Who's taking their....

LISA R · January 2010

Who's taking their husbands name.

Here's the deal, I'm having a really hard time letting go of my last name. I've already decided that I was going to take my DH's last name but I still haven't done it. Whenever he brings up the subject I get pissed which is so stupid. I actually told him I needed time. lol

Anyone else having a problem letting go of their name.

Side note: We both have student loans and for some reason I just see it getting complicated once I change my name especially since I'm not working.

sunkissed212 · January 2010

to be honest I'm having a hard time letting go of my last name already and I'm not even married yet!! So, I feel your pain. For so many years I HATED my last name since everyone mispronounces it and to me it always was an "odd" last name. But after 31 years, I've come to love it and it's "who I am" really. I'm dreading having to get rid of it. I am thinking of actually adding it to my middle name and then taking FI's name. I don't want to hyphenate but I want to keep my maiden name in tact somehow.

LISA R · January 2010

Kim I no longer feel as terrible as I did knowing that I'm not the only one. I wont hyphenate but its crazy that I cannot seem to let go of my last name. I think its going to take some time. You still have 8mths.

mordacious · January 2010

I'm going to have a really hard time with it also. I almost feel like taking his name is eqiuvalent to turning my back on my family and taking his family as my own (they will be family but never a replacement). It really scares me. I told him I would take his name but I want to keep mine too!

Gwenwhyfare · January 2010

I still have mixed feelings about taking FI's last name. I definitely want to, but a part of me wants to keep my last name somehow. I have been thinking of doing the same, Kim. I don't want to hyphenate my old with new, so I think I will be adding it to my middle name or replacing my middle name with my maiden name.

hippie4yahweh · January 2010

My little sister and I are the very last of our brach of the family- we have no aunts/ uncles/ cousins on our dad's side, and it makes me want to cry.

I'm hyphenating, will use his name for personal stuff and both names at work. (Then I have a really good excuse to keep my name! lol)

shrades77 · January 2010

I had a hard time...it took a few times of my DH "encouraging" (as in, nagging, lol) me to get out there and change it before I finally did. I went through the same thing...I have had the same last name for 28 years, and then wham - I'm just supposed to change it?! I've started getting used it it though, and his last name is much easier to spell/pronounce than my maiden name. I guess it's just going to take a little time before I fully embrace it.

boogerbearoriginal · January 2010

I am having a really hard time with this too. I actually wasn't going to change it but FI was really disappointed and hurt when I told him which surprised me. He equates it to me being proud to be his wife, and start a family together.

I think because he feels so strongly about it, I will add it to my name so I'll have two middle names. I like my middle name so I didn't want to get rid of it. Luckily all but one of my names are short.

kristinandbill · January 2010

Wow, I feel the same way. I've been this name for 33 years. And I love my family and am proud of my name so it's hard for me to let go. Plus I like my last name better than FI's. J

I agree that I don't want to hyphenate. Having two middle names is an interesting way around it – I like the idea. But will anyone ever see that – or is it just to make you/me feel better? It’s on your drivers license.

Humph…..good conversation ladies!

allikl62 · January 2010

hmmm now I'm starting to feel like I'm the weird one for wanting to take his name! I definitely understand not wanting to, but I guess I just always thought I would take my husbands last name, so I never really thought of it the other way. I kinda see it as starting our family together with our last name. My last name is something that could be encorporated as a middle or even first name for a boy, so I am planning on using it that way to keep it in the family though

pattye14 · January 2010

wow, I am having a hard time changing my name as well. I do want to have the same last name because when we have kids I want to have the same last name as my kids. So i will be adding my maiden name to my middle name. I don't think too many people will notice it, I do believe it will show up on your drivers license. It will just make me feel better about not having MY last name anymore. I don't think the FI likes the fact that I'm still holding onto my maiden name but no body is asking him to change any part of his name so I don't think he has an opinion

And... I like my last name better than his too.... lol maybe it's just because that's what i'm used to.

stebbe81 · January 2010

I started crying one day and saying "I don't want to be a Smith." It could very well be because it was around that time of the month lol. I do have a hard time letting go of it. FI says he supports me either way.

Like KIm I have hated my last name and couldn't wait to change but now who knows what I will do....

Julz629 · January 2010

Must be just me, but I am kind of excited to change my last name. I am excited to have a name thats easier to pronounce and is less likely to be misspelled.

The hardest thing for me will be just getting used to it as my last name, signatures, saying it, etc.

Don't tell FI, but I already opened a gmail account that I will use once I change my name. I am very particular about my email addresses -- I don't like them to be too long or have " . " in them. Several of his family members have first names that start with J so I signed up about a month after we got engaged, but I am obviously not using it yet.

HiggyFan42 · January 2010

I did not want to at all. My new last name sucks.

It was never a question if I was going to change it, I didn't want to, but knew that I always would. To make it less painful, I started the process as soon as we came home from the honeymoon. Now, almost three months later, I'm much more used to it and it isn't as bad as I thought it would be.

thecatsfancy · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:1a71a580-a5d0-41a2-8f31-cc8cc2391ad1">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm hyphenating, will use his name for personal stuff and both names at work. (Then I have a really good excuse to keep my name! lol)
Posted by hippie4yahweh[/QUOTE]

If you want to use his last name only for personal stuff, I would suggest keeping both last names, but not hyphenating. I looked into this and if you have both last names (not hyphenated), you can use either or. If they are hyphenated, they are considered one name and it's generally not accepted to use either or. Just something to think about... :)

I definitely wasn't ready to give up my last name. I would be going from the only Taryn K... to one of several hundred Taryn Joneses. No thanks. I like being the only one. :) When I brought it up to Brian, he was a bit hurt but said I could do whatever made me happy. I tried to convince myself that I was ok giving up my maiden name, but when the Social Security guy said "Do you want to keep both last names?", I looked at Bri with puppy dog eyes. LOL. So I officially have both last names - not hyphenated though because I don't necessarily want to use both in every day life - but I want to know it's there. Like a security blanket I've had for 29 years.

sunkissed212 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:47a1dd25-e326-4d6f-b39a-bf8c219ca597">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who's taking their.... : If you want to use his last name only for personal stuff, I would suggest keeping both last names, but not hyphenating. I looked into this and if you have both last names (not hyphenated), you can use either or. If they are hyphenated, they are considered one name and it's generally not accepted to use either or. Just something to think about... :) Posted by thecatsfancy[/QUOTE]

I didn't know this! This is good news. Maybe I can do that. It's probably easier than trying to add it to my middle name, maybe?

Another reason I'm leary about just having my first name and married last name is that even though my full name is Kimberly, I go by Kim and my married last name is only 1 syllable too...it's all so short. At least now my last name is 2 syllables so it flows better. I know that's probably silly but oh well. So, if I used both, I would have 3 syllables total...I like that :)

HiggyFan42 · January 2010

Oh, and my new last name is a word used regularly in every day conversation and people still ask me to spell it. What?

thecatsfancy · January 2010

Kim, you are too cute!!

The Secretary of State messed up and hyphenated on my driver's license...but oh well. My Social Security card is right and that's the most legal name document so I'm not too worried about it.

boogerbearoriginal · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:16a7d849-b717-4ff3-839c-5726f93eb6a1">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I feel the same way. I've been this name for 33 years. And I love my family and am proud of my name so it's hard for me to let go. Plus I like my last name better than FI's. J I agree that I don't want to hyphenate. Having two middle names is an interesting way around it – I like the idea. But will anyone ever see that – or is it just to make you/me feel better? It’s on your drivers license. Humph…..good conversation ladies!
Posted by kristinandbill[/QUOTE]

It was really the only comprmise that didn't make me really sad but its more for show than anything else. I assume most people will refer to me by my first name or mrs. hislastname. I may do what Taryn suggested and have two last names though so I can use both whenever I want lol!

scarywife1026 · January 2010

I didn't change my last name. I really struggled with it. At the time we got married, I had my name for 33 years! I am the only female in our family with my last name. It's part of me & my heritage. I like my last name! I like it better than his! ha ha I didn't want to hyphenate because I knew my last name would end up getting dropped.
Allyn said that he was okay w/ it. Plus, his mom was a teacher (now a Principal) & every time he hears Mrs. C, he thinks of his mom. lol I tried to get him to take my name or combine our names, but he wasn't interested in that!

This has created a little confusion though. Just because I didn't take his name, doesn't mean I can't be referred to as Mrs. C. Some people think that I'll get offended. Our holiday cards said "From The Colbert Family". One of my friends had no idea what to think! ha ha I am still a Mrs & we're still a family!

I will say...I love it when they call Allyn, Mr. M. That's pretty awesome.

nutmeg6186 · January 2010

He might be taking my name, actually!

I want us to have the same last name because I want both of us to have the same name as our future kids. However, I don't like that it is assumed that I would take his name. It feels outdated for the woman to automatically take the man's last name. If we are equals in this marriage, there should be an equally likely chance of either name.

I want to flip a coin to decide but he thinks we should just take mine. I'm not sure what we'll do, but I love that he feels so strongly about this.

thecatsfancy · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:c8ece953-e6ad-4aa0-a5f4-e85b1303eb26">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]This has created a little confusion though. Just because I didn't take his name, doesn't mean I can't be referred to as Mrs. C. Some people think that I'll get offended. Our holiday cards said "From The Colbert Family". One of my friends had no idea what to think! ha ha I am still a Mrs & we're still a family! I will say...I love it when they call Allyn, Mr. M. That's pretty awesome.
Posted by scarywife1026[/QUOTE]

It certainly confused Brian's mom!!! She couldn't figure out how Maureen Mc and Mo C were the same person. LOL!

[Deleted User] · January 2010

I am actually not having much trouble with the thought of changing to his name. I am goinig to be dropping my middle name and taking my last name as my middle name. So no hyphen, but it'll still be a part of me. I feel a lot closer to that name then "Christine" anyway.

ms nobody · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:788ccb6b-16e6-4c5a-9770-cb05f60f423a">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who's taking their.... : I didn't know this! This is good news. Maybe I can do that. It's probably easier than trying to add it to my middle name, maybe? Another reason I'm leary about just having my first name and married last name is that even though my full name is Kimberly, I go by Kim and my married last name is only 1 syllable too...it's all so short. At least now my last name is 2 syllables so it flows better. I know that's probably silly but oh well. So, if I used both, I would have 3 syllables total...I like that :)
Posted by sunkissed212[/QUOTE]
this is often called "double barrel" and it's a really popular choice in academia/medicine. i think mostly because it doesn't automatically scream "i'm married" but it still publicly announces you as a "smith jones" which is important because those are your family identities. the coolest people i know double barrel (for realisies). :)<div>
</div><div>i had a hard time with even the idea/tradition of changing my name. since i was a kid i just didnt like it, it freaked me out and i didnt like thinking that i wouldnt be _____ ___ _______. as i got older i really started to understand why, and how my public identity was not just my public identity, and i'm proud of myself and who i've become. etcetcetc</div><div>
</div><div>cliffs notes: i just dont want to. and i have no desire to please people in that manner. my FI had no visions of grandeur regarding his name and my love for him. and if he did, i probably wouldn't be as nice as you all are about it. haha</div>

boogerbearoriginal · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:290e1ba7-0470-4085-9a23-434c4ce12013">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE] my FI had no visions of grandeur regarding his name and my love for him. and if he did, i probably wouldn't be as nice as you all are about it. haha
Posted by ms nobody[/QUOTE]

This made me laugh! FI was literally hurt, like I told him I didn't like him, when I said I didn't want to change my name.

I guess I made my peace with it by thinking that if my name is part of who I am, then adding his reflects me adding him/our marriage to my life as opposed to eliminating my maiden name which feels more like I'm losing something. Hopefully that makes sense, and isn't horrifyingly cheesy.

kbattle1022 · January 2010

I moved my maiden name to my middle name and took his last name....so it's sort of like a security blanket to still have it around. But I'm still in the process of doing the transition so right now half of my documents say one thing and half of them say something else! I did the change at work right away just so everyone would get used to it (including me), because I figured if I didn't do it right away, I'd never get around to it. It's still weird to introduce myself with the new last name though, or even really to hear myself called it - I never realized how rarely we use our last names in daily conversation!

thecatsfancy · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:14403ce5-0356-4215-becd-46d126033781">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who's taking their.... : I guess I made my peace with it by thinking that if my name is part of who I am, then adding his reflects me adding him/our marriage to my life as opposed to eliminating my maiden name which feels more like I'm losing something. Hopefully that makes sense, and isn't horrifyingly cheesy.
Posted by Booger+Bear[/QUOTE]

This makes perfect sense, Erin!! You said it better than I could... :)

k-nem · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:a93c2fb3-fb79-4b00-9737-0c77d8eda897">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]I am actually not having much trouble with the thought of changing to his name. I am goinig to be dropping my middle name and taking my last name as my middle name. So no hyphen, but it'll still be a part of me. I feel a lot closer to that name then "Christine" anyway.
Posted by futuremrsbrian[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This is exactly what I am doing. FI's mom did the same thing with her maiden name so he can't complain. I am sooo surprised at the number of women having anxiety over this; I thought I was a minority! Yes, FI was hurt and as a PP put it "felt like I wasn't proud to be his wife" but I felt like another PP thinking that "women automatically assumed to change their names is outdated" but this is a good compromise. 'Elise' isn't very special to me, either, and I get to save a piece of the old me when we move away from my family to his in May.</div>

kristinandbill · January 2010

Taryn, that's interesting - I didn't know you could have two last names.

And it sounds like it was an easy process for you. But now that the DMV hyphenated your last names do you think you'll have issues with airline tickets or medical records or anything? I guess I'm asking now that it's done would you do it the same way again? Or do you think it's going to be a hassle moving forward? I think this is something I'll look into!

Thanks!

Blueyes122299 · January 2010

Taryn thanks for the info on that one I didn't know you could do that. That's what I will be doing for sure, I was married before and took my ex's last name and we have a son together so I want to be able to still have the same last name as my son but still take my FI last name. I am so glad this was a questions today!

thecatsfancy · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_whos-taking-their?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:9a82357d-4dab-4b3c-8a7b-1ac091f57eaaPost:83472c08-b358-49f6-8e9c-671cee35e7b8">Re: Who's taking their....</a>:
[QUOTE]Taryn, that's interesting - I didn't know you could have two last names. And it sounds like it was an easy process for you. But now that the DMV hyphenated your last names do you think you'll have issues with airline tickets or medical records or anything? I guess I'm asking now that it's done would you do it the same way again? Or do you think it's going to be a hassle moving forward? I think this is something I'll look into! Thanks!
Posted by kristinandbill[/QUOTE]

Honestly, I don't think I'll have a lot of problems...if they want me to use both names, I can...but I don't plan on using both in every day life. I should go back and get it changed though. I just haven't made the time to go do it.

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