Don't 100% Love My Ring

LimeGreenKir · July 2010

Thanks to everyone who repsonded and made me realize what a bitch I really was being, honestly. I've gotten the bitch slap I needed and view my ring as something my FI picked out for me, to show his commitment and love.

emarston1 · July 2010

My guess is that he got the ring he could afford. If it's the "baby" version maybe he realized after you both picked it out that he couldn't afford the ring that you really liked so got the closest thing in his price range.

I would let it go because as you mentioned, money is tight and you didn't get the "extravagent" ring you wanted. You could always upgrade later when money is better.

Jelenny · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:94b97431-a9d2-4ab9-b910-4d8739e1b312">Re: Don't 100% love my ring, help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My guess is that he got the ring he could afford. If it's the "baby" version maybe he realized after you both picked it out that he couldn't afford the ring that you really liked so got the closest thing in his price range. I would let it go because as you mentioned, money is tight and you didn't get the "extravagent" ring you wanted. You could always upgrade later when money is better.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

ditto em...

he definitely gave you want you wanted, just on a smaller scale so he did try to make you happy.

you can alwayss upgrade on an anniversary down the road when money isn't tight

btw - its not the size of the ring that matters

meganyani · July 2010

Agree with other posters. If the style is similar (not something you find horribly ugly), then why does it matter? It's from him! And he got it just for you.

If you need some real bling, why not chip in for a wedding band and get something gaudy/diamondlicious for that?

ps. I'm also from SD...lived there for 20ish years!

loves2shop4shoes · July 2010

I'm in slight disbelief that you asked us whether or not you should "confront" your FI. He's a student working part-time. He gave you the ring he could afford. What are you going to say in this confrontation? "The ring you gave me is too small. It's the baby version of the one we picked out and I DEMAND to know why the hell you didn't just pony up the dough for the REAL THING. So what if it costs every dime you've ever made...I WANT IT!"

Do you realize what a superficial b*tch you sound like? Be happy that he proposed, that he gave you a ring that cost him a lot of money. Be happy that he took the time to find a general style you liked and did his best to emulate that.

mandyjh3 · July 2010

I agree with pp, it's not about the size of the ring it's about this man wanting to spend the rest of his life with you and make that commitment to you. You should be greatful he went out of his way to make sure he got you something similar that he thought you would like and if you really NEED the "extravagant version" then go spend your own money on it. It sounds like he's working his a$$ off to make you happy and all you care about are material things. I think you should confront him and make sure he knows about your expensive taste so he knows what he's getting himself into. I would be thrilled if my boyfriend proposed with any kind of "baby ring" stop being so selfish.

PandaBurr · July 2010

But guuuyyyssss, how could she possibly show off this "baby version" to her friends and family?

redheadfsu · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:94b97431-a9d2-4ab9-b910-4d8739e1b312">Re: Don't 100% love my ring, help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My guess is that he got the ring he could afford. If it's the "baby" version maybe he realized after you both picked it out that he couldn't afford the ring that you really liked so got the closest thing in his price range. I would let it go because as you mentioned, money is tight and you didn't get the "extravagent" ring you wanted. You could always upgrade later when money is better.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

This.

What was the price tag of your dream ring? Was that in his price range? If it was something he could afford, then I can see being annoyed. But, if your dream ring was over his budget & he got a smaller version, what is the problem? Did you want him to go into debt over your ring? See how silly that is?

oceana919 · July 2010

Did you just seriously call a diamond ring that your FI went and purchased for you with his own money and put heart/thought into and proposed marriage to you with a "baby" ring? Seriously?!?

::facepalm::

Your FI is still in school and has a part time job. He bought you a ring he felt you would like, but was in a reasonable price range for him. Would you rather he had gone into massive debt buying you a rock and entered your marriage (which, theoretically, is the most important thing here) on unstable financial ground?

You need to grow up. Big time. If a piece of rock is your biggest priority at this point, you need to re-evaluate your priorities.

Or better yet, let him know how you really feel and give him sufficient time to run.

megk8oz · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:6216fbcf-e1c3-4d61-881e-bceefdf7724f">Don't 100% love my ring, help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been engaged for about a month and now that I've had the ring on my finger for long enough to let it settle in, I'm realizing that I don't 100% love my ring FI and I went E-ring shopping together and found a setting we liked, and came to the conclusion that some day that ring would be on my finger. Fast forward to proposal: ring is a toned-down "baby" version of the ring we picked out. The setting is similar, but not the ring we picked out together. This ring is a low setting, the other one was high off my finger (which I liked). Please give me your honest opinion if you think I should confront my FI about this, or just deal. Part of me likes the ring because he picked it out but part of me can't stop thinking about the extravagant version we saw together. He is still in college so I know money is tight, but I also know the jewler gave him (and everyone in college) a sweet little discount on the ring. He also has a very well paying part time job.
Posted by LimeGreenKir[/QUOTE]

JIC

megk8oz · July 2010

I can't believe you referred to the ring he proposed with as a "baby version" of your preferred "extravagant" ring.

If you get to demand an upgrade on your ring, he gets to demand an upgrade on his fiancée.

jemmini6 · July 2010

agree with PP's. you sound way too concerned with the size of your ring and not the thought your FI put into it. it's one thing to not like the style of a ring, but calling it a "baby" version of your "extravagent" taste is honestly has one of the most selfish, superficial, whiney, unbelievable complaints I have heard. perhaps you should confront him so he can finally see the true you and run while he still has a chance.

kittenmittons · July 2010

Here's a thought: Stop being a selfish princess who focuses more on the material aspects of a wedding instead of your marriage to a (relatively) poor college student who loves you enough to save his PART TIME salary to buy you a ring.

LimeGreenKir · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:b2e302fa-a46e-49ce-ad4d-0b8a26350de8">Re: Don't 100% love my ring, help!</a>:
[QUOTE]agree with PP's. you sound way too concerned with the size of your ring and not the thought your FI put into it. it's one thing to not like the style of a ring, but calling it a "baby" version of your "extravagent" taste is honestly has one of the most selfish, superficial, whiney, unbelievable complaints I have heard. perhaps you should confront him so he can finally see the true you and run while he still has a chance.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Bad choice of words on my part using "baby" and "extravagent" to describe the ring....I realize I sounded superficial, etc etc. The two settings are different styles, not different sizes. I should have been more specific.

future-mrs · July 2010

Please don't delete your original post. It could help future posters.

tpender13 · July 2010

Wait, so was the original post edited? I was confused that she was thanking everyone for b*tch slapping her upside the head, but the responses were still mean...

emarston1 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:5481ecaf-4107-4d04-91d2-76f9e764dc95">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, so was the original post edited? I was confused that she was thanking everyone for b*tch slapping her upside the head, but the responses were still mean...
Posted by tpender13[/QUOTE]
Yes, she changed it after the fact. If you look through the thread, people have quoted the original post (in the blue boxes.)

kerri219 · July 2010

i am by no means materealistic and hopefully ill be happy with whatever my future husband gives me. that beiing said i like what i like and if someone gave me a ring and it wasnt what i had pictured as my ideal ring well can you really call that being a bitch? so if my future husband gives me a half of a half carrot and it cost him lets say 700 dollars im not allowed to say anything? i cant say that i dont like it? and shes not even saying it to him shes asking strangers on the knot. i can def see both sides.

oceana919 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:b54bb640-6fb9-4dfc-a547-0cb2fbd21327">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]i am by no means materealistic and hopefully ill be happy with whatever my future husband gives me. that beiing said i like what i like and if someone gave me a ring and it wasnt what i had pictured as my ideal ring well can you really call that being a bitch? so if my future husband gives me a half of a half carrot and it cost him lets say 700 dollars im not allowed to say anything? i cant say that i dont like it? and shes not even saying it to him shes asking strangers on the knot. i can def see both sides.
Posted by kerri219[/QUOTE]

There's a really simple way to avoid this issue. It's called <em>adult communication. </em>As an <em>adult </em>in an <em>adult relationship</em>, you should be able to sit down and have <em>an adult conversation</em> with your significant other about life issues both important and frivolous. Before getting engaged, my FI and I sat down and talked realistically about what kind of budget we had to work with and what kind of ring I would like. In the end, he picked one out all on his own, according to the general style he knew I liked.

Then again, he could have proposed with a zip tie, and I would have said yes. Because the most important thing <em>is that I want to be his wife</em>, not the wearer of his jewelry store purchase.

Goldlie11 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:b54bb640-6fb9-4dfc-a547-0cb2fbd21327">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]i am by no means materealistic and hopefully ill be happy with whatever my future husband gives me. that beiing said i like what i like and if someone gave me a ring and it wasnt what i had pictured as my ideal ring well can you really call that being a bitch? so if my future husband gives me a half of a half carrot and it cost him lets say 700 dollars im not allowed to say anything? i cant say that i dont like it? and shes not even saying it to him shes asking strangers on the knot. i can def see both sides.
Posted by kerri219[/QUOTE]
An engagement ring is a gift. You should accept it graciously. Beforehand, you and your FI (FF?) should discuss preferences. At the end of the day, it's up to him what to buy. Most men want to get it right, so they take the advice of the woman. The final ring does have to be within his budget. <div>
</div><div>Oh, and it's carat, not carrot.</div>

oceana919 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:4f355091-f5a8-4fc8-a4f4-2b6e0332ebd4">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring : An engagement ring is a gift. You should accept it graciously. Beforehand, you and your FI (FF?) should discuss preferences. At the end of the day, it's up to him what to buy. Most men want to get it right, so they take the advice of the woman. The final ring does have to be within his budget. Oh, and it's carat, not carrot.
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

Lol, I was politely ignoring the sheer amount of spelling errors and gramatical slaughter in her post.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:b54bb640-6fb9-4dfc-a547-0cb2fbd21327">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]i am by no means materealistic and hopefully ill be happy with whatever my future husband gives me. that beiing said i like what i like and if someone gave me a ring and it wasnt what i had pictured as my ideal ring well can you really call that being a bitch? so if my future husband gives me a half of a half carrot and it cost him lets say 700 dollars im not allowed to say anything? i cant say that i dont like it? and shes not even saying it to him shes asking strangers on the knot. i can def see both sides.
Posted by kerri219[/QUOTE]

First of all, go back to school and learn to spell and puncuate sentences properly. And while you're at basic elementary skills, learn some fractions: "a half of a half" is actually a quarter.

And Bugs Bunny gets "carrots." Jewelry is measured in <em>carats</em>.

KD+BC · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:b54bb640-6fb9-4dfc-a547-0cb2fbd21327">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]i am by no means materealistic and hopefully ill be happy with whatever my future husband gives me. that beiing said i like what i like and if someone gave me a ring and it wasnt what i had pictured as my ideal ring well can you really call that being a bitch? so if my future husband gives me a half of a half carrot and it cost him lets say 700 dollars im not allowed to say anything? i cant say that i dont like it? and shes not even saying it to him shes asking strangers on the knot. i can def see both sides.
Posted by kerri219[/QUOTE]

You are allowed to say something if it's not your style but I don't see how the size of the diamond or the price of the ring has anything to do with your style. BTW my ring IS a half carat and FI paid only slightly more than what you say is too little. I'm very happy with my ring but I'm mostly happy that he paid cash for the ring and we will not start our marriage with debt over a piece of jewelry.

LimeGreenKir · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:c443d8c6-992a-4167-b973-01091ebd8bab">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring : You are allowed to say something if it's not your style but I don't see how the size of the diamond or the price of the ring has anything to do with your style. BTW my ring IS a half carat and FI paid only slightly more than what you say is too little. I'm very happy with my ring but I'm mostly happy that he paid cash for the ring and we will not start our marriage with debt over a piece of jewelry.
Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

I worded the post poorly. This was not about diamond size, it was about the setting.

Goldlie11 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:4bae0083-786f-42f6-864d-698e7fcbf208">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring : I worded the post poorly. This was not about diamond size, it was about the setting.
Posted by LimeGreenKir[/QUOTE]
I don't believe you. You're changing your story because of all of the criticism you've received. You're not the first person on TK to post something like this, and you won't be the last. Own up to what you've said and stop DDing. You were quoted, so there is no point anyway.

megk8oz · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:b54bb640-6fb9-4dfc-a547-0cb2fbd21327">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]i am by no means materealistic and hopefully ill be happy with whatever my future husband gives me. that beiing said i like what i like and if someone gave me a ring and it wasnt what i had pictured as my ideal ring well can you really call that being a bitch? <strong>so if my future husband gives me a half of a half carrot and it cost him lets say 700 dollars im not allowed to say anything? i</strong> cant say that i dont like it? and shes not even saying it to him shes asking strangers on the knot. i can def see both sides.
Posted by kerri219[/QUOTE]

If that's all he could afford and he did his best to find something you'd like based on ideas you've given him, then no, you don't get to say anything. And yes, it would make you a materialistice bitch if you did.

Say a woman likes a $50,000 ring and her FI can only afford to spend $1,000. Guy spends the $1,000, but it's a ring that looks similar to the $50,000 ring (Not an exact replica, but similar style, smaller diamond). Woman's upset it's not the $50,000 ring and tells the guy just that. You really want to tell me that the guy would be in the wrong in this scenario? Or that the women would be right? Seriously?

LimeGreenKir · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:cff88937-a353-46f6-9b0a-85fa946d0487">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring : I don't believe you. You're changing your story because of all of the criticism you've received. You're not the first person on TK to post something like this, and you won't be the last. Own up to what you've said and stop DDing. You were quoted, so there is no point anyway.
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

Honesty, regardless of all the criticism the only difference between the two rings is the setting. No more or less diamonds in the first or second. The "baby" ring is a lower setting, and the "extravagent" ring was higher setting. You can think what you would like, but I regret the way I worded things in the original post.

LimeGreenKir · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:54999936-ff5d-443e-b4fa-8bde4fcba477">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]So what was so extravagant about the first setting? Higher = not exactly extravagant. So more diamonds then?
Posted by sunbird627[/QUOTE]

No difference in diamonds. Like I've said before, poor wording on my choice. So even though higher setting doesn't necessarily mean extrvagant to you, I guess it did to me.

redheadfsu · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_dont-100-love-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:5cacd277-4aa7-44fa-b06e-99c6035dc7e7Post:dbc1c172-2b8c-4b0c-b8a7-9031c2dd7a30">Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't 100% Love My Ring : Honesty, regardless of all the criticism the only difference between the two rings is the setting. No more or less diamonds in the first or second. The "baby" ring is a lower setting, and the "extravagent" ring was higher setting. You can think what you would like, but I regret the way I worded things in the original post.
Posted by LimeGreenKir[/QUOTE]

You realize that some settings cost $5,000.00, right? Brand names cost lots.
Even if the first one wasn't a brand name, your actual setting might have been cheaper as it was easier to make.

My first setting was free with my diamond. It was not a brand name & was a thicker easier to make setting. My second setting cost over a thousand, but it wasn't a brand name either. It cost that much because it was thin & hard to make. My second setting actually had smaller diamonds of equal quality.

jemmini6 · July 2010

i must commend you at least for not whining about how we are all being snarky. a lot of people post for "advise", then when it's not what they want to hear, call everyone out on how we are just "being mean".

you must admit though, your original post made you sound like a complete bit** and although i'm not 100% convinced that you just "worded it wrong", hopefully you see that you pretty much deserved every response for the way that post came off.

as for some real advise...if it just isn't the right style of ring you like, you will find many previous posts where the ring has grown on them. it is, afterall, the ring HE picked out to symbolize his love and commitment to you. it may not be the ring you would have picked for yourself, but because he picked it from his heart, you'd be surprised how quickly you can grow to love it after the initial "disappointment" that it wasn't what you pictured wears off. if you still don't love it, then maybe for your 1st anniversary (or 5th, or 10th or whenever the money is available), you can upgrade your sets together.

callalily13 · July 2010

My fiance and I had been together for 5 years before we got engaged (high school sweethearts) and all I wanted was to be engaged to him and be married to him. He was a college student who was working part-time also and had actually just gotten over being in the hospital for months and nearly dying, so he had to work extremely hard to earn money for the ring. He wanted to buy me a ring that was over a carat, even though i repeatedly told him that all i wanted was a simple ring and a proposal. He did not have the money to buy me the ring that he wanted and we had different setting styles so we compromised and got a ring with great clarity and color and a much lower carat, which didnt make him happy because he wanted to give it all to me. I am sure your fiance is the same way and wants to give you everything, but it is just not possible for a college student. I am floored you dont seem to understand that. I would have been happy with a simple band or anything at all, I just wanted to be with him forever and if you cant see past your selfishness then I feel bad for your FI.

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