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monkeysip
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NWR: Choosing a parish question (long, sorry)
Ok, so this has been bothering me for a while and I need some advice.
I gotta give you the background and details first, so bear with me.
FI and I converted to Catholicism and were confirmed in a parish really close to us a little over 2 years ago. This parish (let's call it parish #1) was in a convenient location, we liked the priest a lot, and the music and stuff seemed okay.
Well, for a long time now we feel less and less comfortable there. The music has becoming increasingly modern to us (and I'm not starting some debate over whether modern music is okay... I'm not saying it's "wrong", but it's just not us and we're very distracted by it). The priest we liked left, and the new priest is unreliable and a little rude (he always cuts me off during confession before I'm finished confessing... and trust me, I confess all my sins in like 45 seconds at the most. He gives me 15 seconds before he absolves me and gives me no counsel). I'm not saying we hate the church or that it's terrible, but we just feel sometimes like it's not very reverent and it doesn't help us grow.
Ok... so... we've been trying to decide on another parish. There's another parish (parish #2) real close to FI (we don't live together). FI likes it, but doesn't necessarily love it. The priests are nice and helpful. The music is slightly more traditional, but still on the contemporary side.
BUT FI and I are really in love with a church downtown (parish #3). It is very traditional, has altar rails and the eucharist is distributed by the priest using intinction. We think the priest is very committed and gives good homilies. It feels more "us" so to speak, and it is where we want to get married, but the parish is about 45 minutes away.
I'm already a member at parish #1 because I signed up during RCIA, but FI never did just because he's lazy and forgot. But we're both a point where we want to really commit to a parish and support it with not just our money but our time. So really, we have three options.
1. We becomes members at parish #2 and just make occasional visits to parish #3. The benefit is that it is closer and easier to volunteer at. The downside is that it's not necessarily our favorite.
2. We become members at parish #3 and just make occasional visits to parish #2 if we can't make the long drive. We find a way to volunteer for the church that is doable (like maybe a once a month activity). Parish #3 is a very small parish, so maybe it would help them to have more committed members. But we wouldn't be able to commit as much as we would with a close parish.
3. FI becomes a member at parish #2 and I become a member at parish #3. We split our time and money between both. I'm thinking this isn't really a good option at all and that a soon-to-be-married couple should belong to the same one.
FI seems somewhat ambivalent. He really loves parish #3 like I do, but I think it doesn't make a huge difference to him.
Sorry this is so long. Any advice? Any factors I'm not considering? How did you choose your parish?
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Re: NWR: Choosing a parish question (long, sorry)
Teachery Blog
I think if you live in a small town, you probably have less choice. I can go to any one of half a dozen churches and don't even need a taxi to do it. I'm very happy with my church now but it did take some time to find it.
Sometimes, I feel like going to St. Patrick's cathedral but a good deal of the time it's just too impersonal for me.
You live in Houston, right? There must be more than 3 Catholic churches than just three. Find one you're both comfortable with before you actually join the parish.
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I would go what with which Church feels right (amusing coming from a scientist, right?). But seriously, that's how I chose my current Parish when I was Church shopping. That "feeling" that you're supposed to get when you're wedding dress shopping and find the one? Yeah, that didn't happen for me when I was dress shopping, but it did happen when I was Church shopping. I was almost in tears five minutes into the mass the first time I went, lol. Church is about feeding your soul - so don't overanalyze! Just listen for the signs - they will be there
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Waiting to meet the baby broccoli on 5/5/2013!
I would pick option #2. You want to be a member and support the Church you feel most exemplifies what you feel the faith is about.
We "church shopped." We checked out one that was way more traditional. The music was less modern, and it wasn't on stage in front of the church. They also had pews and kneelers, and a school attached in case we decide to send LO's to catholic school. It just felt more like home, so we went there instead. This church takes about 30 minutes to get to.
I think you need to go where it feels right. I'd personally drive the 45 minutes.
I'm still a member at the parish that we were married at and had joined right after college when I started getting involved in the young adults group there. I love everything about it except that I've progressively moved further and further away from it (we're now 30 mins away) and my husband and I won't really be able to put down roots until he's done with school and has a permanent job!
I can relate to feeling a bit like a parish nomad right now because I also am not as thrilled with the parishes near to our new apartment deep in suburbia! Once we settle down somewhere, we'll probably gravitate to a parish that is most edifying for us, has a good group of parishioners in the same demographic that we could see ourselves befriending and raising our family within that context... I don't want to parish hop like my parents did!
[QUOTE] The big screen tvs really distracted me. People were sitting on the floor rather than in chairs (they didn't have pews, either). And you had to kneel on the floor which really hurt after a while. We "church shopped." We checked out one that was way more traditional. The music was less modern, and it wasn't on stage in front of the church. Posted by catarntina[/QUOTE]
Saywhatnow? That sounds more like a nondenominational Christian mega-church than a Catholic one.
Waiting to meet the baby broccoli on 5/5/2013!
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Choosing a parish question (long, sorry) : Saywhatnow? That sounds more like a nondenominational Christian mega-church than a Catholic one.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]
Uh huh. I know. I was so confused. It was called "St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Roman Catholic Church" and it had traditional components of the Eucharist and stuff, so technically it was... but it felt sooo weird. LOL
We did our marriage prep there and as soon as we got married we switched.
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that's my mom's take on it too. while i know the sacraments are valid, even if a priest is not a good priest, it just bothers me too much to sit in some parishes where they are saying things from the pulpit that just arent catholic.
[QUOTE]Seems like it would be better to go to any catholic church (assuming that it is in fact a catholic church in communion with the bishop) than no church at all. that's my mom's take on it too. while i know the sacraments are valid, even if a priest is not a good priest, it just bothers me too much to sit in some parishes where they are saying things from the pulpit that just arent catholic.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
I'm with Calypso on this one. My mom HAS to go to Church every Sunday. If I can't go to my own Parish for some reason, I typically don't go. Usually when I end up going to a random place, something just isn't right about something...... typically it's the priest's disposition that bothers me if anything and I end up walking out of Church annoyed. Seems counterproductive.
Waiting to meet the baby broccoli on 5/5/2013!
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We are all pieces of the puzzle...and when we miss mass, we have not only let down God, but let down the other 1 billion people in the church.
It's a mortal sin to miss our Sunday obligation. How we feel when we leave is irrelevant. I'm all for trying to find a parish that is fitting but challenging, and orthodox teaching and obedient mass, but as long as the consecration is there with valid form and matter...that's what matters regarding our obligation.
Waiting to meet the baby broccoli on 5/5/2013!
I repeated almost word for word what the priest said at a funeral I played yesterday, explaining the reason for funerals in the context of a mass. It was an explanation....to adults, who might not understand fully. I was giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that they might not know it. No lecture. Simply explanation. Most catholics don't know that missing mass is a serious sin.
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[QUOTE]I am fully aware of what the official law is. But this is one of like, 3 matters that I disagree with the church on, and none of them have anything to do with our profession of faith. And if I end up rotting in hell for it even though I probably only miss like 4 weeks of Church throughout the year, then it's my own d@mn fault. So don't lecture me like I'm a child. Thanks.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]
I'm 100% with you on this one Docta. I have left the church a few times because something was said/done that simply infuritated me. I think that God would rather that I cool down and think out the problem rather than sit inside the church in anger.
I seriously doubt we will be rotting in hell for some disagreements with the church.
And if we are, I'll bring the margaritas, you can bring the ice ;)
But I have felt like walking out - even felt like standing up and screaming at some priests in the middle of mass!!
I think it is a good idea to keep "hopping" until you find a back-up church you like, because you (your soul) shouldn't be the victim.
Agape and Monkey - I did feel slightly "lectured" by your comments (as a person, not as a moderator). All you had to ask is if Calypso and I knew if not fulfilling our obligation was a mortal sin as opposed to typing whole paragraphs. And Agape - I appreciate that you were repeating what a priest said. And I wish you would've said that in the first place instead of making it sound like that was coming from you.
Waiting to meet the baby broccoli on 5/5/2013!
People state church teaching here over many topics...its not a lecture.
What I wrote was coming from me, but when you accuse me of talking to you like a child, I backed it up that its a standard explanation given at events as what I was talking about.
[QUOTE]Docta, you are not the only one it was for..as I said, many people don't know missing mass is a serious problem. There are lurkers, too. Many people have come here (non-Catholics as well) that have asked for such an explanation. People state church teaching here over many topics...its not a lecture. What I wrote was coming from me, but when you accuse me of talking to you like a child, I backed it up that its a standard explanation given at events as what I was talking about.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]
agape, I know that the mods here have tried to caution you on your wording seeming to be quite judgmental.. I really think that you should take their advice to heart!
There are many non Catholics who read this board and I would hate it if they thought that all Catholics were so rigid.
I have three PMs from various knotties who don't post on here that say it's because of your above it all attitude. I can send these to a mod if you want it verified.
Calm down a bit and remember that God is loving above all else