Plus 1

shoebie · May 2011

Do you have to give a plus 1 if someone is not dating anyone? I have so many single friends that it would prob. add 50 ppl I dont know to our guest list and almost another 4 thousand dollars for people I dont know.... Was thinking of just putting all of our friends at tables together .......

MCRM22011 · May 2011

i didn't give plus one's unless they had a long-term significant other or a fiance. i am also only inviting aunts, uncles, first cousins, grandparents, and a few friends (which equals to 95 in a room that holds only 100!), so everyone is pretty close and knows each other well.

As long as people know a few other people besides you and fi, they will be fine. If they don't feel comfortable, they might decline your invite.

mbcdefg · May 2011

You don't have to grant someone a plus one if they're not in a serious relationship.

I would make an exception for your bridal party members, though, since they are spending a lot of time and money to be a part of your day. And I would also make an exception if you are inviting a single friend who will not know anyone at the wedding besides you.

But with 16 months to go, I wouldn't worry about this right now. Your guest list might change by the time you send out invitations ... we had several people on our list when we first got engaged, and they got axed closer to the wedding because our friendships fizzled out. (This made us glad that we didn't send out Save the Dates, since we would've been stuck inviting those people anyway.) Plus, people will start dating in the meantime, or couples may break up, so that'll throw your numbers off if you draft them right now.

Reilly626 · May 2011

Yes, you should allow the person to make their own decision. I was single for most of my good friends weddings and I would have felt really crappy if I didnt have that option. I didnt bring anyone, but its kind to be asked. Most likely they will reply just one.

cindyn9178 · May 2011

This is a "controversial" topic.. Personally, I don't really have this situation, because nearly everybody we are inviting, except for 3 people, are either married, engaged or in a long term relationship. So for those remaining 3 people, we are just including "and guest", so they don't feel slighted.
That being said, if we had 50 single people, we would definitely need to be more lenient on who would get a Plus 1. It is hard to judge a person's relationship as "serious" or "long term", so I probably wouldn't use that for my "criteria" in deciding who gets a date. I would probably base it on how old the person was, how I knew them, and who else they would know at the wedding. For example, if it was a person from my office that wouldn't know anybody else there, I would include a date for them. But if it was a 19 year old cousin who would have their parents there and other family members, I wouldn't include a plus 1 unless I had personally met their significant other. If I knew they didn't have a significant other, I would not include a date for them.
You really need to draw the line somewhere - I know we want to have all of the people that are close to us at our wedding, and I can't see spending a ton of extra money for everybody's guests, especially when we've never met those people.

KH 2012 · May 2011

its a tough one...we are doing plus ones but we probably only adding another 10 like that. for me when i go to weddings where i dont really know anyone else i like to have someone i know to dance with. but i understand where you are coming from, we cant invite kids for the same reason that it will add another 32 which is not worth it and will turn it into a day care

katetw · May 2011

We gave plus-ones to everyone over age 22 (unless they are engaged, like one of my cousins); that way we don't have to pay for our college-age cousins bringing their flavor of the month, but our older friends who may not know anyone have the opportunity to bring a date.

Many of our guests are from out of state, so that figured into our reasoning, too.

USER876 · May 2011

I think proper ettiquette is to invite people with a guest. This new justification of doing so only if the person is in a serious relationship or engaged is tacky IMO.

37 Butter Knives · May 2011

I've always heard "living together," not "serious relationship," as the litmus test. Which is ridiculous - why is a couple who moved in together after knowing each other for a week more legitimate than a couple together for years that's living apart because their jobs are too far apart to make living together practical? We did +1s. I didn't live with my husband before we got married (for the aforementioned work reasons), and I would have been very much offended - indeed, enough to end the friendship or good family relationship - if someone only invited one of us to a wedding because the etiquette gods said we didn't have to be invited together.

cindyn9178 · May 2011

Just wanted to add, I really think it depends on each individual family and what they are "used to", or what works for each situation. If you have 25 first cousins that are all single (as in not married) and over 18, it might not work financially to give every one of them a guest. But it gets tricky because you don't want to risk hurting someone's feelings. That is why setting an age limit or a rule about living together might not work in every situation, just like inviting every person with a guest might not work either.

peaches178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:416ddeb9-bc98-4f1f-8046-64a8b92474f4Post:1285382b-a57a-430b-aa45-52b18f99a46c">Re: Plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]Just wanted to add, I really think it depends on each individual family and what they are "used to", or what works for each situation. If you have 25 first cousins that are all single (as in not married) and over 18, it might not work financially to give every one of them a guest. But it gets tricky because you don't want to risk hurting someone's feelings. That is why setting an age limit or a rule about living together might not work in every situation, just like inviting every person with a guest might not work either.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]
I agree with this completely. What works for some may not work for others and sometimes you have to worry more about your wallet than what etiquette dictates <strong>as long as</strong> you're considerate about the feelings and relationships of others and you don't offend anyone.

In our case, we knew that it'd be perfectly fine to invite some single people without a date and that we should invite other single people with a date.

NJgurl19 · May 2011

It sucks but I felt obligated to give plus ones. Especially because when I get invited to places I love the option to take someone.

cutiepie12702 · May 2011

I am giving everyone a plus one, because I would want the option to bring a date if I was them. I can see certain situations where it may not be required, ie. a group of work girlfriends who wouldn't all mind coming without dates/husbands. I would not recommend inviting someone without a date who will not know anyone though - I'd feel bad making someone sit at a table alone, not knowing anyone, and watching everyone else dance and have a good time.

ginabean82 · May 2011

I voted no, however it is proper to invite adults with a guest. I was invited to my cousins wedding a few years ago when I was dating my fiance for 3 years, and he wasn't invited. I was so angry at this, mainly because my other cousins were invited with guests. I didn't make a big deal over it because I saw it as that was less money I had to give. So I would say whatever you choose to do, make sure it's consistant. You dont want to invite some guests with dates and others not.

TripleJTobe · May 2011

We are doing Adult + guest for the single folks for anyone 21+

gymchick05 · May 2011

We offered a plus one to everyone coming that was an adult (age 20+), but we had a pretty good idea ahead of time who would and wouldnt bring a date. On average, most of the single guys opted to come alone (except those that didnt know anyone at the wedding) and the girls want to bring dates.

there were afew times I was not allowed to bring a guest when i was in a serious relationship and one wedding where my FI was invited w.o me and Im still mad about this haha so I felt it was important. We decided this prior to setting up the guest list though so we budgetted for these additional numbers

mrs.spunky1508 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:416ddeb9-bc98-4f1f-8046-64a8b92474f4Post:c1c857bf-245d-4e76-8170-31d66b8598f8">Re: Plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]I think proper ettiquette is to invite people with a guest. This new justification of doing so only if the person is in a serious relationship or engaged is tacky IMO.
Posted by USER876[/QUOTE]
I agree!

cindyn9178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:416ddeb9-bc98-4f1f-8046-64a8b92474f4Post:0a7aa5e2-5dc0-452a-8a5f-0562a2052e5f">Re: Plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]I voted no, however it is proper to invite adults with a guest. I was invited to my cousins wedding a few years ago when I was dating my fiance for 3 years, and he wasn't invited. I was so angry at this, mainly because my other cousins were invited with guests. I didn't make a big deal over it because I saw it as that was less money I had to give. So I would say whatever you choose to do, make sure it's consistant. You dont want to invite some guests with dates and others not.
Posted by ginabean82[/QUOTE]

I have to say, if I was dating someone for three years, and they were not invited to a wedding with me, then I would not attend the wedding. If the people didn't know me well enough to know that I had been dating someone that long, then I don't need to be at their wedding. And if they did know I had been dating someone for 3 years and chose not to invite them, that would be even more of an insult to me.

USER876 · May 2011

I don't think this is the best way to control guest list and budget.

kristen8040 · May 2011

Coming from someone that just had a wedding, I do not recommend everyone having a plus one. I was so for it and thought it was completely tacky if you didn't. I ended up having people bring cousins and putting applications out on facebook looking for dates. These are also people who knew everyone at the wedding and didn't need a date for comfort. Some of these people did not give a gift for two people either. I'd say do it for couples only.

cindyn9178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:416ddeb9-bc98-4f1f-8046-64a8b92474f4Post:130dfb7f-5ef8-44e9-bc08-9610ddb4b2e2">Re: Plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]Coming from someone that just had a wedding, I do not recommend everyone having a plus one. I was so for it and thought it was completely tacky if you didn't. I ended up having people bring cousins and putting applications out on facebook looking for dates. These are also people who knew everyone at the wedding and didn't need a date for comfort. <strong>Some of these people did not give a gift for two people either.</strong> I'd say do it for couples only.
Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]
That's an extremely good point I hadn't even thought of. Not that I'm looking for gifts when inviting people..but if people are going to take advantage of you giving them a Plus 1 by looking for a random date from their Facebook friends, the least they could do is give a gift for two people.

jchristel · May 2011

I don't think people actively look to "take advantage of you." For a lot of wedding guests, although you might be important to them and they care about the fact that you're getting married, people view a wedding as a party. Guests just don't think about the wedding on the terms that we, as brides do. My goal for our wedding was that our guests had a good time. I wanted them to enjoy themselves and be comfortable. A lot of people that were invited with a guest declined to bring one, but I did have a few friends that brought a platonic friend as a plus one and that was fine with me. I felt that if someone was important enough to us to be invited, they were important enough to be given the option of bringing a date. If I didn't feel that way about them, they weren't on my list to begin with.

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