Which is it?

temerityjane · June 2010

I've been going back and forth about this one for a while - once a day at least. I go back and forth on what I think on a regular basis, so I want to hear how you feel.

Which is it?

katiewhompus · June 2010

I think it's a little bit of both, but voted for the 2nd.
While it was definitely our way of thanking the guests for traveling so far for the wedding, it was also the first time we met a lot of each other's family and friends, so celebration too.

Sunshine9463 · June 2010

I mean, I know etiquette says option A but I think it's actually a combination of the two. Not really helpful but that's how I feel.

melissamc2 · June 2010

I think it's both, but I'd go with celebration of the newlyweds with friends and family if I hadn't had the third option to combine them.

nda_roxybabe · June 2010

I think its both as well but moreso the party as a celebration

brookelynpaisley · June 2010

It's both. It's most definitely a celebration, but it's not a free for all for the bride and groom to do whatever they want at the expense of their guests' comfort. It's the most glorified party on the planet and it makes people go insane

temerityjane · June 2010

If you voted straight "Thank you party," how do you balance your own wishes for your reception with what the guests may or may not like best?

Celles · June 2010

I've read #1 on Etiquette and elsewhere on The Knot, but I voted #2.

I think there's an element of both, of course, but at the end of the day, if it was JUST a thank you, then it would be a nice handwritten card and not an expensive party.

Celles · June 2010

Elaborating a bit:

Since most of my guests will be coming in from out of the state, and many from out of the country, I feel obligated to host more than I would if everyone were local. For example: I love the idea of a brunch reception -- not so much because it would save money, but because I love brunch! But with all the OOT guests, I know hosting brunch wouldn't be nearly enough, so we're having a formal dinner reception instead, and quite possibly a welcome BBQ the night before and farewell brunch the morning after. I think that's how the thank you element of it comes into play for me, anyway.

Brie2010 · June 2010

I think it's an 51-49 split of 1 and 2. In other words, if there's a decision where the B&G want one thing, but it will actively inconvenience the guests or will make them actively unhappy, I think the scales should tip in favor of the guests. But in cases where it's neutral, say, B&G prefer chicken but guests would probably prefer beef (but like chicken anyway), I think it's perfectly fine to go with the chicken.

If that makes any sense. I'm KUI of Nyquil.

ootmother2 · June 2010

i agree that it's a combinaion of both

ExpatPumpkin · June 2010

I voted #2, but with a little extra:

A celebration of the newlyweds newlywed status with friends and family that gives the new couple the opportunity to shine as gracious hosts who put their guests' needs, happiness, and comfort before their own.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

I voted for two, but I can see both. It's definitely a party. A party thrown by the newlyweds or their parents. And any party I throw is not about ME, it's about throwing a party and making sure people say, "wow, that was a great party."

Simply Fated · June 2010

Combination of the two...

While it is a celebration of the newlyweds and their new status, it's not necessarily FOR the newlyweds. It's a party to celebrate the whole thing... the guests for being there and the couple on their happiness.

tenofcups4me · June 2010

I've never thought as the reception as thank you for the guests. That seems absurd to me. As a host, I still kept my guests top of mind as I do with any party, but the party was to celebrate my marriage, not thank my guests.

Kristin789 · June 2010

This might be regional, but in my area, it's a thank you.

These people have unplugged from their own lives, spent money to get to the wedding location, spent money on a gift, in some cases spent money to stay overnight at the wedding location, spent money to get home, AND by serving as a wedding witness, they are mentors for the married couple who can call them or call ON them throughout their marriage for help / support / encouragement as long as they both shall live.

That's a lot to ask, and that's a lot to give. So the reception is to thank the guests for their short-term generosity and their long-term commitment to the couple.

JennaV26 · June 2010

I voted 2. All the guests will be there to celebrate your marriage, showing them a good time while they're there is your way of thanking them. It's a two-way street.

temerityjane · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_which-is-it-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:757c0032-3f11-4e79-a87d-d6d40cdae05fPost:509384d3-bca6-4f8b-bfae-daeb5dab1aca">Re: Which is it?</a>:
[QUOTE]This might be regional, but in my area, it's a thank you. These people have unplugged from their own lives, spent money to get to the wedding location, spent money on a gift, in some cases spent money to stay overnight at the wedding location, spent money to get home, AND by serving as a wedding witness, they are mentors for the married couple who can call them or call ON them throughout their marriage for help / support / encouragement as long as they both shall live. That's a lot to ask, and that's a lot to give. So the reception is to thank the guests for their short-term generosity and their long-term commitment to the couple.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

See, it's this over the top attitude that makes me veer away from the "thank you for the guests" thing.

One, Kristen, unless brides in your area make a habit of specifically voicing their specific reasons for having a reception, which, don't even say they do because bull, I doubt that you or anyone can say what the presiding feeling in their "area" is.

Two, I know that we're all very eager not to be bridezillas, and I know there's a WHOLE LOT of contests over who can be the most laid back and who cares the least about being a bride and who REALLY, REALLY doesn't care about presents the most, and who doesn't give a crap if their bridesmaids roll up in white hefty bags painted to look like wedding gowns, and NO ONE wants to be caught actually daring to feel like it is their special day of celebration, but this "receptions are STRICTLY a thank you for guests" attitude is kind of crap, ESPECIALLY when it's painted in ridiclous terms like Kristens.

Guests are making this huuuuge sacrifice to take a day out of their busy lives to see you GET MARRIED. That's a BIG DEAL. I would go so far as to say, Kristen, that me GETTING MARRIED is a little bit more important in the grand scheme of things than a single day - or hell, even a whole weekend! - out of a guest's life.

I will sincerely thank my guests for coming. I'll thank them for any gifts that they may be so kind as to give us. But I'm preeeettttty sure they show up ready to party to celebrate our marriage, and aren't whispering to each other through the ceremony that there had BETTER be a good party to make this crap worth their while!

I do think it's partly both options. I just also think Kristen, and that ridiculous GUEST THANK YOU PARTY ONLY attitude is insane.

carrieoz_76 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_which-is-it-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:757c0032-3f11-4e79-a87d-d6d40cdae05fPost:c9d3d07e-0cea-44fc-8a49-91d83a2ba69e">Re: Which is it?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you voted straight "Thank you party," how do you balance your own wishes for your reception with what the guests may or may not like best?
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]
I think it's equally both, so I voted #3.<div>
</div><div>To answer your question, when we made decisions that would impact guest comfort, we took those decisions very seriously, and tried to minimize any discomfort to them. With that, I actually regularly follow advice YOU gave like months and months ago - if the decision is one that we will remember in say 5 or 10 years, then we've done what FI and I want. If it's a decision we won't even remember then, we try to err on the side of guest comfort. </div><div>
</div><div>Your advice has so far really stood us in good stead, so I thought it might not hurt to remind people of it. :)</div>

ohwhynot · June 2010

It's both, like everyone (almost) is saying. If it were strictly a "thank you,' then how exactly does AW-ing with a first dance, an announcement of the couple and/or bridal party, parent/child dances, etc. square with somehow "thanking" your guests? They don't - those are strictly the celebration of ME! that are inherently part of the wedding reception. And guests are happy to celebrate with you and let you ham it up because, well, it's an awesome day in your life and they love you.

banana468 · June 2010

It's both.

If the couple didn't do any couply things, I'd think it was odd.

But if the couple only had open bar for them or good food for them and crappy for the rest of the guests, I'd think they were sucky people.

It's all about the balance.

JanoBean75 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_which-is-it-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:757c0032-3f11-4e79-a87d-d6d40cdae05fPost:9d41dff1-557d-403f-adc4-373d933f1438">Re: Which is it?</a>:
[QUOTE]... this "receptions are STRICTLY a thank you for guests" attitude is kind of crap, ESPECIALLY when it's painted in ridiclous terms like Kristens. ... But I'm preeeettttty sure they show up ready to party to celebrate our marriage, and aren't whispering to each other through the ceremony that there had BETTER be a good party to make this crap worth their while! I do think it's partly both options. I just also think Kristen, and that ridiculous GUEST THANK YOU PARTY ONLY attitude is insane.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

I liked you before, but after this, I like you more.

pooh8402 · June 2010

both. I didn't vote because "both" is not an option.

buttaflai · June 2010

[QUOTE]I voted 2. All the guests will be there to celebrate your marriage, showing them a good time while they're there is your way of thanking them. It's a two-way street.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

^ was exactly how I see it.

SpookieCat · June 2010

I'm late on this - and while I still think it is both I still think it is important to make the reception about the guests. I have been to my fair share of crappy family weddings where there was some kind of horrific Catholic gap and no dinner provided. When I attend these weddings, at the super most expensive beautiful hotels in the city and gorgeous cathedrals (where the wedding party and bride & groom show up at 9:30 pm and have dinner given to them), I feel like it is all about the B&G and not at all about the guests. As a result, we have scaled back the tone and locations for our wedding in order to provide all of the necessities (open bar, FOOD, etc) for our friends and family.

I guess I've just been burned too many times - no one in my family has ever had an open bar or been particularly considerate about location or timing. This is something I can do and that I want to be able to do. I would love to be able to get married at the Sheraton in the ballroom on the water, but if that means no one gets food, it's unacceptable.

Which is it?

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