Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?

jaberjamie · September 2010

I have a basic question about the ceremony. I was raised Nazarene and really want a traditional church wedding, however I dont like the Nazarene churches here in the area. I really want something traditional ( wood floors, stained glass windows,etc..). I am in love with a catholic cathedreal downtown, but I am worried since neither of us are catholic we wouldnt be able to be married there ( and we are not willing to convert). Any advice ? My father, seems to think he can just offer them enough money and we can "rent" it. However, I am not so sure, and I dont want to offend anyone. Any ideas ?

redeyes_10_04 · September 2010

My FH and I thought about having a church wedding, however, we don't attend any one church regularly. Most of the churches I checked out wouldn't let us utilize their church unless we were members. So we decided to get married in the Alumni Center at the University we attended. Hopefully you can find something that works with what you envision for your wedding!

mgietler76 · September 2010

I really don't like when people try to get married in the Catholic church just because they found a pretty Cathedral. It's offensive to my faith IMO. Pick your church because it is special to you and your FI not for it's looks.

samscsi · September 2010

You have to check with the church, but in general, at least one of you must be Catholic (and able to prove it) to marry at a Catholic church. I had the same problem, because I loved a Catholic Church near my old apartment, but they wouldn't let us get married there.

Maybe look around for an Episcopal church. They're often as pretty and ornate as Catholic churches. They might make you go through pre-marital counseling with the priest, but you likely won't have to officially convert. I'm not sure what the rules are, but I know several couples where one was Catholic and one was Methodist, so the Episcopal Church was their compromise.

megk8oz · September 2010

Most churches will not marry a couple where neither person is a member of said church or at least a member of said faith. Catholic churches are especially strict about this sort of thing.

I don't really blame them, I find it rather offensive that a couple who is not necessarily religious would want to get married in a sacred building simply because "it's pretty".

banana468 · September 2010

You can certainly ask, but generally the Catholic Church does not consider their space available for ceremonial renting.

jaberjamie · September 2010

I didn't mean to offend anyone. We want a church wedding, and the church that is "special to me" is no longer here. Our current church is under construction. Thanks for your help.

mgietler76 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_can-marry-catholic-church-arent-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:959dc511-5522-475a-96af-37b6ba26f378Post:09bd0d32-f3d1-4d2d-93a2-5518a4ac794f">Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a basic question about the ceremony. I was raised Nazarene and really want a traditional church wedding, however <strong>I dont like the Nazarene churches here in the area.</strong> I really want something traditional ( wood floors, stained glass windows,etc..). I am in love with a catholic cathedreal downtown, but I am worried since neither of us are catholic we wouldnt be able to be married there ( and we are not willing to convert). Any advice ? My father, seems to think he can just offer them enough money and we can "rent" it. However, I am not so sure, and I dont want to offend anyone. Any ideas ?
Posted by jaberjamie[/QUOTE]

You don't say it's under construction, only that you don't like it. While I can appreciate your church being unavailable to you (My own church was closed down) I don't appreciate you picking the Catholic church based solely on it's looks. I take my Faith very seriously and it is annoying when people want to marry in the Catholic church when they aren't even members of the Faith. In order to marry in the Catholic church one would need to have received all the Sacraments (Baptism, Reconciliation, Communion, Confirmation) This can take many years to complete. And since you are not willing to convert might I suggest a more lax religious setting for your marriage?

jaberjamie · September 2010

I apologize, you are right I didn't make that clear. The church we grew up in is in another state ( which we are not having the wedding in) and our current home church is under construction and other nazarene churches in the area I don't like. Any way you have made your point, I don't feel like making this a big deal or offending anyone.. just wanted some advice.

Thanks you guys for your help!

alecat9 · September 2010

I know that in my hometown there are a couple of churches that have been transformed in to community spaces (congregation could not longer support the location so it is no longer a church but has all the features of a church). Maybe there is something like that in your area?

artbyallie · September 2010

Will your church's construction not be complete by next November, if that is indeed your wedding date?

K3whitta · September 2010

Getting married in the Catholic church is a sacrament, not a decorative detail.

erollis · September 2010

It is offensive that you want to get married in a church just because it's pretty and what you have envisioned. When I read what you first wrote it didn't sound like you were not intentionally trying to be offensive/ upset people. You just didn't know how sacred getting married in the Catholic Church is. Please tread carefully when it comes to religion.

Maybe there is a non denominational chapel/ church that would work for you. Such as a chapel on a university campus.

pretzelgrrl · September 2010

Wow...I'm catholic and I think you guys are being way to tough on her...I am getting married at a unitarian church because I love the way it resembles a catholic church and the catholic faith will not let us get married in a cathlic church because my fiancee is divorced.
Okay sorry for the rant--to Japerjamie--try a unitarian church the one we are looking at has beautiful stained glass windows and they are a very open faith.

Ashes_3 · September 2010

You can not marry at a Catholic Church if you aren't Catholic. Only way around it is to become Catholic. Sorry!

jenn.daniel · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_can-marry-catholic-church-arent-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:959dc511-5522-475a-96af-37b6ba26f378Post:64f128da-8a5a-4aa1-8be4-605128f29bff">Re: Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe look around for an Episcopal church. They're often as pretty and ornate as Catholic churches. They might make you go through pre-marital counseling with the priest, but you likely won't have to officially convert. I'm not sure what the rules are, but I know several couples where one was Catholic and one was Methodist, so the Episcopal Church was their compromise.
Posted by samscsi@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

This likely won't work either. We're getting married in the church FI's family has attended since before FI was born. Either the bride or groom must be a member of the church to get married there. It is beautiful!

lalap69 · September 2010

The Catholic church is pretty strict about who it will marry. My parents had issues when they tried getting married there back in the day because my mom isn't Catholic. They've since relaxed a bit, but one of you still must be Catholic. My parents ended up getting married in the Anglican church instead (even though neither of them is Anglican.) There are sects that only require that you're Christian - perhaps one of these would work better for you.

LuluP82 · September 2010

Every church I checked wanted at least one of us to be members before they would let us get married there. Including the church in my old hometown where I attended church growing up-- couldn't do it because we weren't current members (neither are my parents at this point).

I checked both Catholic and Episcopal (he is Episcopal). We moved, and want the ceremony and reception here where we are now, but haven't found a home church we like yet.

Churches really, really, really frown upon you picking a church for a "venue." Religious weddings are usually about community.

karmellah · September 2010

FI is catholic and im not so I thought i couldnt get married in the church (which I decided to do a church wedding because it was pretty. i obviously have no tie to it right now, someday i will when we have kids. FI could careless where we got married) but all he wanted to know is if i was baptised in any religion and if I agree to no divorce and raising our kids catholic. we were relieved. Thank god FI was a member, a lost member but a member never the less lol

karmellah · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_can-marry-catholic-church-arent-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:959dc511-5522-475a-96af-37b6ba26f378Post:d11677c6-0282-46d9-812c-0b18c6d32d9c">Re: Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can not marry at a Catholic Church if you aren't Catholic. Only way around it is to become Catholic. Sorry!
Posted by Ashes_3[/QUOTE]

Im not catholic nor am I becoming catholic, but im getting married in a catholic church. all you need is your fi to be catholic. Im sure it depends on the father too. some are very old school.

Adrini76 · September 2010

Go Unitarian. Building tend to be beautiful and no impersonal or mass imposed rules.

Linz10882 · September 2010

So many judgemental Catholics posting on here! Surprise, surprise

whirlybird27 · September 2010

While I can't expound on more than was said here I would like to say the OP was asking a question so she didn't offend anyone by going to ask in person. While I understand religion is a very delicate subject (it's my profession

after all) it's just a question. And may I ask what a 'lax religious setting' is? I in no way go upset at the original question but that statement made me pause-was it meant to be a snarky comment or am I just reading into it? *which is totally possible*

And have you looked into a chapel? Some places have chapel space to rent that are not tied to a denomination.

Good luck!

surf&turfcouple · September 2010

Obviously you now know, you can't marry in a Catholic church unless you, your FI or both, are of the faith. I would suggest looking into a Lutheran church, maybe. Many are very similar to Catholic churches in appearance. Also, some religious universities have both a chapel for basic communal needs/services and then a smaller, more decorative chapel which they will sometimes rent for weddings etc. Only snag there is that some universities will only rent such a chapel to alumni.

I don't know where you're from but I know Concordia University, Irvine (California) has a small, very beautiful chapel they rent for weddings. I'm not sure if you have to be alum though, sorry.

Good luck, jaberjamie!

banana468 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_can-marry-catholic-church-arent-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:959dc511-5522-475a-96af-37b6ba26f378Post:4d88894b-13ca-4f9d-9659-22df65193269">Re: Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?</a>:
[QUOTE]So many judgemental Catholics posting on here! Surprise, surprise ;)
Posted by Linz10882[/QUOTE]

Wow, someone criticizing a Catholic! Surprise, surprise!

PenelopeSnuz · September 2010

Why not get married in a place that MEANS SOMETHING to you and your FI? Why do people just pick places that look pretty in picures? Your wedding is about so much more than the way things look!

I am Catholic, and we are getting married in the Catholic church that we joined when we moved to Chicago because it is important to us, and it feels like home. It is an important, sacred thing for us....just like our marriage!

Adrini76 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_can-marry-catholic-church-arent-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:959dc511-5522-475a-96af-37b6ba26f378Post:4d88894b-13ca-4f9d-9659-22df65193269">Re: Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?</a>:
[QUOTE]So many judgemental Catholics posting on here! Surprise, surprise ;)
Posted by Linz10882[/QUOTE]

<div>It is rude, I'll grant that. It's also extremely hurtful to read posts stating that unless a wedding is Catholic, or in a building, or some other hoop is jumped through, it somehow isn't valid. </div><div>
</div><div>I respect the CC, I was raised in it. But the CC's opinion of my venue, FI or anything else has no bearing on how "valid" or "sacred" my marriage will be. Period. You can say that the CC wants X or Y and that's fine and even useful. People need that information. God, however, is more then the vatican. He can speak for himself. </div>

gemmasmith2011 · September 2010

That's ridiculous. A church is not a venue, it's a place of worship. As a Catholic, I'm offended that you'd even think to "rent" a church. Be respectful to your faith.

tborecky · September 2010

I completely agree with you! Thank you for being so open minded and considerate! I think everyone wants a beautiful setting... and if she wasn't religious she wouldn't be getting married in a church at all! When I have attended Catholic churches I was always awestruck by the beauty and power it evoked! Such as I how I feel about God... Which, makes me feel more awe about the place itself and religion. I think that helps make it feel more sacred. The amount of beauty they place in the church makes it feel more like it was built to honor God...

baystateapple · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_can-marry-catholic-church-arent-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:959dc511-5522-475a-96af-37b6ba26f378Post:4d88894b-13ca-4f9d-9659-22df65193269">Re: Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?</a>:
[QUOTE]So many judgemental Catholics posting on here! Surprise, surprise ;)
Posted by Linz10882[/QUOTE]

Wow, that's ridiculously ignorant and offensive.

Adrini76 · September 2010

My FSIL moved right before her wedding. She didn't have time to join a church and the other CC's in the area wouldn't take them. She found something out.

Alot of churches are not doing well right now and will take what they can, with the economy. Ask. If you want it, try for it. Your wedding.

Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?

Re: Can we marry at a catholic church if we arent catholic?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards