Moms and Maids

My mom is picking out dresses from the Juniors' Department...

My fiance and I aren't getting married terribly soon, our tentative date is Halloween 2014. We're having a zombie themed wedding. 

We haven't formally addressed a dress code because we're still working it out, but what we've 99% decided on is having blood family and older people wear normal wedding clothing and then having a makeup artist "zombie" our friends who aren't in the bridal party. So a mix of the living and the living dead. 

My plus sized, (then will be) 53 year old mother has decided she wants to wear a short, lime green dress, with white polka dots.

My fiance and I live in Santa Barbara, California. October isn't terribly cold for us, but we will be on a cliff overlooking the ocean, so it'll be chilly there and the reception is at a different location but still primarily outdoors. So "short" isn't something I would recommend. Especially since she's one of those women who is always cold anyway..

I've been trying to dissuade her gently by emailing her lists of other suggestions, but I have no idea where to find nice plus sized dresses. I also don't know exactly what her size is, my guess would be 18ish? 

Any help with MOB dress suggetions? Our "wedding colors" do actually include green, and also black and white and I'll be wearing a pink and black gown. So GREEN isn't a problem. But a little polka dot dress with ruffles is.

halp plz?


Re: My mom is picking out dresses from the Juniors' Department...

  • Are you serious?  It's really rude to dictate what anyone wears other than your wedding party, and, um, don't get me started on the makeup artist.  You...don't actually get to use all of your wedding guests as props to create your elaborate spectacle dream wedding.

    I'm about 75% sure you're trolling, but in case you're not, you can do whatever you want with yourself and your wedding party.  You cannot tell your parents what to wear (unless they ask your opinion), you cannot make your guests wear makeup, and if you're worried your reception is going to be uncomfortably cold, you need to find another reception venue, because your guests' comfort is more important than your photo ops.
    Jen&Mike8
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_my-mom-is-picking-out-dresses-from-the-juniors-department?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c1a7c23f-936f-474b-9602-c2e1b1dbf6fdPost:9d771cfe-00ec-454d-9c3b-4c10728ac141">My mom is picking out dresses from the Juniors' Department...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I aren't getting married terribly soon, our tentative date is Halloween 2014. We're having a zombie themed wedding.  We haven't formally addressed a dress code because we're still working it out, but what we've 99% decided on is having blood family and older people wear normal wedding clothing and then having a makeup artist "zombie" our friends who aren't in the bridal party. So a mix of the living and the living dead.  My plus sized, (then will be) 53 year old mother has decided she wants to wear a short, lime green dress, with white polka dots. My fiance and I live in Santa Barbara, California. October isn't terribly cold for us, but we will be on a cliff overlooking the ocean, so it'll be chilly there and the reception is at a different location but still primarily outdoors. So "short" isn't something I would recommend. Especially since she's one of those women who is always cold anyway.. I've been trying to dissuade her gently by emailing her lists of other suggestions, but I have no idea where to find nice plus sized dresses. I also don't know exactly what her size is, my guess would be 18ish?  Any help with MOB dress suggetions? Our "wedding colors" do actually include green, and also black and white and I'll be wearing a pink and black gown. So GREEN isn't a problem. But a little polka dot dress with ruffles is. halp plz?
    Posted by Tuesdizzle[/QUOTE]

    I think it's great that you want to spend the next two years worrying about this and harping on a grown woman about her clothing choices. That's an excellent use of your time.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    A MOB, here. So sorry, but the moms get to choose their own outfits for the wedding, unless they are bms or MOH.

    I started looking at MOB dresses as soon as my daughter and FSIL announced their engagement. The dresses I liked 2 years ago are nothing like the dress I chose. So your mom might decide to wear a sequined, leopard printed mini instead of the polka dot dress, or she might choose something... 'warmer.' But it's her choice, not yours, and it's probably the only thing she has total control over, so let her have her fun.

    If your mom wants some recommendations for MOB dresses, send her here. I'd be happy to share my favorite sites with her.

    And I won't get started on the zombie makeup.
                       
  • Congratulations on you're engagement. I think your Mom should be able to wear what she wants, but you're wedding is 2years away so she probably will change her mind by then.
    Live life like its your last day!
  • I would just remind her, hey mom its going to be about X degrees on this date and we are outside. Dont forget you may get cold. I'm putting it out there that in the mid west kansas in october its very chilly compared to lousinia mississippi and  virgina that our family is from. That way no one shows up in a short strapless dress and freeze. 

    I also agree with the other lady take a day to find a dress and both of you could go. But you cant really say no to anything. Make suggestions show her cute dresses things like that. If it makes you feel any better my dad found out they have a camo vest and tie. Now he is set on that and am not to on board with it. But because he likes it and it will make him feel comforable i'm letting it go so he can be happy with haveing to wear a suit. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you want zombies trolling around your wedding then hire actors.  Don't use your friends as props.

    Your Mom can wear whatever the heck she wants because she is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions.

    If this is real then the world just got a tad more crazy.

  • You should consider checking out the Offbeat Bride board; you can find it under the wedding theme boards on the left side of the page. 

    1. Unless your mom buys that dress within the next few weeks, odds are she'll never be able to find that exact dress in stores two years from now.

    2. Even if she buys that dress soon, odds are she'll change weight over the next two years and it probably won't even fit. If it does, let it go; if she's cold or looks ridiculous then that's on her. 

    3. Make sure you consider all the logistics of having a make up artist there to zombiefy your friends. How long will it take to turn people into zombies? Will guests who want to look like zombies need to show up hours before the wedding to make sure they get done in time? If it takes awhile and there's a line, will the first few zombies still look good by the time the ceremony and reception roll around? Will the make up smear or get on people clothes during the night? Obviously make sure it's an optional thing in case people don't want to get zombiefied, have sensitive skin to the makeup, etc. 

    Save yourself the headache and don't even think about what your mom's wearing for at least another year and a half. She's an adult and gets to make her own wardrobe decisions unless it happens to be at a place with a dress code that's enforced. Everyone has elements of their wedding that are just beyond their control; try to let this go and save yourself a lot of worry/stress. 

    Good luck with your wedding plans.

  • Dude, your wedding isn't for 2 YEARS. You shouldn't even be thinking about attire. That aside, your Mom is an adult and can dress herself. 

    And please don't zombify your guests. It's just not cool. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    Life is good today.
  • H's friend had a zombie wedding, and H was a zombie for it. Of course, she asked if anyone would be willing months ahead of time, but I don't get the idea that the OP is planning on forcing anyone. She knows her crowd. If she wants a zombie wedding, and isn't being rude to anybody, I don't see why anyone should mind, just because it's not a typical wedding theme. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_my-mom-is-picking-out-dresses-from-the-juniors-department?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c1a7c23f-936f-474b-9602-c2e1b1dbf6fdPost:e806939d-270b-4290-ad68-bc121cf9c038">Re: My mom is picking out dresses from the Juniors' Department...</a>:
    [QUOTE]H's friend had a zombie wedding, and H was a zombie for it. Of course, she asked if anyone would be willing months ahead of time, but I don't get the idea that the OP is planning on forcing anyone. She knows her crowd. If she wants a zombie wedding, and isn't being rude to anybody, I don't see why anyone should mind, just because it's not a typical wedding theme. 
    Posted by warpedredpenguin[/QUOTE]

    You see, the thing is that her friends and family will probably feel that they have to dress as zombies as to not hurt her feelings.  People tend to do things that they don't want for loved ones while completely side-eyeing and b*tching about it the entire time.

    OP, like I said in my previous posts, if you want zombies trolling your wedding then hire actors.  Do not ask or make anyone or your guests dress up as zombies.  Just allow them to come to the wedding in whatever they want to wear and enjoy the entertainment.

  • I agree that while you shouldn't dictate what she wears, I agree you have a right to be concerned if what she was planning on wearing is not flattering on her or will make her stand out in not a good way.  I would be as supportive as you can and try to encourage her/help her pick out something that would look nice.  But, at the end of the day you can't make her change her mind.  To me, a MOB is a part of the wedding party, considering she does have a role at the wedding and will be in a lot of your pictures.  She may not be a "bridesmaid" but I would hope my mom and FMIL and at least coordinate on some level so they do not drastically stand out from the wedding party.  Be as nice as you can and try to help, but don't drive yourself crazy... and on the day her image is a reflection of her not you.  And, since you still 2 years, you definitely do not need to stress about this now.

    On the zombie idea, it is your wedding, but if my friend told me as a guest I was going to be painted up like a zombie I'd be a little weirded out. One thing to suggest it to your wedding party, but to all your guest is taking it a little far... but hey, if they are for it, go for it!
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_my-mom-is-picking-out-dresses-from-the-juniors-department?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c1a7c23f-936f-474b-9602-c2e1b1dbf6fdPost:235970bb-591c-48cf-a729-03fd0644e0bd">Re: My mom is picking out dresses from the Juniors' Department...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that while you shouldn't dictate what she wears, I agree you have a right to be concerned if what she was planning on wearing is not flattering on her or will make her stand out in not a good way.  I would be as supportive as you can and try to encourage her/help her pick out something that would look nice.  But, at the end of the day you can't make her change her mind.  <strong>To me, a MOB is a part of the wedding party, considering she does have a role at the wedding and will be in a lot of your pictures</strong>.  She may not be a "bridesmaid" but I would hope my mom and FMIL and at least coordinate on some level so they do not drastically stand out from the wedding party.  Be as nice as you can and try to help, but don't drive yourself crazy... and on the day her image is a reflection of her not you.  And, since you still 2 years, you definitely do not need to stress about this now. On the zombie idea, it is your wedding, but if my friend told me as a guest I was going to be painted up like a zombie I'd be a little weirded out. One thing to suggest it to your wedding party, but to all your guest is taking it a little far... but hey, if they are for it, go for it!
    Posted by erinlin25[/QUOTE]

    This is where you are wrong.  They are not a part of the wedding party.  The wedding party consists of the bride, groom, best man, maid of honor, groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girl and ring bearer.  No one else.

    If you had readers would you require them to coordinate?  They do play a part in the wedding but they aren't part of the wedding party so making them coordinate is rude.  Mothers and Fathers are basically VIP guests, and as guests (even VIP ones) they are allowed to wear whatever the heck they want to.

  • I do not see it as rude....  I'm not telling MOB, MOG what to wear, nor what they cannot wear, I'm just saying that I do see as mothers they are important to the wedding and in my opinion should not clash.  As stated, I know they are not formally part of the wedding party, but in my family's tradition they are considered to have a role in the wedding.  Some moms are an important part of the wedding, some are not; it will vary at every wedding.  I'm not saying I want to match, I'm just a fan of them looking their best on that day. 

     I'm sorry but if my mom picked a color/style dress that would look horrible on her, or look awkward at the wedding I would at least point it out nicely and help persuade her to try something else.  It's just an opinion.  You have yours, this is mine. and the point was its ok to be concerned at what MOB wears, but can't push it.  End of the day whatever they are comfortable in, works.  But I know my mom that if I let her where something that didn't look good, she'd look back at pictures for sure and say "why did you let me wear that!?
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