Thoughts on changing your last name

jaycee7389 · September 2011

I was just read KPS and the first secret is about women taking the last name of their husband. I was just curious about different sides of the choice. Personally, I don't really care what a woman chooses.

lunarsongbird · September 2011

I don't care if peopel decide to change their name. However- I'll be changing mine.

I do wonder how couples' choose their children's last names if the mom doesn't change her last name.

Do you think children prefer having a last name that both their parents share?

jaycee7389 · September 2011

I am going to take FI's last name. My reasoning is:
1) I grew up with it being the norm and always assumed I would
2) I want the same last name as FI and my children
3) IMHO it identifies the fact that you're married, just as a ring does (not that it is necessary, but I do like that fact)
4) I think FI and his family would be hurt if I didn't (I'm going to go ask FI if he would lol)

The secret really bothers me in a way. I don't see how someone could think you lack self-respect or are sexist for taking your husband's last name. They also say that they don't see a single good reason for changing your name.

CCO2012 · September 2011

It doesn't matter to me. I think it should be at the discretion on the bride. I will likely add BF's last name to my name, not hyphenated. So it will read, Carolina "Middle Name" "Maiden Name" "Married Name" but socially I will go by Carolina "Married Name" and probably sign things etc that way.

I'm not sure how the kids names would be though. Might have two middle names with my last name (its short) as one and with BF's last name or just BF's last name. I would like to honor my family somehow though in my childrens' name.

jaycee7389 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:a57b9a89-c557-48d2-a29f-039f8a9ef3ac">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't care if peopel decide to change their name. However- I'll be changing mine. :) I do wonder how couples' choose their children's last names if the mom doesn't change her last name. Do you think children prefer having a last name that both their parents share?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

I wonder that as well. I've been working with a school nurse for about a month and we have run into a few problems where we can't figure out who the mother is because of different last names. Also, I have never seen a child with their mother's last name when the parents are still together. As for your question, I know that I would much rather my parents have the same last name as me.

jemmini6 · September 2011

That KPS pissed me off, seriously. I don't get why people feel the need to be so judgemental about stuff that literally only affects the person who is changing their name.

I think it's a personal decision, so you should choose what you want to do. I grew up with the idea that I'd change my name, so I am (FI's last name is also much easier to pronounce). But I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with not changing it, hyphenating it, etc either. To each his own, KWIM.

polkadot111 · September 2011

I'm moving my last name to be with my middle name. Just like CCO. I honestly want to keep my last name because I think it's so pretty, but FI won't hear of it. He's way way traditional.

jaycee7389 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:1470b4fc-5899-4b96-993c-97b63306cca8">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm moving my last name to be with my middle name. Just like CCO. I honestly want to keep my last name because I think it's so pretty, but FI won't hear of it. He's way way traditional.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

I just asked FI and he said that he would be really hurt if I didn't take his last name. He said he always grew up with the assumption that his wife would take his name, much like I assumed I would take my husband's name.

Even though it is ultimately the bride's choice, I still think she should consider her FI's feelings on the matter.

ashley2626 · September 2011

I am hypenating my last name with hubby's because his younger sister and I have the same first name. I dont want to have to deal with any trouble later in life with us having the same first and last name.

motoLyn · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:a57b9a89-c557-48d2-a29f-039f8a9ef3ac">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE] I do wonder how couples' choose their children's last names if the mom doesn't change her last name. Do you think children prefer having a last name that both their parents share?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

My older sister kept her name and my niece has her father's last name. My sister I think just didn't care and rather keep her name then have to change everything. Her hubby doesn't care either. As for parents picking kids up at school, that's what emergency cards are for. I had to fill one out every year and it lists the names of the people and relationship to the kid. So mom's name and then it says MOM next to it.

Elle1036 · September 2011

It bothers me when women belittle the personal decisions of other women. However, I do understand why it happens in this case. It's a really personal, emotional decision -- a recipe for overreaction. As for me, I'll be keeping my name exactly as is. It's been my name for 26 years. I don't see why getting married should affect that.

motoLyn · September 2011

For the record I don't care much either way, I could keep my name, hyphenate or take his last name. Probably end up taking his last name because both our last names have the same sounds and it would be a Dr. Suess thing if I end up hyphenating.

desertsun · September 2011

I did what CCO is planning to do -- just added MH's last name onto my maiden name. No hyphen. I use just his name at work and on FB, sign that way, etc, but b/c the whole thing is on my SS card, that's what it says on my bank card, DL, etc., too. Sometimes it's kind of a pain but I'm glad I did it that way.

I really think name changes are personal choice and don't judge the choices others make.

CASK85 · September 2011

I still haven't decided what I'm going to do.

It is common for women in science to keep their last names. Even if I do take my FI's last name legally, professionally I'll still go by my maiden name since I've been published under it.

His last name is only 3 letters so adding it on won't be a huge deal. . . so then I'd be Firstname Middlename Maidenname FIlastname. Even if I don't change it I won't get my panties in a twist if someone calls me Mrs. FIslastname (although I'll be Dr. whateverlastname soon-ish).

Elle1036 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:c52e8479-5a5c-4b06-91bc-5a11e046a5b0">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]For the record I don't care much either way, I could keep my name, hyphenate or take his last name. Probably end up taking his last name because both our last names have the same sounds and it would be a Dr. Suess thing if I end up hyphenating.
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

I think both you and Danish Man should change your last names to the hybridized version you use for your wedding website. I love that so much.

jemmini6 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:1108349e-4f3c-4888-9260-ee684752b0d9">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I am hypenating my last name with hubby's because his younger sister and I have the same first name. I dont want to have to deal with any trouble later in life with us having the same first and last name.
Posted by ashley2626[/QUOTE]

LOL, my mom and aunt have the same name. Basically my dad and his brother both married a woman with the same name, and they both took on their H's name, so now they are both 'Jane Smith'.

There was about a day or two where both my mom and aunt changed their FB picture to one of the two of them together, so I had no idea which was which.

CASK85 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:cc662309-8982-4bb7-919d-721a36dc5615">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on changing your last name : If I had published prior to getting married, I probably would have kept my maiden name although it is so common that if you do a pubmed search, I would never be found. At least now there is a greater chance of searching my publications and actually finding me.
Posted by laurenb09[/QUOTE]
Mine is pretty unique, as you know, so I'm findable. <div>
</div><div>There is a PI in our department who published papers under her maiden name, got married and hyphenated her name and published papers under that and then dropped the maiden and published papers under her married name. It is impossible to track her publication record. </div>

tuarceatha · September 2011

I'll take his family name. I already changed my last name when I was 12, to my stepfather's last name, so I'm not so attached. Plus my initials will stay the same. Actually I dunno I think its more than the fact that I grew up thinking I'd take my future husband's name. Right now I'm ready to be done with my family name-pluth.

Also I know a couple where he took her last name. Just sayin'

lennonkdc · September 2011

I agree that its a personal choice and it's really no one bees wax- if H is ok, then others should stfu.

I have talked with BF in passing about this (when a friend got married and was tossing around the idea of not changing her name.) At the time I thought I would keep my last name, BF was pretty ambivalent about it. Recently, I've been thinking about changing it when the time comes. He (and his family) have been such a wonderful support system that it would be an honor to have that last name, (plus he has a distant cousin the the area who is a Judge, sooo....). Officially, I think I'll to what others have suggested- make my maiden name a second middle name
and go as Ms. Lennon Old New professionally, and Ms. Lennon New socially.

I also feel, that since BF and I have been together for so long, and live together, that if I didn't change my name it would feel like nothing had really changed. But, as I'm NEY I don't know if this will even be the case when push comes to shove...

Peaseblossom55 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:1108349e-4f3c-4888-9260-ee684752b0d9">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I am hypenating my last name with hubby's because his younger sister and I have the same first name. I dont want to have to deal with any trouble later in life with us having the same first and last name.
Posted by ashley2626[/QUOTE]

<div>BF's sister & I both have the same first name. She is older than me though. Regardless I will still change my last name over to the BF's. I like his last name and how it fits with mine. I could see reasons why woman would want to keep their own last name but I am very traditonal when it comes to that sort of thing.</div>

motoLyn · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:5339b8a8-b709-4e9f-9ddf-92e6e21a2476">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on changing your last name : I think both you and Danish Man should change your last names to the hybridized version you use for your wedding website. I love that so much.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Oh Elle its gets complicated. Danish man was fully adopted by his step father at the age of 5 so he has the last name of what you see now. But his biological father has no children but him so he wants to honor his biological dad by changing his last name from Step-dad to biological dad. Which makes me a Lyn Gunther. REALLY G-U-N-T-H-E-R? If FI doesn't decide on what he wants to do then I might just end up keeping my name or hell hybridizing like you suggested is sounding good. (No worries on the Gunther part, I am am fully aware that I am putting that out there)

BTW his step dad has 5 other children, two of them are males so that family name shall go on.

mookow86 · September 2011

I'm going to take FI's last name because my last name gets spelled wrong ALL THE FREAKING TIME and FI's last name is extremely common. Like others, if I would have published before we were married, I probably would have kept my last name or at least kept using it professionally.

lunarsongbird · September 2011

I wonder if little kid's would wonder..."I have daddy's last name...I wonder if he loves me more. Or if he's my 'real' parent."

Young children do have interesting thoughts.

Andrew's mother dropped her middle name and replaced it with her maiden name- Andrew also has his mom's maiden name as his middle name. If we have a son(s)- they will also have his mother's maiden name as a middle name.

jorja86 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:d4f0c294-b253-4123-a36a-d537bf2024ad">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]It doesn't matter to me. I think it should be at the discretion on the bride. I will likely add BF's last name to my name, not hyphenated. So it will read, Carolina "Middle Name" "Maiden Name" "Married Name" but socially I will go by Carolina "Married Name" and probably sign things etc that way. I'm not sure how the kids names would be though. Might have two middle names with my last name (its short) as one and with BF's last name or just BF's last name. I would like to honor my family somehow though in my childrens' name.
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]

This is probably exactly what I'll do. My mom hyphenated her last name while my parents were married, but we all had her maiden name as a second middle name. I'd also like to do that with my kids.

As far as the original question, I think it's a decision every woman needs to make for herself. I can see it from both sides.

[Deleted User] · September 2011

I took his last name - CocoBella Middle HisLastName. we will use my maiden name as one of our children's surnames. although it's a pain to go through all the paperwork of changing my name, it makes him so pleased that it's definitely worth it. I also want to identify our family as a social unit easily, with mom, dad, and kids sharing the same last name. it wasn't a big deal to me, so changing it was no problem.

TheMutleys · September 2011

I don't care what other women do. I also think that the 'feminist' line of thinking that you shouldn't do it because of archaic meanings is ridiculous. I KNOW that I am not my husband's property and taking his name doesn't make me his property, so I give that whole line of reasoning a big EFF YOU.

I took DH's last name. My main reason was that I wanted us all to have the same name. Personally, hyphenating was not for me. Then, our kids would be hyphenated. What would happen if two hyphenated people get married and both want to keep their names? Does their kid get FOUR last names?

For what it's worth, I was published under my maiden name. However, the publications will have no bearing on my career, so it doesn't really matter to me. I know that some women change their name legally so that their maiden name got bumped to the middle. They use their maiden name professionally and husband's last name socially.

jaycee7389 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-changing-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:76fdcc30-2ce2-4881-99d6-e281b4dbf3d9Post:2b93643c-1bcc-4bc5-9a76-26bb35825f61">Re: Thoughts on changing your last name</a>:
[QUOTE]I took his last name - CocoBella Middle HisLastName. we will use my maiden name as one of our children's surnames. although it's a pain to go through all the paperwork of changing my name, it makes him so pleased that it's definitely worth it. I also want to identify our family as a social unit easily, with mom, dad, and kids sharing the same last name. it wasn't a big deal to me, so changing it was no problem.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

Not judging, just clarifying..do you mean that you and H have hislastname and one of your children will be first middle yourmaidenlastname?

AudgiePodge · September 2011

It boggles my mind how much thought and engery people put into choices others make that has no bearing on themselves.

I changed my name with my first husband and then back to my maiden when we divorced. I now have H's name.

[Deleted User] · September 2011

jaycee -

no, sorry! I realize I put surname and I was typing too fast and meant first name. d'oh.

one of our children will have my maiden as their FIRST or middle.

options:
DH'sFirst MyMaiden OurLastName
MyMaiden Middle OurLastName

my maiden name is very androgynous, so it could go either way for a boy or a girl.

jaycee7389 · September 2011

Haha NBD CoCo, I just never heard of that before and was intrigued. I love androgynous first names, but I'm biased because I have one :P

[Deleted User] · September 2011

I think it is ridiculous for a woman to get judged because she chooses to keep or get rid of her maiden name. It is her choice and also a reflection of who she is.

Personally, I have been sick of my last name since I was 4 and had to learn how to write it out. I needed extra paper becuase it is so long and no one call spell or say it. I can't wait to ditch my name for FIs short and sweet one. My family understands because it is traditional and we know that the name is too ridiculous for americans. FI would like to take my name because it is german and he loves all things german but he has to stick with his name since he is a IV. I want to have a V some day!

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