Invite Question

Zimsgirl · March 2012

So there's a couple on my guest list I'm not really sure about. I kinda decided today we won't invite them and we didn't send them a STD. She and I had a falling out in HS and recently got back in touch. She is also engaged but the relationship is really rocky. She asked me to be her MOH and says how much she misses me but I can NOT get ahold of her now that I'm home. I just wanna say screw it and if she texts me back she does but she's not making much effort. Is it bad I'm not inviting her?

Megbo2012 · March 2012

You don't ever have to invite anyone (sans STD like you said). I guess if you aren't close I would wonder why you accepted being MOH? I would think it's weird if you didn't invite her, but that's just me.

doeie04 · March 2012

I wouldn't invite her if you don't want to. You aren't obligated to do so.

Did you accept being her MOH?

Zimsgirl · March 2012

I accepted being her MOH because we were talking and she said how much she missed me and can't wait for me to be home. We tried planning a girls today for today actually but she never got back to me. I just thought things would be different this time and they're not really.

I'm not sure her wedding will actually happen. They broke up twice (she has 1 kid with him, and one with another guy that's not in the picture so that adds a lot of stress) and he refuses to do any counseling and whatnot. There's no date set just 2013 sometime so I'm just waiting to see.

doeie04 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:9c001334-77c9-4b3c-8737-631ad5a87448">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I accepted being her MOH because we were talking and she said how much she missed me and can't wait for me to be home. We tried planning a girls today for today actually but she never got back to me. I just thought things would be different this time and they're not really. I'm not sure her wedding will actually happen. They broke up twice (she has 1 kid with him, and one with another guy that's not in the picture so that adds a lot of stress) and he refuses to do any counseling and whatnot. There's no date set just 2013 sometime so I'm just waiting to see.
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

I hate it when you think someone has changed, but they really haven't. :( I wouldn't invite her, and I guess I would just wait and see how the whole MOH thing works out.

It really bugs me when people bail on plans. I would be mad also.

Megbo2012 · March 2012

Like I said before you don't have to invite anyone if you don't want to. I would just think it was weird if my MOH didn't invite me to her wedding, visa versa. If you don't talk much then it's a different story. Could she have found out she didn't get an STD and think she wasn't invited and be upset about that?

doeie04 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:1b9cd226-b4e1-4dec-8ef2-9debda72902d">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I said before you don't have to invite anyone if you don't want to. I would just think it was weird if my MOH didn't invite me to her wedding, visa versa. If you don't talk much then it's a different story. <strong>Could she have found out she didn't get an STD and think she wasn't invited and be upset about that?</strong>
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

That is a good point.

Megbo2012 · March 2012

I'm just trying to figure out why she jumped back into your life and then bailed again so soon. Why would you bother?

sweet_melissa81 · March 2012

I think it's horrible to not call her and tell her that you no longer want to be a Maid of Honor. You gave her your word that you would be her maid of honor and now you're renigging on it. Regardless, whether she isn't calling you or talking to you or keeping you updated is no reason to back out of being a MOH. I personally think it's extremely rude of you to just decide, "Oh well, I'm not being her moh anymore because she doesn't return my phone calls." You need to either call her and leave her message to call you back or text her and tell her you no longer feel that you can be her moh anymore. Things come up in people's lives and as you get older people will call you far less because they'll be busy living their lives, working, being parents, planning for things.

Zimsgirl · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:1b9cd226-b4e1-4dec-8ef2-9debda72902d">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I said before you don't have to invite anyone if you don't want to. I would just think it was weird if my MOH didn't invite me to her wedding, visa versa. If you don't talk much then it's a different story. Could she have found out she didn't get an STD and think she wasn't invited and be upset about that?
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
We reconnected last June and it was just hey how are you here or there. We didn't hang out or anything like that then we sent STDs. She didn't receive a STD because I wasn't planning on inviting her. I got her address so we could hang out but I do think she is expecting an invite. I'm just hurt that she's ignoring my texts then makes me feel guilty if we don't see each other. I know it's not my fault just sucks. FI is ok with not inviting her. He saw how hurt I was when she ended our frienship 3 years ago

Megbo2012 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:9463a4b8-1290-4f1a-a58f-9a8ac852cd4d">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's horrible to not call her and tell her that you no longer want to be a Maid of Honor. You gave her your word that you would be her maid of honor and now you're <strong>renigging </strong>on it. Regardless, whether she isn't calling you or talking to you or keeping you updated is no reason to back out of being a MOH. I personally think it's extremely rude of you to just decide, "Oh well, I'm not being her moh anymore because she doesn't return my phone calls." You need to either call her and leave her message to call you back or text her and tell her you no longer feel that you can be her moh anymore. Things come up in people's lives and as you get older people will call you far less because they'll be busy living their lives, working, being parents, planning for things.
Posted by sweet_melissa81[/QUOTE]

<div>LOL, don't you mean, "reneging" ?!</div>

doeie04 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:9463a4b8-1290-4f1a-a58f-9a8ac852cd4d">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's horrible to not call her and tell her that you no longer want to be a Maid of Honor. You gave her your word that you would be her maid of honor and now you're renigging on it. Regardless, whether she isn't calling you or talking to you or keeping you updated is no reason to back out of being a MOH. I personally think it's extremely rude of you to just decide, "Oh well, I'm not being her moh anymore because she doesn't return my phone calls." You need to either call her and leave her message to call you back or text her and tell her you no longer feel that you can be her moh anymore. Things come up in people's lives and as you get older people will call you far less because they'll be busy living their lives, working, being parents, planning for things.
Posted by sweet_melissa81[/QUOTE]

I don't think she said she wasn't going to be her MOH anymore....

Zimsgirl · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:9463a4b8-1290-4f1a-a58f-9a8ac852cd4d">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's horrible to not call her and tell her that you no longer want to be a Maid of Honor. You gave her your word that you would be her maid of honor and now you're renigging on it. Regardless, whether she isn't calling you or talking to you or keeping you updated is no reason to back out of being a MOH. I personally think it's extremely rude of you to just decide, "Oh well, I'm not being her moh anymore because she doesn't return my phone calls." You need to either call her and leave her message to call you back or text her and tell her you no longer feel that you can be her moh anymore. Things come up in people's lives and as you get older people will call you far less because they'll be busy living their lives, working, being parents, planning for things.
Posted by sweet_melissa81[/QUOTE]<div>I'm not saying I'm backing out as MOH. I'm saying I don't think I'm inviting her to my wedding since she won't get together with me. We haven't hung out since reconnecting so the first time would probably be the wedding and I wouldn't really get to talk. I'm not just gonna blow her off. I'll continue to talk to her but not about my wedding. If the wedding happens and she contacts me regarding MOH stuff of course I'll be there. </div><div>
</div><div>Sorry for the confusion

</div>

sweet_melissa81 · March 2012

Sorry! I guess I should have read it a little better. My bad! I'm such a biatch!

Megbo2012 · March 2012

Ha! No worries, I was just dying about the unfortunately misspelling.

doeie04 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:07472e96-3f53-43e3-83cf-87a16337b38f">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry! I guess I should have read it a little better. My bad! I'm such a biatch!
Posted by sweet_melissa81[/QUOTE]

Hahaha. I wanted to say, "Wowza! Take a deep breath!" haha

Zimsgirl · March 2012

With the way communication has been, part of me wishes she didn't get back in touch with me

courtneyclare103 · March 2012

I think it's fine if you don't want to invite her, but I think if you do that then you need to step down as her maid of honor. I just don't get not inviting someone to your wedding but then being the MOH in their wedding. If you're not close enough to invite them to your own wedding, why would you want the honor of being their MOH?

doeie04 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:a9ce7a06-d364-4641-9385-009776241b24">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]With the way communication has been, part of me wishes she didn't get back in touch with me
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

Did she get you hoping you guys could work it out and it be like old times? That really sucks. :( Sorry!

Megbo2012 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:275321d5-cf9e-454a-883e-19a42e604f26">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's fine if you don't want to invite her, but I think if you do that then you need to step down as her maid of honor. I just don't get not inviting someone to your wedding but then being the MOH in their wedding. If you're not close enough to invite them to your own wedding, why would you want the honor of being their MOH?
Posted by courtneyclare103[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, this is what I was thinking. It's just weird to me.</div>

Zimsgirl · March 2012

Yeah I feel like the only reason she asked me to be MOH was because she has no other girlfriends. I know that I should step down and most likely will.

@Doeie: We had a mutual friend that she stayed with when her parents kicked her out bc she was pregnant. This "friend" said a whole bunch of lies about me and she messaged me apologizing for believing them and ditching me. I was really hurt but I'm more irritated that she said she wants to be BFs again but doesn't try. Ahhh being friends with girls gets so complicated sometimes haha

Jean6912 · March 2012

Do you know for a fact that she got your text messages? Technology is so unreliable sometimes, maybe she didn't get your texts. I agree with pps that you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to but it will be very awkward to be her MOH when you didn't invite her to your wedding.

Zimsgirl · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:6ed924f1-992c-40f1-a85f-842439b5d97c">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you know for a fact that she got your text messages? Technology is so unreliable sometimes, maybe she didn't get your texts. I agree with pps that you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to but it will be very awkward to be her MOH when you didn't invite her to your wedding.
Posted by Jean6912[/QUOTE]
She just got a new phone and got all of them last week and one this week. Her status on FB said she was moving and I asked where to and she responded but not to the hey do you wanna do lunch or go to a movie. People are so irritating sometimes :(

Megbo2012 · March 2012

Planning a wedding and moving, sounds like she has a busy life.

doeie04 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:5920f627-ee71-40df-b199-01c39f4017a1">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I feel like the only reason she asked me to be MOH was because she has no other girlfriends. I know that I should step down and most likely will. @Doeie: We had a mutual friend that she stayed with when her parents kicked her out bc she was pregnant. This "friend" said a whole bunch of lies about me and she messaged me apologizing for believing them and ditching me. I was really hurt but I'm more irritated that she said she wants to be BFs again but doesn't try. Ahhh being friends with girls gets so complicated sometimes haha
Posted by Zimsgirl[/QUOTE]

Well, I guess I would just wait it out and see where everthing lands later. I wouldn't invite her to your wedding. It seems like she hasn't changed much. If she becomes a better friend down the road, I would probably stay in her wedding. You have a while to work that out.

Zimsgirl · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:67ebb052-8d01-45c5-a602-46753e4d87e8">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite Question : Well, I guess I would just wait it out and see where everthing lands later. I wouldn't invite her to your wedding. It seems like she hasn't changed much. If she becomes a better friend down the road, I would probably stay in her wedding. You have a while to work that out.
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]
Yeah. We want to keep our wedding small with close family and friends. She's just not anymore

kelsey+brandon · March 2012

I personally would feel really awkward for someone to feel close enough to me for them to ask me to be their MOH and then not invite them to my wedding. I understand not putting her in the bridal party to make things "even." I just don't think I understand why inviting her would be such a big deal. It's two people and if they're flaky and don't come, that's two less mouths to feed. Their loss. I think it's another one of those, you have to be the bigger person situations.

amonis · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:275321d5-cf9e-454a-883e-19a42e604f26">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's fine if you don't want to invite her, but I think if you do that then you need to step down as her maid of honor. I just don't get not inviting someone to your wedding but then being the MOH in their wedding. If you're not close enough to invite them to your own wedding, why would you want the honor of being their MOH?
Posted by courtneyclare103[/QUOTE]
This.

Zimsgirl · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:cf6b0028-f9d9-4dee-b0af-3a6df929e4f0">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally would feel really awkward for someone to feel close enough to me for them to ask me to be their MOH and then not invite them to my wedding. I understand not putting her in the bridal party to make things "even." I just don't think I understand why inviting her would be such a big deal. It's two people and if they're flaky and don't come, that's two less mouths to feed. Their loss. I think it's another one of those, you have to be the bigger person situations.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
She messaged me on FB to get back in touch last May. We have not hung out since due to her poor communication. I don't see the wedding happening but if it does I will step out.

chelseakopperud · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f070402a-0923-42ec-8190-348d83a0e101Post:cf6b0028-f9d9-4dee-b0af-3a6df929e4f0">Re: Invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally would feel really awkward for someone to feel close enough to me for them to ask me to be their MOH and then not invite them to my wedding. I understand not putting her in the bridal party to make things "even." I just don't think I understand why inviting her would be such a big deal. It's two people and if they're flaky and don't come, that's two less mouths to feed. Their loss. I think it's another one of those, you have to be the bigger person situations.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

This.

midgetthemighty · March 2012

I agree with Kelsey and I think it needs to happen NOW while you know you aren't going to invite her. They'll be less drama that way.

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