Pre-wedding Parties

I don't want a bridal shower...

Sooo, here's my story.  My fiance and I are both in our mid-twenties and both have pretty decent jobs.  We have a lot of the things we need and if something comes up that we need we normally just go out and get it. We both felt kind of silly registering for gifts because there wasn't a whole lot to register for!

That being said, I really do not like to be the center of attention and get anxiety even from the thought of it.  I know I'm going to have to do the big wedding thing, because my fiance's family is HUGE so there is no way around it.  But, because of our lack of really needing anything one would normally get at a shower plus my anxiety issues, I really do not want a bridal shower. 

I am the only daughter in my family, so my mother does not like this idea at all.  Also, I've heard that my future mother-in-law wants to throw me a shower back in her home town, which I am not even willing to consider. 

Is this seriously rude of me, or do I have the option to choose not to have a shower?

Help please!!!

Re: I don't want a bridal shower...

  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You always have the option to decline a shower if one is offered to you, but I would expect some more traditional women in your family to be disappointed by that.

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  • edited December 2011
    I personally find it incredibly silly and pointless to have an engagement party, bridal party and bachelor/bachelorette parties. We are having our wedding and that's it. I have had a few friends say i should have a bridal party but we also don't need all those gifts or attention. We don't want friends and family to have to schedule their lives around all those extra events and we don't have the time or money to arrange all that. Just remember, this is YOUR wedding and you and your fiance ultimately make the decisions.
  • bburianbburian member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand your feeling anxious and reluctant to be in the spotlight as well as not needing extra housewares.  This is your wedding and your personality and preferences are paramount.  

    That being said, marriage brings together not only two people, but also all of the traditions, expectations, preferences, and beliefs of the families of those two people.  I think you are wise to tread carefully and check in with what unintended meanings your shower refusal might bring - especially for your future in-laws.  Do you feel comfortable having a gentle but honest conversation with those who might want you to throw you a shower?  This may be a great opportunity for you to share yourself with your mother-in-law to be and for her to honor who you are.  If you sense that this may be an especially charged area for her, I would suggest that you reconsider.  You will (hopefully) have a long marriage that will require a good working relationship with her.

    Good luck! 
  • SteveandKrisSteveandKris member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Would you be more comfortable with a couples shower - That way the anxiety could be shared by FI and you?
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