Chit Chat

Simply Annoyed

Is it wrong to want to have a wedding if this will be your 3rd marriage?

I am 29 and have been married and divorced 2 times. It's not something I'm really proud of but crap happened and I dealt with it. My FH has been married once before as well.

We are planning a wedding for Oct. 2010. I rarely talk about my personal life with my boss and we have an office of only 3 women. Mostly because she doesn't want to get married or have children. When another coworker mentions her grandson she pretty much just rolls her eyes and asks why anyone would want kids and that they ruin a fun filled life. I'm used to this response. I get it often when I mention that I want children (I also wonder how my work life will be once I have children). Anyway - She has been making some dresses and skirts for work and she is pretty good at it. I mentioned jokingly that she could make my dress. She said no and I knew she would and that was fine. I understand that she wouldn't want the responsibility if anything was wrong with the dress. I'm perfectly fine with that.

I told her that she'd be invited to the wedding on a different occasion and I even said to her that I knew she wouldn't come. She doesn't like going to weddings or holding babies. She just said that she would make sure she was busy and couldn't attend.

I get annoyed because she asked me why I was even going to have a wedding - just go to JOP she said. "What's the point? You have already had 2 weddings and he has had one. You two live together already anyway. Your just formalizing what's already there. Makes it complicated." Now whether she meant the wedding, the marriage, or the husband I don't know as far as what is complicated.

I am mostly just venting. I should have expected this from her and knew I shouldn't have said anything. Every once in a while I will mention my relationship or wanting to have kids and end up wishing I hadn't said a word. Most of the time I can keep my mouth shut, but this is something I am excited about. I also wish I had the courage to tell her well that's your opinion and I have mine.

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Re: Simply Annoyed

  • I think it is unprofessional of your boss to be making those kinds of comments about your personal life, regardless of what you have told her. She sounds like a basically grumpy and possibly bitter person all around and seems to have a hard time being happy for others. I don't know her, so that's just my opinion.

    I think you should have whatever kind of wedding will be meaningful to you and your FI and whatever will make you two happy. If people have negative comments, that's their problem. IMHO, it's important to have your wedding ceremony be meaningful and special, in whatever form you may decide that it takes, regardless of how many times you've been married.

    It may be hard since you have such a small office, but I'd stop talking to her about wedding stuff. Her negativity would bother me too.
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  • Who cares what other people think?  Your wedding is about you and your FH, not anyone else.  If you want a wedding, have a wedding.  Don't let anyone else ruin your day with their negativity.  Congratulations!
    image

    Stop The Drama!

    image Love people. Use things. Never confuse the two.
  • Honestly, I understand being offended by her comment, but I would probably be thinking the same thing.  I just wouldn't say it aloud.  On paper, it doesn't look good - you're on your 3rd marriage and you're under 30 and your FI has already had a trial run. 

    Have a small wedding, don't invite coworkers (especially that one) and have it be more an intimate affair.  The more people you involve in your decision to have a wedding, as opposed to getting married, the more people you invite to judge you. 
  • I would agree with the boss though I probably wouldn't say it.  And if I was a guest invited to all three weddings I would be annoyed about buying you so many gifts in (I assume) a short timespan.  And I want to red-pen your entire post.
    226 Invitedimage 153 Are Ready to Partyimage 68 Are Washing Their Hairimage 5 Better Not Make Me Hunt Them Downimage RSVP Date: June 15
    July 10, 2010
    imageimage
    Planning Bio
  • edited January 2010
    Thanks everyone. We are planning a small wedding of only 60 -70 people and it's only that high because they are couples and include kids. We are probably only sending out 20-25 actual invitations. A simple ceremony with a bbq reception.

    I realize that people will judge and I'm ok with that. I'd probably be the same way if I weren't in the situation, but I know why my last two marriages ended. I found someone who knows how to treat me right and we just want to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends.
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  • while I agree that you are entitled to whatever type of wedding you want, I'd probably be pretty judgemental if you'd already been married twice in your twenties and you were doing anything but a courthouse wedding for your 3rd.

    that's just how some will react so as long as you are okay with that, then do whatever you please.  Oh, and stop talking about your personal life with your boss, obviously.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_simply-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0395aa2b-adcc-4348-b06f-1495837f5a2aPost:11ef743e-ebcb-4047-8a34-a82f025a3e5e">Re: Simply Annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Simply Annoyed : Was that really necessary?
    Posted by Minimax052910[/QUOTE]

    No, but quite helpful.  Most people prefer to find out if they are making a blunder or a mistake, rather than continue doing it. 

    Punctuation, spelling and paragraphs are good netiquette.
  • I know that I just sidetracked this topic. I just peeked at your bio thingy mynameisnot. I looooooooove your pictures they are so beautiful and colorful and alive. Your wedding looked gorgeous has you did in your wedding gown.
    I really love the guy with the chair sashes is that your husbands father?
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Awe, thank you so much!  It was so much fun!

    That's my grandpa in the sashes.  At about an hour until the end, I looked around and everyone on the dance floor was wearing them.  After it was all said and done, I'm really glad we threw a party where people had a good time.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_simply-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0395aa2b-adcc-4348-b06f-1495837f5a2aPost:11ef743e-ebcb-4047-8a34-a82f025a3e5e">Re: Simply Annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Simply Annoyed : Was that really necessary?
    Posted by Minimax052910[/QUOTE]

    No?  But I guess neither is posting on a wedding board. 
    226 Invitedimage 153 Are Ready to Partyimage 68 Are Washing Their Hairimage 5 Better Not Make Me Hunt Them Downimage RSVP Date: June 15
    July 10, 2010
    imageimage
    Planning Bio
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