Maid of Honor quit
Due to budgeting and just the desire for a smaller, intimate wedding, my fiance and I chose to only have a maid of honor and best man. This is one of the times I regretted that decision since my maid of honor quit. I had some issues reaching her for about a week (call, text, email) Then she sent me an EMAIL to say I needed to find someone closer and that she was dropping out. She said I pretty much had things under control anyways. I thought that would be a GOOD thing that I didn't need her to be at my beck and call. She lives about 3 hours away but I had a trip planned to go down there the weekend she quit to work on invitations and dress shop for her. What's worse is that I had included all 3 of her kids in the wedding (flower girl, ring bearer and scripture reading) She didn't specify but I guess the kids are out too.
I am sad. And frustrated. Is it bad that I am questioning inviting her to the wedding at all now?
Re: Maid of Honor quit
[QUOTE]Due to budgeting and just the desire for a smaller, intimate wedding, my fiance and I chose to only have a maid of honor and best man. <strong>This is one of the times I regretted that decision since my maid of honor quit.</strong> I had some issues reaching her for about a week (call, text, email) Then she sent me an EMAIL to say I needed to find someone closer and that she was dropping out. She said I pretty much had things under control anyways. <strong>I thought that would be a GOOD thing that I didn't need her to be at my beck and call.</strong> She lives about 3 hours away but I had a trip planned to go down there the weekend she quit to work on invitations and dress shop for her. What's worse is that I had included all 3 of her kids in the wedding (flower girl, ring bearer and scripture reading) She didn't specify but I guess the kids are out too. I am sad. And frustrated. <strong>Is it bad that I am questioning inviting her to the wedding at all now?
</strong>Posted by cwill6212[/QUOTE]
1) Why do you regret it? Because she can't afford it? Hmmmmm, I think something is missing from this post
2) You are not the Queen of England so no one and I mean absolutely no one, is to be at your beck & call.
3) I cannot answer this one until I know why she dropped out? There has to be more to this story.
Were you reaching out to her only as a bridesmaid, about wedding-related things, or was frienship involved? Is she usually good at responding to messages?
More details please!
All the email said was that she felt I needed someone closer. She is a single mom with 3 kids who works full time and goes to school -- so I TOTALLY get that she has a full plate. That's why I asked her, in the beginning, if it was too much to ask of her. I think she felt bad that she couldn't always take my calls or that my visits kept getting postponed by football games and cheerleading practices. In a way I think it was a considerate thing that she thought I needed someone who could give more attention? I tried to look at it that way---but it still hurt my feelings. I wouldn't have chosen her if I didn't feel like she was the right person.
As for the beck and call commentary-I did not mean that in a "Queen of England" way. I just meant that I am anything but the "Bridezilla" type and I wasn't asking her to come up for every single decision or event. I just needed her to pick up things that she could manage (like invitations), maybe throw a shower and then have my back on the actual day. In my mind, I thought I was being understanding about her busy schedule and other priorities.
To answer your original question, as upset as you are and that is understandable, I would still invite her to the wedding. If you don't, that could potentially cause a lot more hurt on her end and be a possible friendship ending move.
"In a way I think it was a considerate thing that she thought I needed someone who could give more attention? I tried to look at it that way---but it still hurt my feelings. I wouldn't have chosen her if I didn't feel like she was the right person"
But it appears that SHE doesn't feel that she is the "right" person for you and that she is trying to be civil in declining the offer. I really do understand that your feelings are hurt and mine would be too, but be the better person and still invite her to the wedding. I think you will feel better about this in the end.
FTR, I almost lost a BM 2 weeks before my wedding and she baited me by asking me over and over again "do you not want me in your wedding?" as if she wanted me to be the one to kick her out so she didn't have to be the one that bailed on me. As upset as I was, I knew it wouldn't be the same without her there. I would have looked around on my wedding night and realized that one of my closest friends wasn't there and frankly, that made me sad. I never wanted her out to begin with and told her she was being silly and everything worked itself out. My point is that I would hate for you to regret this decision later down the road.
I really do hope this works out for you and I still say to invite her
Retread-1st, I LOVE the tag line. Steel Magnolias is still one of my all-time faves. 2nd, my fiance has already been a HUGE help. Alot of men have that "Just tell me where to be" mentality-but he has been very involved. I am SO lucky! Last, I really do want my former MOH at the wedding. If she feels like she can't commit to the MOH role, I guess I have to understand that. Thank you for your kind comments.
[QUOTE]Due to budgeting and just the desire for a smaller, intimate wedding, my fiance and I chose to only have a maid of honor and best man. This is one of the times I regretted that decision since my maid of honor quit. I had some issues reaching her for about a week (call, text, email) Then she sent me an EMAIL to say I needed to find someone closer and that she was dropping out. She said I pretty much had things under control anyways. I thought that would be a GOOD thing that I didn't need her to be at my beck and call. She lives about 3 hours away but I had a trip planned to go down there the weekend she quit to work on invitations and dress shop for her. What's worse is that I had included all 3 of her kids in the wedding (flower girl, ring bearer and scripture reading) She didn't specify but I guess the kids are out too. I am sad. And frustrated. <strong> Is it bad that I am questioning inviting her to the wedding at all now?
</strong>Posted by cwill6212[/QUOTE]
Yes. It's very bad. Very bad and kind of retaliatory. Is she your friend or not? If so, then of course you invite her. I don't understand.
You don't "need" her to do either of those things. It's presumptious and greedy to expect someone to throw a party for you, and why the hell should SHE be taking care of YOUR invitations? It's not her wedding.
Get your FI to do the invites if you don't have the time, or hire a planner to help you. And accept whatever shower you may or may not get. You're not entitled to one.
If someone told me, "All I need you to do is throw me a party and do my invitations," I'd be dropping out of her wedding for sure.
@ stacey-I was upset. I was hurt, more than anything. I do want her there. Even if she can't commit to being in the wedding, it's important that she is still there to share in the festivities.
@ mbc-I fully expect to get good and bad feedback by posting on these forums. But for you to say that I am greedy and presumptious... well, perhaps you should find a mirror on that presuming thing. I am neither of those things. My MOH actually loves to scrapbook and create things so she VOLUNTEERED to do my invitations. And it was my MOH who began asking me questions about where I wanted to have a shower and how many would be invited. If at any time she could not handle those things or needed me to take them back, I would have. Regardless of what you gathered or presumed from my post, I am not a Bridezilla or walking around like some entitled snob. I was simply a bride who was hurt when the person she chose to be her MOH decided she couldn't be. The next time you post for feedback, I hope others aren't as cruel as you were here.