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young and in love...and in need of advice

I'm in my final semester in college and just got engaged last month! and I couldn't be more excited. but i'm getting the feeling like i'm the only one that feels that way. a lot of my family feels that i'm too young, or haven't experienced enough yet. My Fiance and I met in our first year in college, and now this is my last semester, so its almost been 3 and a half years. and when i get married in a year and a half i'll be 23. i do know i'm young but i believe when you find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with why wait? i just need advice as to what do to about my family thats not terribly supportive, and will they come around eventually? i just want to plan my wedding with my mom! :)

Re: young and in love...and in need of advice

  • I am in the same situation! I got engaged this past summer just before starting year 2 of 3 of my graduate schooling. When I told my mom she was in complete disbelief and kept telling me that I "needed to finish school". I will be married this Christmas so I won't actually be done school yet and that has taken my mom a bit of time to come around to. I have found the closer we get to the date the more excited and involved my family has become, especially my mom. Just give her some time to get used to the idea :)
  • Give them some time to come around. My mom really didn't care about the wedding at first, just whether or not I was going to finish school. On the other hand, my mom has never really been the girly kind so I wasn't expecitng her to go all out over stuff (for that matter, I'm the same way). Stop for a moment and try to consider your mom - is she the type to go all out on stuff like this? Or is she like my mom who would rather plow the garden than tie ribbon around bubbles? I'm sure your mom will eventually warm up to the idea but keep realistic expectations.

    As for being 23 when you get married, I don't think that's too young. I'll be 24 when I finally tie the knot (after a 3 year engagement).
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  • My parents are really supportive about me getting married to my FI, but they are hesitant that we are having the wedding when we are- next December. I'll have a year or so left in grad school, but they would rather us wait until we're more financially stable, understandably. The way I see it, we've waited long enough! Over time, they got more excited about it. I get daily texts from my mom about wedding ideas. Once my dad saw me in my dress, I think his whole attitude changed and now I can tell he's excited about it.
       I know it's really tough when you don't have your parents' full approval, but I'm sure they'll come around! Good luck!
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  • Shortest answer: ignore the nay-sayers and surround yourself with the people who do support you. The grumps will either come around or they won't but you can't and shouldn't worry about it. Plan your wedding and be excited!

    Congrats!

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  • I was in that boat and I'm younger than you are. :) While my family wasn't completely against the idea, they did tell me that they wished I would wait until I'm older. I gave them time and they eventually came around.
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  • I am younger than you as well and we have been together for 2 years and are planning to get married in June 2013. We are both just sophomores this year and our families would much rather us wait but I think we've waited long enough and I want it to happen! We have run the numbers and will get by just fine financially. Just do it and your family will eventually come around because they know your happy and you'll make it and they will want to share your happiness with you. 
  • Your family will come around my fiance' and I eloped Ocotober of last year 2011 and my family was completely shocked but it was right for us. My family eventually came around. Were planning our wedding for May of this year to celebrate our union with family and friends. Marriage is such a beautiful thing and a blessing.
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  • I have to say I'm reassured to hear so many of you saying your families came around at some point during the planning process - my fiance and I have been engaged for 2 years and it feels like my parents (my mother specifically) is just now starting to get used to that idea. And now we're getting married either next year or the year after that and I feel like they're not going to be ready for that idea yet! Well, here's hoping!
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  • I am in the same boat, as well. I am 21, just got engaged, and a junior in college. My fiance is also the same age. We plan to get married at 22 (June 2013) and people won't stop telling me I am too young. ESPECIALLY my mom. It seems only my friends from church (who are all my age and married) support me.

    I think you do need to take some time for them to come around, as well. Just because you get married young doesn't mean anything. You could be with someone for 4 years and get married at 21 and have a wonderful marriage. Or you could get married at 30 and only know the person a year and have an awful marriage.

    Honestly, I feel it depends on the relationship, and obviously you feel you are ready to get married. people won't always approve, but that is okay.
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  • I'm glad to read how many people have experienced this! The only disappointing thing about getting engaged for me was that the joy I expected from my family has yet to materialize.  When I was home from school soon after getting engaged, I was talking to a family friend (who is a wedding photographer) and said 'I'm getting married!' I was so excited and my mom cut in "no you're not, you're going to wait a long time" I was crushed. 

    She got happier about it once we agreed to wait until our MA's were finished, but will still say from time to time "even if you do get married, you're not really stuck until you have kids".  However, when we looked at a venue, she seemed excited, so we shall see....  Anyway, nice to know I'm not alone, and there's precedent for parents coming around. 
  • Alexis&JayAlexis&Jay member
    10 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I wish you luck! I'm younger than you are. I'll be 19 when I get married. For the longest time my family blew off my engagement like it was a silly phase I was going through, but now that the planning is really underway they are more involved. People's negative comments can make things tough, but you just have to remind yourself why you're getting married and it's all worth it <3
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  • I'll be 24 when we get married and I had to survive my parents telling me not to rush things and that we were moving too fast.  Just give them time and soon they will see everything as you do.  My mom finally got the idea that I don't want to be with any other person and that if she wanted to be involved in the wedding she should start helping soon.

    Good Luck!!
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  • I'm not a student, but our situations were pretty similar so I thought I'd comment :-)

    H and I met freshman year in college, started dating sophmore year, and got married this past summer when we were both 24 (so we waited an extra year than what you two are looking at).  Based on the comments about not having experienced enough I imagine your family's fears will fade over the next year as you two graduate, get jobs, get your own place, etc.  As you start to support yourselves and act like adults they'll start treating you like one :-)

    Do you know where you two will be six months from now?  legit curious here; and no judgement intended.  I feel like if you have no idea where you might get jobs, where you might be living etc. then it could be best to not plan anything until you're settled; just because the cost of living might affect your budget, vacation availability might affect your date choice, etc.  Also, putting off the actual planning will give your mom a chance to come around, so you can start the planning together like you'd imagine.  And perhaps if she sees that graduating is your #1 priority right now she'll feel more comfortable with your plans.

    Good luck!
  • I'll repeat everyone else and say, they'll come around!! My mom was accepting of the idea that my FI and I were going to get married. I'm 21 and he's 23 and we've been together for three and a half years. Like I said, my mom was accepting of it. My dad on the other hand, would walk out of the room every time we mentioned the wedding. It really hurt, but he wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I'm the first one to engaged, so it's hard for him to see me as an adult. he's starting to come around and ask questions about the plans that we have and everything. So I know it hurts to have them be not so positive about it, but keep your chin up, because ultimately in the end, you're going to be marrying an awesome guy and they'll realize that and be happy for you.
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  • I don't think you're too young. I'll be 21 when i get married ( this summer)  and i'll have one more year of school left. I've been with my fi for almost 5 years and honestly i think that's long enough to know if you want to be with someone or not. Only you can know if marriage is right for you or not
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  • My grandparents got married at 19, promptly had their first child, finished university, got their doctorates, and both went on to be university professors. Next year will be their 50th anniversary.

    My aunt, their first child, got married at 17, right after graduating highschool, also promptly had her first child, both she and her husband have terminal degrees, and are nearing their 30th anniversary.

    I have seen plenty of very strong marriages where people got married young. The common thread among them? Each of those couples stood by their decisions, and absolutely made sure they were doing the best thing for them, and their new family. If you and your fiance believe that you are doing the best possible thing you can for yourselves, then don't let anyone else get in the way of it.


  • My father proposed to my mother on her 21st birthday, and they were married less than a year later. They are very happily married.
    My mom, however, says that that age is too young for me to be engaged or married (as plans are now, I will be married at 21 as well). 
    She comes up with different excuses as to why 21 is too young for me to be married (most of them are half joking, like my dad is 6 years older and if she waited he would have been all gray and wrinkly), and pretends I'll actually wait until I'm in my late 20s.
    I think parents just want their kids to be absolutely sure, and also may be scared of the idea that it's just one more step in the "losing you" process. I think they also fear that their daughter might become too dependent on the man they marry because they didn't have enough time to become independent beforehand.
    Anyone who is not happy about your wedding probably just has your best interests in mind, so just continue to show them how right this is for you, and how mature and independent you are.
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