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Wedding Woes
LadyPavi
member
No Wedding Venue
in Wedding Woes
We were pretty much set to have our wedding at a gorgeous ranch. My fiance is a web designer and he was going to develop the ranches website as a trade for the venue. But the owners of the ranch are not actually his clients. They go through a designer that he works with. Well, the designer messed up big time and the long and short of it is that the venue fell through. Our wedding date is in three months and we have no venue. And no money to pay for one, since we thought it would not cost anything out of pocket.
Even if we could pay for a venue, they are all booked. We can't afford catering, so we need a place that will let us bring in our own food. Right now our only option looks like the local senior center. Its pretty ugly and worn down, but it is the only thing avaliable, in our price range, and with a kitchen for us to prepare food. Every time I think about it I just feel like crying. I cannot think of a more unromantic place to get married. I am so dissapointed. I think it would have been easier to handle having a crappy venue from the get go, but to go from a dream wedding venue to the most undesirable one possible is really hard to accept.
Our venue was going to be the only really nice thing about our wedding. We can't afford catering, flowers, live music, or even a cake. We were going to make the food, arrange boquets of fake flowers, plan our own playlist, do the girls hair and makeup ourselves, have a friend take pictures, and make a sheet cake and decorate it as best we could. My dress is a cheap, secondhand gown thats nice but not everything I had hoped for. We weren't even going to have a honeymoon. At this point I'm just ready to throw in the towel and go to the justice of the peace.
My fiance doesn't understand why I am so upset and thinks the senior center will be just fine. I'm ready to cancel the bridesmaid dress orders and see if I can get at least a partial refund on my dress (which is not fully paid for anyway). At the end of the day, it seems stupid to spend over a grand on a craptastic wedding that is not going to be at all what I want anyway. I'd rather go to the justice of the peace because at least it is the cheaper version a wedding I never wanted.
I should add that our relationship has not been easy. Because of circumstances outside of our control, our time dating was definitely not a fairytale. I guess I was just hoping that maybe the engagment and wedding could be a little more traditionally "romantic" and "dreamy." But I guess not.
I know I should just feel happy to be marrying the man I love, but I don't. I know I should be content with what I can get and be grateful that a wedding is even a possibility, because compared to lots of people around the world, we are well off. But I am not happy. I feel like a miserable, selfish wretch.
Any words of advice or encouragment would be more than welcome!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: No Wedding Venue
Crap...I Mean Crafts
I know in our town, you can reserve space at the public park for like $50. Still not a gorgeous ranch, but it's probably nicer than the senior center.
If your FI is a graphic designer, he should have lots of connections in the industry. Interactive agencies are well-known for having innovative workspaces. You could probably barter for use of their office space for the ceremony or reception.
In short, you can get creative, but you'd have to work fast.
I'm concerned, though, about your casual mention of your troubled courtship. Sounds like a bit of a red flag, but it's tough to say since you didn't elaborate on it.
Otherwise consider waiting. It's not the end of the world if you have to wait a while, and it might give you a whole new appreciation for each other to work toward the goal together.
Regarding finances, it is not that we are unstable. It is just that unlike most young couples, neither of our families are helping us at all. They are both supportive of the marriage, but don't have the means to help us with a wedding budget. While we can certainly afford the day to day and even have a little to spare, dropping a couple of thousand on a wedding is a little more tricky. Most of the wedding venues around Bozeman, MT run around $3,000. That is ten times my monthly rent and three times what I make in a month. The only cheaper options are churches, parks, or the senior center. Why are wedding venues so pricy when the average person in my town makes just around $20,000 a year? Well, lots of wealthy city folks have decided that the area around Bozeman, MT makes a great destination wedding site :P Most native Montanan's (not just us) can't keep up with the high expenses that this increased demand creates.
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the input! Although I understand where many of you are coming from regarding waiting, it is just not an option. We are both very spiritual people and believe in abstinence till marriage. We have been together four years, and believe me when I say that I think we would end up doing something we regretted unless we were married or broken up. Also, I will be starting graduate school in an entirely new town this fall. It is in an expensive area, and we couldn't afford two seperate apartments. We will not live together unmarried. We either get married this summer or we break off the relationship. I am going to be in graduate school working on my PhD for the next five years. He is starting his masters degree. We won't be "financially well off" until well into our thirties. That's fine if you are okay with living and sleeping together while unmarried, but we just don't roll that way. Regarding finances, it is not that we are unstable. It is just that unlike most young couples, neither of our families are helping us at all. They are both supportive of the marriage, but don't have the means to help us with a wedding budget. While we can certainly afford the day to day and even have a little to spare, dropping a couple of thousand on a wedding is a little more tricky. Most of the wedding venues around Bozeman, MT run around $3,000. That is ten times my monthly rent and three times what I make in a month. The only cheaper options are churches, parks, or the senior center. Why are wedding venues so pricy when the average person in my town makes just around $20,000 a year? Well, lots of wealthy city folks have decided that the area around Bozeman, MT makes a great destination wedding site :P Most native Montanan's (not just us) can't keep up with the high expenses that this increased demand creates.
Posted by LadyPavi[/QUOTE]
You're religious enough to adhere to cohabitation and abstinence, but you're not getting married in a church?
Excuse me while I go scratch my head.
Also, seriously, don't get married so you can have sex. If you'd be equally happy with "get married" and "break it off," please break it off.
[QUOTE] I know I should just feel happy to be marrying the man I love, but I don't.
Posted by LadyPavi[/QUOTE]
This concerns me. It doesn't sound like you are even all that happy to be marrying him. At the end of the day, yes the wedding is nice, but what you should really be excited about is marrying him.
[QUOTE]Regarding the getting married to have sex comment versus breaking up - My FI and I are also waiting and I know it's not easy but there is no way that I would be okay with breaking up if for some reason we couldn't get married next year. I would still wait to share that special gift together. It boggles my mind that you can be equally happy with either getting married now or breaking it off now. Instant gratification does not exist. It also boggles my mind that you aren't getting married in a church and are religous. Good luck to you.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
This