Am I wrong?

MarryingmyKnight · November 2011

So I have sent out invitations and of course more people have been added that didn't get invitations but I have been trying to get a good head count so I have been calling, texting and FBing people to see if they are coming or not. The part I am asking if I am wrong about is if I ask you if you are making it to the wedding and you don't respond then I have been just declining them and moving on. I am 27 days out and I have to give a head count to my resturant soon and I am tired of waiting on people to respond. The wedding is in Vegas and near Christmas so you know right away if you can make it or not especially those who have to buy a plane ticket. Why is it so hard for people to say Yes I am coming or No I can't make it. My feelings won't be hurt. I also make sure that I tell them that so i can get an answer and still nothing. This guest list thing is a beast and I am tired of playing with it. All I need at my wedding is my boo and I. Am I wrong?

Soon2BSand · November 2011

Nope. They were given an RSVP deadline if they can't (or didn't) adhere to it then they give up their right to be a guest.

lcroster · November 2011

No i don't think you are wrong at all but I think people who are responding may 1) be ashamed that they can't make the trip. 2) trying to figure out a way to make the trip. I'm having a destination wedding as well and have heard from several people saying oh i'm coming but no one has booked a hotel. I know i have a more than 6 months to go but everyone knew 10 months ago. Also people don't realize that you need a final count for everything that comes along with a wedding (not saying they didn't get married themselve). They just forget that you need to know ASAP. Hopefully everyone will get back to you soon but I would do the same thing that you are doing now. If I do'nt have a response then I'd think ok they aren't coming.

msktn95 · November 2011

The part I am asking if I am wrong about is if I ask you if you are making it to the wedding and you don't respond then I have been just declining them and moving on.

I did the exact same thing. I called and text and the people that did not respond I decided for them. (Decline) People do not understand how important it is to RSVP. I was reading an article in a wedding magazine and RSVP is #1 hang up. The article states, don't go crazy.... their still not going to send their RSVPs no matter how much you call.
My wedding is the saturday after Thanksgiving, so people know if they are coming or not. MOVE ON!!! Don't stress over the RSVP's, I realized the ones, that really care about you the most will be there.

wallacje · November 2011

No you are not. I didn't even waste my time calling people after our RSVP deadline, if you can respect my time enough to send the card back or tell me or H or someone that you weren't coming then why should I waste hours of my life on you?! Most of those folks I haven't spoken to since. Totally decluttered my life, HA.

sheikscorpio88 · November 2011

I have a question about this whole RSVP thing. After you get done calling these people who didnt have the courtesy to respond and send their RSVP back, what if they just show up at the wedding? Than what? That's my #1 fear! Just asking

wallacje · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_am-wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6224ab37-6113-4b21-88ce-b3109992f244Post:0eccaf5c-4165-4ee8-b718-7b490a3eec27">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question about this whole RSVP thing. After you get done calling these people who didnt have the courtesy to respond and send their RSVP back, what if they just show up at the wedding? Than what? That's my #1 fear! Just asking :)
Posted by sheikscorpio88[/QUOTE]

Thanks for coming but we are at capacity for tonight's event!

LOL. But seriously if you have space and funds then add them but if you don't then go with what I said above. For our wedding we ordered food for 5 extra people just in case. I'd be seruiously ticked with them though.

MrsSmith2Be02 · November 2011

Nope. Nothing personal....just business! Decline and keep it movin.

2010Bride2be · November 2011

According to your siggy, your RSVP date isn't until November 21st. You should give your guests until then (or even a few days past then to respond). Once that date comes, you can reach out to them to see if they will be attending. If you don't receive a response on that, then you can count them out.

We had this happen with a few guests. Instead of taking the chance of having some type of misunderstanding on our wedding day, we sent those guests the following via email or fb....(note..these are people that I know check email or fb frequently):
-----
A RSVP has not been received from you for our August 6th wedding. Since a response was not received by the RSVP deadline, we have submitted our final counts to our reception venue and regret that you will not be in attendance to share in this occasion with us.

Lovingly,
Kelly & Dante
--------

In the end, I know you want to get your list finalized, but you have to wait til your RSVP deadline, and probably a few days beyond that.

2010Bride2be · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_am-wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6224ab37-6113-4b21-88ce-b3109992f244Post:0eccaf5c-4165-4ee8-b718-7b490a3eec27">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question about this whole RSVP thing. After you get done calling these people who didnt have the courtesy to respond and send their RSVP back, what if they just show up at the wedding? Than what? That's my #1 fear! Just asking :)
Posted by sheikscorpio88[/QUOTE]

Then they don't have a seat at the reception. We provided an alphabetized RSVP list to our coordinator. So if someone came to her saying their name was not on the seating chart during the cocktail hour, she could see if we received an RSVP from them and perhaps we overlooked someting. If their name was not on the RSVP list, then they would be told that there was no seat for them and thank you for coming.

Carla1019 · November 2011

A few years ago a friend sent me an invitation to her wedding without response cards. I called and left her a voice message that I was coming. She never received the message and I'm glad she called to confirm. We avoided a major misunderstanding.

I agree with PP, give your guests 1 or 2 days past your deadline and call.

djscat · November 2011

This is exactly why I am glad that I am doing the online and phone RSVP. This gives me the option to close the RSVP on my deadline date. I am getting my invites today and they will go out by Wednesday of next week. My deadline is Jan 15th. The day after I will be changing the RSVP page to the following message.

ANNOUNCEMENT
as of 1/16//2012

The R.S.V.P. deadline had passed and we have provided our final count to our reception venue. We look forward to seeing those who are ready to dance the night away, and will miss those who cannot make it or have yet to respond.

Lovingly,
Catherine and Frederick

The voice mail will also be changed to reflect that the guest list is now closed. One week before the deadline I will make calls to those who have not responded. If messages have to be left then it will include the deadline date. If I don't hear back from those people by the deadline then I have done what I can do and they will be put down as a no. I have a short B list that I would like to get quick invites out to and I am not going to stress about those who can't take 2 minutes to respond online or via phone. I have seen how the RSVPs have stressed out many brides and I just ain't doing it. Anyone on FI side can go to FI if they have a problem with it but I am not worried about them since his family is so small. My family are the ones I know I'm going to have to get after. Luckily I have Christmas where I will see everyone and can remind them right then to go RSVP.

msktn95 · November 2011

I like your idea djscat, but just know.... some people will not respond by phone or online.

lcroster · November 2011

Thanks for the letter Cat and Kelly. I will be updating them and sendinng them to my guest that don't RSVP. I know this isn't my post but those are great words.

djscat · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_am-wrong-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6224ab37-6113-4b21-88ce-b3109992f244Post:918386a3-bfdb-4aad-8f08-3f9627763a6a">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I like your idea djscat, but just know.... some people will not respond by phone or online.
Posted by msktn95[/QUOTE]

I know but they have to understand that they wont be at the wedding either. The only exception is our parents everyone else OH WELL. They have ample time to get in the RSVP. The funny thing is I already know who is going to be the problem so I can get on them early. One of them is a family memeber who I don't really want at the wedding anyway so I am hoping that she doesn't respond. LOL

Ksk2012 · November 2011

Well I like all the responses. the phone and website responses are great!!!

I believe in getting on the line and calling people direct. That is a great idea. I have a large B List so I am ready to move those people in as the other people decline.

I have a bunch of friends I volunteer with that would love to come but cant.. so if my Texas family declines ( I am getting married in Los Angeles) they are all in!

No you arent wrong.. call and msg the people. I agree with waiting until after the deadline though!

MarryingmyKnight · November 2011

Thanks for the input ladies. These people I am declining are people that didn't receive invitations because FMIL or FI added them after invites went out. I had one person tell me she put the RSVP in the mail a month ago and then I sent her a message on FB and FI texted her husband and no response. I sent out 20 invites and RSVPs and only recieved 5 back. I'm losing my patience with this. Two more days and that's it. I'm not waiting any extra time. They had a month and a half to respond it only takes 3 minutes.

Am I wrong?

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