HELP! 2 weddings, 2 guest lists?

Maggie Re · February 2010

I am from a small town in Ohio, where most of my very large family live and most my older cousins in my very large, Italian family have already been married and the weddings almost run together. Same church, same reception hall, same same same.
My fiance is from West Virginia, where we've both moved to and I love it there. We were planning an outdoor wedding in WV and were really excited, but my parents finally confessed their anxieties over wanting to accommodate all their guests as comfortably as possible, and because this is a rural area, they think they won't be happy, even though there are beautiful and cheap rentals on the property we would be married at, plenty of close by restaurants and outdoor activities. I understand it's not for everyone, but I thought my family would be happy there and glad to do something different. And I understand with a destination wedding not everyone can come.well... regardless of all that...
We are having a small ceremony in Ohio where we will be married in my hometown church so we can have our 2nd wedding, the outdoor wedding blessed by the Catholic church, and we are inviting only immediate family. My parents want to invite all family members from both sides to the church wedding and then to a casual afternoon, cocktail reception afterwards so that guests not comfortable traveling to WV don't have to feel obliged.
Then, the 2nd wedding would be all friends and family invited to a bigger, blow out reception with live band and sit down dinner.
I feel like this is getting really messy trying to appease everyone, but I also understand and appreciate my parents' desire to make everyone happy...
What is etiquette? Am I having 2 weddings so I can give weary travels an opt out? Is this crazy? does this happen?!

Nebb · February 2010

If your guests cant make it to your wedding they just dont make it, you dont throw additional weddings to accomodate them. This idea is awful and makes you look greedy.

anna.oskar · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_2-weddings-2-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9552ae0-250f-4e75-902f-148384a557e1Post:44d166d0-3468-427b-9348-31eb1417ab99">HELP! 2 weddings, 2 guest lists?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am from a small town in Ohio, where most of my very large family live and most my older cousins in my very large, Italian family have already been married and the weddings almost run together. Same church, same reception hall, same same same. My fiance is from West Virginia, where we've both moved to and I love it there. We were planning an outdoor wedding in WV and were really excited, but my parents finally confessed their anxieties over wanting to accommodate all their guests as comfortably as possible, and because this is a rural area, they think they won't be happy, even though there are beautiful and cheap rentals on the property we would be married at, plenty of close by restaurants and outdoor activities. I understand it's not for everyone, but I thought my family would be happy there and glad to do something different. And I understand with a destination wedding not everyone can come. well... regardless of all that... We are having a small ceremony in Ohio where we will be married in my hometown church so we can have our 2nd wedding, the outdoor wedding blessed by the Catholic church, and we are inviting only immediate family. My parents want to invite all family members from both sides to the church wedding and then to a casual afternoon, cocktail reception afterwards so that guests not comfortable traveling to WV don't have to feel obliged. Then, the 2nd wedding would be all friends and family invited to a bigger, blow out reception with live band and sit down dinner. I feel like this is getting really messy trying to appease everyone, but I also understand and appreciate my parents' desire to make everyone happy... What is etiquette? Am I having 2 weddings so I can give weary travels an opt out? Is this crazy? does this happen?!
Posted by Maggie Re[/QUOTE]

i mean this in the nicest way; I think it's crazy.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_2-weddings-2-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9552ae0-250f-4e75-902f-148384a557e1Post:44d166d0-3468-427b-9348-31eb1417ab99">HELP! 2 weddings, 2 guest lists?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am from a small town in Ohio, where most of my very large family live and most my older cousins in my very large, Italian family have already been married and the weddings almost run together. Same church, same reception hall, same same same. My fiance is from West Virginia, where we've both moved to and I love it there. We were planning an outdoor wedding in WV and were really excited, but my parents finally confessed their anxieties over wanting to accommodate all their guests as comfortably as possible, and because this is a rural area, they think they won't be happy, even though there are beautiful and cheap rentals on the property we would be married at, plenty of close by restaurants and outdoor activities. I understand it's not for everyone, but I thought my family would be happy there and glad to do something different. And I understand with a destination wedding not everyone can come. well... regardless of all that... We are having a small ceremony in Ohio where we will be married in my hometown church so we can have our 2nd wedding, the outdoor wedding blessed by the Catholic church, and we are inviting only immediate family. My parents want to invite all family members from both sides to the church wedding and then to a casual afternoon, cocktail reception afterwards so that guests not comfortable traveling to WV don't have to feel obliged. Then, the 2nd wedding would be all friends and family invited to a bigger, blow out reception with live band and sit down dinner. I feel like this is getting really messy trying to appease everyone, but I also understand and appreciate my parents' desire to make everyone happy... What is etiquette? Am I having 2 weddings so I can give weary travels an opt out? Is this crazy? does this happen?!
Posted by Maggie Re[/QUOTE]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Don't do this! What a load of CRAP. It may not be what your family wants, but Goddamn! It's your freaking wedding, if they don't like it, and it doesn't meet their exacting tastes, that's not YOUR problem.

And FFS, it's OHIO, not the other side of the world!

tlv204 · February 2010

Honestly I think you should just stick with the W. Virginia wedding. Like you said, not everyone will come most likely, but if you're ok with that then go for it. However, who is paying for the wedding? If your parents are paying they should really get a say in how their money is spent. If you're paying, it's still nice to take their concerns into account, but it does sound like it's getting out of hand.

Kati0105 · February 2010

It is impossible to have two weddings without a divorce in between. That is all.

opalsky007 · February 2010

Repeat after me: "I can not please everyone."

You need to learn that truth early.

Have one wedding, invite everyone, and if they can't make it, they can't make it. It's unfortunate, but it happens.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_2-weddings-2-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9552ae0-250f-4e75-902f-148384a557e1Post:ec03ab98-ebd4-46bb-8315-4210bb353ffe">Re: HELP! 2 weddings, 2 guest lists?</a>:
[QUOTE]other town is Thomas.
Posted by Maggie Re[/QUOTE]
home of the purple fiddle

Maggie Re · February 2010

You know about the Purple Fiddle? Heck ya! It's one of my favorite places! I guess as a DC'er you are pretty close.

[Deleted User] · February 2010

yep, i'm a dc-area chick. i sure do know of that place.

carrieoz_76 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_2-weddings-2-guest-lists?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9552ae0-250f-4e75-902f-148384a557e1Post:4450a988-022a-4430-9022-949d08ce126c">Re: HELP! 2 weddings, 2 guest lists?</a>:
[QUOTE]IIf someone can't come (despite you blocking hotel rooms or giving them a heads up on cheap, beautiful accomodations) then that means one of two things - they don't feel close enough to make the effort (i.e. they like local weddings because they are more into the party than the actual wedding), or they are morbidly afraid of leaving their home state.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
Hah. "morbidly afraid of leaving their home state." I actually laughed at that one. :)<div>
</div><div>I'm not sure I would want someone who's morbidly afraid to leave Ohio at my wedding.</div>

evabee · February 2010

You might keep in mind that the ceremony would probably be most important to your family members. I know most of my friends aren't Catholic/religious so they don't really get the whole meaning, but my family really does, and they all had Catholic weddings, and that's the most beautiful part to them!

I would want my friends at the party but when I think about them sitting in the Church, not taking the sacrament (because Catholics are ridiculous like that), and mostly not understanding the mass I think... eh, I'm being a gracious host by not expecting them to be there... I will still probably invite them to come if they want.. as soon as I figure out what the hell I'm doing for my wedding.

lizstill13 · February 2010

Yeah...at some point you need to put your foot down and do what YOU want. If you start this now, you'll be so run over with everyone else's ideas you'll forget who's wedding it really is.

squirrly · February 2010

I think it's totally reasonable for you to expect your family to travel there, if that's what you and your FI want. It will likely mean a smaller turnout, for sure, but you're not asking them to go someplace without running water for goodness sake.
If what you want is the Ohio ceremony and the WVa reception, I think it's ok, but if it were me - I'd pick one and go with it.

HELP! 2 weddings, 2 guest lists?

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