's actually a renewable resource is what you're saying they shouldn't use? I don't buy it.

Have fewer people and recycle the gift wrap. You'll be recycling, guests won't be polluting and you'll have more time to hang out with them.

Problems solved all around.

And talking about a pregnant woman's nerves??

HisCB · March 2010

i think that point of a shower is to shower the guest of honor with love, attention and support of her special event, not gifts. andi am surprised that i am in the minority of that opinion. That being said, people chose to celebrate and show that love with gifts. as i dont really care about any of the gifts besides the one i brought, i would be disappointed if mine wasnt opened so i can see how she liked it.
i also wonder what will everyone be doing at the OPs shower if no gifts, no games no big food.

as for how to convince your aunt that its important to you to open gifts and thank the givers in person, i would tell her just that.

omgitscasey · March 2010

Ladies.. You have to understand sucrets is preggo. She thinks she has the right to say WHATEVER she wants.

As far as not opening the presents... Since your aunt is hosting I say go with what she wants. If your guests complain, just say, "Hey, shes the host!"

Or you could always go with a "display shower" just putting a bow on the present. Then everyone can browse the gifts while mingling. And it is in face NOT rude to have a display shower.

crimsonlily · March 2010

I am glad to hear others are doing green/eco friendly showers as well. I came up with this idea when we first got engaged, but was worried about how others might feel about it. I agree watching people open gifts is what usually happens at showers, but it doesn't mean that your limited to doing it!

Jamilynn627 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:83f26ca0-ad50-4b81-b809-b4b9389f9777">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: If people don't like watching the bride open gifts (since it's standard) then they SHOULDN'T GO.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

I would love to avoid every shower in the future, but unfortunately, it's just not possible to never go to a shower. I go to them due to family obligations. I think showers suck. I can't stand having to sit through hours of gift opening. I don't see a need to see the bride's reaction. She picked the items out on her registry so I assume she's going to like them. If it's a shower on my in-laws side, the bride also gets scrutinized for "not looking surprised, excited, or grateful enough" by MIL and DH's Aunts. Not a pleasant time.

That said, my WP planned a co-ed luau shower for us, where we didn't open gifts. The event started at 2pm and the last guest left around midnight. People swam in the pool, danced to the DJ, drank, and ate until they were stuffed. Pics in bio. We didn't open gifts and instead opened them the next day. Guests received handwritten thank-yous with photos of us opening their gift, so they got to see the "reaction" to their gift without sitting through us opening all of them. Guests loved the shower and the thank yous... even the old ladies I was concerned would be upset about the departure from tradition. Several people commented that it was the "best shower they ever attended." Yeah, I know, no one tells the couple when they have a bad time, but I know at least the 7 people (2 friends and 5 family members) who copied the idea weren't lying...

So I say go for it. Just find a way to make sure you appropriately thank your guests for their attendance and gifts.

shoegal715 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:a9418b2e-b3d1-43b3-8e39-839439c5cbfe">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Ladies.. You have to understand sucrets is preggo. She thinks she has the right to say WHATEVER she wants.</strong> As far as not opening the presents... Since your aunt is hosting I say go with what she wants. If your guests complain, just say, "Hey, shes the host!" Or you could always go with a "display shower" just putting a bow on the present. Then everyone can browse the gifts while mingling. And it is in face NOT rude to have a display shower.
Posted by omgitscasey[/QUOTE]

<div>My problem is not with WHAT she is saying, but HOW she is saying it. </div><div>
</div><div>Uncalled for.</div>

btrflykate1230 · March 2010

I'm with Sucrets on the clear cellophane. You should be psyched to receive a gift, not demand how it is wrapped. Ridiculous.

I would expect to see a bride open my gift at a shower. I love seeing a person's face when they open a gift from me. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and if I didn't see it, I would really feel like I was missing out. Even if she did send a thank you card, the oohing and ahhing you get in person just isn't the same.

sweetviolet · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:247f868f-2f45-4041-a547-0f165693ff7c">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower? : My problem is not with WHAT she is saying, but HOW she is saying it. Uncalled for.
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]

You do realize that you posted this on the Snarky Brides board? And, according to good ol' Merriam-Webster, the definition of snarky is, "crochety, snappish, sarcastic, impertinent, or irreverent in tone and manner." Which is what you got. If you didn't want this type of response, perhaps you should have found a different board on which to post your question.

lealfrantz · March 2010

I do think that it could come off as a little rude. Especially, for traditional people. I know it seems long and boring, but you only do this once. You might as well do it to avoid any drama or hurt feelings. If you think this will be a problem with your aunt explain to your aunt that you are afraid of that.

sucrets4 · March 2010

Oh, ffs, don't post on the Snarky Brides board and expect sugar and spice.

ELLIOJA - since you decided it was appropriate to assume that my response was based on my pregnancy (which is entirely untrue and perpetuates a stereotype that needs to be broken), I'll stoop to your level and let you know that if you don't have a basic grasp on the English language, then maybe you shouldn't be posting online.

you're = you are
there =/= their
's = possession

Now go ahead and tell me that this isn't English class and that I'm ridiculous for bringing it up, but when you're (see that? you are) communicating only with text, it's important that you are conveying the correct meaning of the words. It helps you not to look like an uneducated moron, plus it helps people to be able to comprehend what you are trying to say.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A shower is to shower the bride with gifts. Host a luncheon or something else, but don't call it a shower if you don't want guests to assume it's going to be the traditional event. That's all I'm saying, sheesh.

MindyTorres123 · March 2010

Well, people might not find it rude--but they might find it dissappointing. I know I always like to see my gift opened at a shower. I agree that if there is plenty of food, drink and interesting people to talk to, then the "opening the gifts portion" of the shower can be fun.

OR You could let your guests decide. At the beginning of the shower, fess up and say that you're unsure about what to do--open then or open later. Take an informal poll and go from there. Maybe you can go with the majority, or open only those to whom it makes a difference.

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

Well, I'm not pregnant, so you'll have to find some other misinformed "reason" for me agreeing with Sucrets's advice. She may be blunt, but she's honest and totally spot on regarding this issue. And how quickly people are ready to jump to speculating about someone's life and "personal problems" just because you don't agree with what she said. That makes you look MUCH less rude than her, let me tell you.

I like how the OP's estimate of how many boring presents she would have to open went from 100-150 to 30. Now that sounds more realistic. Have you ever thought about just opening the gifts from the guests who attend the shower if you're that worried about the quantity and time?

SarahSmile23 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:0de72a25-8681-4def-ad8e-e11068461d3b">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>I'm sorry but sucrets4 you're hostility may be due to the pregnancy but do you realize you sound the way you do?</strong>I mean.. seriously! Obviously the bride to be realizes that it will/may seem rude to not open the presents at the shower. The shower is an opportunity for people to gather, chat, and discuss the upcoming wedding, give gifts (and be appreciated for them), and just enjoy being together!!! I think the biggest problem she will face is convincing her misguided, but well meaning, aunt to host a 'normal' shower! IMO, if someone is going to host a shower its is there responsibility to know what the bride would expect and enjoy. It is expected by so many people that there are games, food, fun, presents, and watching the bride to be open presents! I'm thinking someone needs to intervene with the auntie and make her think that the normal things are her idea.. but do it so they have her own personal twist on them. That way the bride gets the shower she expects and the aunt gets the kudo's for a gorgeous and memorable shower!
Posted by ELLIOJA[/QUOTE]
hahahaha. that made my night. i love it when people try to be clever and fail. don't belittle sucrets's (look, possession!) opinion by calling her hormonal just because you disagree with her. that's lame.

anyway, i'm gonna run out to buy a home pregnancy test. i agree with sucrets, so i assume my bc must have failed! :( i don't enjoy bridal shower games. my favorite part is watching the bride open gifts. i've never been to a shower where there were 100 gifts to open. also, the bride has complete control over how quickly the gift-opening process goes. why don't you just plan to open them quickly but graciously?

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

Sarah- clearly I'm pg too. Want to have a joint baby shower where we don't open gifts?

Honestly, it's a shower. You're supposed to open gifts at it. I remember as a little kid going to a b-day party where the kid didn't open the gifts. I was so bummed even at the age of 9 I thought it was weird and tacky.

SarahSmile23 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:a10792c0-f970-4b12-999a-541874104a98">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah- clearly I'm pg too. Want to have a joint baby shower where we don't open gifts? Honestly, it's a shower. You're supposed to open gifts at it. I remember as a little kid going to a b-day party where the kid didn't open the gifts. I was so bummed even at the age of 9 I thought it was weird and tacky.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

awww...please? i'd love to bore our guests with never-ending bridal shower games while we hope they don't notice we're not acknowledging the gifts they were excited to bring to us!

i'm going to quit joking about being pregnant now, so i don't jinx myself. ;)

caseylynne21 · March 2010

i am sorry i enjoy the opening of gifts. and i often put a lot of thought into the gift that i am giving. so for me, to go all the trouble of hunting down a gift that i would think would really be appreciated, i would find it insulting not to have it opened. i have been to showers and enjoy watching the gifts being opened. you can have fun with this. have the guests leave clues about who brought the gift, say 3 clues, and on the back have their name so you know who to send the thank you cards to.

but really the purpose of the shower is gifts. people like to see the look on your face when you open them, you dont open them, well yes i do think that it is a little rude.

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

Oh but Sarah, Dwell studios has the cutest line that has baby elephants. Perfect for your baby

SarahSmile23 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:e7379ae6-8e7d-45c3-a8b1-1239238b9b55">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh but Sarah, Dwell studios has the cutest line that has baby elephants. Perfect for your baby :)
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

well-played. me likey!

caseylynne21 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:273c8e45-c99f-4d96-9ed7-8be39a5f9798">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't belittle sucrets's (look, possession!) opinion by calling her hormonal just because you disagree with her. that's lame. anyway, i'm gonna run out to buy a home pregnancy test. i agree with sucrets, so i assume my bc must have failed!
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]

ditto...
i am sorry but i have only heard that hormonal BS used as it is in this case from insensitive, young boys, if you are going to pick on her for being preggers you may as well say that the rest of the girls who post honest opinions on the SNARKY brides board are having a visit from Aunt Flo. if you don't like the advice don't listen.

LisaLPharmD · March 2010

This is the most hostile board! Isn't there a way to give opinions without sounding so nasty?! Remember, this is a happy time for us!

future-mrs · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:4c612bb2-94e3-4934-8ad6-ddfc120a35f7">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the most hostile board! Isn't there a way to give opinions without sounding so nasty?! Remember, this is a happy time for us!
Posted by LisaLPharmD[/QUOTE]

The name of the board isn't Hostile---it's SNARKY.... definitely doesn't read Puppies & Rainbows though either, nice try, run along now.

Some of TK must be drinking the same water and coming up PG because I agree with Sucrets as well....hmmmm.

OP- If ya had to ask...well, I think ya already knew the answer.

caseylynne21 · March 2010

we are not all made of sugar and spice...and it is sometimes better that way. do all of you live in a disney movie? or just dont understand what the title of this board means?

future-mrs · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:7a09f793-01d6-414c-9cf1-15de20792f4d">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]we are not all made of sugar and spice...and it is sometimes better that way. do all of you live in a disney movie? or just dont understand what the title of this board means?
Posted by caseylynne21[/QUOTE]

Lol @ the disney movie....can I please be in Cinderella where I can have my pretty pretty princess day and everything is P&R?

caseylynne21 · March 2010

as long i as can be sleeping beauty!

[Deleted User] · March 2010

The asshattery that seemed to take over this thread makes me sad. Wait. That's an emotion. I must be pregnant.

2010weddinggal · March 2010

for the op i have one ? if your aunt doesnt want to eat, or do games, or open presents then what is her purpose of a shower cause really those (besides the presents ) are the only reasons why a shower is givin.

kassie411 · March 2010

I would say the best bet would to socialize with everyone and then have a set time for gift opening. (more towards the end of the shower.. maybe when dessert is being served.)

I would feel a bit put off if I brought a gift to a shower and there were no games and no gift opening. I guess I'd feel like I was invited only to provide the bride with a gift.

Some things may be old fashion or viewed as cheezy or inconvienient to people nowdays (writing down who bought what.. putting it away afterwards) but really its fun to watch the bride and people generally still socialize with others around them, it's not like they are all sitting in silence painfully watching you open each layer of wrapping paper... I know you may irritate the more "traditional" people if you don't open gifts.

Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?

Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?

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