Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...

Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...

• heyimbren member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  BF and I have discussed a general timeline which spans over a few years. I know when I would prefer for that to happen, so I guess in that sense I have an "imaginary timeline". I have no idea about budget. It would depend on where we are in the timeline probably, because the timeline falls just around the time I have a year or two longer of schooling to just past me starting work.

  Report0 Reply
• Beads921 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I have an imaginary timeline. It's probably majorly wishful thinking though (at least, in part). Parts of it BF knows about (not so imaginary) and parts of it he does not. They key problem with my imaginary timeline is that is has us celebrating our 5th anniversay, getting engaged, and buying a house in the same month. That's a lot for one month, and therefore totally unrealistic. Especially if I don't get a job before graduation like I hope to.
  
  Budget wise though, I have no idea. For any of it. Wedding, house, who knows. I think it's easier to set a budget when you're actually in the situation and know what you have sitting in the bank at that time.
  
  One thing I'm a bit confused about: You seem surprised that your BF wants to look to buy a house in Colorado. Is this something you'd never talked about before? I get that we all have our own secret timelines and stuff, but that's fairly major.

  
  
  Life is good today.

  Report0 Reply
• Hazel_B member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm going with Beads on this one and the budget being easier when you are in the moment. I can straight up say that any work I did on budgets before buying a house or start booking wedding stuff was for nothing. It is ALWAYS more expensive then what you think it'll be, or atleast than I think it will be.  Everytime i think I'm doing okay, buy mid range stuff at a good price, then I add everything up and get a shock...because it really adds up quick!

  
  
  My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Oh- we were totally planning on buying a house together. But I had no idea that he would want to do it before getting married- this prospect is very exciting for me!
  
  In my imaginary timeline- I always thought about getting married and then buying a house. ::shrugs:: Isn't that how it usually happens?

  

  Report0 Reply
• loves2shop4shoes member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  That is exciting.  And I am happy for you.  But I don't think it's wise to buy property with your SO until you say "I do".  I love FI to death, and we're engaged, but I won't buy property with him until he puts a second ring on it.

  
  

  I think you should reconsider.

  My NEW Blog!
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• becunning2 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:e64a29ad-c3a4-4380-8e7e-88cda97d6218">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Timeline: Sooner rather than later Budget: Small That's all I got. :)
  Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
  
  This! :)

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Hehe..."a second ring on it."
  
  I asked him about this- and I thought his point was pretty valid-
  He has way better credit then me. It's true. He has a financial advisor- they've discussed it- and thought it would probably be easier for him to get approved for a loan if they weren't looking at both of our credit histories.
  
  I think it's a pretty good point. No?
  
  Oh- So I guess I should have said...Andrew is buying a house before we get married- and then he will put me on the paperwork afterwards. Does that make more sense?

  

  Report0 Reply
• loves2shop4shoes member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:21c61a3f-d1dd-4816-bee7-7e848ea6bf3a">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hehe..."a second ring on it." I asked him about this- and I thought his point was pretty valid- He has way better credit then me. It's true. He has a financial advisor- they've discussed it- and thought it would probably be easier for him to get approved for a loan if they weren't looking at both of our credit histories. I think it's a pretty good point. No? Oh- So I guess I should have said...Andrew is buying a house before we get married- and then he will put me on the paperwork afterwards. Does that make more sense?
  Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I still don't like it.  Then it'll always be *his* house and not *our* house.  Unless you've recently filed for bankruptcy, it shouldn't be impossible to get a loan together once you're married.  And if, God forbid, you ever got divorced, that house is all his, as a premarital asset, regardless of whether or not you've been paying the mortgage on it.</div><div>
  </div><div>And, it is kind of irksome that he's been talking about this with a financial planner, but not with you.</div>

  My NEW Blog!
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:c0a1261c-bf01-4457-bd4d-a6558ce5fbd7">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea... : I still don't like it.  Then it'll always be *his* house and not *our* house.  Unless you've recently filed for bankruptcy, it shouldn't be impossible to get a loan together once you're married.  And if, God forbid, you ever got divorced, that house is all his, as a <strong>premarital asset,</strong> regardless of whether or not you've been paying the mortgage on it. And, it is kind of irksome that he's been talking about this with a financial planner, but not with you.
  Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
  
  Interesting....I'll have to look into this. Thanks fior the advice!

  

  Report0 Reply
• Wrkn925 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm buying our house with my credit, loan in my name, before we get married.
  
  It works better that way.
  
  ETA: It works better that way for US.

  

  Report0 Reply
• sparkles88 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:e64a29ad-c3a4-4380-8e7e-88cda97d6218">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Timeline: Sooner rather than later Budget: Small That's all I got. :)
  Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
  
  That's kind of my feeling! We don't have any particular time hashed out, and whatever happens, happens. Except mine is more like later rather than sooner. We both think it would be a good idea for BF to get through grad school (or at least quite a bit of it) before an engagement or marriage. We definitely want a small budget when the time comes, because we can't fathom paying so much for a wedding. I would much rather spend $20,000 to put a biitchin' pool in our future backyard. BF agrees that's a better use of money for us.

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Yay! So I'm not the only crazy out there! LOL

  

  Report0 Reply
• Hazel_B member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't know how it works in the US, but in Canada once you are married the house (regardless of who owned it prior to marriage) becomes the marital home and both people have rights to it. It is not the same for people that are common law.
  

  
  
  My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• motoLyn member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm all messed up and going back and forth in my time line.  FI and I got engaged last October, and planned a wedding in June of 2012, so over a year to save for a wedding and let me finish grad school.  I knew that his Dad had given him money towards purchasing a house for us, but I didn't think that we were going to buy one before the wedding.  BUT FI wants to buy one sooner than later.  So now I'm a little stressed out about if I should stick to the wedding budget and go on with planning or change it all together make it small and take the money that was suppose to be towards a DW in Maui and put it towards the house.  I'm seriously conflicted. 

  Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.

   

  Report0 Reply
• cu97tiger member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  My timeline was: engaged by 5/10, married in early 2011. Now it's engaged by end of 2011, married around Feb/March 2012. At least now I truly believe BF's on the same timeline

  
  

  Budget - in my head I'm thinking $15,000. But really, we can't plan too much of that without knowing venue, date, and how many people we're inviting!

  
  

  Regarding house buying, Lunar, you need to do what's right for YOU. Just because other's on TK aren't comfortable with buying a house together before getting married, doesn't mean that should bother you. It would be smart to look at Colorado law so that you know what your rights are, and then go from there. Plus, I'm sure your BF isn't going to buy the house without your input, so it will feel like YOUR house too!

  
  

  My BF owned the house we live in now w/ his ex-wife. They divorced, she relinquished her 'claim' on the house. If/when BF and I get married, it becomes half mine. But that's Arizona, and every state is different.

  

  
  

  

  
  

  My planning bio

  "You are made of win." -SopChick
  Still here and still fabulous!

  Report0 Reply
• DanieKA member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I have an imaginary timeline, but it really only factors in with children. I want to have them/be done before 35 or 36. And I'd like to be married before that. Now whether that's next year or in 4 years, that's up in the air. BF made reference to definitely being engaged by this time next year. I almost couldn't contain myself but I think I played it cool:)

  
  

  As far as budgets, It really depends. My parents have said they'd give us money to quasi elope (going to Vegas or San Francisco City Hall-which is beautiful and amazing and I would totally do that). I say quasi because in that case my and his immediate family would be there. It wouldn't be like we would hop on a plane, last minute with no one but Elvis to witness. 

  
  

  We'd have a nice downpayment for a home and a good base for the beginning of our marriage if we did that. But they and we aren't opposed to a bigger, more traditional wedding here. That changes the imaginary budget considerably. I dunno, the whole thing gives me hives. So I guess the imaginary budget changes as well. Depending on if I'm in the mood to fantasize about a hometown city chic wedding or a jet setter wedding. 

  Report0 Reply
• jorja86 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  TImeline: BF and I both want 3 or 4 children, and we want to be started on that by the time we're 30, and want to be married first, but other than that we don't really have one. I woud like to have some time together without kids, but now that we're moving in, it doesn't matter to me if that is before we're married, or after.
  
  Budget: I have no idea. I know my parents have some money set aside for my wedding, but I don't have a clue how much. BF and I will also start saving for it once we pay off some debt.
  
  BF owns the house that I'll be moving in to. I'll be paying him rent once I move in-the house will remain in his name only until we are married.

  

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:b534f39a-b941-4708-9eb8-d712fc8b1e06">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]TImeline: BF and I both want 3 or 4 children, and we want to be started on that by the time we're 30, and want to be married first, but other than that we don't really have one. I woud like to have some time together without kids, but now that we're moving in, it doesn't matter to me if that is before we're married, or after. Budget: I have no idea. I know my parents have some money set aside for my wedding, but I don't have a clue how much. BF and I will also start saving for it once we pay off some debt. BF owns the house that I'll be moving in to. I'll be paying him rent once I move in-the house will remain in his name only until we are married.
  Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
  
  I hope he takes said rent and starts saving for your engagement ring. ::snickers::

  

  Report0 Reply
• bethsmiles member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  BF and I have stopped making timelines. I think we are too young to realistically plan out the rest of our lives. Every time we decide on a timeline something happens and it changes. This time it was that BF has decided he is going to get his Phd (so excited about this but kinda bummed that it changes our plans again) So for now we are just going to try to get through school and then figure it all out from there.
  
  We know we want at least to two kids and we'd like to buy a house before we have kids. We would like for that to happen before we are 30 but plans change so who knows.
  
  ETA: I forgot about the budget question - my parents have already said they will pay for my wedding. I have no idea how much it will be but I'm happy to take anything they offer.

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• SKP82 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I used to have a timeline, now I don't really know and am trying to not think about it.  I'm thinking the budget will be very small.
  
  As far as the house buying goes - that is so exciting that he's been thinking about it!!  My BF and I bought a house (in his name) in November of 2009.  We had discussions about what would happen in the event of a breakup before doing so.
  
  If we hadn't been living together, he probably would have bought a house anyway (rent being just a little less than a mortgage).  Since we lived together, I got say on the house (50% say).  It is OUR house.  We searched for months together for it.  We picked it out together.  We decided what to offer together.  We decided on the down payment together. Etc, etc, etc.
  
  Like Tiger said, you have to figure out what is right for your relationship and what you feel comfortable with.
  
  

  

  "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:9443819c-b982-431d-928d-780974ab06e0">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]I used to have a timeline, now I don't really know and am trying to not think about it.  I'm thinking the budget will be very small. As far as the house buying goes - that is so exciting that he's been thinking about it!!  My BF and I bought a house (in his name) in November of 2009.  We had discussions about what would happen in the event of a breakup before doing so. If we hadn't been living together, he probably would have bought a house anyway (rent being just a little less than a mortgage).  Since we lived together, I got say on the house (50% say).  It is OUR house.  <strong>We searched for months together for it.  We picked it out together.</strong>  We decided what to offer together.  We decided on the down payment together. Etc, etc, etc. Like Tiger said, you have to figure out what is right for your relationship and what you feel comfortable with.
  Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]
  
  Was it fun? Andrew is SO looking forward to it. He thinks it's going to be a blast.

  

  Report0 Reply
• SKP82 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:e5a1889e-4806-415f-a29c-5870524e13ec">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea... : Was it fun? Andrew is SO looking forward to it. He thinks it's going to be a blast.
  Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
  
  At first it was a lot of fun!  But we were searching for 3 months and it got a bit taxing (and we were needing to find something soon to not renew an apartment lease).  We had a hard time agreeing on certain things.  When we found our house, we both knew it was perfect and put an offer on it right away.

  

  "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg

  Report0 Reply
• CASK85 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  My imaginary timeline is blended with my real life time line:

  
  

  We got engaged in December 2010. 

  Married October 2011

  Finish Grad school by December 2012 (at the very latest, would prefer Summer 2012)

  Move to Colorado immediately following and rent something in/near Denver for a few years

  Buy a house 2014 early in the year

  Get KU after buying a house - I'll be 29 FI will be 29/30. Could wait until 2015 to TCC.

  
  Married Bio
  

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:6f937ad3-8ee3-4119-994d-cf285d41bdc1">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]My imaginary timeline is blended with my real life time line: We got engaged in December 2010.  Married October 2011 Finish Grad school by December 2012 (at the very latest, would prefer Summer 2012) <strong>Move to Colorado immediately following and rent something in/near Denver for a few years</strong> Buy a house 2014 early in the year Get KU after buying a house - I'll be 29 FI will be 29/30. Could wait until 2015 to TCC.
  Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]
  
  ::clap, clap, clap::
  Colorado! Hooray! Why Colorado?

  

  Report0 Reply
• CASK85 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:4dfc50c0-cddf-4c9b-926c-c22f64b5a1fa">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea... : ::clap, clap, clap:: Colorado! Hooray! Why Colorado?
  Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
  lol   --  I feel like we've talked about this before. <div>
  </div><div>FI is from the Denver area originally. We want to live there because we love the mountains and his family is all there. My family is in rural upstate NY, so there isn't much to do in terms of jobs there for us. I'm going to convince my mom to move out once we have grand-babies for her to play with. </div>

  
  Married Bio
  

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  We probably have. This time I'll Remember! LOL! I want to collect as many knotties in Colorado as possible! Hehe...
  
  I secretly want to live in Boulder...but I dont think Andrew has any interest. I'm looking forward to checking out Black Forest. He's said something about that too. His parents place is very "front range." I want to be in the trees!

  

  Report0 Reply
• peekaboo2011 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Timeline:  It was engaged by 5/11, married by 2013, kids still a nebulus.  Then, we got engaged 3/11, and were talking about marriage in 2013/2014, giving me time to get my masters and us to save moneys for the wedding.  And then all that just got shot to hell when the words "I don't know if I'm going to grad school this year" came out of my mouth.  So, who the hell knows.

  
  

  Budget: Again, who the hell knows?  $15,000?

  
  

  I feel like my entire life can be characterized right now by that phrase "Who the hell knows?"  But no, no dirty little secrets here.  That all disappeared when we got engaged and my inner BSC was allowed to start playing

  I french with my man
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• lunarsongbird member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_another-reason-imaginary-timelines-pretend-budgets-arent-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f1ee1d60-e778-4df0-85f2-85172bc99624Post:fd1f9917-c953-4fb2-8d67-1e04206728e7">Re: Another reason why imaginary timelines and pretend budgets aren't a good idea...</a>:
  [QUOTE]But no, no dirty little secrets here.  That all disappeared when we got engaged and <strong>my inner BSC was allowed to start playing</strong> :)
  Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
  
  I had a dream about paper flowers last night. Ugh. My unconcious is BSC! I told Andrew about the weird engagement/wedding dreams I've been having and he said, "Well- I think that's all reasonable, since we've looked at rings together..."
  
  Yes...::rubs hands together deviously::... Reasonable... Muwahaha.
  
  <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/8/5a50f58c-1caa-40a6-b8a6-1e648fee8bdc.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '5a50f58c-1caa-40a6-b8a6-1e648fee8bdc', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img style="width:118px;height:115px;" src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/8/5a50f58c-1caa-40a6-b8a6-1e648fee8bdc.medium.jpg" alt="" width="114" height="148" /></a>

  

  Report0 Reply
• Peaseblossom55 mod

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  As much as I love to plan and day dream I don't have an imaginary budget or a time line.  We haven't talked about any time line yet though, I am a real planner though, but I have to remember to calm down.  I day dream but I've never day dream about a wedding budget.  I always tend to day dream a proposal at the next big even my bday in 3 months, our 2 yr anniversary in 5 months.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• lavenderfields13 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  oh yes! In my imaginary timeline I move in with BF in Septemberish (this part was agreed upon), BF proposes before the end of the year and we get married in summer 2012.
  Weddings in my area can be pretty expensive..I'd like to have $20,000 for a decent wedding. My Mom already told me she and my Dad will help but they don't know how much they'll be able to contribute. I will graciously accept whatever they offer but am saving as if BF and I are paying for it all ourselves.
  I think real life money is going to keep setting my imaginary timeline back

   

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply