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loves2shop4shoes
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Ok...does this have bad idea written all over it?
My ex is coming to Boston tomorrow. We're considering getting lunch. We broke up 5 years ago. We keep in touch as far as "Hey, how's your family/job/school/etc. going?" I'm fairly certain that he's not over me. But the way I see it, I'm very secure in my relationship. I'm not still in love with him. I'm not going to go cheat on FI.
I just feel like, what's so wrong with lunch with someone I've known since I was 11? Yet at the same time I still feel guilty.
FI says he has no problem with me going if I want to go.
What do you think?
I just feel like, what's so wrong with lunch with someone I've known since I was 11? Yet at the same time I still feel guilty.
FI says he has no problem with me going if I want to go.
What do you think?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ok...does this have bad idea written all over it?
Married Bio
Life is good today.
[QUOTE]I wouldn't do it. Will you gain anything from it?<strong> If it will be painful for him, it just isn't worth it.
</strong>Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]
I disagree cschiano. He knows she's in a serious relationship (they're engaged!). If it will be painful for him, he shouldn't ask to see her. There is no way she is leading him on as long as her relationship with FI has been disclosed (which I assume it has been).
[QUOTE]My ex is coming to Boston tomorrow. We're considering getting lunch. We broke up 5 years ago. We keep in touch as far as "Hey, how's your family/job/school/etc. going?" I'm fairly certain that he's not over me. But the way I see it, I'm very secure in my relationship. I'm not still in love with him. I'm not going to go cheat on FI. I just feel like, what's so wrong with lunch with someone I've known since I was 11? <strong> Yet at the same time I still feel guilty</strong>. FI says he has no problem with me going if I want to go. What do you think?
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
<div>I don't have a problem with it, especially if your FI is ok with it, however, if you feel guilt about it, that to me is a sign that you just shouldn't go. You've kept in touch, you care how he's doing, but maybe you just don't need to spend time out of your day going to lunch with him. As one of the OPs said as well, what GOOD can come out of it?</div>
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Married! May 27th, 2012
That being said, I'm not against hanging out with exes if all feelings are resolved. I am still extremely close with my high school sweetheart, to the point where talk frequently on the phone and we make a point to see each other whenever we're both in town. He's gotten to be friends with my DH, and I adore his partner. There are no romantic feelings there anymore, and we've been practically best friends for over 12 years.
If feelings are resolved and settled and you can establish a friendship after a relationship, then more power to you.
"Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ok...does this have bad idea written all over it? : I disagree cschiano. He knows she's in a serious relationship (they're engaged!).<strong> If it will be painful for him, he shouldn't ask to see her.</strong> There is no way she is leading him on as long as her relationship with FI has been disclosed (which I assume it has been).
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>People don't always do what is right for themselves, unfortunately. </div>
Married Bio
Anyways, this past winter he contacted me after about 4 years of not speaking. FI was 100% fine with it, and even encouraged me to go (he wants me to have musician friends). I went, and it was a positive experience. We hung out a few more times after that, he and I alone and also a few times with FI coming along. Well, after a few weeks of hanging out... he had too much to drink one night, and put the moves on me. The next day, I subjected him to a stern "if we're going to maintain a friendship, you can't pull that kind of stuff" talk. We met up one more time, and he pulled the same stunt... so once again, we no longer speak.
It was really annoying and stressful to have to go through that with him again. This has happened numerous times over the years, and it always works out the same way. As much as I wanted to keep him as a friend, it just isn't going to happen. It is emotionally taxing for both of us, and FI as well.
Anyways, I hope that story helps. I went into it thinking it was harmless - even if he did have leftover feelings for me. It didn't turn out that way. I guess it depends on the individuals and the situation, but because of my personal experience I am saying it's probably not worth it.
1) Is your fi really okay with you going, or does he feel like he can't say no/doesn't want you to think he doesn't trust you.
2) If you think your ex isn't completely over you would this cause awkwardness/problems?
I don't think there is anything wrong with remaining friends with exes, as long as it is mutually platonic. Hell, I'm now the MOH in my ex's wedding