Exactly how offensive is this plan...?

jgjm2011 · August 2010

I don't think it's offensive at all!!!

You need to remember that this day is about YOU and HIM. As much as you'd like to please everyone, you can't. Do the wedding the way you want. I think a small wedding in a park with just close friends and family would be BEAUTIFUL and intimate, something he would need before getting deployed. And I agree with one of the other comments... when he comes home, have a welcome home party and a party to celebrate your new life together. If people really care and love you, they will understand. I am planning my wedding now and I have to keep reminding myself, this isn't about anyone else but me and Joe (my fiance). It's hard, but follow your heart and do what will make you happy. It's your day and you should remember it with joy and not regret!!!!

I hope this helped!!!

***Julie

hcontreras3 · August 2010

My sisters best friend did something similar. She had a destination wedding in Hawaii and only had about 10 people there; then a few months later had a reception for all the people who couldn't be there for the ceremony. It's a lot more common than you think and really the wedding is about the two of you. There is a saying "the ceremony is about you two, the reception is about the family. Hope this helps.

sassbenn85 · August 2010

My fiance and i are having to do the same thing. we are having a small wedding on the beach in Florida and not everyone is able to attend. if they truely love you guys they will understand the situation, and should feel good about you doing something else for them. because in all actuality, you don't HAVE to do anything else than the wedding!

happygirl38 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_exactly-offensive-this-plan?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9071110-95f5-4b1a-a928-9a2c897a34afPost:09b48069-0664-4970-8c25-cb9a89493a4f">Re: Exactly how offensive is this plan...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally I do not find this offensive at all. I think given the circumstances it would be completely acceptable. I'm assuming those you would invite to the reception would be close enough to you to understand the situation and most would want to celebrate with you. If people don't want to come they don't have to.
Posted by cicconesp[/QUOTE]

Here here! I couldn't have said it better myself! I think it's a wonderful idea and you should go for it... You can drive yourself crazy trying to make everyone else happy (I know this from experience) so do what makes sense for you and your FI and have a wonderful time!!!

sassy1782 · August 2010

Do whatever you and your FI want & feel comfortable with. In the end, it is your wedding day and the beginning of your marriage. How do you want it to be? I guess my FI and I are bucking tradition by throwing and big engagement barbecue for our family and friends to celebrate, then getting married in a small ceremony on a cruise ship with only immediate family and best friends. Most of the people at the party won't be invited to the wedding and we're not throwing a reception after we get married. But it's what works best in our life and we're happy with it. And you should do what will work best for you and makes you both happy.

JaleeZ · August 2010

I dont think that its a bad thing, When planning a wedding people get all cought up in the "how am I gonna look" mode, which I think If you wanna wait then wait! YOu dont wanna remeber your wedding as something that was just "whatever, lets just do it" kinda feel, that was planned at the last minute, you want it to be special to you and your soon to be hubby. But dont feel weird about about having a small private ceremony and then a dinner later, if you want it to be intimate make it so....

Erino901 · August 2010

My college roommate did exactly what you were suggested. In fact, they were married 2-3 weeks before any of their friends really knew. They literally just called their parents and had a jop meet them at a park and got married. Then a month later, they had one huge part in VA, where he is from, and then one huge party in CT, where she is from. No one cared that they weren't in the wedding ceremony. We had so much fun at the reception and enjoyed celebrating the couple and their happiness. You've gotta do what's best for you and not worry about others. The most important part of the whole day is the fact that someone pronounces you man and wife.

Sierra1 · August 2010

We are getting married in march, and we are only having family at the wedding and reception then having a type of Luau for friends and anyone else who cannot attend. I think you should be fine. Your friends and family will understand.

BrandiH22 · August 2010

First, anyone who was rude on here, brush them off, they are not worth it.
Second, I didn't see ANYTHING wrong with your scenario. I think that if your friends are good friends they will understand... as will anyone else.
Third, it's yours and your FH's day/life, it sounds like what you really want in your heart is to have a smaller ceremony and a bigger reception later (given the circumstances)- there is nothing, i mean this, absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially under these circumstances.
Do what is in your heart, only then will you not regret it. As long as you are honest, respectful and try your best to keep everyones lives/feelings in mind when you are making this decision, you are doing the "right" thing.

McSorley · August 2010

Hey,
Maybe a little late but is there not any way your fiance can take leave inbetween basic and tech school? I am in the Air Force myself, my fiance is in the Army. Deployments and schools really do end up getting in the way of plans and getting married prior to his getting in the military certainly will probably decomplicate some things but there is a good possibility he will have down time between basic and tech school...there tend to be long waiting lists where people are on "casual" status where they basically do odd jobs waiting on a class date. Also, is he enlisting with an open contract? (ie "needs of the AF" with no input as to what he wants to do?) Hope this helps, I personally am not a fan of the JOP thing, I have moved my wedding 3 times so far thanks to both of our deployments getting moved around...also not really a fan of the later reception, I think its a little tacky...a small wedding would be nice, people should understand...like others have said people know you have to be more flexible because of the military. Good luck!

Hottiesangel629 · August 2010

Dont worry about what other folks say. The family and friends that really care about you and your fiance will make the effort to be apart of your special day no matter how or where you do it. Sometimes circumstances arise that call for you to step outside the "norm". My 1st marraige was a the JOP and then I had a large reception with vowel renewal the following yr on my anniversary. The cool thing was it was MUCH less stressful because we were already married! so the date was the same for everytihing and it was 2 celebrations in 1. Do what is best for the both of you and disregard the negative comments. Best wishes

amandajenea · August 2010

Remember. It's your wedding. No, you shouldn't purposefully be offensive; but some are likely going to be offended no matter what route you take. I personally think your plan sounds fantastic . . . if I had my way, there would be fewer than 50 people at my wedding; if my fiance had his, we'd have 500+! The most important thing is that you're marrying the man you love.

Bunniz456 · August 2010

My fiance is in the military. Right now he's in reserves trying to jump back into active duty. I'm kinda in the same dilema being that if he get's back in and gets stationed somewhere else, we'll have to be legally married for me to go with him. If that happens we'll being doing the justice of the peace thing and then having our wedding ceremony on the planned wedding date. I won't wear my wedding ring, change my last name or anything, until we do the original wedding date. Most of my guests won't even know that we went to the JOP. And while some people may find that tacky, it doesn't matter what they think, because I'll be happy. And it's the same with you. Everyone will have their opinions on what you should or shouldn't do. But you have to remember, it's your wedding. Your special day. And while you want to please guests on most issues. This day is about you and your fiance. Never lose sight of that. If having a small ceremony and dinner befor he leaves, and then having a big reception later makes you happy, do it. And don't regret it. Because like I said, everyone will have there opinion. If you and your fiance/ Husband are happy, Nothng else matters.

soldiersgirl027 · August 2010

Hey! I know you may feel like people may be upset over this, however if they truly care about you and your fiance, and they understand the situation there should be no ill wishing but well wishing. I agree with someone else's post it doesn't need to necessarily be a reception party but a major welcome home party upon his return. Be honest with your girlfriends and let them know what is going on... they will be the ones that are holding you up while he is deployed!

Best Wishes for both the Wedding and his deployment,
From one Military Fiance to another

Krystal

TiaMatthew · September 2010

As a fellow bride to be, I think that you should do what you want to do. You are obviously concerned about everyone else, so if they don't understand that this is what you have to do then they can get over it. It's not like you knew that he had to leave this soon. I think you should get married in the park like you said. If you tried to rush and put something together you would be so stressed that you wouldn't even enjoy your day anyway. Good luck to you!

Exactly how offensive is this plan...?

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