Not Engaged Yet

My Mom Doesn't Like Him

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. I'm madly in love with him, and I can't see myself with anyone else. He's an amazing guy, but sometimes when he gets angry (which isn't very often at all) he throws a temper tantrum like a three year old. It doesn't bother me, I just let him go and then when he calms down we get to work things out like adults. My mom hates that he does it, and uses it as a starting point to bash everything else he does, even if it's something that I like. Everyone else I know and trust say that we're perfect for each other, and they've all given us their blessing. We've been thinking about getting married sometime down the line, and I REALLY can't wait, but my mom is driving me nuts. It seems like every time he comes over, my mom and I get into another fight. I've tried talking with her about it, but my mom is the kind of person where everyone else has to be wrong, and nothing inside her family can be wrong. I don't really know what I'm asking here, but is there something else I can be doing to try and get my mom to see what everyone else does?
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Re: My Mom Doesn't Like Him

  • edited December 2011
    1. how old are you.
    2. how old do you act.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Figure out why he acts like a 3 year old when he's upset? I mean this would bother me if DH did this even if he got over it and acted like an adult afterwards - I deal with it when my nieces throw temper tantrums but they're kids but an adult? No way - I don't like hanging around people that act like children when they don't get their way.

    You're mom isn't going to like him if she doesn't want to and there's not much you can do about it honestly. Are their other traits your BF has that she doesn't like? I would wager that this isn't her only grievance with him
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  • edited December 2011
    If your mom is crazy there is nothing you can do.

    If your mom is moderately reasonable only time till fix this. If he can grow up and stop throwing temper tantrums eventually she'll probably see what a good guy he is. If he can't then I don't blame her, I'd be ticked if my kid was dating an immature jerk.

    Or there's always the fact that what your mother thinks doesn't matter.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    i'm not gonna lie. i didn't read it before i posted. sorry. i'll probably come back to this tomorrow.
    Anniversary
  • fuzzy2711fuzzy2711 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm 20 and he's 23. I've been told I'm mature for my age, because I've had a lot of crap thrown at me in my personal life. I'm an electrical engineering student, and I deal with a lot of stress and I'm under a lot of pressure.

    His table manners aren't up to par with my family's, but he's the best mannered out of his ENTIRE family, and he is much better now than when we first started dating.

    When I said temper tantrum, I meant he pouts, and maybe stays quiet for about five minutes. It's nothing really explosive, there's no yelling, he may turn red though.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mom-doesnt-like-him?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ea41985d-dd8e-493c-a4aa-4c05cf433ba0Post:5971b739-7085-4da8-9ba2-4b5d88154061">Re: My Mom Doesn't Like Him</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 20 and he's 23. I've been told I'm mature for my age, because I've had a lot of crap thrown at me in my personal life.
    Posted by fuzzy2711[/QUOTE]

    NO
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    looks like someone just got hit on the nose with a rolled up newspaper
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    i wish i'd save some of Mutley's snarky/stabby emoticons
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    thats exactly what i was going for with that. thanks for catching it.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah a lot of us have had tons of crap thrown at us in our lives - and it doesn't make any of us more mature.

    That's it? Just table manners? I find it hard to believe that this is the ONLY other thing your mom doesn't like about him. Unless she's crazy that is. People with bad table manners bother me but it's far from outright disliking them though.
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  • edited December 2011
    does he hold his breath until he gets his way?

    i tried that once and my mom just said "you won't die, you'll just pass out and start breathing again."

    maybe you could try that. made me stop my shenanigans.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Now I've got a wicked case of the giggles.

    OP your mom is probably ticked that you're way too young to be thinking about marriage especially to an "older guy" who she doesn't like.

    Finish school, get a job, then start thinking about marriage. 
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mom-doesnt-like-him?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ea41985d-dd8e-493c-a4aa-4c05cf433ba0Post:5971b739-7085-4da8-9ba2-4b5d88154061">Re: My Mom Doesn't Like Him</a>:
    [QUOTE] I've been told I'm mature for my age, Posted by fuzzy2711[/QUOTE]

    Wrong answer.
    imageimageimageimage
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    And the newspaper makes a come back!!! Sweeeeet....
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mom-doesnt-like-him?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ea41985d-dd8e-493c-a4aa-4c05cf433ba0Post:7ef8d94d-4129-4675-a0f9-a47db21e23cf">My Mom Doesn't Like Him</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. I'm madly in love with him, and I can't see myself with anyone else. He's an amazing guy, but sometimes when he gets angry (which isn't very often at all) he throws a temper tantrum like a three year old. It doesn't bother me, I just let him go and then when he calms down we get to work things out like adults. My mom hates that he does it, and uses it as a starting point to bash everything else he does, even if it's something that I like. Everyone else I know and trust say that we're perfect for each other, and they've all given us their blessing. <strong>We've been thinking about getting married sometime down the line, and I REALLY can't wait, but my mom is driving me nuts. </strong>It seems like every time he comes over, my mom and I get into another fight. I've tried talking with her about it, but my mom is the kind of person where everyone else has to be wrong, and nothing inside her family can be wrong. I don't really know what I'm asking here, but is there something else I can be doing to try and get my mom to see what everyone else does?
    Posted by fuzzy2711[/QUOTE]

    I'm going to gloss over the fact that a 23 year old is throwing temper tantrums....

    What do you mean you "really" can't wait. I'm sorry, but your whole post screams "rushy-rushy" and immature to me. I'm sure you are a mature person, but no one is ready to get married at 20.  Are you completely financially independent?

    Why do you need your mom's approval? Maybe you should sit her down and see what her concerns are. She's probably really worried about your marrying the wrong guy and getting divorced, not acting like a jerk.
  • GIBLER72587GIBLER72587 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok just being the other side of the coin here. But there are sometimes the crap you get thrown does make you grow up. Example, if her mom was a single mom and she had to help raise her siblings she is probably going to be a lot more grown up then somebody that didn't have that life.

    Also his pouting and not talking for awhile could be his way of dealing with things. Maybe he's just mulling things over and when he's done he's ready to talk about. Not everyone deals with it the same way. My bf and have figure out if we're in a fight it's better just to walk away for about 10 min and come back to talk about it. It might not be the best way to deal with it but maybe it's how he does it. She's okay with it, so it shouldn't be a bid deal.

    Now saying that, parents' not liking someone usually throws up red flags in my book. My bf's parents aren't exactly my biggest fans but I try to get to the bottom of it and fix things so at least we can be civil to each other. But sometimes there's not anything you can do, one reason his mom doesn't like me, is she thinks I'm after his money, which could be further from the truth.
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Gibler - If I had a nickel for every girl that came to this board saying she's mature for her age because of what she went through, I could throw my wedding at the Plaza in June.
  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    But Katanne, I act growner than I am!!
  • GIBLER72587GIBLER72587 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand that there are a lot of people that say that. I am also saying that are people that are. My 19 year old mother sure as heck didn't act like the average 19 year old. There are exceptions. Sometimes you have to see the other side of the coin. I'm not saying she is grown up, I'm just saying there are people that have had lives that make them grow up.
  • kjp+rkjp+r member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I'm starting to feel like a broken record...

    Fuzzy, I've been there and done that.  My mom was totally against my boyfriend when we were dating and I was 20 and he was 23 (sound familiar?).  But I didn't listen because I thought she was crazy.  I thought I was mature for my age too...I had lots of crap thrown at me too...most of us do.  And so I didn't wait, and I got married at 20. 

    It is not the fairy tale you think it is going to be.  You don't say "I do" and then magically everything is great and you are with that guy forever no matter what.  You say "I do" and then the hard work starts.  If his temper tantrums get worse you can't just leave.  The newness of dating for a year will wear off and those bad table manners and those temper tantrums will start wearing on you.  You will be alienated from your friends.  You will miss out on the whole early 20's experience. 

    Yes, maybe things will be different for you guys.  But you don't know that now.  So why take the gamble of getting married so young?  Why can't you wait? Don't you think it will be so much sweeter if you wait at least a few more years and you  know from experience that you two are going to make it?  What is it that makes you want to marry NOW? What will it change? What will it do for you at this point in your life?
     

     See here http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot
    /Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_want-marry-young

    and my full story here http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot
    /Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_nice-see
    for more.

     

    Ps. I should have listened to my mom…she may be annoying at times and overbearing but she was 100% right on everything she told me she didn’t like about my ex.  I have since realized I was blinded by “love” I just wanted the fairy tale so bad I looked past all the signs.

  • edited December 2011
    OP, the only way that your mom would know that he throws temper tantrums is a) you tell her or b) she witnesses them.  Either way, you are special.



  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Temper tantrums from a 23 year old BOY are really attractive!

    Just sayin...


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  • kjp+rkjp+r member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Gibler,
    I am sure your 19 year old mother didn't act like the average 19 year old.  And that was because she couldn't.  That was because she had to step up and take care of you and I respect her 100% for that.  I was a 22 year old mother; I get it. 

    Just because someone had a lot "thrown at them" and are more mature for their age doesn't mean they should get married early.  Not because they are not mature enough but because they should get the chance to act their age if they are able to.  So that 3, 5, 15 years later they don't regret it.

    In your example about someone having to help raise their siblings.  Well, it seems to me like that person should get to enjoy their single (or dating) early twenties or later life even more.  They didn't get a chance to be a kid...and in today's society you can still get that chance in your twenties.

    I am not going to go into well I had this and that happen to me, but I had to "grow up fast" and I wish I had taken the time to sit back and enjoy before jumping into the total "adulthood" of marriage. 
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Moving on, PPs have given you good advice.  Why rush into marriage?  Slow 'er down b'y!

    You're ONLY 20.  Take some time to become independant, try some new things, have new experiences.  A lot of people have sh!t thrown at them at young ages - that doesn't mean we all run off and get married.  Find out why your mom doesn't like BF?  Is it just the tantrums? Is there something else there that you're not seeing?  Seriouslly LISTEN to her, don't inturrupt, don't defend just LISTEN and get her side.  Maybe her feelings are justified and you just don't see it because you're on the inside. 


    "Popular on the internetz..."
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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • kjp+rkjp+r member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Temper tantrums from a 31 yo ex husband are even more attractive.

    Take my word for it...
  • edited December 2011
    1) Temper tantrums are not acceptable behavior for anyone over the age of 4.

    2) My mom is very protective, but very reasonable. If she didn't like a BF of mine and actually voiced it to me, it was usually for a damn good reason. You may want to consider the possibility that she may be on to something.

    3) I understand that some people have more to face in their lives at an earlier age, but typically, if you have to point out the fact that you are more mature, you're usually not.

    4) At 20 years old, I was a senior in college, had helped raise two children that weren't mine, was learning to live with with spina bifida, and had watched my grandmother battle stage-4 cancer and a close friend battle (and nearly die from) an eating disorder. I handled all these situations with what others tell me were maturity and grace. But I still had a sh*t ton of growing up to do. I just didn't realize that at the time. Believe me, you've still got some growing to do, regardless of your situation.

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  • GIBLER72587GIBLER72587 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand. I'm not really saying that she should get married, more I was saying that she really might be mature for her age. There are instances where it works.

    My mom was actually 16 when she had, 19 when she got married. Now 19 years later and four kids she is getting a divorce. Not because she got married too early but because of a long string of depression and my dad having an affair. So maybe it was because she got married early. I was engaged young too. I figured out I was more in love the idea of being married and starting a family than the man I was marrying. I was young and dumb. She may be too, idk. More I was trying to play devil's advocate. In an argument I try to see both sides, it helps not to offend the other person.
  • zaneopalzaneopal member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Look OP, I'm sure you've had some hard stuff. Everyone has had hard stuff. Three years ago today, I was locked in a building and watched people jump out of windows in order to save their own lives. I had to deal with missing friends, not being able to reach my family (who all were afraid I might be dead), and ultimately the deaths of 3 people I knew. I was 19.

    Everyone has hard stuff. Yeah, it makes you grow up fast, and I grew up A LOT that day and the ones that followed. But I am still far too freaking immature to get married.
  • GIBLER72587GIBLER72587 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So obviously I've read this but I just glance at it again quickly and I thought it said My Mom Doesn't Like Ham. I defiantly did a HUH????? moment.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_mom-doesnt-like-him?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ea41985d-dd8e-493c-a4aa-4c05cf433ba0Post:0447893d-b505-412b-b63a-230f76dc43d6">Re: My Mom Doesn't Like Him</a>:
    [QUOTE]Look OP, I'm sure you've had some hard stuff. Everyone has had hard stuff. Three years ago today, I was locked in a building and watched people jump out of windows in order to save their own lives. I had to deal with missing friends, not being able to reach my family (who all were afraid I might be dead), and ultimately the deaths of 3 people I knew. I was 19. Everyone has hard stuff. Yeah, it makes you grow up fast, and I grew up A LOT that day and the ones that followed. But I am still far too freaking immature to get married.
    Posted by zaneopal[/QUOTE]

    This.

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