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Showers

marsala09marsala09
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Please Help!

 I was asked to be in a friends wedding and I of course agreed. I am aware of the costs of being in a wedding as I just got married last year.  Shortly afterwards I was sent an email by the brides aunt stating the date and location (a restaurant) of the shower that she was hositng with the bridesmaids. 

I assumed that since the aunts had made all of the decisions without asking any of the bridesmaids that the bridesmaids would not be responsible for the restaurant bill.  I have been in weddings before and I was never expected to pay for part of a shower that a family member was giving.  As it turns out, we are expected to pay an equal portion of the final bill.

The bridesmaids have already committed to hosting the bachelorette party, and we have all expressed our concern to each other with throwing a fun party while keeping the costs low. 

Don't get me wrong, I am willing to spend a generous amount of money for the parties, I don't want to sound like a cheap skate.  But Is it unreasonable of me not to be expected to contribute towards the bill?  Is it expected that the bridesmaids host a shower and a bachelorette party?  If you have any thoughts or have been in this situation and have any advice to offer please let me know!

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Re: Showers

  • amberz25amberz25 member
    First Comment
    I agree with you. If you were sent an "Invitation" to this shower at this restaurant, then i would assume that you are attending  as a guest, not as a host. I think that if the aunts had wanted all the bridesmaids to contribute to the cost, then they should have talked about it with you beforehand. To me it was very rude on their part to just assume that you would help out. And I agree, generally the bridesmaids are the ones that throw a bachelorette party, unless you are the maid of honor, then usually you throw a bridal shower, or atleast are a part of the planning for a bridal shower. Do you live further away from the aunts, where you werent able to all get together and decide on the bridal shower/bachelorette party? That is the way i would have handled it, but thats my opinion.
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  • holmscheidholmscheid
    10 Comments
    I agree.  I think if you were sent an invitation then you aren't the one hosting and therefore should not be "expected" to pay any portion.  Talk it it over and just let them know that it is out of your budget but you woud be happy to contribute to a certain $ amount.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's completely unreasonable for her to expect you to just pay a specified amount of money.  If she wanted your cash, she should have asked you upfront what you were prepared to spend, and then given you equal say in all the planning decisions.

    I would respond "I didn't offer to help pay for the shower.  Had you asked, I would have given you a budget, but since you've been doing the planning, I've already contributed the available funds to the b-party.  I will be happy to help address invites or decorate if you need me to."
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    That was very rude of her. Tell her, "I and a few of the other BMs are planning on hosting the bachelorette party. We weren't planning on hosting the shower. I can contribute X and y (like cupcakes, favors, etc) to the shower, but nothing monetarily. Of course, I understand that you'll take my name off as a hostess."

    I recommend ALL the BMs who do not want to pay for this send her this email.
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  • golden1215golden1215 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    exatly what msmerymac said and be firm about it.  She IN NO WAY should have done what she did. 
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  • amagwireamagwire
    100 Comments
    Agree with everyone.  If you were not included in the planning you are not responsible for the bill.  
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  • melissadefelicemelissadefelice member
    10 Comments
    You had no say in the planning process and should not be expected to pay for any decisions the aunt made.

    No considerations were taken as to how much each bridesmaid could afford.
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  • squirrelly29squirrelly29 member
    100 Comments
    I agree that the aunt should not have sent an invitiation and should have included you in the bill. However, as a bridesmaid I would expect to contribute to a shower and bach party, no matter who was throwing it. If you can not afford what she is asking, tell her what you can afford and contribute that amount. But thats just me...I automatically assume shower and bach party in addition to travel and beauty/dress when asked to be in a wedding.
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