Not military but...

amh04 · August 2011

Did anyone else not feel like a 'bride'. Heck I don't even know what that is supposed to mean. Everyone asks me what it feels like to be a bride, or about getting married. and quite frankly it really doesn't feel any different. Am I alone here?? I mean, I'm not one of the girls who like to plan weddings, I actually don't think I like any of this, I didn't ball my eyes out when I picked my dress, like this whole planning thing has been and is nothing but a ton of stress for me.
So I guess I am wondering if any one else feels this way?

calindi · August 2011

I love planning my wedding, have had a blast with it so far and really no stress, and I still don't feel like a 'bride'. I feel like I'm planning one awesome party where I'll be wearing a pretty white dress. Perhaps that's why I haven't stressed much at all?

Oh, and I definitely cried like a baby when I tried on 'the dress' for the first time, but I wasn't expecting to and wouldn't have been disappointed if I hadn't.

firsttimersluck · August 2011

I don't feel like a bride, but I LOVE planning. We knocked out so much in the beginning that we have felt very little stress over wedding related things.

amh04 · August 2011

I mean, I teared up a little when I found 'the' dress but I didn't ball my eyes out. I just feel like I'm expected to feel a certain way? If that makes sense. I have had like zero fun during all of this. I haven't really made friends at our new duty station, so I do all the planning stuff alone or with FI. My mom came down this past weekend. But outside of that it's us. I have zero wedding knowledge either. LOL. Maybe I'll try looking at it like I'm planning an awesome party. That might help a lot more to be honest.

LetsHikeToday · August 2011

Honestly, I have always said if I could do it again, I'd elope.

I LOVED my wedding day. Loved, Loved, Loved it but it was a lot of work. I know some people don't worry about planning but I have anxiety AND worry all day, everday so for me, planning was overwhelming and stressful.

I didn't get a feeling when I tried on my dress. I liked it and it felt good and I thought I looked pretty in it but I didn't cry.

I will say though, my wedding day was great because of all the hard work I put in it. I loved how it came together and makes me think it was a little worth it.

calindi · August 2011

Yeah, I think there's a lot of pressure associated with the word "wedding". I see girls get so overwhelmed or think that they need 'support'. Honestly, it's supposed to be a happy occasion - if you hate planning it, hire a wedding planner. It'll be a worthy investment if it makes the whole process more fun, and it would give you someone to bounce ideas off of for everything.

I have no friends living near me, and none of my friends are even remotely interested in wedding planning - none of them are anywhere near it themselves, so it's just a foreign concept to them. My family lives 2000 miles away. My Mom flew in for dress shopping, and I talk to her on the phone all the time. We also send ideas back and forth via email. My FI wants to be involved and hear about it as little as possible, so he's no help. And my 'bridesmaids' consist of my brother, who is only interested in two things - planning the bachelorette party and writing his speech for the wedding.

I'm sure it would be nice to have girlfriends ooh and ahh over every detail and help me with the DIY projects, but I'm just fine doing it all myself. My Mom says I'm too logical, but I think it's a good thing. I figured out my budget, I identified how much I'd allot to each thing I needed (that also requires figuring out what you need vs. what you want - a photobooth would be nice, but not if it requires cutting down on catering budget, for example). Then I figured out which vendors were available in the area based on recommendations from my local board and WeddingWire and simple Google searches. Then I contacted the ones I was interested in and figured out which ones were in my budget. Then I picked one. Done! I think there's a lot of pressure to find the "perfect" this or "perfect" that. Nothing will ever be perfect. Do the best with what you have and don't get stressed over ever little decision. Is that flower I picked for my hair 'perfect'? Nope, but it'll look beautiful, and no one will know it was $30 instead of the one I first fell in love with which was $250!

LOLways · August 2011

Yeah the glamorized, happy, "magic" thing about planning for the wedding is NOT there for me. I am using elopement as a threat right now, but FI has agreed that if I keep getting progressively more stressed and upset (like I have been), and my mom keeps going more BSC (she is), then we can go somewhere exotic and just do it there and tell whoever they can come if they feel like buying the plane ticket. Our budget is really big, but literally, it proves that money can't buy happiness. I'm literally also debating asking dad if he will still pay for the reception (I think he will) and telling mom to keep her contribution and her thoughts to herself. Only problem is it would probably devastate her. So I'm trying to balance that with my own sanity.

So yeah, I'm not a blissfully happy bride, happily planning away. I'm a stressed out, pissed off bride that is sick of micromanagement.

LOLways · August 2011

Great. I just wrote up a whole post and posted and it evaporated into the Black Hole of the Knot. So now some girls on the Des Moines, IA board or something random like that are gonna hear about how stressed I am. Ugh.

Anyway, yeah. I'm stressed, frustrated and miserable. You're not alone.

amh04 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-military-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:46e48ce1-ca3c-4786-8607-2ba03a90cc40Post:ee0ffc5e-d85d-4256-88b7-fcff69e4e3f1">Re: Not military but...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah the glamorized, happy, "magic" thing about planning for the wedding is NOT there for me. I am using elopement as a threat right now, but FI has agreed that if I keep getting progressively more stressed and upset (like I have been), and my mom keeps going more BSC (she is), then we can go somewhere exotic and just do it there and tell whoever they can come if they feel like buying the plane ticket. Our budget is really big, but literally, it proves that money can't buy happiness. I'm literally also debating asking dad if he will still pay for the reception (I think he will) and telling mom to keep her contribution and her thoughts to herself. Only problem is it would probably devastate her. So I'm trying to balance that with my own sanity. So yeah, I'm not a blissfully happy bride, happily planning away. I'm a stressed out, pissed off bride that is sick of micromanagement.
Posted by LOLways[/QUOTE]

I am totally right there with you. Seriously. I keep saying I'd rather elope. I almost HATE this. God it feels good to know I'm not some freakazoid. My FSIL is so utterly happy planning hers and everything is "falling into place perfectly" for her and I'm here micromanaging everything, stressed out and freaking out because apparently everything is wayyyyyyyy more expensive here than I ever thought humanly possible. I think I've spent more time crying since we started planning than actually enjoying it. -Not trying to insert a sob story-
I'm really really sorry your having to deal with family drama while planning a wedding.I know first hand it makes everything 10x more stressful. If you need to vent PM me.

I just don't understand where this whole "happy, pretty, planning" bride comes into play?? Whoever came up with this sterotype should be shot, just like the people asking me less than 24 hours into our engagement when the big day was. JMO.
I would love to hire a wedding planner, but it's just not in the budget at all. I can't afford it.

YoungDuo · August 2011

I've had some fun planning mine and I've gotten most of the big stuff booked. But I've done most of it on my own up until about 3 weeks ago even though my parents are paying for it (their choice). My mom hasn't wanted to help and was (and still is to a certain point) unsupportive because she doesn't think I deserve to have a wedding. I definitely understand your frustration. I can't tell you how many times I've called FI crying about my mom or something not going right. I hope it gets easier for you..you need to do what makes YOU and FI happy!

KendallR10 · August 2011

I feel a little different. but my planning is almost done so I'm not all that worried about it

calindi · August 2011

Okay, well today I don't WANT to be a bride - major, major, major drama last night over the guest list. UGH! Short version: I dislike my aunt, she's self-involved and bratty and basically a miserable person. She's awful to my Mom, which makes it worse. But more importantly, her presence makes my grandmother miserable (as they haven't spoken in 20 years) so I cannot invite both my aunt and my grandmother Janet to my wedding. Given my choice, I'd invite neither, but my Mom chooses to maintain a relationship with her mother Janet, so I'll invite her. But I won't invite my aunt. But now my grandfather (my aunt's father, Janet's ex-husband) is furious that his daughter isn't invited. And I told him I respect he feels that way, but it's my decision and it's final and I hope he'll come to accept that. So I thought it was over, but he called my Mom up last night to yell at her about it, and I happened to call right after and she answered the phone in tears. So now I'm furious that he'll throw this at my Mom - so I called my grandpa and told him very calmly that I do understand his reasoning, I hope he'll come to accept my decision, and if he has any questions or issues to talk to ME and not my Mom. UGH! This isn't nearly over, and it will probably get a lot worse before it gets better. I really hope this doesn't cause a rift with my grandpa because we're very close, but his behavior is incredibly juvenile! He's just pissy that his daughter isn't invited because it appeases his ex-wife, and he wants her to be miserable.

amh04 · August 2011

Calindi - Omgoodness! That's got to be hard, I'm so sorry that he put your mom into tears! It totally sounds like something my Aunt would do - What is it with crazy Aunts?! I'm glad you stuck with your guns, it's your wedding and you should have who you want there. Does he not understand the drama that your Aunt has created in the past?

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