Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dad singing before wedding? Good or bad idea?

My father is gifted musically. He sings/play/arranges music for weddings often for family and friends, not really for money anymore. He, in fact, is arranging the music for my wedding, and his friends graciously offered to play at the ceremony for free.

My mom really wants me to ask my Dad to play and sing a song she likes before the wedding while everyone is getting seated. She keeps saying, "He's waiting on you to ask him!" I have no way of knowing if this is true, and it is possible that this is just something that she feels strongly about. My Dad is not the kind of guy who is open with his feelings. If I ask, he will likely say yes, but does he really need the added stress that performance entails?

The way I see it, my Dad is going to have a lot to do on the day, and I'm trying to keep everything as simple as possible. This song would require my Dad to get to the chruch even earlier, set up his equipment, warm up, perform and then scurry across the church to give his daughter away. I don't even think that I would be able to hear him play the song without being seen since the church is small.

Church coordinator says that they have cracked down on the music for the mass. Therefore, the song goes before the mass starts or at the reception, no compromises. My father has his own reasons for playing at receptions anymore.

Should I ask my Dad to play and hope for the best to make my Mom happy, or should I just tell her that I want him to have as stress-free a day as possible? He's already doing so much, but Mom has contributed more than anyone else to the wedding.

Re: Dad singing before wedding? Good or bad idea?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-singing-before-wedding-good-or-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a114d595-d1a6-4b87-a3b3-c2bd80f89ae3Post:3423b1e2-b912-4fb2-b124-61566660c785">Dad singing before wedding? Good or bad idea?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My father is gifted musically. He sings/play/arranges music for weddings often for family and friends, not really for money anymore. He, in fact, is arranging the music for my wedding, and his friends graciously offered to play at the ceremony for free. My mom really wants me to ask my Dad to play and sing a song she likes before the wedding while everyone is getting seated. She keeps saying, "He's waiting on you to ask him!" I have no way of knowing if this is true, and it is possible that this is just something that she feels strongly about. My Dad is not the kind of guy who is open with his feelings. If I ask, he will likely say yes, but does he really need the added stress that performance entails? The way I see it, my Dad is going to have a lot to do on the day, and I'm trying to keep everything as simple as possible. This song would require my Dad to get to the chruch even earlier, set up his equipment, warm up, perform and then scurry across the church to give his daughter away. I don't even think that I would be able to hear him play the song without being seen since the church is small. Church coordinator says that they have cracked down on the music for the mass. Therefore, the song goes before the mass starts or at the reception, no compromises. My father has his own reasons for playing at receptions anymore. Should I ask my Dad to play and hope for the best to make my Mom happy, or should I just tell her that I want him to have as stress-free a day as possible? He's already doing so much, but Mom has contributed more than anyone else to the wedding.
    Posted by AimeeRab[/QUOTE]

    I think this would be a little odd, personally.  Are you talking about him singing as your guests are being seated?  That could span over 10-30 minutes.  Is he going to stand up there and keep singing?

    If you are talking about him singing right before you walk in, I agree with you.  he would have to run to the back to escort you in.  It just sounds awkward.
  • courtski2004courtski2004 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    I don't think that there would be anything wrong with it, personally. The only thing my dad did prior to the ceremony was hang out with my H and his groomsmen. He didn't have any duties other than getting my mom there in one piece and then walking me down the aisle. I say if he wants to, then go for it. Maybe have him sing something and put that song two songs prior to the processional so that he has enough time to get to the back of the church and have a moment to gather himself prior to walking you down the aisle.

    At my best friend's wedding in '06, her dad sang a version of Rascal Flatts 'God Bless The Broken Road' during the ceremony and it was the most moving thing ever. I still can't listen to that song without it taking me back to the memories of that day and bringing a tear to my eye. It wasn't showy or cheezy, just so emotional for her dad to sing a song that expressed how thankful he was that she found such an amazing man in the end. Ugh. I have goosebumps now just thinking about it.

    Talk to him, see if he really wants to sing at the ceremony as much as your mom is letting on, and go from there.
  • I'm not really clear on why your mom wants him to sing while guests are being sat. You won't even be there to hear him.
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  • FMIL wants to sing also.I personally don't want her to because she tends to go a little overboard on the dramatics. She's got a lovely voice, but I don't want her going all opera before the wedding.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2012
    Here's an idea, ask your Dad. Discuss the pros and cons with him so you are both happy with the decision.
  • lol. Ask your dad. 

    My mom was a professional singer/songwriter before passing away. During my brother's wedding she sang the song she wrote about us kids. There wasn't a dry eye in the house because it was so personal and simple and beautiful. Sadly, she won't be in corporeal form for my wedding, but I'll either sing it myself (I got the genes) or will play a recording. 

    I also fully intend to sing to my fiance. Music and sharing my voice is such a huge part of our relationship and life. Not everyone is like that. Do what feels good to you and your dad.
  • Would the church let him record the song ahead of time, and play it during the seating?
  • I would ask Dad, but I know how that conversation will go. He'll do it to make Mom happy. No questions asked. He's a good husband like that. You should see some of the ugly ties he pretends to like AND WEARS because she bought them for him. If I even ask, it's happening. I just want to see what others think.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dad-singing-before-wedding-good-or-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a114d595-d1a6-4b87-a3b3-c2bd80f89ae3Post:61f553b4-6102-4cb9-b7f5-7924bb8b01ca">Re: Dad singing before wedding? Good or bad idea?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If he is going to sing, at the reception would make more sense to me. That or have him do a song in lieu of one of the readings (would that be allowed?). Or maybe at the rehearsal dinner? While guests are being seated for the ceremony seems really odd, and like he would be crunched for time.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    <div>I believe it would flow more naturally in the ceremony as well, but the church's wedding coordinator tells me that this church is cracking down on "observing formalities." I have no idea why they are suddenly being so weird about music. True to catholic form, I was made to feel pretty guilty for even asking. (Not that I'm complaining about being Catholic. I just find my religion very rigid and uptight at times.)</div><div>
    </div><div>I know my father also doesn't like playing at reception venues. We had that conversation a lot when I was playing wedding with him. It seems like it's before the wedding right before the procession begins or not at all.</div><div>
    </div><div>A part of me feels like I just want him with me to calm my nerves right before the wedding. A part of me just wants him to enjoy being a dad that day instead of asking him to perform. But then, my Mom keeps asking.</div>
  • I think it's odd to have him sing during the seating.  If he can't sing during the ceremony, the reception is probably a better time.  It just will look odd if he does this personal song while people are sitting down.

    I disagree that he will have too much to do that he would feel too stressed to perform.  I'm a professional musician and it would be something that I would love to do for my daughter- it would not be an inconvenience at all.  In fact, I'd probably be insulted if such close family members did not ask me to sing- who wouldn't want a personal performance from a loved one who also happens to be a professional musician?  If my daughter didn't ask me to perform at her wedding, I might take it to mean that she doesn't like how I sound Undecided  Just being honest!

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  • AimeeRabAimeeRab member
    10 Comments
    edited November 2012
    I think I'm going to call the church again tomorrow and do battle with the wedding coordinator to see if I can get this song played for the meditation. Apparently, it's not "sacred" music, but whatever. I think everyone is happy there. Mom gets her song, Dad get to sing and I get my Dad before the wedding. Here's the link to the song performed by Paul Stookey:

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