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Michigan-Detroit

Would you give the ring back?

Interesting article....

http://www.slate.com/id/2253189/

I'm not sure where I stand, I think the right answer ultimately depends on the situation.  But what do you guys think?  Who keeps the ring if the engagement is called off?  Why?

Re: Would you give the ring back?

  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think it depends on who calls the wedding off.  If the bride does, I think she should give the ring back.

    If the groom calls it off, the bride should be able to decide.  If she wants to keep it, I think she is well within her rights to do so.

    ETA:  my reasoning.  The ring symbolizes a commitment between two people to spend the rest of their lives together.  Whoever cancels the wedding is the one breaking that commitment.  So if a groom cancels, it is not the bride's choice, therefore, she should not be obligated to give it back since she's not the one breaking the promise.

    If the bride is the one cancelling it, she should give it back.  She is opting out of making the promise (which the ring symbolizes) so she should not keep it.
  • larzhopelarzhope member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree that it depends on the situation.  though I can't imagine wanting it if the engagement is broken off...
  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_would-give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:4496ea7c-980d-4586-a7bc-46d2b2a20bd1Post:a3ff2dad-ea13-461b-87f1-16dbcc45888a">Re: Would you give the ring back?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that it depends on the situation.  though I can't imagine wanting it if the engagement is broken off...
    Posted by larzhope[/QUOTE]

    This.  But at the same time, I would be pretty hurt if FI cancelled the wedding and I can't imagine giving it back to <em>him</em>.  I may keep it, make it into a necklace or something, or pawn it.  It's a pricey piece of jewelry that should not be easily given back...
  • edited December 2011
    I have always heard that the bride should give the ring back if she calls off the engagement, but if the groom calls it off, she keeps it as a "consolation prize".
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  • edited December 2011
    I read that article and felt like I was back in law school.  Barf.

    "A bargained for exchange of legal detriments"  ::crosses arms in shape of X::  My contracts prof literally made us repeat this over and over and over while crossing our arms. 
  • GwenwhyfareGwenwhyfare member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would give it back, regardless if I called it off or if FI did. I was engaged once before and my ex was mortified that I wanted to give him back the ring he gave me. I didn't want to keep a piece of jewelry that had bad memories attached to it. But that's just me.

    ETA:
    I also wanted to add, even if the break-up was amicable, I would still give the ring back.
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  • edited December 2011
    If it's off.. it's off. Ring goes back to the purchaser.

    In fact - if the FI called off the wedding - I wouldn't even want to keep the ring.. it would be a constant reminder of him and the relationship that didn't work out. A lot of women keep the ring to be spiteful. If the contract is broken by either party - sever the ties and keep it moving.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_would-give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:4496ea7c-980d-4586-a7bc-46d2b2a20bd1Post:171892f6-0790-40b6-bc07-c852c3ab240e">Re: Would you give the ring back?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would give it back, regardless if I called it off or if FI did. I was engaged once before and my ex was mortified that I wanted to give him back the ring he gave me. I didn't want to keep a piece of jewelry that had bad memories attached to it. But that's just me.
    Posted by Gwenwhyfare[/QUOTE]

    Exactly
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  • JandBFall2010JandBFall2010 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If it was called off for any reason by either of us I would give the ring back. I wouldn't want to keep it around.

    Also in the State of Michigan it is a law that you have to return the ring if you do not get married. Unless (I think) it was given as a present on a holiday or birthday.
  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_would-give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:88Discussion:4496ea7c-980d-4586-a7bc-46d2b2a20bd1Post:74893e62-d3de-47b9-92ef-57aa9ccc41a9">Re: Would you give the ring back?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also in the State of Michigan it is a law that you have to return the ring if you do not get married. Unless (I think) it was given as a present on a holiday or birthday.
    Posted by JandBFall2010[/QUOTE]

    What about an anniversary gift?! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • edited December 2011
    I was previously engaged and when ex-FI and I broke up and called off the wedding, I kept the ring for a while. The break up was not mutual so of course I didn't want to take it off (admitting failure in my eyes) but eventually, I did and put it away in my closet. After a while, the healing process was over I called him and told him I wanted him to come and take the ring back. Lots of people said I was crazy but the way I looked at it was that the ring was a part of that relationship and that relationship was over. I didn't want anything that reminded me of what that relationship was made of.  When I still had it I thought about selling it and buying something nice for myself with the money but I would always know where that money came from and I just wanted to leave everything behind me and start fresh. So, he came and got it and that was that.  We are actually friends now (very long history and complicated story that I will not go into). I know I did what was best for me. I don't think he would have sued me for it, but you never know. Money does crazy things to people.
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  • Kimbus 87Kimbus 87 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    We had this conversation at work when there was 3 of us engaged. According to the family law atty until there is a legal binding agreement, no matter who calls off the wedding it should go back to the purchaser. After the wedding its stays with the person who's wearing it.

    However, if something happened before we were married I would give it back because I wouldn't want the reminder of the guy/failed relationship.

    I wonder what legally happens to the ring if there was a joint bank account and the guy purchased the ring using that account. Hmm...

  • edited December 2011
    The ring should be given back no matter who calls off. I called of an engagement before, and I wouldn't give it back until he reimbursed me my portion of our house downpayment, since he was going to keep the house... If he hadn't done that, I wouldn't have given the ring back! I was already out the money for my dress and my bridesmaids, so I don't think it would have been fair they he got to keep my down payment money, too!!
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  • Julz629Julz629 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In some states, the ring is considered part of an agreement to marry, so if the couple does not marry, the ring must legally be returned.  However, in the state of Michigan, that is not the case.  It is always recognized as a gift and the recipient can keep it regardless of the circumstances.

    With that being said, if we ended up not getting married, I would return the ring no matter the circumstances.  It doesn't matter who called it off, what happened, etc.  I would not want the ring as a reminder of whatever happened.  If we were to get divorced, I think I might feel differently depending on how long we were married, why it ended, etc.  Either way though, I would probably do something useful with the money -- i.e. investing, starting a college fund for kids, etc. -- versus just spending it.

    Let's hope I never have to deal with this, though!
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