RE: Im at my breaking point

threemarie24 · January 2010

I wanted to update you all on the issues I am having with my Best friend/BM…Back story: http://tinyurl.com/yc2uhb5

Well she called me this weekend.—yes called me, she never got back to me about getting together in person, but rather called me the day before our first dress fitting. (while I was taking my B-pic) well she sure did take my “fire” away from the shoot. When she started the conversation I knew what she was going to say, she wont be coming to our wedding. My best friend. I asked her to be in my wedding almost two years ago now, she could have saved up $300 to go. Her excuses are useless for me, the bottom line is I am not worth taking two days off of work for. She can stay for FREE while down there, she can even get frequent flyer miles from a group of people…SO her trip would be FREE….FREE!!!!!! She told me that she cant “afford” to take off two days of work, she is a teacher so I understand her stress, but one would think that after hearing that your trip will be paid for, you would jump to the chance of going to your best friends wedding. I am over her. We are done. She hasn’t been the friend I needed for a while now. At the end of the phone conversation I asked her to make it a priority to talk, face to face with me about the “elephant” that has been in the room for quite some time now. She fully agreed that there has been something between us. We penciled in this Sunday. To be honest I might not even show up. 45 days before my wedding she finally decides to tell me that she cant go, she has known for at least one month now, that she wouldn’t be going.

I just have to be done now. I broke down last night with my mom, and that felt really good. I have to take my own advice and Breath. It will be okay, if she will not be here for me now, she wont be here for me in the future, and well I don’t want to waste my time on that kind of one way street friendship. I also do not want her at my wedding being a Debbie downer. –Okay vent over, thanks for letting be get it off of my chest. You can now go back to your regularly schedule Knotting.

On a goo note I got my wedding dress altered last night, go look at my PIP post J

hkiesling · January 2010

Oh sweetie.

<hugs />

drdifabio · January 2010

That totally sucks - I know this is prolly no consolation but at least if she was flaky then you dont have to worry about her being in your wedding pics forever and skipping out on you after the wedding. You will have to let us know how Sun goes if it happens at all.

threemarie24 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_re-im-breaking-point?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:65c46582-4feb-4a90-9b31-d35e71238fe0Post:48c393b8-8b06-4723-b58e-bddbc397fb0e">Re: RE: Im at my breaking point</a>:
[QUOTE]That totally sucks - I know this is prolly no consolation but at least if she was flaky then you dont have to worry about her being in your wedding pics forever and skipping out on you after the wedding. You will have to let us know how Sun goes if it happens at all.
Posted by drdifabio[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>100% agree. and that is why I don't even want her there anymore...if she somehow manages to afford to go. </div>

threemarie24 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_re-im-breaking-point?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:65c46582-4feb-4a90-9b31-d35e71238fe0Post:2bc60b87-4529-4ace-a324-87e8aa4c32dd">Re: RE: Im at my breaking point</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh sweetie. <hugs />
Posted by hkiesling[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Thanks! :) </div>

Muffers · January 2010

what an sucky situation. i'm sorry you are going through this right now! BUT i'm happy to hear you talked to her and are letting go. it's really all you can do at this point. keep focusing on the positive and it will turn out ok. keep your head up!
ps- you look fab in your dress

MesmrEwe · January 2010

It's good to hear that in a way you can stop letting her be a stress with all that you've got going on right now with the wedding and really, the transition you're making in life. Yes, it is a huge transition to go from being single to being married, and you really do want people there who will be supportive of you all the way not flake out like this on you. Teacher or not, it sounds like she's got a lot of other issues going on. If anything else, call and wait until after the wedding to meet up with her after both of you have had some time away. You've got a lot emotionally on your plate right now and it might just help to have that time away instead of trying to deal with something while there's an open wound let it heal so both of you can discuss it on better terms. It's also good on the rational side of things, sometimes you just need that time away, sort of like a rubber band being stretched, time away draws you snap tighter together...

If anything else, give yourself a couple hours to just go someplace and have "me" time to cleanse out the stress that had been building up with this. Whether that's a trip to the spa, nice dinner alone, a couple hours of wandering around the MOA, go bowling, just do something to de-stress yourself and process things.

Bimbi284 · January 2010

Oh hun!! I'm so sorry she flaked on you. I agree though, its good that its happening now, before the biggest day of your life, rather than like on that day! Give yourself some time to process it all, and then focus on all of the wonderful details for your big day!

*HUGS!!*

mbmeyer · January 2010

I I feel your pain, howeever . don't PLAN to not be there for her in the future, the odds are you wont see her anyway, but having that thought only keeps you in that bad place. don't let her behavior change who you are-- you will probably someday get hurt again, but I'd rather put myself out there, than "protect" myself from what life may throw my way.. Remember how this feels and vow to be the best friend you can be to everyone else in your life !!! Her loss.

yellowbabyducky1 · January 2010

*hugs*

threemarie24 · January 2010

Thanks ladies! I am feeling better about it. It really helps to hear your thoughts on this. I hope that we can be friends again, but I am so hurt right now, in the moment that I am just sure, but chances are like some of you, and a few of my other close friends have said she will regret not being there. Her loss, however I cant hold onto it, and I am starting to let go of my hurt. so I will move on...and just look at my dress pictures and smile.

AmberDerek · January 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would be upset too. Just remember that your day will be amazing and nothing can change that.

LittleSweetie · January 2010

Ditto AmberDerek. Even if it were just the two of you, your day will be amazing!

I can't believe she's being so flaky like this. I would jump at the chance - honored - to be at my BFF's wedding, let alone in it! You don't need that stress this close to your wedding day.

I don't know what I would do in your situation except what you're doing. You're a strong person! Now you have 45 days to heal from this and have an absolute blast on your wedding day. At least it didn't happen the day/week before

dc*prep · January 2010

What a BIOTCH.

Unfortunately, weddings seem to bring out the BEST and WORST in friends. It SUCKS that you are basically losing one of your best friends over this, but on the bright side, at least you can move on with your life and stop wasting time and energy on her.

Hang in there! I had a falling out with my BFF last January, and it still hurts... but time eases the pain. And your soon-to-be HUSBAND will help too

fergulicious · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_re-im-breaking-point?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:65c46582-4feb-4a90-9b31-d35e71238fe0Post:ddbe3652-fa6f-457a-a3ce-d70d33b3df9a">RE: Im at my breaking point</a>:
[QUOTE]She told me that she cant “afford” to take off two days of work, she is a teacher so I understand her stress, [/QUOTE]

I totally feel you on how flaky your friend is being, but I just wanted to throw this out there. I am a teacher and it really does suck to have to take days off of work. I get ONE personal day a year. If I don't have any personal days or have accumulated comp. time, I have to take unpaid days. When I take unpaid days, I have to pay back to the district the amount of health care that they would normally provide for me, plus the cost of the substitute ($112 a day). This ends up being about $200 for one day of work. When my entire paycheck for two weeks is only 800, yah, it really does suck to have to take unpaid days. I would lose half my check for missing two days of work. So even though the trip is <em>free</em>, there may not be money left for her to pay bill, mortgage, etc.

I'm definitely not saying it's right for her to flake on you a month before your wedding, but it might not just be what the wedding would cost her, but rather the amount of money that she would be left with when she was done taking "unpaid days" off.

akstanl · January 2010

I am sorry to hear you have to go through this. It is really hard losing friends and having them flake out on you when you thought they would be there for you.

(((Hugs)))

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