NWPR: Your opinion of "cover your plate"

banana468 · August 2010

For DH and me, we received a gift of $50 from friends.

It wasn't awful at all. But he said, "They asked me to their cash bar Jack and Jill, I gave them a gift for that, then another at their wedding, a baby gift when their daughter was born, and she didn't go to your shower or send a gift and they gave $50??" He was hurt. And FWIW, it was the smallest gift we received.

Now we never would say a thing to them about it at all. But for us, there was a bit of a "huh?" wondering what was up.

JadziaDax · August 2010

I apologize if i'm repeating anything. I do try to follow the "cover your plate rule". I usually give a gift off the registry for the shower and then cover my plate for the reception. If i'm a maid of honor or in the bridal party (or if the person is a really good friend), I will try to give more. That is what most people I know expect to receive.
At the same time, if a person does not have the money in his/her budget, i'd rather the guest attend my wedding and give just a card than not show up at all. I think the cover your plate rule should be only be followed if the budget allows, but most weddings are known about months in advance so some guests may have enough time to save up for costs/gifts.

jenn.daniel · August 2010

Does "cover your plate" mean I should give less because I don't drink your alcohol?

My friends and I were recently talking about this. Most of us said about $50 was good for a gift. One was saying $100, and we all thought that was a lot! But that's what her mom told her she should give, and they're near Philly.

On the other hand, I was appalled when one of the guys I worked with only spent $20 on a gift when he knew both the bride and groom and they let him bring a date. It probably isn't right, but we tend to spend a little more when we know both the bride and groom. Like $80 instead of $50.

frogurt814 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwpr-opinion-of-cover-plate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6c6d9bb7-ac57-4120-9a90-7df56263b38fPost:ad6d8ebb-a7e3-451d-9785-410018ab62e7">Re: NWPR: Your opinion of "cover your plate"</a>:
[QUOTE]I apologize if i'm repeating anything. I do try to follow the "cover your plate rule". I usually give a gift off the registry for the shower and then cover my plate for the reception. If i'm a maid of honor or in the bridal party (or if the person is a really good friend), I will try to give more. That is what most people I know expect to receive. At the same time, if a person does not have the money in his/her budget, i'd rather the guest attend my wedding and give just a card than not show up at all. I think the cover your plate rule should be only be followed if the budget allows, but most weddings are known about months in advance so some guests may have enough time to save up for costs/gifts.
Posted by JadziaDax[/QUOTE]

Personally, if I wasn't in a good financial situation, I would be more worried about saving up my money to pay bills, mortgage, food, etc, than I would be to buy someone a gift for their wedding, no matter how far in advance I knew about the wedding.

I have never attended a wedding and not given a gift, nor will I probably ever do that, but if that's the kind of financial situation I was in then that's just how it goes.

We had probably about 5-10 people out of our 200 guests not give us gifts. This included close family and friends. I was a little surprised (especially when I read on facebook how they just bought a new 55" TV) but unfortunately, I don't get to dictate how other people spend their money.

gottahavashorti · August 2010

I can't exactly save up to pay for a wedding gift, nor do I always know how formal the wedding will be so far ahead of time. My spending money throughout the year might go to multiple wedding gifts, Christmas gifts and birthday presents.

I'll set aside a portion of my spending money the month of the wedding for the gift, but that doesn't mean I'd be able to set aside $50 per month for 4 months in advance if it were a $100 pp wedding. And even if I could swing it, there are other places that extra money could be going for our own financial purposes like debt and savings.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

The only person I'd save up to buy a gift for is my husband. Maybe my parents if it were a really special occasion. For a wedding, I'm going to buy a gift with whatever money I have on hand. If that's not much, I'll shop off-registry and get them something on sale I think they'll like. I think expecting guests to save up to buy you a gift is ridiculous.

mattycam · August 2010

There is an exception to every rule. Obviously if someone is enduring financial hardships they shouldn't strain themselves to give a gift and yes as previous posts have mentioned the reception is a way of thanking guests for coming to your wedding but personally, if I can afford to give a gift, why wouldn't I? Maybe people don't follow the "CYP" rule because as mentioned before how do you know how much the plate costs, what if it exceeds how much you can give etc. but I don't think someone should be stingy because in their minds they wouldn't pay to go to someone's house for dinner so why should they pay to go to someones wedding?? lol. I guess it really boils down to generosity.

trix1223 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwpr-opinion-of-cover-plate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6c6d9bb7-ac57-4120-9a90-7df56263b38fPost:73998735-de5e-497b-94aa-2e3db8d88182">Re: NWPR: Your opinion of "cover your plate"</a>:
[QUOTE]There is an exception to every rule. Obviously if someone is enduring financial hardships they shouldn't strain themselves to give a gift and yes as previous posts have mentioned the reception is a way of thanking guests for coming to your wedding but personally, if I can afford to give a gift, why wouldn't I? Maybe people don't follow the "CYP" rule because as mentioned before how do you know how much the plate costs, what if it exceeds how much you can give etc. but I don't think someone should be stingy because in their minds they wouldn't pay to go to someone's house for dinner so why should they pay to go to someones wedding?? lol. I guess it really boils down to generosity.
Posted by mattycam[/QUOTE]

Actually, DH and I tend to be very generous with our gifting at weddings and other events. What bothers me is the expectation that "covering your plate" is the appropriate standard for giving gifts.

Matty: how do you reconcile "covering your plate" as the gift you give with the choice people made on what kind of reception they're having? I'd like to hear your explanation of why I should gift more to the couple who has their wedding at the Plaza than the couple who has their wedding at the VFW.

banana468 · August 2010

DItto Trix. It's the idea that I should somehow pay the couple back that irritates me. And that a couple spending less on their reception somehow deserves less of a present.

That does not mean IMO that it's OK to be cheap with gifts. But it does mean that a gift should not be a reflection of reception cost.

KatyRoseM · August 2010

My mom keeps a list of what people gave to my sister for her wedding and gives similar amounts to their kids at their weddings. It never seemed odd to me but I see your point.

banana468 · August 2010

Exactly. It takes away from the idea that a gift is about love for the couple when you keep a list of how to do it.

mattycam · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwpr-opinion-of-cover-plate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6c6d9bb7-ac57-4120-9a90-7df56263b38fPost:de3ce276-af04-4303-8efe-172f96644d29">Re: NWPR: Your opinion of "cover your plate"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWPR: Your opinion of "cover your plate" : Actually, DH and I tend to be very generous with our gifting at weddings and other events. What bothers me is the expectation that "covering your plate" is the appropriate standard for giving gifts. Matty: how do you reconcile "covering your plate" as the gift you give with the choice people made on what kind of reception they're having? I'd like to hear your explanation of why I should gift more to the couple who has their wedding at the Plaza than the couple who has their wedding at the VFW.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I don't think you should give more or less to anyone based on where their wedding is held. Most people have already made up in their minds how much they are going to give before getting to the reception. IMO, unless I am enduring financial hardship I would give a newlywed a gift whether monetary or from their registry. I understand that reception is for the guests as a thank you but if someone chooses to include me in their special day, I don't see anything wrong with giving a token of my appreciation and happiness for them and if that happens to "CYP" and beyond, so be it.

I do agree however that based on opinions that I have read that people should not be planning a wedding in hopes that they will make their money back.

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