opinions please...

brhinkle · August 2010

started my morning news read i got this from cnn... a newscast about a "celeb" couple being married for a month are already divorced, the story to me is pathetic but i love cnn's story comments and this one stuck out.

Gonzo25 -Being married and divorced, once you get married it truely changes everything. Cuz when we dated and when we were engaged it was great!! Once the ring was on, it literally took a nose dive QUICK!!! Not sure why, but we are still friends and we still sleep with each other so it's great!!! Gay or Not, I think marriage changes everything

ok, so does it really change all that much... i have been with my FI for 4 years and obviously some things will be diffrent but i have a very hard time thinking we are going to change much, thoughts?

NMac2010 · August 2010

Interesting...

Well ladies???

I'm going to assume no, but I'm curious to hear what y'all say since I'll be finding out in 3 days!

shortgirltx · August 2010

It didn't really change anything and if it did, it wasn't much and it was for the better.

I think some women think that when they put the ring on the guy, all their problems disappear because he'll change. Jewelry doesn't change a guy. He's going to be the same guy.

Tiffany618 · August 2010

In my opinion, if both of you are emotionally and mentally ready for marriage then the change is minimal. There will be some transition and things to get used to of course, but you take it in stride. My husband and I are nearly exactly the same as we were before, just with different names and shared finances.

That being said, there are SEVERAL girls that were on my month board who are already separated or contemplating divorce. It's only been 3 months. From the stories they tell, there were lots of signs of trouble before they got married and they ignored them. They just wanted to get married. It seems like this is a problem.

NMac2010 · August 2010

I was just thinking about this the other day, and thinking about how we already act married in every way. So I really don't see a title and a piece of paper and an extra ring (i've already had a ring for 7 months now anyway..), or a new last name, could really change much of anything.

It will be nice to finally be able to call him my husband, but I don't think it's going to "feel" any different. But, I could be wrong! I'll let y'all know when I get back from the HM!

AmberMarieTX · August 2010

We will have been together over eight years when we get married, so there better not be a change! lol

ewinkler1977 · August 2010

Things have been great for us but we also went through extensive pre-martial counseling so everything was out in the open. I think if you are open and honest and respect one another and in love of course then marriage shouldn't change that.

But if you are getting married because you think he will change and/or your relationship is rocky, marriage will not change that.

llc2011 · August 2010

That's very interesting Tiffany. But if there were problems before, getting married isn't going to change those. That's really sad that it's only been 3 months.

Tiffany618 · August 2010

Lauren- I know, I was shocked!! However some of those girls were really young and just wanted to get married, one I remember basically forced her husband to get married and he didn't put his foot down. In most cases there were HUGE RED flags... they should have postponed the wedding and gotten counseling before moving forward in my opinion.

brhinkle · August 2010

see i have felt the same way basically from what all of yall have said, i dont see much change except the finances and my name ; )

And tiffany that is just soo sad, 3 months is too short.

You know we've gotten so many "Its about times" from many people but I feel great becuase we actually feel extremely ready now, we never pressured eachother and took our time, now im 2 months away from the big day and i am already like cm'on hurry up and get here ; ))!!

mistyleon · August 2010

We met with one of our officiants Monday night (we are having an interfaith ceremony with a rabbi and a minister) and as we were talking to him, it seemed like he was surprised or thought it was somewhat unusual that FI and I have already spent massive amounts of time talking out issues and discussing not only our ideas about marriage but also how we want to raise our kids. To me, it was surprising that anyone would NOT spend time discussing these things before they get married (especially an interfaith couple like us) or at least know their FI well enough that it wouldn't be a shock that he does x, y, and z. FI and I have been together for almost 5 years, I am not really expecting many surprises when we get married, although I'm sure there is a transitional period when you get used to some of the things like shared finances.

linzcw04 · August 2010

My husband and I were together for 8 years prior to getting married...yes - you will "feel" different...to be someone's wife, spouse, and to change your name. That being said - the feeling is WONDERFUL- it's fun and exciting!! It's strange saying "my husband" but I'm sure it becomes second nature after a little while. My husband said that he had a different feeling also but that it was because it finally feels that we are complete and by me taking his name we had finally "achieved" our story but with a new beginning.
Many people think that once those vows are said and a ring is on they can change the other person, act out in any way they want, or change their own behavior and/or attitude. You get married to the person they are before any vows are said - not to the person they become afterwards because it shouldn't change.

DFWIndian · August 2010

For those girls that didn't live with their SO before or do the other stuff... How big of a change was it?? I know it's going to be huge, but was there anything that helped?

fallbride1109 · August 2010

Well let me speak as someone who has been married before.

What I will say is this: marriage is not an extension of dating. It's not like you just go on like before with a different last name and everything is the same. You experience intricacies in a marriage relationship that are not present when you are dating. And if you haven't experience them yet, you will. I agree though that so many couples have a certain expectation of what marriage is, and when they find it doesn't "meet" that expectation, they are disappointed.

NMac2010 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_opinions-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:07996ef1-b9a5-4143-ab3c-3e235bfa4890Post:a8bf0d4f-32c1-4e52-94f5-398893c63afa">Re: opinions please...</a>:
[QUOTE] It's only been 3 months. From the stories they tell, there were lots of signs of trouble before they got married and they ignored them. They just wanted to get married. It seems like this is a problem.
Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

I totally see this as a problem, but I see it on the other end which isn't as bad. I've seen a lot of engaged couples lately breaking up. Which, is MUCH better than getting married and then divorcing 3 months later. This happened to me as well. I was engaged previously and it didn't work, but thank goodness we figured it out before the wedding. But I still wonder, what possesses these guys to propose, if they know they don't want to get married!?

brhinkle · August 2010

Thats my question too NMAC, On my break just now i was talking about this and we couldnt figure out ONE- why these women think they have to be married and forcing it upon the men
TWO- why the heck would the man agree on terms like that haha ; )

Were is the patience ; ))))))))

NMac2010 · August 2010

Yep, I just don't understand.

I know a lot of girls in their mid twenties just want to get married because everyone else is. They get "wedding fever" I guess. But it takes a coward of a man to propose to a woman when he doesn't want to marry her! Have some balls! Say "Hey, I don't want to marry you, at least not right now! So calm down!"

meghanttu08 · August 2010

I think a lot of people/couples rush into marriage. It's something that you don't rush into. If you do, it can cause problems. That's why for me, I promised myself I wouldn't get married if I hadn't been with a guy less than 2 years. This Nov. we will have been together for 4 years and still growing strong! Living together also helps. This is pretty much married life....we just need a bigger place!

bobbileighb · August 2010

Stephie,

I dont know if its too personal but I would love to hear more about some of the intricacies from your perspective. I only ask because FI and I already live together have moved across country together, share finances and I am curious if there are some things to prepare for that we had just not thought about.

brhinkle · August 2010

I SECOND THE LIVING TOGETHER & BIGGER PLACE

Donnaaries · August 2010

I would say that if you lived together before getting married, it's not that much different. The initial phase anyway.

If you haven't, well I think everyone has slight struggles adjusting to each others' living habits. Be flexible, but also always communicate, you don't want the resentment of a few dirty socks thrown around the room boiling inside you and building a huge war.

bellagrace · August 2010

I think some people rush into marriage or maybe thought they were ready. My fiance and I were together for 3 yrs before he proposed and I thought I was so ready to get married. He kept telling me to wait. I am so glad he did wait it was the perfect time. We are two months from our wedding and I now realize it was good to wait till now. We have lived together for about 3 yrs, we did rush into moving into each. Any brides moving in after getting married for the first time with your fiance, good luck. It is the best time and the worst. We have been together so long but I feel it will different. I think your mind set changes, but if you are both open it makes things easier.

Buttercup509 · August 2010

We lived together for 3 years before we were married, so far it hasn't really changed. I think a major key is communication. We talk about everything.

fallbride1109 · August 2010

Bobbie, I think many of the things I am talking about occur later on: when you graduate and start new careers, when you buy a home, when you start a family--the things that bring about great change that you're not going through when you're dating, at least not usually.

And then also when (usually younger) brides go from home or their dorm room into a marriage with a man they have never lived with before. I don't care how long you've dated, living together is different! So that's what I meant--I think so many people think oh, everything will be the same, we'll just be living together now. And well, it's just not.

Not that I am advocating living together before marriage. It's just that I think these are the couples (guys too!) that maybe have a unrealistic expectation about what it will be like to be married.

bobbileighb · August 2010

ooo okay Stephie that helps.

We are settled into our careers (at least the fields), will be home owners within the next few months and will not be starting a family (except a dog).

I agree living together was a huge obstacle and right now we are living with his parents so I would say the biggest trial of our entire relationship has been right now trying to put our living style of the last 3 yrs with his families expectations. Learning a lot about communication for sure.

tnickel06 · August 2010

We didn't technically live together before we got married but when we were in college. We stayed together at each others apartment every night, so it was pretty much the same. But I have noticed more of the little things that he does but it is not much.

I wish DH and I could have lived together before we got married but both our parents weren't having that so we waited.

bethlovesjim · August 2010

I've heard the opposite.

When asking "so, how does it feel to be married" A typical response is "The same as before, except..." usually followed by, we live together, or we have rings. or something like that.

I don't think it changes all that much. My expectations wont be higher. I don't think FI's will be either.
Maybe having a joint checking account might change something??? IDK.

cfibelkorn · August 2010

I don't see much changing for me either, we have been together for 5 years in December, living together for 3 years, we own a home together, have vehicles in both our names, joint checkng accounts, all bills in both our names, etc, etc.....if thats not married without a piece of paper I dont know what is hahaha

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