newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues

Kays86 · April 2011

Our bridal party is extremely "lopsided" My FI and I started off with 7 BM and 7 GM, no Ushers, Jr. BM or FG/ RB.

Now due to some falling outs my FI has 5 GM and some guilt and miscommunicaions I have added 1 Fg and 2 Jr. BM (and to top it off, one of his GM is freaking out about the tux price, which is very reasonable @ $125, but he was.. "confused" (to say it extremely nicely) by thinking we were suppose to pay for his attire and that it was 'about $50'-- and now he is saying he doesnt know if he can afford it, possibly bringing it down to 4 GM and 9 BM........

The problem, my FI feels like he doesnt have 'enough' friends and my side of the BP has grown (b/c my brother assumed I would want his 3 daughters in the wedding, i did not, but that was a fight I wasnt willing to tackle)

How do I make him see it wont look weird (even though I secretly think it will look awkward and am not a 100% happy about the situation in general)

LessThanZero · April 2011

Well the sides don't need to be even. The wedding party is supposed to be about having the people who mean the most to you there to support you on your wedding day. I would tell him to relax, it may look a bit lop-sided because it's not perfectly even but so what? It's your wedding day. After the ceremony, people are going to party and have a great time not sit around counting groomsmen.

When you have everyone walking in, you can have a couple of the guys have 2 girls - one on each side. I would just take a deep breath and let it go. If possibly, could you and your FI afford to cover the difference in the tux price if he wants him there that badly?

Like I said, it's your wedding day. You're getting married - that's much more important than whether the people standing on either side of you are even in number for 20 minutes.

SarahPLiz · April 2011

Well, the kids can go sit with their parents during the ceremony, so that cuts down 3 people. Other than that, it won't look bad, I promise.

anna.oskar · April 2011

it'll be fine. i find extremely symmetrical bridal parties to be odd. Like you picked those people just to make your picture pretty. No need for even sides.

But chica.. you really need to learn to put your foot down. Sounds like you are letting yourself get walked all over.

Maggie214624 · April 2011

Both sides don't need to be even. Quite frankly most people won't even be looking at the bridal party at all. I would be more concerned with having people standing by you that are important to you rather than balancing the sides out.

jasmineh7777 · April 2011

For the sake of your sanity, you need to work on saying "no."
People are rude to assume anything, especially that you want their children in the wedding.
In the future you can simply say "I've already asked/decided so-and-so but thank you for the suggestion!"

Meg1979 · April 2011

We were uneven and everything looked lovely. It can be done!

deepcovejackie · April 2011

Google photos of uneven wedding parties. It looks fine! Don't worry on that account. What's going on socially that 2 GM have dropped out? In addition, you seem to have been talked in to more WP members than you wanted. What's the deal there? You didn't have to say "yes" to everyone.

Good luck with your planning.

nda_roxybabe · April 2011

T's sister had uneven sides and everyone kind of stood staggered in an almost circle shape. Couldnt tell.

kgettingmarried · April 2011

I don't think anyone "assuming" I want their kids in the wedding is going to persuade me to put the kids in if I don't want them.

I have my own kid and he's 2, and he is the little king of the wedding party, and he will be the only kid in my wedding. I'm not doing a flower girl, he loves to throw stuff so he'll throw flower petals and such and we'll have the BM take care of the rings.

I have a lot of family with little kids around DS's age (10 and under, and 5 and under). I'd love them all to attend my wedding, but I'm not putting them in the wedding party. DS will be enough of a challenge during pictures/ceremony, I don't need 3 more of him to deal with at the same time.

You're the bride, grow a pair and say what YOU want and do what YOU want. The only exception you should consider is the request of someone who is paying for the wedding. But I'm paying for my own so it's my day, my way!

misscyndikalene · April 2011

My FI went to an all boys school and has like 15 "BEST FRIENDS" . I put my foot down at 10 groomsmen. I unfortunately only had 3 besties and 2 of them and I had a falling out recently. I was left with 1 MOH. I eventually asked his GM's wives and girlfriends who are very very close with me. In the end, we have 7 BM, 10 GM, 3 FG, & 1 RB. I was a super stickler on even numbers but realized the world doesn't quite work out so perfectly. Its like oh well..these ppl are there for us and love us so thats all that matters.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

If the GM can't get the tux, why would you let him drop out of the wedding? Either find a cheaper tux or let him pay $50 and cover the rest. You should have found out his budget before deciding on attire.

Kays86 · April 2011

@ deepcovejackie The GM who are no longer in the BP have 2 different situations, one was a coworker of my FI and great friend, that is until the x-GM was laid off and thought it would help the situation by throwing other employees under the bus, and lying about policy violations, then threw some stuff before leaving and now does not talk to anyone he use to work with. The other GM dated my MOH, and when they split, he cut ties with almost every mutual friend they shared

@ msmerymac A budget was discussed, but this certaim GM is trying to plan an elaborate trip for his gf, because he is proposing there. He is a 'proud' person who doesnt like anyone to pick up his tab. He says he will "try" his best, but he and I are going to have a conversation over the whole thing this weekend (he is both of our close friend)

@ practically everyone! lol I KNOWWW, i need to say N-O but how do you do that without stepping on so many toes, the situation with the Jr. BMs is...
My brother is being our officiant, his wife is one of my BM, (they have 4 dughters..) but the only daughter who is old enough to be a FG is 3 so I asked them about having her be in the wedding too, we both agreed on not have their youngest b/c she would get scared. I made the comment "I am sorry I cant have all the girls be in the wedding, but I bought each of they a little gift, build-a-bears for the younger 2, and silver necklaces for the older 2" She responded with "Did you say they 'cant' be in the wedding, b/c i thought you said they could a few months back and I already told them, and they are so excited to be able to stand up in the wedding party"

I feel like saying no would only hurt their feelings, and I guess their feelings mean more to me, still annoys me, but what can i do now other than get over it?

anna.oskar · April 2011

You could say no and then they would be the ones who have to get over it. What about YOUR feelings? it's your wedding day. Not theirs. I'm not saying be an asshole. If you've already said the girls can be in the wedding, then you should leave them in. But please, do not let yourself be suckered/walked-on/whatever, any further.

JenGin74 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_newbie-but-need-wbridal-party-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:cfdd5e6c-05fa-4280-8fbe-6828c9f1ba46Post:0968f00b-92c3-4226-86dc-d74ca78f39b5">Re: newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think anyone "assuming" I want their kids in the wedding is going to persuade me to put the kids in if I don't want them. I have my own kid and he's 2, and he is the little king of the wedding party, and he will be the only kid in my wedding. I'm not doing a flower girl, he loves to throw stuff so he'll throw flower petals and such and we'll have the BM take care of the rings. I have a lot of family with little kids around DS's age (10 and under, and 5 and under). I'd love them all to attend my wedding, but I'm not putting them in the wedding party. DS will be enough of a challenge during pictures/ceremony, I don't need 3 more of him to deal with at the same time. You're the bride, grow a pair and say what YOU want and do what YOU want. The only exception you should consider is the request of someone who is paying for the wedding. But I'm paying for my own so it's my day, my way!
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but OP was asking about her, not you. Your entire post was nothing but I, I, I and me, me, me.

This whole post just rubbed me the wrong way

LessThanZero · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_newbie-but-need-wbridal-party-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:cfdd5e6c-05fa-4280-8fbe-6828c9f1ba46Post:0968f00b-92c3-4226-86dc-d74ca78f39b5">Re: newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think anyone "assuming" I want their kids in the wedding is going to persuade me to put the kids in if I don't want them. I have my own kid and he's 2, and he is the little king of the wedding party, and he will be the only kid in my wedding. I'm not doing a flower girl, he loves to throw stuff so he'll throw flower petals and such and we'll have the BM take care of the rings. I have a lot of family with little kids around DS's age (10 and under, and 5 and under). I'd love them all to attend my wedding, but I'm not putting them in the wedding party. DS will be enough of a challenge during pictures/ceremony, I don't need 3 more of him to deal with at the same time. <strong>You're the bride, grow a pair and say what YOU want and do what YOU want. The only exception you should consider is the request of someone who is paying for the wedding. But I'm paying for my own so it's my day, my way!</strong>
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

You're so charming.

anna.oskar · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_newbie-but-need-wbridal-party-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:cfdd5e6c-05fa-4280-8fbe-6828c9f1ba46Post:549dbc06-7045-4934-8dea-effe937b2801">Re: newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues : Yeah, but OP was asking about her, not you. Your entire post was nothing but I, I, I and me, me, me. This whole post just rubbed me the wrong way
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

Want me to rub you the right way?

It includes cake and massages performed by huge nordic men.

JenGin74 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_newbie-but-need-wbridal-party-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:cfdd5e6c-05fa-4280-8fbe-6828c9f1ba46Post:8887fabc-01a5-42e2-8ce3-43d1ea001e00">Re: newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues : Want me to rub you the right way? It includes cake and massages performed by huge nordic men.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

Damn! You know all my secret weaknesses.

newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues

Re: newbie, but need help w/bridal party issues

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