Surprise Wedding- Opinions Wanted

jeepers101 · March 2011

I am planning a surprise Vegas wedding for my gf later this year. She's always hinted at wanting to elope to Vegas so I'm in the middle of planning it at the moment.

The dilemma I'm facing is regarding the location. I have it narrowed down to two- The Grand Canyon and the Valley of Fire. On the one hand the Grand Canyon is awesome and a very iconic spot but on the other hand the Valley of Fire will make for some beautiful wedding pictures and also includes a flight over the Canyon.

Ideally I'd like to ask my gf where she'd like to get married but I already suspect she thinks somethings up so I'd rather not push it.

I would like everybody's opinions but especially a female perspective. I know your posts won't necessarily mirror my gf's opinion but if I get an overwhelming response in favour of one or the other it'll put my mind at ease.

Thanks in advance and if you are not familiar with either location, I have included a link to some wedding photos on youtube, created by the same company I will be using.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqLaxJuVADc (Grand Canyon)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PReyhhbXh-Q (Valley of Fire)

1sttimenavywife2be · March 2011

im not a fan of flying in small aircraft, so im a no on th helichoper ride - I like valley of fire because of the photo ops, but grand canyon is very diffrent....:-) Im not much help lol

WIll she be mad that no family or friends will be there?

smokeybailey · March 2011

If I had been hinting at a runaway wedding to Vegas neither the Grand Canyon nor the VoF would be my first choice.

Also? A surprise wedding would not be my first choice either. It's a sweet gesture but unless you are David Tutera, I'd rather plan my own wedding.

And that's my two cents.

j_jaye · March 2011

Personally I like the Valley of Fire as a wedding site. But I think both would make a unique and beautiful spot. The Valley photos look better IMHO.

lsvensson · March 2011

I echo smokey's sentiment-- is the lucky lady a "control freak" (like many of us on the board) or a super laid-back gal? I can't imagine not getting to plan any aspcect of my wedding (something many of us dream about from a young age, blah blah blah, insert cheesy childhood wedding plans here), but I sit on the more control-oriented side of the spectrum, I suppose.

jeepers101 · March 2011

No she's not a control freak at all. She can't even make her mind up about what she wants for dinner! She wants to be married but she's really not keen on the whole big wedding thing. She's hinted at just wanting to go to the local registry office on our own on more than one ocasion. We're not even engaged and I've always been very insistent that marriage is not for me. She has accepted this without much of a fight.

Honestly, I wouldn't do it unless I thought she'd absolutely love it. Its been over a year in planning and the wedding is a mere weeks away there's no going back now anyway.

aegrish · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_surprise-wedding-opinions-wanted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:989e927d-2d3c-46c9-9e53-58211f3a1f05Post:f96f83ea-6961-44b0-9f0c-6d3f5546249e">Re: Surprise Wedding- Opinions Wanted</a>:
[QUOTE]If I had been hinting at a runaway wedding to Vegas neither the Grand Canyon nor the VoF would be my first choice. Also? A surprise wedding would not be my first choice either. It's a sweet gesture but unless you are David Tutera, I'd rather plan my own wedding. And that's my two cents.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

lol ditto! no matter WHAT she has 'hinted' at or mentioned to you, she most likely wants to have that 'engagement' moment and a separate 'wedding' moment, not combined. At least propose ahead of time, and the surprise her with the wedding details already be arranged if you REALLY want.

ahhhitsshannyn · March 2011

I like the idea. If that is how she really feels than it will be a great story to tell everyone!

BUT (there is always a but) please do not get upset if she declines to get married right then. You guys could still be engaged, but she may want her friends and family to join her once the time actually comes. I never wanted a big wedding with all the fixins, but as soon as I started planning, I wanted everything!! Just propose in a beautiful spot, and tell her your plans. She may go for it or she may not, but either way you have both found the person you want to spend the rest of your lives with.

As for the destination, I also say Valley of the Fire. I myself have never been but every wedding photo I see of there is AMAZING. We are making a trip the next time we are in Vegas for sure. Good luck!!!

PS. I had another idea, maybe you should talk to her parents and see how they feel about it? Hell, they might even make a special trip and make it a surprise for her, and that might change how she feels about eloping??

CamilleJon · March 2011

I love that you want to surprise her with a wedding, but I have never known a woman who would want that... especially if you haven't proposed yet!
If I were you I would do the Grand Canyon helicopter ride, but JUST PROPOSE there!!!!!

Then you can ask her if she wants to get married on the spot. But don't tell her "Surprise! We're getting maried!' Please, Please, Please dont.

If you have already mad eup your mind, then go with the Grand Canyon.

stinkerbell6879 · March 2011

To be honest my BFF's husband tried to do this and we STOPPED HIM! (They still got married in Vegas, just with her input) It's a wonderful idea BUT even if she wants to take off and get married in Vegas there are certain things a bride will want to have a part in. I am not saying that this is not a good idea but please tread carefully.

direy25 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_surprise-wedding-opinions-wanted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:989e927d-2d3c-46c9-9e53-58211f3a1f05Post:fcc71fa9-c24d-45ca-b0e1-eeedca362200">Re: Surprise Wedding- Opinions Wanted</a>:
[QUOTE]I love that you want to surprise her with a wedding, but I have never known a woman who would want that... especially if you haven't proposed yet! If I were you I would do the Grand Canyon helicopter ride, but JUST PROPOSE there!!!!! Then you can ask her if she wants to get married on the spot. But don't tell her "Surprise! We're getting maried!' Please, Please, Please dont. If you have already mad eup your mind, then go with the Grand Canyon.
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

I'm pretty laid back, never thought that I wanted a wedding, and would have been okay with just going to the courthouse. But if DH had planned the entire wedding without any input from me, I wouldn't have walked down the aisle at gunpoint, and certainly wouldn't have said "I do" until we had a long, long talk. It was very important to me that whatever we did for our wedding, it reflected both of us and was something we planned together. If either of us had tried to start our lives together with something so unilateral, I guarantee there would have been problems.

jeepers101 · March 2011

Okay I think I have to put an end to this ear bashing. Everybody's getting waaay off the point. Its not going to be a "Surprise we're geting married" kinda thing. I plan to propose when we get to Vegas and then tentatively ask her how she'd feel about getting maried before we go home. If she says no, then I'll simply cancel the whole thing. If she says yes then I'll share what I have organized and again ask her what she thinks. At no time will I be putting pressure on her.

Again to reiterate, I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she'd love the idea. We've been together for many many years and I'd like to think I've picked up on the hints correctly over this time.

jeepers101 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_surprise-wedding-opinions-wanted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:989e927d-2d3c-46c9-9e53-58211f3a1f05Post:fcc71fa9-c24d-45ca-b0e1-eeedca362200">Re: Surprise Wedding- Opinions Wanted</a>:
[QUOTE]I love that you want to surprise her with a wedding, but I have never known a woman who would want that... especially if you haven't proposed yet! If I were you I would do the Grand Canyon helicopter ride, but JUST PROPOSE there!!!!! Then you can ask her if she wants to get married on the spot. But don't tell her "Surprise! We're getting maried!' Please, Please, Please dont. If you have already mad eup your mind, then go with the Grand Canyon.
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]
<div>I think this would be a crazy idea. This way I'm not giving her any time to make her mind up and putting serious pressure on her to get maried on the spot.</div>

stinkerbell6879 · March 2011

Jeepers - As long as you are prepared and know that she could say "NO" and all of a sudden gets very much into the idea of planning a wedding then you will be fine. Just don't get your feelings hurt if she does....

My BFF thanked us for stopping her surprise wedding... They got married 7 months later and are about to celebrate their 2 year anniversary.

CamilleJon · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_surprise-wedding-opinions-wanted?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:989e927d-2d3c-46c9-9e53-58211f3a1f05Post:1a5a833e-aca1-4d74-8c73-d2ad9c623e95">Re: Surprise Wedding- Opinions Wanted</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Surprise Wedding- Opinions Wanted : I think this would be a crazy idea. This way I'm not giving her any time to make her mind up and putting serious pressure on her to get maried on the spot.
Posted by jeepers101[/QUOTE]
You think THIS is a crazy idea? You are planning a surprise wedding for a woman you are not even engaged to, and you think proposing, and then asking her to get married (not even) 24 hours later is SOOOO much different?

Look, I'm not knocking your idea. It's cute and very thoughtful. I am just trying to look out for your gf. Regardless of what woman want you to think , a wedding is so, so , so important to us. She may be putting on a front, and trying to downplay how much of a big deal a wedding is, becasue she doesn't want you to feel any pressure from her... I know, because that's what I did.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and PLEASE let us know how it goes ;)

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

It's good that you're not going to force it on her, but honestly, you should prepare yourself for her to say no. It would be one thing if you'd already agreed to elope and just hadn't worked out the details, but you asked for the female perspective and you got it: most women wouldn't be okay with this, and it's not a decision she should be at all rushed to make (whether it's right that moment or by the end of the trip).

smokeybailey · March 2011

I would feel SO put on the spot if my FI had suggested we get married right then (our proposal was on the Eiffel Tower). I mean, I don't want to say NO but I do want to decide how my wedding is and who is there.

Plan a trip to Vegas to do a proposal (but why Vegas is not clear) and then go from there.

Just plan a fantastic proposal and let if flow from there. Some women LIKE to be the engaged bride-to-be for a while. Going from "girlfriend" to "wife" could be a little anti-climatic.

And nobody is "ear bashing"; we simply don't agree. I stand by my original assessment. I have always been a fan of a Vegas wedding and an outdoor wedding at VoF is not my idea of a Vegas wedding. Unless the outdoors in general and this type of environment in particular is your GF's thing, I would really pass.

wiwicaty · March 2011

Hi, I think your idea is soooo sweet

However, I don't think you can know for sure how she feels about planning/having a wedding, even if she's hinted at and mentioned how she feels numerous times. My FI and I have been together for over 14 years. When he proposed (yeah, OMG finally) I was going through a "won't ever get married" phase... which changed instantly. Everything changed and all the feelings I had had were wiped out in a second. What I mean is that I wouldn't have wanted this wonderful experience taken away. I think that, in a way, by asking her if she wants to marry you right then and there you are putting some sort of pressure on her. She might say yes out of excitement (that's a good ting, don't get me wrong) but she also might regret it afterwards.

The thing with weddings is that you only get ONE. Once you're legally married, you can't pretend you aren't and do it all over with a dress, MOB, MOG, photographer, guests etc.. I'm sorry if I'm putting a damper on your thoughtful plan, I'm trying to give you my most coherent, honest opinion.

Again, you're a really romantic man!, it's just that she might rather discover and live this wonderful experience, as a woman and as a bride-to-be. No one really knows what it would be like for her, including herself.

Good luck! Anything you do will surely be unique

Edited with better wording.

MrsSilverwolf · March 2011

Well, to be short, I have to agree with many above that surprising her with a wedding is probably not the best idea. The plan to propose and then ask IF she wants to get married before going back home may be a better plan, but that all depends on the girl, and none of us know your gf. Just be prepared for both a yes and no answer.

On a side note that I wanted to point out, Valley of Fire is very pretty, but it isn't named that for nothing... the tempertures out there can get pretty hot. I know this because I did field work out there one year in May and got some pretty bad heat exhaustion. Obviously if you go with this option for a proposal/wedding/sightseeing, you're not going to be working like I was so heat exhaustion is pretty extreme, but it can still get hot standing out in the sun. As for the Grand Canyon, I've never been so I can't give much inpute for that location.

If you're interested in the pictures at VoF or GC, perhaps you can propose and then have it set up to do an immediate little engagement photo session... This is similar to what my FI did. He proposed during what I thought was just a "normal" photo shoot, until the ring came out! It was actually very cool because the photographer caught that moment of surprise on my face that's priceless...

Whatever you decide, best of luck!

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