Name Changing Guilt....

LoisLane007 · April 2011

I am going from a VERY common 4 letter last name, to a 5 letter last name that is hardly ever spelled right, let alone pronounced right. I'm very hesitant to change my name in anyway shape or form, because I love my family. My first and middle name was given to me by my parents in honor of my Aunt with the same first two names who helped my parents conceive. She is also my god-mom. My last name is so special to me, and I'm SUCH a daddy's girl. I feel guilty changing my name. Any tips on how to change names without the guilt?

cschuma2 · April 2011

First, you don't have to change your name. It's definitely not a requirement.

Second, I'm not sure why you equate changing your name with loving your family. I love my family very much, and I don't feel that anything changed between us when I changed my last name. I highly doubt that your family would feel betrayed or hurt that you changed your last name.

asmaruszewski · April 2011

I have a complicated last name, everyone thinks I should be jumping for joy to change it to a shorter, more easily pronounceable name. I'm not. I feel the same way, I LOVE my last name! However, I do plan on taking my husbands last name, I keep practicing writing it to get used to the shorter name. Also, I'm making my last name my middle name. Maybe that's something you could do? Add it to your middle name? Or bc they are both short, you could hyphenate?

cschuma2 · April 2011

Also, you might want to remove your website from your siggy. It lists some personal information there that I would hate for anyone to use against you. You never know what creeps lurk on these boards and I would hate for someone to crash your wedding, break into your home while you're away, etc.

tayylor65 · April 2011

I'm feeling the same way, I love my current last name that is common but spelled uniquely and is a very very old name. My FI's name is never pronounced right and I'd never heard of before meeting him. While I am changing my name b/c I want the same name as my future kids, legally I'm keeping all names and just tacking his on the end. If you don't want to do that, then just don't change your name. It's becoming more and more common now that brides keep their own name.

J&K10910 · April 2011

I don't want to change my last name either.

So I'm not going to. Easy.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

If you don't want to change it, don't. If you do, then do it. Not a life changing situation by any means.

redheadfsu · April 2011

You don't have to change it (like pps have said). I'm not for several reasons (some personal & some professional).

Remember you can go by any name socially. You don't have to legally change your name to be called Mrs. X at dinner (like any nickname, you can go by anything socially). Even if you don't change it, people will still call you by his name (either by mistake or just because). No biggie either way. Also, how do you feel about hyphening?

jemmini6 · April 2011

I never understood the concept of 'changing your last name means you are no longer part of your family' thing, but if that's how you feel, then don't change it. Like some PP's have mentioned, there are other options than completely dropping your last name and taking on your husbands'. Perhaps you could find something in between that will make you happy?

LoveMuffins · April 2011

I am openly rejoicing that I finally get to change my last name, but my family doesn't feel any less loved because I will still... you know.... be part of their family, will be visiting them just as much, talking with them just as much, calling them mom and dad, behaving as the same loving daughter i always have been... get my drift?

Wiscisbliss · April 2011

You don't have to change it... and you don't have to change it right away. Maybe after you are married for a few months the decision might be more clear.

I changed my name to First MIddle Maiden Married - so I now have a double middle name. It is a little silly, but I really liked my last name and wanted to keep it while still taking H's name.

wiwicaty · April 2011

I'm not changing my name because I'm super fond of it. I also don't equate love with last names... Do what feels right to you, your family won't feel any less loved either way.

trix1223 · April 2011

Wow. I had no idea that changing my name meant that I didn't love my dad anymore. Or that our DD changing her name meant that she doesn't love her dad. That's just silly.

If you're very attached to your name, keep it. If you want to change it, change it. But please don't equate it to loving your family.

MeganAngela · April 2011

This is a great question. I'm having some weird guilt/sadness over my name change, as well. However, mine is a little different. I don't want to lose my middle name. I love my first and middle name together, and while I really love the idea of going traditional and doing (First Name) (Last Name) (FI's Last Name), I don't want to lose my middle name. At the same time, I feel like having four names would be kind of long. So I'm still considering my options. I'm thinking of legally going by (First Name) (Middle Name) (FI's Last Name) and then going by the traditional name on Facebook. IDK.

Change your name only if you want to. There is no rule saying you have to change your name at all. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

vicki0508 · April 2011

Maybe it's too personal, but since you brought it up, how exactly did your aunt help your parents conceive?

J&K10910 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-changing-guilt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:23b73cba-1dd1-40a6-b4a4-423be018d754Post:057f27fc-48a2-43fb-a9c7-d793829c4bd9">Re: Name Changing Guilt....</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe it's too personal, but since you brought it up, how exactly did your aunt help your parents conceive?
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

Coached them through it, maybe?

mstar284 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-changing-guilt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:23b73cba-1dd1-40a6-b4a4-423be018d754Post:8fe369cc-e236-40a2-84f8-b06f983250a1">Re: Name Changing Guilt....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Name Changing Guilt.... : Coached them through it, maybe?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

She applied the lube!

Wrong thing to say? Sorry, it was too irresistible.

almost-a-bride · April 2011

I always knew I would take my fiancées last name. But it was hard to. I don't equate it to love or losing my family, but it was a part of me. So I understand your feelings. I still have the Same initials, and the names actually sound similar though.

thesequel · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-changing-guilt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:23b73cba-1dd1-40a6-b4a4-423be018d754Post:a4e1fd77-2fd9-403b-84e9-0884a351c43c">Re: Name Changing Guilt....</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't want to change my last name either. So I'm not going to. Easy.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Me too! I am the only one in Canada with my last name....I like that fact. </div>

LoisLane007 · April 2011

Thanks for the suggestion on the siggy.

And my aunt is an OBGYN who administered the medicine my Mom needed for fertility.

vicki0508 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-changing-guilt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:23b73cba-1dd1-40a6-b4a4-423be018d754Post:61790c65-a8cd-4478-b457-94ead91fc973">Re: Name Changing Guilt....</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the suggestion on the siggy. And my aunt is an OBGYN who administered the medicine my Mom needed for fertility.
Posted by LoisLane007[/QUOTE]
Well that's not nearly as juicy as I was hoping! But thanks for coming back and satisfying my curiosity. :)

Edit - you REALLY need to take your wedding website out of your siggy. You have your full name, FI's full name, and WP's full names listed. As well as a bunch of information about when you both were born, where you went to school, where you currently go to school, and where FI works. It's really not safe to be broadcasting that kind of information on a very public message board.

Lisa50 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-changing-guilt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:23b73cba-1dd1-40a6-b4a4-423be018d754Post:ebad8dc9-227a-4a3e-a20e-e2f4c78d2c11">Re: Name Changing Guilt....</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a great question. I'm having some weird guilt/sadness over my name change, as well. However, mine is a little different. I don't want to lose my middle name. I love my first and middle name together, and while I really love the idea of going traditional and doing (First Name) (Last Name) (FI's Last Name), I don't want to lose my middle name. At the same time, <strong>I feel like having four names would be kind of long.</strong> So I'm still considering my options. I'm thinking of legally going by (First Name) (Middle Name) (FI's Last Name) and then going by the traditional name on Facebook. IDK. Change your name only if you want to. There is no rule saying you have to change your name at all. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Posted by MeganAngela[/QUOTE]

I have always had two middles names and therefore, 4 names for 50 years. It's truly not a big deal. Two middle initials are not as odd as you might think.

anacristinas · April 2011

for me its kind of backwards. I don't mind changing my last name to his, but the problem for me is HIS family. They keep saying stuff that kind if makes me think they don't want me to change my last name to his. So, like you, I have no idea what to do...

But like others said, Don't change it if you don't want to...

crash2729 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_name-changing-guilt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:23b73cba-1dd1-40a6-b4a4-423be018d754Post:378c8b89-1849-495a-b6f1-a1865fd6768c">Re: Name Changing Guilt....</a>:
[QUOTE]for me its kind of backwards. I don't mind changing my last name to his, but the problem for me is HIS family. They keep saying stuff that kind if makes me think they don't want me to change my last name to his. So, like you, <strong>I have no idea what to do</strong>... But like others said, Don't change it if you don't want to...
Posted by anacristinas[/QUOTE]

Do what you and your FI want. It's doesn't really matter what they want. It's your name...

Name Changing Guilt....

Re: Name Changing Guilt....

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