Bridesmaid Issue!

AmandaG225 · April 2011

Hi Ladies....I need your opinions! One of my BMs has a tattoo on the back of her neck, would it be completely awful of me to ask her to cover it up for the wedding (I would pay whatever it costs for cover-up)? It is not an offensive tat or anything but I just don't feel it is appropriate for my wedding day. Even though I don't find it offensive, a lot of the elders in my family (specifically my grandmother) find any type of tattoo overly offensive & my grandmother is the type of person to say something to my BM (she is also my FSIL...not my FI's sister but she is my FI's brother's wife). Besides the aesthetic reasoning, I want to avoid possible wedding day confrontations at all cost!

Am I an awful person for considering this? THANKS

blseverance · April 2011

I don't think you are. I have a similar issue. My sister has an offensive tattoo on the side of her neck and many many more other places. I know that my parents are wanting family pictures done at my wedding, but I don't want her tattoos immortalized in my wedding photos for the rest of my life. I have every intention of asking her to cover them. I also think it depends on the person and how you approach them. In my case, my sister now hates her tatts and would love for me to pay to have them covered... If you have a good relationship with this person, be honest and ask. Most people would appreciate you talking to them about it before telling them to do something. Ya know?? Good luck!!!

jc04100657 · April 2011

IMO I wouldn't ask her to cover it up. My feelings would be really hurt if someone asked me to cover a tattoo.

ggirl2001 · April 2011

You knew she had the tattoo before you asked her to be a bridesmaid? so no, you can't ask her to cover it up. It's part of who she is. It's like asking someone to change their hair color or something for your wedding. I can guarantee that you will not notice her tattoos in your wedding pictures. As for your grandmother, I'm sure your BM can handle someone making a comment about it.

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

I would be pretty annoyed if someone asked me to cover mine up. Let's face it.. being a bridesmaid is no walk in the park. It's expensive, annoying, and it starts to get really obnoxious after a while. If you ask her to cover it up you are just adding insult to injury. You need to let granny know that it's 2011, not 1911. Most people have tattoos now. I really don't think the back of her neck will make it into any of your wedding shots anyway.

ellentravis · April 2011

I think you're looking to make things perfect. You're going to be married no matter what -- focus on that instead. This is such a minor blemish on your perfect day.

Mrslamorte · April 2011

if u want it covered i say ask her! I personally would do it if a friend asked me too! I feel like everyone has thier "thing" and this is understandable!

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

people's tattoos are a permanant part of their body. IMO it's just as offensive to ask someone to get liposuction on their double chin so they don't ruin your wedding photos. it really is just downright rude.

AmandaG225 · April 2011

Wow....I guess I hit a nerve with this one!?!?! I def. wasn't expecting such strong opinions but that's okay!

I def. have a lot to think about

THANKS Ladies

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

lol no i dont think you hit a nerve, obviously there are very differing opinions.. i'm just letting you know as a person with visible tattoos how i would feel. they are a part of my body just like my moles and my love handles.. and i especially feel like this because i chose to put them there. i didn't choose my love handles ;[

Bre2Be · April 2011

I guess I'm not shocked at some of these responses, but I tend to be in the minority here. I am not a fan of tattoos at all. I think they are particularly unflattering on a woman in formal attire, which is why I felt so strongly about this issue for my wedding day as well.

I knew my MOH has a tat on her back when I asked her to be in my wedding, but had we not found dresses that happen to cover it, you better believe I would be asking her to cover it up for a few hours at my wedding. Before the issue even came up she even offered to cover it because she knew how my husband and I felt about it.

Asking someone to put makeup over a bruise or tattoo is not the same as asking someone to permanently change their hair color or get plastic surgery. This is a minor alteration that comes off in the shower at the end of the night. I think it's very distracting for guests to have to look at it during the ceremony and I absolutely would have noticed them in my photos, which is something I did not want.

I don't care what year it is, tattoos are never going to be in vogue IMO. As the bride it is your day and I think there is a respectable way to present the request to her. I think it is perfectly reasonable and if she is a good friend I'm sure she will have no qulams about respecting your wish. GL Amanda!

Angie.Lapkov · April 2011

How do you personally feel about the tattoo? Is it offensive to you? If so, ask her politely and explain how you feel about it, and see if she will understand. If you're trying to please your guests, then maybe you shouldn't ask? I'm on the fence on this one, sorry couldn't help much.
I personally can care less for tats one way or the other, after all, it's your wedding, you should be comfortable with your guests as well as your bridal party, but you can't always please both sides.

M1ssJ · April 2011

I wouldn't ask her to cover it unless she was a close friend and future FSIL is touchy. Can you ask the girls to do their hair in a way that would cover her tat and avoid directly saying it?

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

it is absolutely the same thing as asking someone to get plastic surgery or dye their hair. it is A PART OF THEIR BODY. so what if you dont like it? too bad. it's not your skin. "Can you please airbrush some definition on your flabby arms"? that's temporary makeup.. how is that any different? rude. rude. rude.

Bre2Be · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-west-coast_bridesmaid-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:62Discussion:65dcf682-f72e-4e91-941e-f6507149301aPost:04c2861a-12a3-4ffd-a494-8f30e5fead16">Re: Bridesmaid Issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]it is absolutely the same thing as asking someone to get plastic surgery or dye their hair. it is A PART OF THEIR BODY. so what if you dont like it? too bad. it's not your skin. "Can you please airbrush some definition on your flabby arms"? that's temporary makeup.. how is that any different? rude. rude. rude.
Posted by TheMrsCabral[/QUOTE]

<div>MrsC - Whoa! Breathe! It's very obvious from your mutiple posts where you stand on this issue. Plastic surgery is hardly temporary, so it's absurd to even debate that fact. Amanda asked for opinions and I was simply sharing mine. She doesn't think tattoos are appropriate for her wedding and she has every right to feel that way. To each their own.</div><div>
</div><div>Amanda - I'm sure since she is family, you can sit down with her and express your concerns without it coming across as rude or snarky. I also like the suggestion of wearing a hair style that covers it. Hopefully she has an open mind and can respect your wishes. Good luck with whatever you decide! :)</div>

Mrslamorte · April 2011

Totally agree with u Bre.... I dont have any but i LOVE my fake lashes i wear them all the time and get them professionally done! If a bride asked me to no wear them or get a shorter version of them i would! Also, i would hope that my ladies would understand if i were doing it for the elders that find it offensive! Also I have have asked all my ladies to wear fake hair.... they nor i thought that was rude it will just be an adjustment for the day!

@MrsCabral- I think its the way u ask someone! If i said Ugh those ugly body marks u have make me wanna vomit and u better cover them for my wedding... I deam that "rude rude rude"! But saying hey i want all my pic to be uniform and the wedding is more formal so if you dont mind can u cover them for the ceremony and reception! i think that is perfectly fine.... esp if u are gonna pay for it!

Mrslamorte · April 2011

and anything u werent born with is tech... not a part of ur body! Im just sayin....

MyLoverly · April 2011

Go ahead and ask her to cover it! Knowing she had the tat when you asked her is entirely beside the point. Should you have skipped asking her because she has a tattoo? Of course not! We're talking a little make-up here, ladies, not a big deal. Personally I hate tattoos, on women especially. But, any adult who chooses to get one already knows that there will be others who dislike them. Just another reason to choose a normally covered area if you must get a tattoo.

HappinessByTheKilowatt · April 2011

If someone asked me to be a part of their wedding, then after I said yes asked me to cover a tattoo, I would be pretty pissed. And I don't even have any that show. Unless it's a swastika, a naked portrait, or some other blatantly inappropriate marking, asking someone to cover what they see as art is offensive. She may offer to cover it herself, without you asking, but let it be her choice. Or just ask the girls to wear their hair down. Problem solved.

M1ssJ · April 2011

I think the person will know you and your family well enough to understand why you're asking. You didn't hit a nerve and honestly I don't think asking is rude , some people are just super sensitive. I asked one my BM's to be sure to cover her large tattoo the day of the wedding her response was "girl I know , I would not want your Jamaican aunts talking about me" and she laughed. No big deal and it was done.

You can always ask, the answer just isn't always yes.

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-west-coast_bridesmaid-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:62Discussion:65dcf682-f72e-4e91-941e-f6507149301aPost:36b73b5f-6d35-4fe0-ad3a-74b46daf520f">Re: Bridesmaid Issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]and anything u werent born with is tech... not a part of ur body! Im just sayin....
Posted by Mrslamorte[/QUOTE]

i don't know what tattoos you are talking about, but mine are under my skin and therefore a part of my body. i'm not sure which medical dictionary you got that information out of. you are asking someone to become something they aren't. it's rude. and i'll say it until i'm blue in the face, even if i have to reply 100 times to make myself feel better. i honeslty didn't care what other people's opinions were until people started replying that they "didn't like tattoos on women". so you see a woman with a tattoo and he is automatically not beautiful anymore? i don't like people with fake eyelashes or unnaturally red hair.. does that seem fair? you can have an opinion all you want, but once you start voicing it you need to know you WILL offend some people, and offending some people (namely, ME) can turn into a pretty ugly situation.

kmf218 · April 2011

I haven't been on in awhile (we are remodeling our bathroom) and I know this was posted yesterday but I have to comment

I have the same issue.

I dont hate tattoos I'm just not a big fan. I think they look nice on some people but I can't get over the idea of never being able to change them or take them off myself. My BM has a full chest piece as well as some going up her leg. She pulls them off very well but I don't want the first thing people ask when they look at pictures of my bridal party be "whats her tattoo of?". My FI and I don't have the extra money to have her chest piece covered so I picked a dress that would cover most of it for us. My other BM has a very large and very unattractive (to me) piercing on the top part of her ear (she went through a rebellious stage after we got out of high school and is now regretting it). To solve that problem I am having her wear her hair to the side with a swooped bang over her ear.

If you haven't already chosen the BM dresses I would pick one that has a halter top that ties. That way the extra string can cover it. If you already chose the dress and her hair is long enough I would put it in a nice down do or half up/half down. If your only option is to cover it up then I would ask. It is your wedding and you reserve the right to have everyone look as uniform or as different as you want. I have been a BM many times and it is very easy. Your only duty is to be there to support the bride on her wedding day and if that means putting make up on your tattoo then thats what you have to do. It is not a day to express yourself. I have been asked to wear some pretty unattractive things and wear my hair in some ridiculous ways but I have done it with a smile because I was honored that they chose me to stand at the alter with them on one of the most important days of their life.

If she is truly your friend then she will understand and not get upset. Its your day, not hers. I would tell her that you are very happy to have her as one of your BM and that you don't want to offend her but you would like to pay to have her tattoo covered up for the ceremony and for pictures. If the make up wears off during the reception its not a big deal.

Mrslamorte · April 2011

lol, First off ur gettin rude with me and i wasnt the least bit rude to you.. the tattoo is only 3 in into ur skin and not under but hey if that helps u sleep at night we can go with that one! You are putting words in ppls mouths and maybe thats why u are getting so defensive! Also i could care less what kind of ppl u "like" and dislike cuz im not on here caring how ppl feel about me ! NO ONE and I repeat NO ONE said anything about someone NOT being beautiful becuz they had tattoos they said either they didnt like them or no it wasnt rude to ask to cover it !!! You took everything in a completly different tone and made this a defensive convo! and believe me im never one to start an ugly sistuation but also not the one to be ok with one pushed upon me!

She is asking someone to cover the tattoo not remove it!!! Calmate!!!

ggirl2001 · April 2011

I agree with MrsC. You knew she had the tattoo when you asked her to be a BM, so yes it is rude to ask her to cover it up because what you are telling her is that you don't like that part of her body and you only care that she looks your definition of perfect for your wedding day. Once you involve other people in your wedding, it is not just about you and what you want, it's about others as well. This person is presumably someone you care about and you will be telling her that she will be ruining your pictures if her tattoo is showing. How is that not offensive?

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-west-coast_bridesmaid-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:62Discussion:65dcf682-f72e-4e91-941e-f6507149301aPost:d56d3c0c-50e2-4253-be0c-04a7a3e70141">Re: Bridesmaid Issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]lol, First off ur gettin rude with me and i wasnt the least bit rude to you.. the<strong> tattoo is</strong> only <strong>3 in into ur skin</strong> and not under but hey if that helps u sleep at night we can go with that one! You are putting words in ppls mouths and maybe thats why u are getting so defensive! Also i could care less what kind of ppl u "like" and dislike cuz im not on here caring how ppl feel about me ! NO ONE and I repeat NO ONE said anything about someone NOT being beautiful becuz they had tattoos they said either they didnt like them or no it wasnt rude to ask to cover it !!! You took everything in a completly different tone and made this a defensive convo! and believe me im never one to start an ugly sistuation but also not the one to be ok with one pushed upon me! She is asking someone to cover the tattoo not remove it!!! Calmate!!!
Posted by Mrslamorte[/QUOTE]

Three inches in and not under? Really? That doesn't even make any sense. I have a mole, it's on top of my skin so it's really not a part of my body. Hmmm. Right. Obviously you didn't get my sarcasm when I said I didn't like people with fake lashes or dyed hair.. but that is to be expected. I don't care what you glue to your face or put on your head. I am saying it's the same freaking concept. You alter your image just like someone with a tattoo has done. Just because fake eyelashes are more widely accepted doesn't make them any less of a FAUX REMOVEABLE part of your body. (key word, removable.. tattoos don't come off with adhesive remover)

And yes, people did say they didn't like women with tattoos. You didn't, so you probably shouldn't worry about it.

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

And by the way if something went three inches into my arm I'd be pretty nervous. That is definitely deeper than an intramuscular injection.

AmandaG225 · April 2011

Ok ladies, since I initiated this topic I guess I should have expected this but I think some of you have taken this to a whole other level & that isn’t necessary! I kind of bit my tongue yesterday because this post quickly turned into something it wasn’t supposed to. I can’t do it anymore! I apologize if this post further offends anyone and I’m sure I will probably sound like a bridezilla but I’m kind of over this at this point!

It is clear that it has become the tattooed girls vs. the not tattooed girls. Some of you have definitely taken this convo very personally & I don’t understand why…it’s not about you! This was about me, a situation that I’m in & came here seeking advice/opinions but instead I’ve gotten a war of words (with a few opinions thrown in there)! Differing opinions are fine…I knew there would be that’s why I came here….I didn’t know what to do!
I understand that asking someone to cover up a tattoo is not nice & if the whole thing could be avoided, I would but in my situation it can’t. It is obvious by my original post that I’m not a fan of tattoos & that’s ok…that’s MY opinion!If you are a woman and you have big, beautiful tattoos all over your body and you love them and you want to show them off and display them at YOUR wedding…more power to you, go for it!!! But this is MY wedding & I don’t feel like my wedding is the place to display & honor your tattoos. And for the record, I didn’t know about this tattoo when I asked her to be my bridesmaid! I didn’t go looking for a battle as some of you assume I did! Honestly, had I known, it would not have changed anything, I still would have asked her but the tattoo issue would have been discussed at the get go.
Asking someone to cover up a tattoo has been compared to asking someone to get liposuction. I totally disagree…totally not the same thing! Asking someone to put temporary makeup on a certain area of there body is not like asking someone to undergo a permanent medical procedure!
Everybody says that these women (your bridesmaids) are your friends & you should accept them the way they are & appearance doesn’t matter. I agree, your friends are your friends no matter what & they should be cherished & held close to your heart. BUT if appearance doesn’t matter and the look of your wedding doesn’t matter then why do we all have to have the perfect dress, the perfect hair, the perfect makeup, get a tan & loose 10 lbs before the big day?!?!? Because we care how we look! I know it’s shallow & not right but I find it hard to believe if anyone can disagree with that!?!?! I think it is just the nature of the beast.
If I’ve offended anyone else…I’m sorry! I just feel like since everyone else has openly shared their opinions, it is time to get mine out there too! J

Mrslamorte · April 2011

Your completely right Amanda! I sooo didnt come on here to battle and i hope my first post on the board Helped

bananafanafofashley · April 2011

whateva. i do what i want. i get mad at stupid comments. whateva. whateva.

it's painstakingly obvious you are referring to me when you said people got upset. heck yeah i got upset. i have plenty of tattoos and if someone IN PUBLIC were to tell me to my face that they don't like them on women they would be getting an earful. don't like it? don't give your opinion. like i said.. you WILL offend someone, and when you do you better be able to handle the crapstorm that they throw at you.

sunbubbles127 · May 2011

I know this is a couple days old, but I wanted to add my two cents too. Let me first say that I have NO problem with tattoos at all, I actually like them, and have my first two already planned, and one will be on my wrist, so no problem with visible tattoos either. However, I think that its your wedding and you should be able to ask your BM to cover a tattoo if that's what you want. If they get upset, or take it personally, then they must not know you that well or be that close to you, and maybe you should be asking someone different to be your BM then. If I had a visible tattoo and was a BM in a friends wedding, I would certainly cover it up for a few hours to keep her poor old grandmother happy.

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