help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be

RamonaFlowers · January 2012

Clearly, your FI doesn't really love you if he isn't going to just let you make every single decision about the wedding without any consideration for what he would like. Your marriage doesn't stand a chance if you're actually going to have to do things like compromise.

Best to just dump his ass now and keep waiting for Edward Cullen to show up. Now there's a man who knows all about letting a woman do whatever she wants and having absolutely no input on their relationship.

adktd2boots · January 2012

google: beaniebasham. it's her UN everywhere. I was going to guess she's an 18 year old, but according to myspace she's 27

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:5f92e082-e91e-4f54-9847-14951e921fcd">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]google: beaniebasham. it's her UN everywhere. I was going to guess she's an 18 year old, but according to myspace she's 27
Posted by adktd2boots[/QUOTE]

Inspired me to google my username. Apparently it's very popular, there are dozens. I need to get more creative.

RebeccaB88 · January 2012

She must be lying on Myspace. She can't possibly be any older than 12.

emarston1 · January 2012

People still use myspace?

beaniebasham · January 2012

he called the wedding off bc he said it's his way or not at all.

Grits8812 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:28ae519b-2e94-4bd0-900c-bfa57a6a234f">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]he called the wedding off bc he said it's his way or not at all.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]
He called the wedding off...?? In the few short hours that everyone responded to you on here. <div>
</div><div>I agree. MUD.</div><div>I've honestly never met a guy that cares taht much about a certain wedding date that they would call the whole thing off because its "his way or no way".</div><div>
</div><div>But from the sounds of it, neither of you should be getting married acting like that.</div>

emarston1 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:28ae519b-2e94-4bd0-900c-bfa57a6a234f">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]he called the wedding off bc he said it's his way or not at all.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]
I'm very sorry to hear this. But if you fiance wasn't wiling to compromise about <em>the wedding</em>, there is no way the marriage would have worked.

You mention the wedding was called off, if you still remain together, I strongly suggest you look into couples counseling so you both can learn how important compromise is to a relationship/marriage.

Good luck with everything.

emarston1 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:0eb9a6b5-a80d-49c8-a7b0-1cc05944cd7f">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be : <strong>He called the wedding off...?? In the few short hours that everyone responded to you on here</strong>. I agree. MUD. I've honestly never met a guy that cares taht much about a certain wedding date that they would call the whole thing off because its "his way or no way". But from the sounds of it, neither of you should be getting married acting like that.
Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]
This was my initial thought too but responded in case it was true. I didn't want to feel like an ass if this woman's fiance truly just called off their wedding.

But I agree it seems highly suspicious and my first inclination was that she said this so we would stop calling her immature and saying that she's acting like a brat.

Grits8812 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:652385a6-e829-40a6-9151-6f9dbead7148">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be : This was my initial thought too but responded in case it was true. I didn't want to feel like an ass if this woman's fiance truly just called off their wedding. But I agree it seems highly suspicious and my first inclination was that she said this so we would stop calling her immature and saying that she's acting like a brat.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]
I do feel bad for the comments if it is true. I just don't think it is. But really, it's a wedding date. If they can't agree on that, what the heck can they agree on?

lindseyann410 · January 2012

If this is true, the way he kept wanting to change the date makes it seem like he didn't really want to get married anyway.

beaniebasham · January 2012

to all of you who doubt this was true WHY would I make this all up? I would never make up something like this. we were about to work out this little problem but then for some reason he called off the engagement.

Phoenixashes · January 2012

It's a shame...you think you know a person...

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:bfc37d84-ab6e-499e-a570-fc88f9a32c70">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]to all of you who doubt this was true WHY would I make this all up? I would never make up something like this. we were about to work out this little problem but then for some reason he called off the engagement.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to hear that, this seems like such an unusual situation. He just called it off for no reason other than wanting his way or the highway? Perhaps he had cold feet all along and was being obstinate in the decision making to deflect that fact?

I hope things work out for both of you in the end.

beaniebasham · January 2012

we worked things out & FINALLY decided that we will be getting married March 23, 2013. We chose that day together & we chose it because that date falls on a weekend. So that way ppl who work won't have to ask for time off just to come to a wedding.

Ali092011 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:f058b46c-d79c-4773-89cc-a7b1bf67d73d">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]we worked things out & FINALLY decided that we will be getting married March 23, 2013. We chose that day together & we chose it because that date falls on a weekend. So that way ppl who work won't have to ask for time off just to come to a wedding.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

Glad you worked it out, but you really need to be careful. Don't marry him unless you're both SURE that this is what you want. You don't want to break off the engagement and make back up five more times until you reach the altar.

beaniebasham · January 2012

we love each other more than any other person in this world besides family & God. I doubt we were the 1st couple to ever have this problem & I doubt we'll be the last. I am just glad we worked things out before they got worse & I lost him forever.

emarston1 · January 2012

I too am happy to hear you got back together but am very leary about your communication skills.

Calling off a wedding is a major issue and the fact that you were able to work everything out so quickly makes me think he didn't really want to call of the wedding but was using it more for leverage in his argument if that makes sense. Almost like a "well if we won't do what I want, I'm just calling the whole thing off!"

Even if he is back on board with the wedding, you both need to get into couples counseling STAT. This does not sound like a healthy relationship if you can't communicate and compromise (notice those themes throughout the responses?!)

If you don't get the help you guys need, is he going to threaten to divorce you anytime you have an argument?

emarston1 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:4d7a23b1-8124-4d6c-9ea4-3f9fa188a3cc">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]we love each other more than any other person in this world besides family & God. I doubt we were the 1st couple to ever have this problem & I doubt we'll be the last. I am just glad we worked things out before they got worse & I lost him forever.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]
You're absolutely right, you aren't the first couple to have communication issues nor will you be the last. But it might doom your relationship if you can't work on them. I can guarantee you, your communication issues will not get better after the wedding, they will only get worse.

Marriages are <em>hard</em> work. A lot harder than boyfriend/girlfriend and engagements. If you have big blow ups while planning the wedding, it does not bode well for your marriage. Couples counseling, please seek it out.

beaniebasham · January 2012

WE are not seeking counseling. We were just having problems agreeing on the date. This is the 1st disagreement we have had since we've been 2gether which is nearly 4 yrs.

RamonaFlowers · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:2c2cf115-2245-4ca8-b140-c75bff9c67d0">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]WE are not seeking counseling. We were just having problems agreeing on the date. <strong>This is the 1st disagreement we have had since we've been 2gether which is nearly 4 yrs.
</strong>Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]<strong>
</strong>
... but it was enough for you to refuse compromising, and him going so far as to call off the wedding entirely. You shouldn't be getting married if that's really how the 2 of you are going to react whenever you do disagree on something so trivial. Otherwise, you might as well start saving up for the divorce attorney when you 2 can't decide on what color curtains to put up in the living room.

NcsuPsych · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:2c2cf115-2245-4ca8-b140-c75bff9c67d0">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>WE are not seeking counseling. </strong>We were just having problems agreeing on the date. This is the 1st disagreement we have had since we've been 2gether which is nearly 4 yrs.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]

See, when I read that, based on what you've already posted here. . sirens just went off in my head. There's absolutely nothing wrong with counseling. By going to it, its not dooming your relationship or saying there are major issues. It's simply a place where you could voice any concerns and have a good mediator to help with the conversation.

DH and I had marriage counseling before we got married and I'm very glad we had it because we found it to be very beneficial.

Also. . side note. . is 'together' <em>really</em> that difficult to spell?

Best of luck, but this whole post in general seems very strange and wonky. Almost like you wanted attention, and didn't get the attention you wanted, so it backfired and yadda yadda. Whatever. . good luck lol.

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

I thought you also disagreed on who would perform the wedding, and called the engagement off and put it back on? Or was it just the date.

I don't think anyone here doubts that you two love each other very much, or judges you personally. The suggestions that you seek counseling aren't made to be cruel, but the situation you described suggests a profound struggle with compromise. This is one of the many things that can become better through counseling, and there is no reason to turn away from something that could help you.

Many churches actually require a type of counseling to make sure that you and your future husband are doing things for the right reasons, and are able to communicate and work things out. It's even done in the secular community. My FI and I plan to see a counselor before the big day, because even though things are just fine, because there's no reason to reject the advice of someone with more insight (like a councilor). As a professor of mine, who spent years working with married couples used to say, 'love is not enough'.

beaniebasham · January 2012

we just couldn't decide which preacher would do the ceremony but we agreed to have both do it & we agreed on March 23 2013 because that was only 1 of for months that the weekend fell on a 23rd.

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

Hmm... I posted but it looks like tk ate it. Let me try again.

Good that you two came to a compromise, just make sure that you double check with your pastors that they are ok with doing it together (I'm sure they will be, it's just always good to check) Is the 23rd a significant date? An anniversary or lucky number? I'm just curious.

Also, a side note, us folks on the knot aren't total grammar Nazis, but using a lot of 'text speak', and misspellings is generally frowned upon.

NcsuPsych · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:e5961b22-6896-48e7-b58d-413f67c3504c">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm... I posted but it looks like tk ate it. Let me try again. Good that you two came to a compromise, just make sure that you double check with your pastors that they are ok with doing it together (I'm sure they will be, it's just always good to check) Is the 23rd a significant date? An anniversary or lucky number? I'm just curious. Also, a side note, <strong>us folks on the knot aren't total grammar Nazis</strong>, but using a lot of 'text speak', and misspellings is generally frowned upon.
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

You haven't been here long have you? ;)

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:08db7d6a-4d85-4988-a9f7-ddf1f5fe9db8">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be : You haven't been here long have you? ;)
Posted by NcsuPsych[/QUOTE]

I have been, I'm in denial about our grammar Nazism. Wanting to read words in their entirety isn't the same as being a part of a genocidal regime. ...let me cling to my self opinion. :)

emarston1 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_decide-mine-fiancees-wedding-date-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a6da9cd3-146d-4263-b580-230c8335820dPost:2c2cf115-2245-4ca8-b140-c75bff9c67d0">Re: help decide what mine & my fiancee's wedding date will be</a>:
[QUOTE]WE are not seeking counseling. We were just having problems agreeing on the date. This is the 1st disagreement we have had since we've been 2gether which is nearly 4 yrs.
Posted by beaniebasham[/QUOTE]
Best of luck in your marriage since you are obviously in denial and nothing we say will sink in. Obviously your relationship is perfect and nothing will ever go wrong in which you will need to communicate and compromise.

I imagine I'll be reading your posts on the Trouble in Paradise board on the Nest someday.

beaniebasham · January 2012

please stop commenting on this. my fiancee & I have settled on a date.

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