What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?

whitsy · January 2012

I was totally surprised when my dad asked what we wanted as a wedding gift, so I talked it over with Shane, and just told dad maybe some help with the HM. There were lots of little random expenses even though it was already paid for at that point, but my dad gave us cash to pay for cash, car garage fees, meals for the 14 hr drive, and two nights in a hotel. So that was super nice and more than we expected.

Matty143 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:51ec2389-0361-4948-9b41-9c00c4c5c40e">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]:( Ugh, I hate that he put me in this position. Although, I do like animals..so a pair of Oxen would be awesome!! Although, I would prefer Goats. :P I am going to have him elaborate. <strong>Has anyone ever recieved a gift from their parents that wasn't money to help with wedding?</strong>
Posted by purrcatnip[/QUOTE]

As a wedding gift, my ILs paid for all of our hotel accommodations for the honeymoon and they gave us a nice bar/cabinet that we will have forever.
Is that what you mean?

mica178 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:6fc9eab7-8c4c-4cdd-8171-401edbf85ce2">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride? : Huh? It's not a gift if someone asks you what you want? That makes no sense. My parents ask me every year what I want for Hanukah and my birthday. And when they give it to me, it's a gift. OP, there is no traditional gift. Traditionally parents have paid for the wedding, which is a hell of a gift! But I don't think there's any standard for what kind of gift parents give today -- some still pay for the whole wedding, others might buy something from the registry and everything in between. If my parents said something like that to me, I'd ask them what they had in mind moneywise. Is he thinking big gift is $200 or $10,000? Huge difference!
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

<div>My parents don't usually ask me what I need. They give me what they think I want. Sometimes they can be a little off, but generally, they know me enough not to be totally off. Also, my father and I are the kind of people who buy ourselves the things we need, so asking a person about that stuff is silly.</div><div> </div><div>For my wedding, my parents gave me: 1. the wedding, 2. my mother's pearls, and 3. a certain sum of money that I'd rather not share. </div><div>
</div><div>I have felt really sh*tty asking for any of that.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

whitsy · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:0ea2bd56-72f7-4690-8999-06f752370b66">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride? : My parents don't usually ask me what I need. They give me what they think I want. Sometimes they can be a little off, but generally, they know me enough not to be totally off. Also, my father and I are the kind of people who buy ourselves the things we need, so asking a person about that stuff is silly. For my wedding, my parents gave me: 1. the wedding, 2. my mother's pearls, and 3. a certain sum of money that I'd rather not share. I have felt really sh*tty asking for any of that.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but you said your parents didn't ask, because that would have defeated the purpose of a gift.

It just sounds like you meant that if they had asked you what you would have liked, it wouldn't have been a gift. I was kinda scratching my head too before tencups asked that question.

chrmun · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:6fc9eab7-8c4c-4cdd-8171-401edbf85ce2">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride? : Huh? It's not a gift if someone asks you what you want? That makes no sense. My parents ask me every year what I want for Hanukah and my birthday. And when they give it to me, it's a gift. OP, there is no traditional gift. Traditionally parents have paid for the wedding, which is a hell of a gift! But I don't think there's any standard for what kind of gift parents give today -- some still pay for the whole wedding, others might buy something from the registry and everything in between. If my parents said something like that to me, I'd ask them what they had in mind moneywise. Is he thinking big gift is $200 or $10,000? Huge difference!
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
Traditionally, the idea of gift giving is for the giver to have an opportunity to put some thought into what they give. That way, the recipient has an opportunity to exclaim, "How thoughtful!" upon receiving it. (Rather than just check it off against their list.)

tenofcups4me · January 2012

Whataver. Different people and different families have different ways of giving gifts. In my family, we usually ask...and the recipient gets what they want. In other families, they might surprise...and the recipient might or might not get what they want.

But whichever way it's done, it's still a gift.

chrmun · January 2012

Sorry, I thought it was the "Etiquette" board, not the "Whatever" board.

My bad.

bpposey · January 2012

My parents will be contributing half of our wedding expenses. My parents are big on gifts. Like, if they can come up with a reason to give you a present, you're getting one. So, I know I'll be getting something wrapping in wedding inspired gift wrap & that it will be awesome. It has occured to me that my mother will probably give me something of her grandmothers. (Like a piece of antique furniture or her pearls)

My dad will give me something super sentimental and make me cry. I just know my parents.

The fact that your dad hasn't been particularly giving in the past, I can understand your confusion. I agree that you should ask him to clarify.

I am an extremely sentimental person, so if my paretns were to ask me what I wanted, the first thing that I would think of would be that whatever it is I will be giving to my daughter one day.

Thats just me though.

Ask him, and if he wants to buy you house, let him!

mica178 · January 2012

Thank you, handsome Chrmun. I knew I wasn't completely insane.

Summer2011Bride · January 2012

My parents went and bought stuff off of our registry, wrapped it, and left it with the other gifts at our wedding.

This is hard to answer because gifts are kind of personal, KWIM? I would say to think of something you and FI might like--money toward the HM, a household item, etc.,--and give suggestions like that. There really isn't a "traditional" gift for this.

tenofcups4me · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:7bf3d924-3f0a-44f3-976a-680bd0df991a">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry, I thought it was the "Etiquette" board, not the "Whatever" board. My bad.
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

I'd be really interested in seeing any official etiquette source that says it's improper to ask someone what they'd like for a gift.

Personally, I think it's extremely "thoughtful" that my parents ask me what I want. I'm quite certain they never would have given us a light fixture for our foyer as an anniversary present on their own, without asking us what we wanted. I don't follow how buying us something we weren't thinking we wanted or needed would have been more "thoughtful."

AroundTheBlock · January 2012

The old-world traditional gift from the bride's parents, is the sterling silver flatwear for the new household. At a modest estimate of $100 per piece, a modest set of ten five-piece place settings and a few serving pieces would qualify as dreaming pretty big, for most people.

The same tradition has the groom's parents expected to provide the sterling hollowware.

Elinetrouwt · January 2012

My mother asked me the same question. I was very surprised, because while we wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves, my parents have offered to pay for the dress and several smaller expenses.

She suggested that they would be giving us a work of art. I told her that that was very generous, but unnecessary, as the dress and the other stuff was already such a big gift. I also told her that while art would make a wonderful gift, it might not be practical, since we want to buy a house soon after the wedding and we don't know yet what kind of art would go with that. To be honest, I'd be afraid to let them pick it, because their taste is very different and I would feel obliged to hang it in our living room

Asking them for more money to go towards the honeymoon would make me feel ungrateful for the money they already gave us, and I feel they really want to give us something tangible. I'm not sure what to do, mostly because I feel it's sweet, but really unnecessary to give us something else.

A bed, as one of PP said, would be a nice idea though.

lyndausvi · January 2012

My parents gave each of the siblings the equivalent dollar amount in form of a gift. They asked us what we wanted. My siblings all choose the rest of their silver, china or crystal bought for them. DH and I choose a bedroom set, as we are not silver, china or crystal people.

chrmun · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:051e2562-71b3-45ba-90cf-3b9d8c30b481">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride? : I'd be really interested in seeing any official etiquette source that says it's improper to ask someone what they'd like for a gift. Personally, I think it's extremely "thoughtful" that my parents ask me what I want. I'm quite certain they never would have given us a light fixture for our foyer as an anniversary present on their own, without asking us what we wanted. I don't follow how buying us something we weren't thinking we wanted or needed would have been more "thoughtful."
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

"Miss Manners Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding"

You can buy it <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Surprisingly-Dignified-Wedding-ebook/dp/B0037TPMS6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1327074316&sr=8-2" rel="nofollow">(here.)</a>

tenofcups4me · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:7c6e4902-3eb6-4ce9-9a91-f379c0ccc3eb">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride? : "Miss Manners Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding" You can buy it (here.)
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

She advocates against asking someone what they'd like for a gift? (Or against telling someone what you'd like to receive--unsolicited--which I'm sure we both agree is entirely different?)

If she does really say it's improper, then I'd just have to say I'm surprised and disappointed in her. And will happily flaunt etiquette and continue to ask certain people what they'd like as a gift in some situations.

In any case, whether it's proper or not for her father to have asked her is not at all the OP's question and really doesn't help her in coming up with an answer.

Karen's MOH · January 2012

My parents gave us the wedding, which was a humungous gift. H's parents helped plan our honeymoon (travel agency connections) and arranged a few special things there-- a really fancy dinner one night, and a dollar amount to buy some kind of special souvinier, which we used to buy a big piece of art.

If my parents had asked something like that, I would want it to be something I keep for a long time, like art, furniture, crystal... So yeah, after you clarify a $ amount or range, I'd think along the lines of something you can keep and think of your dad.

AlmostMrsStrong · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_normal-gift-parents-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:519cdcd9-c175-4b65-95e5-3f830929a4d3Post:898058a2-d5d4-4d98-87e9-49258e538089">Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your situation reminded me of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where her father gave them a house. What a present!
Posted by juliebug1997[/QUOTE]

<div>Dang, you stole my answer!</div>

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

@knotporscha zombie thread with vendor

What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?

Re: What is a normal gift from the parents to the bride?

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