BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..

SharenaWatts · October 2010

As of right now there is no wedding, I’ve been crying just about everyday…. Ok well I should start at the beginning, I am 19 years old and my FI is 27, I no that is a HUGE age difference but I don’t care about that I no I love this man with all of my heart and soul and I can not live with out him, he is my world and my everything. I will do ANY thing for this man….. any way we have been together for 3 years well the first year we was just friends being that I was 17, but a few months after I turned 18 he purposed to me, and THAT was the happiest day of my life, but now that I have really been into the wedding and trying to get stuff organized for it I feel he is the one not ready for the wedding, so when I asked him about it he couldn’t say anything he didn’t say anything, so I called the wedding off, I can not and will not merry any one that have any second thought about something like this, I told him I still want to merry him but I need for him to know in his heart, mind, body and soul that he is ready for this so I gave him back the ring and told him to start from the beginning (and to buy another ring) we are suppose to go out this Saturday and talk about it but I’m not sure if there’s any thing really else to say. Should I just moved the wedding to 2012 instead of 2011, or just leave it the way it is I’m so confused.

lindsaynewbride10 · October 2010

I can understand why you're upset, but I seriously feel you need to take a few steps back and think about the situation you're in. You are 19 years old and "engaged" to a guy almost 10 years your senior... naturally, you as a 19 year old girl, want to rush into this full speed and seal the deal- I will tell you now that that is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing. You may not want to hear it but at this point in your life you should be focused on getting an education to enable you to do what you want in your life and just having fun. I would highly suggest that you guys call off the engagement. By all means stay together and date, but this just does not seem like a healthy relationship AT ALL. Good luck!

SharenaWatts · October 2010

I'm not worried about my education i graduate from college next year in march, and i am truly a home body, i may be 19 but believe me when i say i am a 30 year old at heart, ya i do like to go out like everybody else but i have MORE fun curled up at home with some popcorn and a nice movie. allot of people think at my age i shouldn't be getting married or even thinking about any thing like that but i feel its baste on your own maturity level now if i was one of those same 19 year olds that was in to going out every night and wanted to wait to go to college then sure every one would be right, but so far everyone that have said that have been proven wrong, i no in my heart im ready to take the next step but i just don't think he is.

MattsPenguin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_crying-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:76c34117-b0cd-4bbf-aac3-73fedde56825Post:854c8a20-553d-44e0-9f2a-9411f9a283d5">BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..</a>:
[QUOTE]As of right now there is no wedding, I’ve been crying just about everyday…. Ok well I should start at the beginning, I am 19 years old and my FI is 27, I no that is a HUGE age difference but I don’t care about that I no I love this man with all of my heart and soul and I can not live with out him, he is my world and my everything. I will do ANY thing for this man….. any way we have been together for 3 years well the first year we was just friends being that I was 17, but a few months after I turned 18 he purposed to me, and THAT was the happiest day of my life, but now that I have really been into the wedding and trying to get stuff organized for it I feel he is the one not ready for the wedding, so when I asked him about it he couldn’t say anything he didn’t say anything, so I called the wedding off, I can not and will not merry any one that have any second thought about something like this, I told him I still want to merry him but I need for him to know in his heart, mind, body and soul that he is ready for this so I gave him back the ring and told him to start from the beginning (and to buy another ring) we are suppose to go out this Saturday and talk about it but I’m not sure if there’s any thing really else to say. Should I just moved the wedding to 2012 instead of 2011, or just leave it the way it is I’m so confused.
Posted by SharenaWatts[/QUOTE]

WHAT?!?

SharenaWatts · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_crying-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:76c34117-b0cd-4bbf-aac3-73fedde56825Post:94734534-5242-4bc4-803d-f98a6ea81adb">Re: BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS….. : WHAT?!?
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

I don't understand what do you mean WHAT?!?

MattsPenguin · October 2010

You want him to buy another ring?

SharenaWatts · October 2010

Ya i like the ring he first bought me but i don't love it, i do want it back and will always keep it, but i want him to start over with the whole thing when he truly ready for it that means buying a new ring.

caseyandlizzie · October 2010

So, you decided to give him back the ring, but now you expect him to buy you a new ring to start over??? I'm sorry but that just makes you sound really ungrateful and selfish. It sounds like you guys definitely have a lot to work through and maybe its best if you just date for some time before talking about marriage. You have a lot of growing up to do.

muamanda18 · October 2010

I think you need to postpone the wedding indefinitely. You both need some time to grow up and figure out what you want. I completely agree with Lizzie also about the ring...you sound rather spoiled and very selfish (imo).

SharenaWatts · October 2010

yes i want him to start completely over, my thing is y purpose if your not ready for it, so if that's makes me sound childish then so be it, but NO i will not take a ring and call that my engagement ring and he was not truly ready for me to have it. so yes i will keep it and cherish it but no that will no longer be my engagement ring.

caseyandlizzie · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_crying-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:76c34117-b0cd-4bbf-aac3-73fedde56825Post:4c333bca-5795-47e1-a50f-44480befca0f">Re: BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..</a>:
[QUOTE]yes i want him to start completely over, my thing is y purpose if your not ready for it, so if that's makes me sound childish then so be it, but NO i will not take a ring and call that my engagement ring and he was not truly ready for me to have it. so yes i will keep it and cherish it but no that will no longer be my engagement ring.
Posted by SharenaWatts[/QUOTE]
Well, good luck with that one.

econner42 · October 2010

Okay...so there are a lot of things to say about your situation. First, you say that you love this man and would do anything for him, yet (it seems) at the first sign of him not being "into" the wedding, you bail. As you get older and truly get to know men, you will discover that they are not into weddings the same way girls are - no matter who they are. Girls are always way more excited and will always be more excited about a wedding than their fiance. Secondly, if he cannot communicate with you now, then he won't communicate with you in 5 years, 10 years or anytime that it's necessary. Communication is key to a long-lasting marriage. My question to you is why would you want to marry a man that won't talk to you? And what are you supposed to talk about this Saturday if you go out? If he wants to marry you? Really? Do you feel that you HAVE to ask that question? If you are even questioning it, you should walk away and never look back. Don't waste your time.

Finally, I whole-heartily agree with lindsaynewbride! You are young, no matter how "old" you feel in your heart, you are young. You aren't even of legal drinking age yet! You need to go out with your friends and experience life. Not to say that you can't & don't experience life when you are married, but it's a different life. Do you want to grow old and look back at your life and wonder why you didn't do (insert activity here)? Also, I don't want to bring you down anymore than what you already are, but maybe focusing on your education wouldn't be a bad thing? I don't know how you are almost graduating college and spell the way you do? Did you proofread what you wrote? You didn't get "purposed" to...you got proposed to. And "merry" - it's marry. "baste", I think you meant based.

I'm not trying to be mean, but you need to take a long hard look at your life and what you really want out of it. If he is still in that picture, then it is what it is for you. I just don't understand why girls settle.

Good luck. I hope you come to a decision that is best for you.

lindsaynewbride10 · October 2010

Completely agree with PP. Marriage should be the last thing you're thinking about right now.

TeamBaby · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_crying-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:76c34117-b0cd-4bbf-aac3-73fedde56825Post:a0b7de71-2f87-4807-84e1-c5937ec59007">Re: BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay...so there are a lot of things to say about your situation. First, you say that you love this man and would do anything for him, yet (it seems) at the first sign of him not being "into" the wedding, you bail. As you get older and truly get to know men, you will discover that they are not into weddings the same way girls are - no matter who they are. Girls are always way more excited and will always be more excited about a wedding than their fiance. Secondly, if he cannot communicate with you now, then he won't communicate with you in 5 years, 10 years or anytime that it's necessary. Communication is key to a long-lasting marriage. My question to you is why would you want to marry a man that won't talk to you? And what are you supposed to talk about this Saturday if you go out? If he wants to marry you? Really? Do you feel that you HAVE to ask that question? If you are even questioning it, you should walk away and never look back. Don't waste your time. Finally, I whole-heartily agree with lindsaynewbride! You are young, no matter how "old" you feel in your heart, you are young. You aren't even of legal drinking age yet! You need to go out with your friends and experience life. Not to say that you can't & don't experience life when you are married, but it's a different life. Do you want to grow old and look back at your life and wonder why you didn't do (insert activity here)? Also, I don't want to bring you down anymore than what you already are, but maybe focusing on your education wouldn't be a bad thing? I don't know how you are almost graduating college and spell the way you do? Did you proofread what you wrote? You didn't get "purposed" to...you got proposed to. And "merry" - it's marry. "baste", I think you meant based. I'm not trying to be mean, but you need to take a long hard look at your life and what you really want out of it. If he is still in that picture, then it is what it is for you. I just don't understand why girls settle. Good luck. I hope you come to a decision that is best for you.
Posted by econner42[/QUOTE]

You took the words right out of my mouth!

tasharocks · October 2010

i agree with the previous posts.

for years i've been saying that there's something in the water here that makes girls forget themselves and fall slaves to the "old ohio routine" of graduating, getting married, and having kids all before turning 25. my friends who have done this have suffered through rocky marriages and some even married and divorced before their first anniversary.

please don't get married, you don't seem ready for it at all. you're at the age where you should be developing your adult identity--you should try that. get married later when you're actually ready and realize that it doesn't matter what ring someone uses to propose to you because it's just a material thing and a marriage proposal is a more meaningful and important moment than the jewelry which is given at that time.

hrparker · October 2010

Maybe I've had too much wine, and I know this is incredibly snarky, but as a former college professor, it hurts my head to think that someone who is supposedly graduating from college next March confuses "marry" and "merry" and "propose" and "purpose."

On the off chance this isn't MUD, OP I think you need to take some time to live a little more and decide what you really want out of life. I know no teenager wants to be told that they're too young, or that they need to grow up, and I know they ALL think that they're waaay more grown-up than other teenagers, but, really, take some time to actually grow up. You'll look back in 10 years and thank us all for this advice...

Signed,

An (obviously) bitter old hag.

Edited, because, as KoKoKali (sp?) so kindly pointed out, adviCe was spelled incorrectly.

kelklump · October 2010

oh parker - I missed you...

to the poster- take a step back and realize that if he isnt ready to marry you now, he wont be in a year. Some men arent made for marriage. Dont make a mistake. If you doubt it now, you should reconsider.

tldh · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_crying-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:76c34117-b0cd-4bbf-aac3-73fedde56825Post:c2190a02-9cbc-424d-b35a-18362202f803">Re: BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..</a>:
[QUOTE]i agree with the previous posts. for years i've been saying that there's something in the water here that makes girls forget themselves and fall slaves to the "old ohio routine" of graduating, getting married, and having kids all before turning 25. my friends who have done this have suffered through rocky marriages and some even married and divorced before their first anniversary. please don't get married, you don't seem ready for it at all. you're at the age where you should be developing your adult identity--you should try that. get married later when you're actually ready and realize that it doesn't matter what ring someone uses to propose to you because it's just a material thing and a marriage proposal is a more meaningful and important moment than the jewelry which is given at that time.
Posted by tasharocks[/QUOTE]

THIS. A THOUSAND TIMES!!!!

People think I'm joking when I say I escaped the west side. If I hadn't left, I'd have married the guy I dated in college and then let my degree go to waste because it would have made more economic sense for me to stay home with the probably three kids who would be in junior high and highschool now.

and OP, what college are you graduating from? Your first post is so horrible written (spelling, sentences, lack of paragraphs, etc.) that I'm really curious.

HolliWould · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_crying-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:76c34117-b0cd-4bbf-aac3-73fedde56825Post:084298d6-bbc0-43e2-91c0-48561c4998bb">Re: BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..</a>:
[QUOTE]Your first post is so horrible written Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Irony! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

bfinks · October 2010

AMEN econner42 and the ex-prof! I found myself laughing at the spelling errors and improper use of grammar more so than feeling sorry...

And p.s. 30 is NOT old! (coming from a soon to be 30 year old bride

)

tldh · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_crying-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:76c34117-b0cd-4bbf-aac3-73fedde56825Post:0e2b66e4-ff85-49cb-9e96-12df409ae9d7">Re: BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS…..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS….. : Irony!
Posted by HolliWould[/QUOTE]

Nice catch. I was running out the door when I wrote it. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-foot-in-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Foot in mouth" title="Foot in mouth" />

GoBucksOH · October 2010

I don't believe for a second that you are graduating college next year. That is totally FALSE. And if by some slim chance that I am wrong on that, I need to know what college you are going to, so that I make sure my future offspring do not attend there. Your spelling is horrific, if you are sitting there wondering why I am saying those things.

Don't get married. Don't procreate. Find a new school and go there. End of story.

mrs.dilligaf · October 2010

Ladies, enough. No matter how old you are, it hurts to break off a relationship. I believe everything happens for a reason, and maybe someday the OP will know hers. Until then, there is no need to kick her while she is down.

SharenaWatts · October 2010

Well first off this is online I don’t really need to watch any of my spelling or my grammar I am not getting graded for this and this will not ruin my life if t I fail the on line posting class LOL…. Second for all of you that are that worried about my spelling I feel real sorry for you as I just said this is on line, who really cares if they spell a few words wrongs…. Third I go to UC, one of the top schools out there and yes I graduate next year march 2011

….you all are so sad…. This site is supposed to be about helping, uplifting, and inspiring new brides and so far none of you (well most of you) have done that. I never said I was going to end my relationship, I said I was ending the engagement there is a huge difference…. I can bet that if I would have said I was 27 and he was 27 then none of you would have said any thing about me being childish or immature….and no there is nothing in water I don’t have any one in the ear telling me I need to go threw with this or I have to get married and have kids now, I’m doing this because I want this, and I no I’m ready for it…..and the sad thing is most of you ladies here will most likely end up on one of those devoice shows in like 10-20 years LOL

…. I no my relationship is not perfect and there will be bumps in the road but heck there is NO relationship out there that is perfect, I actually found it pretty amusing that all of you ladies was so quick to jump to conclusion and start calling names when you all don’t know ANYTHING about me or my relationship (except for a few of you and thank you for some real feed back) YOU ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SELF

!!!!! And yes this is a 19 year old telling who ever had something negative to say about my situation that, and maybe if you all care that much about my spelling then maybe you aren’t ready to get married because god knows yall FI’s are probably fed up with all the OVER obsessing. Any way as I stated I have a date tomorrow and I will sit down and talk to my man and work thing out regardless if we get married or not I know I love this man and I’m willing to see where his head is at about the whole thing…SO GOOD LUCK…. MOST OF YALL WILL NEED IT. PEACE.
P.S. now I’m being immature and childish LOL!!!!!

lindsaynewbride10 · October 2010

And... you just proved all of our points. Good luck with your "talk" tomorrow.

SharenaWatts · October 2010

Well hay if i'm immature then most of you all on here is just as immature as me Thank You.

hrparker · October 2010

Sorry, dill, but this is just getting silly.

Atrocious spelling and grammar? Check.

"Random strangers on a public message board can be so mean!"? Check

"You don't know me!"? Check.

"I feel sorry for your FIs/Hs!"? Check.

Btw, the university I used to teach at happens to be UC - are you sure you don't want to reconsider your statement that you're graduating from there next year?

My vote is definitely for beebee MUD, but....

On the (now increasingly slim) chance that this ISN'T MUD:

OP,

Stop and listen to yourself. You asked for advice on a public message board, and you received it. You can't pick and choose what responses you're going to get on a public site. You either learn to deal with them, or you learn to not post on public sites.

Based on how you've described yourself and your situation, I honestly do not feel getting married right now is at ALL a good decision for you. You really need to take some time for YOU - figure out what you want to do in life, where you want to go, what you want to do, who you actually are, and THEN decide whether you're ready for marriage, and to whom you want to be married.

I said it above, and I'll say it again. ALL teenagers think they're the most mature people on the planet. We've all been through it. When you're 19, you think you rule the world and that anyone older or younger than you is a complete idiot. The problem is that, as you get older, you gain perspective on your 19 year old self and realize just how ridiculous you actually were. I know you don't want to hear this, and I sure didn't want to hear it when I was your age, but you really do need to just take a step back and let yourself grow up a bit.

In the meantime, feel free to continue your relationship with the person your with IF you're happy. If you're not happy in a relationship, and you and your partner aren't willing to try and make that better, then it's time to leave. And that bit of advice is really something that you honestly do just learn with age.

Good luck with your studies, and with your relationship.

SharenaWatts · October 2010

look I'm not worried about posting online i could care less about what any one could say about me on here i mean, i don't no any one on here personally just like they don't no me, so i'm not worried about that like i said i thought it was funny, and no believe me I NO I DON'T NO EVERYTHING, an i no i still have alot to learn, i no i'm only 19, but being 19 do not mean you can not know what you want in or out of your life, so for anyone to say that i'm not ready just because im 19 that's wrong if any body should tell me i'm not ready is my family and my friends after all they really NO me, but you are right this is public and every one is entitle to there own opinion but if any one on here think i'm going to sit back and let them talk trash thier wrong, but then again i can just shut the computer down like we both said this is just online. and for the third time yes i go to UC and yes i graduate next year and i am very happy about that, but like i said i no i want him in my life and i'm ready to take that step, but like a few ppl on here said if he's not y rush so that what i need to figure out and that what i am going to do.

GoBucksOH · October 2010

This is making my head hurt just trying to read it.

No = Know, geesh.

Our opinions are just that........OUR opinions. Like it or not.

Just curious, what is your major at UC?

SharenaWatts · October 2010

CJ....or do i need to spell that out for you to.

KoKoKali · October 2010

This is not meant to be snarky...

Ladies, I think the very valid points you all have pointed out have been well made. Repeatedly. If she's not going get it, she's just not going to, no matter how many times your type it. And if we are going to pick on her for her grammar while talking down to her as if she were trash, let's make sure we have proper grammar as we are doing it. (advise = advice, etc) ANYONE, 19 or 59 would begin to become more defensive and often times, less mature, as they are spoken down to as some of you are speaking down to this girl.

Ms. Watts just a few things: 1- If you want to be taken seriously as a graduate, PLEASE PLEASE do go to a tutor for spelling, grammar and writing. I mean that truthfully and not at all rudely. You will thank yourself. 2- If you are so convinced that no one's opinon here matters because none of us know you, please let this die. Its rather silly to come here, pour out your heart and then get upset when people offer an opinion. It is a rather immature gesture, and I don't say that because you are 19. I have seen 40 year olds do it, and they have been called imature as well. Yes, your close family and friends should have a much bigger impact on your life than this board...so let them. You're hurting over the dissapointment in your S.O. Lashing out at the world on the internet will not make it better.

In other words: Everybody...can't we let this one go? For goodness sakes, can't it at least all go to private messages instead of everyone airing their laundry and getting all heated up and asking others not to procreate? I understand the point, but that's pretty hurtful, no matter how you look at it. Most people here are REALLY nice...its sad to see it get turned like this. Just let it die. Or take it as an opportunity to blast me instead. Whatever. LOL.

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